Coming Out

[Alan]

I've been *slowly* coming out to certain people. Friends I trust, friends I don't want to hide this from, etc.

I really expected my friends to not get it/not really be okay with it. Not because they're not good friends -- they are -- but because being told that by someone you've known for years as a girl can't be easy to handle.

Anyway, the current reaction count.
1 -- So, what exactly does trans mean? How does it happen? And btw, what should I be calling you then?
3 -- Okay then. Thanks for trusting me with that, Alan. I'm really happy you're comfortable enough with this to be open. (but one of them was my therapist)
1 -- That would make a LOT of sense. It's weird, but you know, I'm used to weird with you.
1 -- Eastern Europe, drunk, and I didn't exactly TELL... just sorta slipped out. Reaction: Okay then. Tell me when you change your gender.
1 -- (from a guy) I'm going to put you through embarrassing and chauvinistic tests to prove that you are a guy, and if you fail a single one, I'm going to continue referring to you as a female.

Admittedly, the last one was someone I probably shouldn't've told.

Does anyone have any similarly happy experiences?

[Cai]

I came out via mass e-mail to all of my friends. So far, most of them have been reasonably okay (trying to remember new name and pronouns), one or two of them have been absolutely fantastic, and a couple have refused to switch names because it's "too hard to remember".

How does it go - the ones who matter don't mind, and the ones who mind don't matter.

[Alan]

Yeah, like I said, it was a mistake on my part telling him -- talking to him is always a bigger headache than it's worth, and y'know, he and I have never seen eye-to-eye. :argue:
Thanks for the story! It's good to hear :D

[Wolfie]

The first person I told was a work colleague/friend who had visited me during a few 'hospital stays' in the local mental health unit. Her exact words where
"Well that explains a lot" and "Now I understand why you wear mens clothes and refuse to go to my hairdressers or clothes shopping for as long as I've known you!"
As for my kids (they being 18, 19 and 21) said 'We love you and will be there regardless - and we love your new name!"
But I still have some others to tell and I know that some will just cut me off and refuse to speak to me ever again :sad:

But I never chose to be like this - I just am.

[ZenFrost]

1 -- (from a guy) I'm going to put you through embarrassing and chauvinistic tests to prove that you are a guy, and if you fail a single one, I'm going to continue referring to you as a female.

For this one you should tell him "Okay then, but I'm also going to put you through embarrassing and chauvinistic tests to prove that you are a guy, and if you fail a single one, I'm going to start referring to you as a female."

[Wolfie]

LOL - love the last post!

[CaptLex]

Does anyone have any similarly happy experiences?
Yeah I had all kinds of experiences when I did that and the thing I learned most from it is that sometimes the people you expect to be cool with it, won't be - and sometimes the people you think will have a problem with it, won't. You just never know.

I also learned that the people who accepted me right away and got right into using the proper name and pronouns are the people who have always treated me just like a person - not a boy or a girl. But I did get a wide range of reactions . . . everywhere from people asking me stupid (or rude) questions to people who pretty much shrugged and said they weren't the least bit surprised because they've always seen me as a bit "different" somehow. A few even said, "Oh, no wonder!" :doh:

The people at work have been a revelation - most people continue to treat me the same way (even if they can't get the pronouns straight yet :rolleyes:), but it's amusing that some people who used to say hello (not friends just passing acquaintances) don't even look at me now, and some people who never gave me the time of day before suddenly act like we're best of friends. :idontknow:

I think you may find that it gets a little easier the more people you tell, and that your own attitude about it (when you tell them) sets the tone for how people will react, most times. If they see you as confident and happy about it, chances are there will be more positive reactions.

I think the people who truly like you, will just want you to be happy - so coming out can be a test of who your real friends are. But there are some who will test us because even if they like us - their own insecurities about how it will affect the friendship may cause them to do or say stupid things. At first I was dismissive of those, but I've learned that some of them just need reassurance that the relationship was not based on anything external.

Good luck, Alan. :hugs:

P.S. Love the Dr. House avatar - we have a few Hugh Laurie fans here. :D

[Abraxas]

Can't remember if I've told you about these, Alan, but I've had a few odd reactions myself.
I was thanked once. I told this random guy at a party, and he said something to the effect of 'thanks for being so confident with yourself and so willing to be who you want to be. We need more people like you.' He also congratulated me. Which I found a bit strange... *shrug*

I've never gotten a negative response, though. But what's odd is that my dad and grandma both figured it out on their own and then, sort of, just didn't mention it. They both told my mom they'd figured it out, sort of... they just mentioned it in passing, I guess, but I've never talked about it with either of them.

When I told my cousin, she said something like 'Well that's why you always wanted to be the dad when we played house as kids, and why you always wanted to be the white Power Ranger.'
Thing is, I don't remember having played those kinds of games with her. Ah, well.

I've gotten a few 'seriously? No way!' reactions; I feel obligated to prove it. Mostly though, it's been just nonchalance. I tell people and they go 'oh, okay.'

[metalguy639]

P.S. Love the Dr. House avatar - we have a few Hugh Laurie fans here. :D

Yeah love House he's awesome!

[Alan]

So, an update on this: I have a very good, very close friend of five years. He and I sorta watched each other grow throughout high school, and looking back, both of us really did grow. All of those five years, I assume he thought of me as a girl -- actually, I know he did, by the way he spoke to me/treated me.

Recently, I came out to him because I really do trust him and love him (kinda like my brother... we fight the same way, too). I wasn't worried about his reaction -- I knew he would accept me -- but I was kinda worried that he'd have trouble switching over to thinking of me as a male.

I don't know if he does -- after all, I don't see into his mind (I'm thankful for that :D) -- but amazingly, he's been calling me nothing but 'Alan' and using just male pronouns. AND, he speaks to me now like he speaks to his male friends.

I'm just so grateful about this that I felt I had to share! :D

[DanielMacBride]

w00t!! That is so cool that your friend accepts you, Alan :D it's nice when that happens, especially when it's someone you are close to and whose friendship you value highly :)