sandra-leigh
07-07-2008, 03:23 AM
For those whose SO knows about their dressing: under what circumstances will your SO go out with you when you are fully or partly Dressed?
My wife has driven me (Dressed) to some of my meetings or events, but that extent of that public exposure is "between the side door and the garage door" together with passers by seeing us together in the car. It is non-trivial in terms of acceptance, but it isn't really "going out together".
My wife has gone with me (when I'm fully Dressed) to our club's banquet, and to a meeting, both of which could be presumed to be safe environments. She has also gone with me to a drag show -- the same facility as the other two times, but she didn't know that when she asked to go. The show was not run by the local club, and was effectively "open to the public", so she has at least once gone out with me when I was fully Dressed.
But on the other hand, my wife hasn't gone out with me to restaurants or grocery shopping or on errands when I'm fully Dressed -- she encourages me to go out and socialize with the other club members as Tess, but she does not spend much time with Tess herself. I don't fully Dress at home and spend time "as a woman" with my wife.
My wife has gone "around" with me when I have been officially in "guy mode", with her knowing that the clothes I was wearing were women's clothes -- at least when they don't cross the border too far. She likes some of those clothes, so if I choose something neutral or something interesting but not too femme in the cut, I can go out with her without difficulty when I'm partly femme.
She has gone "around" with me without complaint knowing that I'm wearing a bra and forms -- but if I am officially in guy mode, she doesn't like the the bra to be visible, and she doesn't like the bulges of the forms to be obvious. I don't mean that she worries about bra straps being discernible by their shape (she's never expressed any concern about that), but if fact that I am wearing a bra is obvious (e.g., the bra colour easily shows through my top) then she puts on a sour face. Similarly when we went out a few weeks ago and I was wearing forms under a woman's top designed to flatter the bust, she didn't appear to mind if someone saw the colour and pattern of the blouse through the opening of my jacket, nor was she concerned about the possibility that someone might notice the bulges in my jacket or might see the bulges more clearly through the opening in the jacket -- but when we stopped at a cafe and I took off the jacket revealing the woman's top that showed that I had a decided (but not huge) bust-line, out came the sour face again. That was too much (so I popped into the washroom and took out the forms.) The clearly non-male top by itself was something she could live with being seen. And she has gone "around" with me in guy mode with the bulges of my full D-cup forms visible from under a sweatshirt or non-stretch sweater, and didn't seem to mind that: with those clothes, you can see I have "something there" if you look, but it is far less blatant appearance than when I'm wearing forms three sizes smaller (about small B) with the bust-flattering top.
Now, the part of my posting of primary interest to me at the moment: my wife has also gone "around" with me a few times when I've been wearing a skirt in guy mode, and she generally doesn't seem to mind that -- not when the skirts are fairly plain, such as a denim skirt with little or no ornateness. That blandness has appeared to me to part of the key: that when she has gone around with me while I am "gender bending" (to some degree), that it isn't the fact that I'm wearing a skirt, a traditional female garment, but rather that when I am in "guy mode", that I should not appear too female. I don't think she would be as comfortable if I were wearing a brightly coloured skirt, or one with a strong feminine pattern, or one of strong feminine design (e.g., a skirt with fluffy layers)
If you've followed thus far, you will see that my wife appears to have an internal dichotomy: that she will go to {at least some} things with me if I am done up as Female, and she will go around to {more} things with me if I am presenting partly femalely, as long as it is not too femalely. "A skirt, but not a pretty skirt" sort of thing.
Now, I can sort of see where this kind of dichotomy can come from. If I'm Dressed, then that's "Tess" and it's an "event", something somehow apart from everyday life. And if I'm dressed nicely but in clothes that are not unmistakably or too strongly feminine, then it's "just nice clothes", and indeed can be nice that I'm paying attention to my appearance. And if I'm dressed in a fairly plain (e.g., denim) skirt, those are "strange clothes for a guy", but I'm still clearly a guy. And I suspect the discomfort kicks in when I start blurring the distinction she has in her mind between "Tess, the stranger" and "________, my male husband" -- blurring it by appearing in public as "a guy with a noticeable bust", or by appearing in traditional female clothes that are clearly feminine in design or colour -- blurring the boundary by appearing too much like a woman "everyday" for her present comfort level.
What sort of experiences are others having in going out with their SO's, especially to things that are not "events"? Is there a similar gap for you, where you had best be either "not too feminine" or else should be apparently female?
And as sort of a side question, for those who have never gone out as "a guy in a skirt" or otherwise noticeably gender-bending or TG: would you go out visibly mixed-gender with your SO if your SO was okay with it? "In town" ?
My wife has driven me (Dressed) to some of my meetings or events, but that extent of that public exposure is "between the side door and the garage door" together with passers by seeing us together in the car. It is non-trivial in terms of acceptance, but it isn't really "going out together".
My wife has gone with me (when I'm fully Dressed) to our club's banquet, and to a meeting, both of which could be presumed to be safe environments. She has also gone with me to a drag show -- the same facility as the other two times, but she didn't know that when she asked to go. The show was not run by the local club, and was effectively "open to the public", so she has at least once gone out with me when I was fully Dressed.
But on the other hand, my wife hasn't gone out with me to restaurants or grocery shopping or on errands when I'm fully Dressed -- she encourages me to go out and socialize with the other club members as Tess, but she does not spend much time with Tess herself. I don't fully Dress at home and spend time "as a woman" with my wife.
My wife has gone "around" with me when I have been officially in "guy mode", with her knowing that the clothes I was wearing were women's clothes -- at least when they don't cross the border too far. She likes some of those clothes, so if I choose something neutral or something interesting but not too femme in the cut, I can go out with her without difficulty when I'm partly femme.
She has gone "around" with me without complaint knowing that I'm wearing a bra and forms -- but if I am officially in guy mode, she doesn't like the the bra to be visible, and she doesn't like the bulges of the forms to be obvious. I don't mean that she worries about bra straps being discernible by their shape (she's never expressed any concern about that), but if fact that I am wearing a bra is obvious (e.g., the bra colour easily shows through my top) then she puts on a sour face. Similarly when we went out a few weeks ago and I was wearing forms under a woman's top designed to flatter the bust, she didn't appear to mind if someone saw the colour and pattern of the blouse through the opening of my jacket, nor was she concerned about the possibility that someone might notice the bulges in my jacket or might see the bulges more clearly through the opening in the jacket -- but when we stopped at a cafe and I took off the jacket revealing the woman's top that showed that I had a decided (but not huge) bust-line, out came the sour face again. That was too much (so I popped into the washroom and took out the forms.) The clearly non-male top by itself was something she could live with being seen. And she has gone "around" with me in guy mode with the bulges of my full D-cup forms visible from under a sweatshirt or non-stretch sweater, and didn't seem to mind that: with those clothes, you can see I have "something there" if you look, but it is far less blatant appearance than when I'm wearing forms three sizes smaller (about small B) with the bust-flattering top.
Now, the part of my posting of primary interest to me at the moment: my wife has also gone "around" with me a few times when I've been wearing a skirt in guy mode, and she generally doesn't seem to mind that -- not when the skirts are fairly plain, such as a denim skirt with little or no ornateness. That blandness has appeared to me to part of the key: that when she has gone around with me while I am "gender bending" (to some degree), that it isn't the fact that I'm wearing a skirt, a traditional female garment, but rather that when I am in "guy mode", that I should not appear too female. I don't think she would be as comfortable if I were wearing a brightly coloured skirt, or one with a strong feminine pattern, or one of strong feminine design (e.g., a skirt with fluffy layers)
If you've followed thus far, you will see that my wife appears to have an internal dichotomy: that she will go to {at least some} things with me if I am done up as Female, and she will go around to {more} things with me if I am presenting partly femalely, as long as it is not too femalely. "A skirt, but not a pretty skirt" sort of thing.
Now, I can sort of see where this kind of dichotomy can come from. If I'm Dressed, then that's "Tess" and it's an "event", something somehow apart from everyday life. And if I'm dressed nicely but in clothes that are not unmistakably or too strongly feminine, then it's "just nice clothes", and indeed can be nice that I'm paying attention to my appearance. And if I'm dressed in a fairly plain (e.g., denim) skirt, those are "strange clothes for a guy", but I'm still clearly a guy. And I suspect the discomfort kicks in when I start blurring the distinction she has in her mind between "Tess, the stranger" and "________, my male husband" -- blurring it by appearing in public as "a guy with a noticeable bust", or by appearing in traditional female clothes that are clearly feminine in design or colour -- blurring the boundary by appearing too much like a woman "everyday" for her present comfort level.
What sort of experiences are others having in going out with their SO's, especially to things that are not "events"? Is there a similar gap for you, where you had best be either "not too feminine" or else should be apparently female?
And as sort of a side question, for those who have never gone out as "a guy in a skirt" or otherwise noticeably gender-bending or TG: would you go out visibly mixed-gender with your SO if your SO was okay with it? "In town" ?