Coming out on the Couch

[Kitsune]

I've been seeing a therapist (of the Cognitive/Behavioral variety) for three years and I have not told her I cross dress.

Having cded all my life, I have come to accept myself the way I am. Although I felt guilty and conflicted once, I now see my dressing as a fun 'eccentricity' without any emotional downside or baggage. My incomparable wife is an enthusiastic participant. Only my closest friends know. I never go out dressed for fear of frightening the populace, and I have no desire to pass.

The other night a GF asked why I haven't come out to my shrink. I had to think about that. My answer was that, since dressing is highly charged sexually for me, I don't trust myself NOT to start flirting with the therapist, who is a pretty woman with excellent taste in clothes.

I'm pretty sure I will keep this secret from her. But do you good folks think I should tell her?

[DonnaT]

Depends on what you are seeing her for, and if CDing may be a cause or influence. If not, then no.

[RobertaFermina]

By not revealing something so charged for you as CDing, you are not giving your Therapist a complete picture of yourself, and may be undermining your own therapy.

A good therapist will permit you to flirt but will stay on her side of the room.

If you choose to flirt in Therapy, or reveal you CD, your therapist should help you experience this, and then explore how it serves you, what its consequences are, and where you may want to go with it.....CDing, or Flirting, that is.

If the Therapist does not stay on the "other side of the room", it is time to enjoy your new relationship, and look for another Therapist.

A decent Therapist probably will not "dump you" as a client for attempting to Flirt.

By the way....decent therapists are not the majority, in my experience. They are people who are well grounded and quite capable of accepting whatever non-threatening behavior you may present, no matter how odd, and to work with you and that behavior to come to understand and manage your life better. Not all people who take education to be therapists than are born with (or healed unto) the capacity to serve in this way. When you find one, count your lucky stars and make use of the opportunity!



:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Natalia]

1) Your lawyer (they can't tell anyone what you say)
2) Your doctor/therapist - see above

3) The Fire Depertment dispatcher - "Where's the fire?" ..."Guess!":doh:

[Emily Anderson]

Obviously you should tell her, because it's a big part of your life. But, don't expect that to turn into anything other than her helping you as the professional she is.

You might get a kick out of it, and she might flirt back a bit. My therapist was perfectly willing to share some female secrets and talk to me about "womens ways". Just enjoy the release, and let her help you.

[Kitsune]

1) Your lawyer (they can't tell anyone what you say)
2) Your doctor/therapist - see above

3) The Fire Depertment dispatcher - "Where's the fire?" ..."Guess!":doh:


Easily said. I've never lied to my shrink.

Unless you consider that omission is always a lie.

The issues that brought me to therapy are unrelated to my sexuality.

Unless you are Freudian who believes that everything is.

[RobertaFermina]

Since you don't reveal you are a CDer, and it is very charged, and you have an inkling that revealing it is worth discussing....here....you are likely repressing the fact. Everything is affected by repression (conscious or unconscious). It creates self-censorship and leads to living a life of "performance" rather than authentic-self-expression. It can lead to compartmentalization of thought, life, and consciousness.

If you don't see how CDing, can affect your "entry-issue" for Therapy, try revealing it to the Therapist and see where it goes.

If it leads nowhere, and doesn't affect your Therapeutic course or outcome, then there is no damage.

If it leads anywhere else, it is worth revealing.

Do You feel Lucky ?


:rose: Roberta :rose:

[deja true]

Not revealing such an important part of you? To a person that is virtually guarenteed to be supportive and discreet? :idontknow:

(Don't say it's not that important. You continue to do it, right?)

Maybe that's why you've been in therapy for three years!

Gosh! Or maybe you just want to keep seeing the therapist that you have a crush on! :daydreaming:

My guess is that almost everyone here makes life decisions with CDing somewhere in the back of their head, even if it doesn't seem all that related. If you spend time and money doing it rather than something more "normal", it has to have an affect on your life! :)

Tell her honey! If you really want your therapy to be effective...

:<3:

[Jonianne]

Hi Kitsune,

I was in therapy for nearly 8 years and the reason I started was because of the crossdressing. On my first session, it took me the whole session to even say why I was there, because of my deep shame. It doesn't sound like you have that problem, but like most are saying, I believe the CD is too big an issue to keep from a cognative / behavioral specialist. She will probly probe as to why you kept it from her these years, but as Roberta mentioned, if there is no issue with it, then no harm done.

Plus, since you are asking our opinion, then you must have some question about it yourself. I couldn't imagine any negative outcome from letting her know. But, that is just what I'm guessing.

[RobertaFermina]

On a similar though in some ways different note.

I have a common male trait of seeing women as sexual beings, and when the testosterone is running hot, as sexual objects. So much so that it could be hard to see past the lusting and into the person.

Even though my Therapist was in her 70's, this occasionally happened in session.

I'd be talking to her, and then see her as a sexual opportunity
or sexual object.

Once I told her about it, about objectifying women, and her and how it distracted me from connecting on other levels, it led to discussion and reflection that took much of the sting out of it.

I was able to stop shaming myself about my thoughts and behavior and became less troubled.

Now when I have an objectifying thought, I have it without shame or fixation, and move on. This gives me more time to connect on a personal level without the distraction fixation on physicality, or of shaming myself for lusting.

I always find the Therapist a healthy place to "out" myself.

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[mike47]

I would have to say yes. It is hard to say how that would turn out but it should be interesting. Strange that it hasn't come out as of yet though. Good luck.

[Kitsune]

...for all your interesting perspectives. I'm making no plans to open the discussion with said shrink, but I won't surprise myself if I suddenly blurt it out. And I see the logic. After all, if I'm out to my wife and my closest friends, why not to the therapist? She's heard a lot worse, I'm sure.

Thanks again.

[Annemarie]

If you can't tell your therapist, who can you tell ?
When I was in therapy it was one of the first things I told him, however hard it was, I just had to.

[TerriM]

I saw a psychologist for about 6mnths about 25yrs ago. The reason I went was my cding. I told her at the 1st session and we hardly ever talked about after that. I got a lot of insight into why I am like i am by talking about my childhood and other things in my life. I cant for the life of me why you wouldnt tell your therapist.

Terri

[KandisTX]

It'll probably end up being a moot point in your sessions since it is not part of the reason you are there in the first place.. or is it??? ;) Good Luck hon.

Kandis:love::rose2:

[Tomara]

I have to agree with the others if you cant talk to your therapist about crossdressing you are not being honest and open with them about who you really are as a person and they can`t help you to the best of there ability . I know it is not an easy thing to talk about but most therapists (the good ones) are not going to judge you for anything that you tell them about yourself . When I told mine she was very supportive and very willing to help in any way . Tomara

[Jodi Lynn]

I saw a psychologist for about 6mnths about 25yrs ago. The reason I went was my cding. I told her at the 1st session and we hardly ever talked about after that. I got a lot of insight into why I am like i am by talking about my childhood and other things in my life. I cant for the life of me why you wouldnt tell your therapist.

Terri

I have to agree. I have been seeing mine for about 10 mounths now. My CDing was the reason I went too. I didn't tell him the frist two time. After I did tell him, we talked about it maybe three times and that has been it. He has helped me understand alot of things about myself.

[curiously_c]

I'd tell your therapist if I were you.

I've never been to a therapist, and really should go. I imagine though, that if I could grow the balls, or wear the right shoes to go, I'd tell the therapist everything. It all adds up in the same esscence that makes you tick, and thats what they are there to help with right? When in doubt, its not like they can tell anyone else you know. :)

On the flirting, if shes a pro she'll let it slide but not participate, if its anything else then you probably need a new shrink.

Thats just my $.02.

[uknowhoo]

She's heard a lot worse, I'm sure.

What an interesting nugget thst is!

Your statement obviously belies a negative value judgement about CDing, and presumably the CDer as well (don't worry, I don't take offense :D). The foregoing notwithstanding... assuming CDing is an integral part of you, I really really think you're shortchanging yourself by not divulging this to your therapist. It's like not disclosing to your doctor personal medical history which may be pertinent.

I started seeing my therapist a while back, about the CDing. We discuss many other issues and sometimes, the the feminine part of my nature does come up, as it affects my way of thinking/relating to others in ways I don't always realize.

Take care, and good luck.

xoxo

Tammi

[RobynP]

Kitsune,

I don't quite get the connection between crossdressing and flirting with your therapist...

Also, you said:
[QUOTE=Kitsune;1354484
I now see my dressing as a fun 'eccentricity' without any emotional downside or baggage. [/QUOTE]

I think by NOT telling your therapist you are telling yourself that you are more knowledgeable about psychology than your therapist because you have diagnosed your crossdressing as not having any emotional baggage.

So why are you spending your time and money in therapy? I would recommend (from personal experience) to tell your therapist EVERYTHING and let them use their knowledge and training to sort through everything. YOU may not think it is very important but it may be criticial to your treatment...

Just my 2 cents...:2c:

Robyn

[Alan]

Wow. I saw my therapist for three years before finally telling her I was FTM (okay, so it's not CD, but it's a secret I was working hard to keep).

I've been to three therapists and I have friends who have been to even more. Really good, thoughtful, accepting therapists are hard to find... so if you have one, congrats! And tell her everything. Mine is like that, and she's made me see how being an FTM connects to bits of my life I never realized it does (and I'm a psych major @_@) -- like why my cousin annoys me the way she does. CD-ing could influence parts of your life that you've never realized but that your therapist sees immediately.

I would like to just say about not lying to your therapist -- this only works if you trust your therapist fully. I had one I didn't trust and therefore didn't talk to properly. But if you really trust your therapist to have your best interests at heart, then lying is, imho, a bit silly, since it gives an incomplete picture.

And hey, if she has great dress sense, maybe she can give you pointers :D (I think my therapist totally would)

[Joy Carter]

NO ! Because in my case in went into my medical records. Something I really didn't want to happen. When I signed my papers at work for my disability, the administrator made a point to mention it. If you have accepted yourself, then why ? BTW: My counselor lied, when he said he never wrote what we talked about.