GG confession about dating CD (detailed)

[Carrie]

Hi! I have seen many posts from CD discussing their problems and concerns with dating. As a single GG attracted to CD, here’s my perspective; my experiences and challenges. For background, I will start by describing how I got involved in the CD community:

I've been divorced for many years but only recently decided it was time to start dating again. I joined a regular on-line dating site last fall. One of the first flirts that I received was from a guy with only femme pictures posted. I had never been exposed to CD before that. I read his profile where he discussed his boy side and his girl side and I was initially attracted to his values and character traits of openness and honesty - qualities that I hold in high regard. Those qualities totally over-powered the fact that he wears dresses (he’s actually a drag queen). I look at what is on the inside of a person, not the outside.

We got to know each other over e-mail and the phone. He was patient with me and answered all of my naïve and dumb questions. When we discussed meeting, he told me that I would have to meet him in drag first because that is part of who he is and if I couldn’t accept that, it would never work between us. I agreed. Having never met a CD before, neither of us knew how I would react. When I first saw her, I was immediately attracted to her because I had already gotten to know and to like the person underneath the clothes. Her dressing was never an issue for me.

I started doing my own research and reading books and articles. For a couple of months I joined a site to meet CD and I talked to many CD/TV there – I have made many friends, some I now consider my best friends and I can’t imagine not ever being friends with them.

So far, I have gotten to know over 70 men (ages 24 – 65) through IM, e-mail and phone calls; most are non-CDs. I have had face-to-face dates with 12 different men including 4 CD/TG. I have still not found that “one” special someone that I connect with.

One unexpected obstacle that I have encountered is that when I get to know a non-CD they freak out when I tell them that I have dated CD (I don’t even get to the fact that one was a drag queen). I’ve had 3 guys dump me just for that. They mistakenly think that CD is perverted and that by my association, I must be as well.

One non-CD that I had several dates with sent me this e-mail regarding my CD friends: “Your unusual friends make me uneasy. It makes me wonder what you are really looking for. Obviously, you are not into semi-traditional relationships. A person can normally be judged based upon their interests, friends, and recreation. What should I presume? You have played your hand and continued to pursue interests that are not tolerated by "reasonable” people.” … He then gave me an ultimatum – give up my “unusual” friends or give up him…he’s been gone for a while now.

According to him, "reasonable people" will have nothing to do with me because of my friends and "interests" (meaning my attraction to and friendship with CDs). I know that in some ways he is right. People from church, work and even my own family will not or do not understand. Sometimes I feel that I'm wearing a scarlet letter. Have I basically alienated myself from the vast majority of single heterosexual non-CD men?

I think finding my soul-mate among CDs might be even harder than finding that proverbial needle in a haystack. I have been to local CD events. I mostly meet married CD or some that have too many personal issues to even think about a relationship.

I am currently on a couple of regular dating websites; I just registered at a new one the other day. My profiles say that I’m CD and TS friendly. I have met many CD, unfortunately, despite the fact that they say they are looking for a real relationship, most are only looking for sex with a GG while dressed, or are more interested in their own fantasies/fetishes without any regard to my preferences or getting to know me.

Of course, many non-CD are also only looking for sex. If I was only looking for sex, I could have it every night of the week with someone different. I am not looking for indiscriminate sex so I am not on some of the sites that do allow CD/TS/TG/TV specific postings. Any suggestions for other sites?

If I may vent for a moment - I have had several guys (mostly CDs) lie to me about their marital status. And yes – being in a committed relationship (even if there is no ring) counts. I don’t play those games. Be HONEST!

Ultimately I am looking for a LTR and I would enjoy it very much if my partner where a CD (actually I would prefer it). I love having a girlfriend and a boyfriend in the same person. I love the contrast; the masculine side and the femme side. I love the fact that CD can relate to some of the things that girls go through and I will never be questioned on why it takes so long for me to get ready to go.  I would enjoy outdoor activities, car shows, etc. with “him” one day and a girl’s day of shopping, pedicures, etc. the next day with “her”. Redefining traditional gender roles, as the mood dictates. Going from casual to dressy in a single day (I have a wide range of interests)…

The last CD that I dated was my best “girlfriend” and confidant until we started dating (we split up recently; I’ve discovered that losing your girlfriend is harder than losing a boyfriend). We have so much in common and we connected on several levels. He has a good balance of boy and girl. I went out with “him” and with “her” and enjoyed every aspect of our outings. I enjoyed “girl” talk; sharing ideas to be discussed; talking about fashion or sharing makeup tips. I could tell when he was thinking more like Jessica instead of Jesse (not her real names) and I would just follow along.

When my friend was femme; she would give me fashion shows so I could help her choose an outfit to wear. I bought things for her. I styled her hair and helped her with the process of becoming femme. The best part was taking her out and showing her off; whether we were shopping, dining or clubbing. She’s such a flirt; she would purposely swish her short skirt to get my attention….. Mmmmmm…. irresistible! The passion when she’s femme was more intense for both of us than when he was in drab. The details I will leave to your imagination…

Everyone who has met me says that I'm very rare in how accepting and encouraging I am. I don't understand why other women don't realize the advantages of having their man dress. I love to be treated like a lady and I can appreciate others wanting the same. I think every male should go through some type of femme lessons, maybe there wouldn’t be as many divorces if both partners understood each other better.

BTW, I'm a girly-girl and I'm straight - I'm not attracted to other GGs. With a CD, when we get intimate, even if she's dressed, there are still the all-important boy parts. Why am I not repulsed by seeing a CD with a short skirt? Why do I find this so attractive? Am I a freak?

In conclusion, while I would prefer to be with a CD, I am keeping my options open as it is very difficult to find single CD actually looking for a real relationship. And then to find that one special person that you connect with and who shares enough common interests (besides CD) to make it worth exploring… My search so far has not been in vain, I do have several platonic friendships with CD/TG that I am thankful for.

Knowing the answer to these questions is just as elusive as that needle in a haystack; I’m sending these uninhibited thoughts out into the vast cosmic cyber universe for consideration and commentary. Now where’s my fairy godmother when I need her? Thank you for listening to my ramblings and sorry it’s so long, I tend to type what I feel!

Hugs to all,:hugs:
~C

[Katherine Bell]

I have no doubt the other girls here will all agree, you are not a freak. You are a drink of water in a desert. Fear not the idiots of the world who said the things they did you. I think it's great you shared your romantic past and included CD's. If a person can't handle that, there's allot more they can't handle.

Finding love no matter where you look is hard, heartbreaking and seems impossible. But I can tell you it is possible. That you want a relationship with a CD is fantastic. But keep in mind, love has its own ideas about whom you should be with, try to stay open to all possibilities life may offer you. In the meantime enjoy yourself as much as possible. I’m not suggesting random sex with strangers but you are single, enjoy it for all it’s worth.

[DanaR]

Carrie,

I agree with Katherine and don't give up. There are a lot of nice people out here.

[CharleneT]

lovely, wonderful story, really !! thank you for sharing it !!

!!

C

[AKAMichelle]

Why can't I meet someone like you? Where do women like you hide?

Michelle

[Holly]

Carrie, thank-you for the perspective from the other side. You have confirmed something that I have suspected for a long time (actually almost 40 years of marriage has confirmed it as well)... that honesty is generally held in high regard in relationships. I do hope that you find what (and who) you are looking for.

[crusadergirl]

Carrie thanks for taking the time to tell us that great story

[Alana65]

BTW, I'm a girly-girl and I'm straight - I'm not attracted to other GGs. With a CD, when we get intimate, even if she's dressed, there are still the all-important boy parts. Why am I not repulsed by seeing a CD with a short skirt? Why do I find this so attractive? Am I a freak?

In conclusion, while I would prefer to be with a CD, I am keeping my options open as it is very difficult to find single CD actually looking for a real relationship. And then to find that one special person that you connect with and who shares enough common interests (besides CD) to make it worth exploring… My search so far has not been in vain, I do have several platonic friendships with CD/TG that I am thankful for.

Knowing the answer to these questions is just as elusive as that needle in a haystack; I’m sending these uninhibited thoughts out into the vast cosmic cyber universe for consideration and commentary. Now where’s my fairy godmother when I need her? Thank you for listening to my ramblings and sorry it’s so long, I tend to type what I feel!

Hugs to all,:hugs:
~C

Carrie,

Are you a freak ? Most certainly not, hun. To me, you seem to be a most caring, open and loving person, who wants to share a wonderful life with an individual that is a GM that just happens to have "a girl inside". The fact that you actually PREFER a CDer over a Non-CDer, makes you all that more desirable (speaking for myself, of course).
As for my preferences, whether you are a "girly-girl" or not, it's not a big deal to me. I can find a woman attractive even if she's wearing just a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. She doesn't need to be "dressed to the nines" to be attractive/pretty.......a beautiful personality goes a long way.
I wish you all the luck finding your "CD soulmate", and hope that everything turns out happy for you.

:hugs:

Alana

[jennCD]

Heya Carrie,

Thanx for your wonderful "confession"....

If only my wife had 1% of your understanding and interest in my TG side,... but alas....

"All good things come to those who wait,.. but give it a few minutes more and the good things may even become great things!"

:)
jenn

[sterling12]

As I read your post, first thing I thought of was all The CD's that we get around here who protest and groan that they can't find a woman who accepts them as they are.

We have at least a couple of those threads running right now.

You may be the exception to The rule, but here we have a woman who actually PREFERS the company of a CD. Ain't that amazin'!

Are you going to get private PM's and get "hit on?" Oh, you bet! But please be aware, DD (Demonic Daughter) pointed out something a few weeks ago that is very important. Some, (A few) of the lunatic fringe are going to get weird and perhaps a bit nasty with you. You probably have experienced some of that stuff on other dating sites. But, the majority of us are kind, and caring human beings. I hope you can understand, and sort through all of that garbage to find the right people. The old adage is correct: "there are a lot of frogs out there."

I wouldn't waste much time trying to explain your preferences to "Straight" males, there's always the chance you will connect with a closet CD, but most of those guys will look upon anything outside their narrow views as a threat. I had one come up to me one time and ask me: "If I talk to you....will you think I'm queer?" Most of these guys got left behind in The Mentation Department!

(Sigh) I'm sad, your in Colorado....I'm in Florida. I'd take a fling at grabbing The Ring, but geography puts the damper on that idea. But, welcome to our little club, good luck and have fun!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Mostly_Harmless]

One unexpected obstacle that I have encountered is that when I get to know a non-CD they freak out when I tell them that I have dated CD (I don’t even get to the fact that one was a drag queen). I’ve had 3 guys dump me just for that. They mistakenly think that CD is perverted and that by my association, I must be as well.

Consider my mind blown.

[darla_g]

Thank you Carrie. Its always nice to hear when a women can potentially appreciate the different perspective a CD can bring to a relationship. I wish you well on your search.

[Bev06 GG]

Hi Carrie
Thanks for sharing those thoughts and experiences with us. I think though you have to realise that regular guys will get freaked out if you mention your passion for CDs, they neither understand CDing or a womans desire to be with one. Their lack of understanding and limited experience of it breads fear.
Maybe it would be wise not to talk about it in the presence of regular guys, after all their main interest is in themselves and how attractive you find them.
As regards the CDs you have dated telling you porkies and not wanting anything permanent. Unfortunately that does happen whether CD or not. I guess the temptation for some CDs to meet and have sex with someone else is quite over powering but I have to say it isn't typical of all. It sounds like you have just been a tad unfortunate in meeting more than your fair share.
I wish you luck in your quest to find the perfect partner, I am sure you will have a full PM box on here and from what I have gathered so far there are quite a few single CDs looking for mates so you might easily find someone.
Take care
Bev

[Lara Smith]

Wow! You are an amazing human being. Just keep being yourself. Love will find you when you aren't looking. If I were single I'd be yearning to meet someone just like you. No doubt about it. You don't seem to have a problem separating the wheat from the chaff. Just keep sifting!

Lara

[RobertaFermina]

Carrie,

You are not a freak. Last year I was looking for a girl like you....and she found me. She thinks she's a bit odd, but not for loving CDs. I think she's wonderful, and count myself lucky.

From your post I see are thoughtful, eloquent, have integrity, affectionate, compassionate, generous, open-minded, and have the courage of your convictions.

You will find a CD to complement you, and this person may be as rare among CDs as you are rare among humans in general. (Actually, when I do the math, its a bit scary. Damn the math! love is for fools anyhow!)

Keep searching with Passionate Patience to find your match.


Happy Hunting !

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[KayR]

Thank you for such a lucid and insightful article.
I can only repeat what everyone else here is telling you; you are a very special lady, and one who deserves her soulmate. Please do keep us updated on your situation. :hugs:

[deja true]

Maybe it would be wise not to talk about it in the presence of regular guys, after all their main interest is in themselves and how attractive you find them.

Bev

While I've gotta agree with Bev and all the others about almost all they've said, I do have to disagree with this part.

As incredibly open and understanding as you are towards us, I think it's probably important to you that you are that open to all that you meet. And sharing all that you like and find attractive even with a non- dresser is important, too. IMHO, the rejection that you would get from some 'straight' guys over this issue will be an indicator of their not-so-liberal views on other issues as well, and eventually you would find even more issues (some related, some not) that you disagree on.

Just as we are counselled to be as open as we can be with potential soul mates, so should you be. It's an acid test, unpleasant and nerve-wracking, but, for your own future happiness, an important one, I think.

It seems a cruel twist that many of us fear being straightforward with women that we are attracted to for fear of rejection, and that you should have the same problem from the other side!

It narrows your choices even more, but as Lara points out, it truly does seperate the high quality wheat from the more abundant chaff.

(Sorry about the mixed metaphors! :D)

love & respect, for your rarity and compassion,

deja

:<3:

[Sandra]

Carrie,

Thanks for sharing this with us keep looking I'm sure you will find that person.

[Di]

Wonderful post:hugs: A few years back I was also searching for a cd/tg partner. And encountered many that were married and or lied about themseves being married ( umm no thanks) same things you encountered. Or if I met someone there just was not a connection. I finally gave up and did have alot of awesome friends that I chatted with ect but no love match....when I wasn't looking at all, but it's as though she dropped out the sky:love:.So I say just continue to talk and be friends without " looking" and THE ONE will find her way to you.
What you experienced with boring reg guys...I never had that happen because I knew I wanted and did not bother even dating them anymore. Look at it this way...since they said straight up how narrow minded and rigid they were they did you a favor knowing this straight away so no need wasteing time with someone like that.

And your question.....Why do I find this so attractive? Am I a freak?

I am the same way and do not consider myself a freak.And would'nt change anything. Relax, welcome and hope you don't have to kiss too many princess's till you find THE ONE.:love:

[TGMarla]

I agree with the "drink of water in the desert" comment. You sound like a CD's dream come true. I wish more women shared your perspective. I wish more would even be open to trying to see things from your perspective. The letter your one prospect wrote you concerning your friends with alternative lifestyles could have been written by any number of GGs, mine included. It's too bad, because closed minds see no new horizons.

Thanks for the fresh outlook!

[Patty]

Thank you so much for telling your story-it is so refreshing.
Yes so many people are closed minded - one of them asked me one day if I though that I was normal, I said no what fun would that be.

[Jenny Beth]

Hi Carrie, loved your post. There's not much I can add to what others have said except to say it's nice to know there are a lot more women out there who prefer those of us with a feminine side than I ever imagined. I hope you find what you are looking for, it may take a while but the wait will be worth it.

[Bev06 GG]

While I've gotta agree with Bev and all the others about almost all they've said, I do have to disagree with this part.

As incredibly open and understanding as you are towards us, I think it's probably important to you that you are that open to all that you meet. And sharing all that you like and find attractive even with a non- dresser is important, too. IMHO, the rejection that you would get from some 'straight' guys over this issue will be an indicator of their not-so-liberal views on other issues as well, and eventually you would find even more issues (some related, some not) that you disagree on.

It narrows your choices even more, but as Lara points out, it truly does seperate the high quality wheat from the more abundant chaff.

(Sorry about the mixed metaphors! :D)

love & respect, for your rarity and compassion,

deja

:<3:

Hi Deja,
Yes I see what you are saying and I cannot wholly disagree. However,my view on it is that if Carrie is out on a date with a guy he doesn't want to listen to her harping on about what she finds attractive about other guys. I know as a woman if the roles were reversed I'd feel abit put out if my date went on about fancying female cross dressers and I didn't fall into that particular category.
A regular guy might be very narrow minded and uneducated in these matters but its hardly fair to say that if he doesn't understand CDing he isn't going to be particularly liberal in other areas of his life. There is a lot of ignorance around about CDing because largely it is done behind closed doors and people dont tend to debate it much, ignorance breads fear, and fear mistrust. I suppose as a community we should try and understand peoples problems with it in the same way that we ask people to understand us. We can do this by not thinking of them as not particularly liberal in their thinking or narrow minded, just a tad uneducated in that particular area.
Take care
Bev

[Michelle_NY]

God Bless you. I wish my wife was more open like you dear

[Carissa B.]

Hi Carrie
Thank You for sharing, and for trying to understand. Life gives us some real chalenges when you think out side that social box, most CDers will contest to that ! You have learned & experienced more that most people, it was a good perspective for me to learn from. I enjoy the wisdom and undestanding the GG's have especialy when experienceing the feminine side of life. You have it Girl, use it and enjoy, who you are!

love and respect,
Carrisa

[Emily Anderson]

Carrie,

Great post. Thanks very much for sharing!

I think it is quite possible to find a loving CD partner, and one who has all the characteristics you are looking for. The only issue I see is that crossdressing is not a very common lifestyle, and therefore the pool of available partners is much smaller than that of non-CD'ers.

Secondly, you may well find that many of the CD'ers with whom you would get along like a house on fire are actually in the closet, and not ready to expose themselves.

It's a tough situation, because of these two issues, and I only wish I could suggest a better way of approaching the search. Hmmm, food for thought!

[Eileen]

Carrie you did a marvelous job of describing your thoughts and feelings. If only more women could look at the trans community with an open mind. One question came to my mind. Are you ruling out those who have left their male identity for a life only as a woman? You are a refreshing spirt and are to be admired for your honesty. May you find that special someone that will bring happiness to you both.

Eileen

[Sharon B.]

Carrie,
If only more woman could see your side of it, I do think there would be more couples and less divorce.
So what I enjoy dressing as a woman, I do not hit any woman, do illegal drugs or any type of drugs.
I do feel I am trust worthy, understanding, compassionate and have a romantic side to me.
My only hang-up is I enjoy dressing completely as a woman, including shaving all body hair.
I do some outdoor actives but at the end of the day I enjoy taking a bubble bath or shower using scented feminine body wash and applying scented feminine body lotion.
We as crossdressers just have something to offer a woman that can see the benefits of being out of the ordinary.

[Fab Karen]

Hi Deja,
I suppose as a community we should try and understand peoples problems with it in the same way that we ask people to understand us. We can do this by not thinking of them as not particularly liberal in their thinking or narrow minded, just a tad uneducated in that particular area.
Take care
Bev
There's a difference between not understanding it, and the guy who basically accused her of being a freak by association. That IS narrow-minded & speaks volumes of his character. No-one needs to suffer bigots gladly.

[Celeste]

Nice post Carrie.I do like the way you are going about this.I think you'll know you're on the right track when you meet a guy who will value your decision in friendships and not belittle you because of them.It seems like you need someone serious,considerate and honest, like yourself.I certainly hope you won't be discouraged by those unfamiliar with cding.

[KateSpade83]

It shouldn't be hard for you to find a good partner cd! It's harder for us cd's to get a good woman partner! Find one in your size and you can share clothes!

It's nice to see women like you. Maybe you should enlighten other women in other forums on the internet!

[Carrie]

Thanks to all of you for your thoughtful words, encouragement and advice! I’m actually surprised that anyone would read what I wrote because it’s so long (and here's another long post). I had 3 of my friends read this before I posted it to see what I should leave out to make it shorter - they all said that everything was relevant and to post it. I am also surprised at the number of responses that I have received (posted here and private messages) this is humbling and flattering. Thank You!

Bev, Deja and others: I am very open and honest about every aspect of my life and I expect honesty in all of my relationships, including friendships. I do not tell a non-CD about the others that I’ve dated immediately. It usually comes up in a conversation because eventually, they will ask what does “I’m CD and TS friendly” mean (from my profile). The question alone is a disappointment to me because if they don’t know what it means, they are probably not one. I have actually started making up reasons not to go out with someone after I know they are not a CD. Isn’t that sad?

I had one guy tell me that he thought ”CD” meant Christ Devoted or something religious. Sometimes I do openly share my preferences in hopes that the person will admit to being a closet CD – how else will I know unless I tell him that I’m OK with it?

I had one non-CD say that he’d wear panties and stockings for me if I’d sleep with him. I told him, CD is not just about the clothes; it’s much deeper than that and to me that is part of the appeal. BTW, no, he didn’t understand and no, I didn’t sleep with him.

Jenn and Jenny Beth: I agree. Anything worth having is worth waiting for!

Di: It’s sad and refreshing to know that I am not the only one who has had these experiences in dating. It is very encouraging to know that finding THE ONE is possible. Thank you for your post!

All: I am keeping my options open and although I would prefer a CD; I don’t know who my soul-mate is, what he/she will look like or how he/she will dress. I am having fun meeting new people and making new friends. I just hope that I don’t get warts from kissing too many frogs until I find my prince/princess!

Biggest hugs for my dear friends!
~C



As for my preferences, whether you are a "girly-girl" or not, it's not a big deal to me. I can find a woman attractive even if she's wearing just a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. She doesn't need to be "dressed to the nines" to be attractive/pretty.......a beautiful personality goes a long way.
I wish you all the luck finding your "CD soulmate", and hope that everything turns out happy for you.


Dear Miss Alana,

Thank you - your kind words made my day!

Another confession: I am a GG but I don't even own sweatpants. I do have some Capri-length leggings that I wear at the gym - does that kinda count?

Hugs back to you!
~C


Are you going to get private PM's and get "hit on?" Oh, you bet! But please be aware, DD (Demonic Daughter) pointed out something a few weeks ago that is very important. Some, (A few) of the lunatic fringe are going to get weird and perhaps a bit nasty with you. You probably have experienced some of that stuff on other dating sites. But, the majority of us are kind, and caring human beings. I hope you can understand, and sort through all of that garbage to find the right people. The old adage is correct: "there are a lot of frogs out there."

(Sigh) I'm sad, your in Colorado....I'm in Florida. I'd take a fling at grabbing The Ring, but geography puts the damper on that idea. But, welcome to our little club, good luck and have fun!

Peace and Love, Joanie

Dear Miss Joanie,

To date, I have talked with several people from the forums and not one has been mean or rude and I might add that the married CDs that I’ve talked to here have all been upfront about their status. Kudos! I have met some weird people on dating sites including the guy that I quoted in my post.

If your journey ever brings you to Colorado, I’d be happy to play tour guide. ..

Smiles,
~C


Carrie,

You are not a freak. Last year I was looking for a girl like you....and she found me. She thinks she's a bit odd, but not for loving CDs. I think she's wonderful, and count myself lucky.

From your post I see are thoughtful, eloquent, have integrity, affectionate, compassionate, generous, open-minded, and have the courage of your convictions.

You will find a CD to complement you, and this person may be as rare among CDs as you are rare among humans in general. (Actually, when I do the math, its a bit scary. Damn the math! love is for fools anyhow!)

Keep searching with Passionate Patience to find your match.


Happy Hunting !

:rose: Roberta :rose:

Dear Miss Roberta,

You are so sweet! I can see why you’re already taken. She is very fortunate to have you.

BTW, Even though I’m in engineering; I don’t like math all that much. It’s too easy to skew the numbers so that the data will appear to agree with your agenda. Sit in on any management meeting and you’ll see creative math in action. Gotta love PowerPoint…

Thank you,
~C


Carrie you did a marvelous job of describing your thoughts and feelings. If only more women could look at the trans community with an open mind. One question came to my mind. Are you ruling out those who have left their male identity for a life only as a woman? You are a refreshing spirt and are to be admired for your honesty. May you find that special someone that will bring happiness to you both.

Eileen

Dear Miss Eileen,

For several months, I have been dating Jackie (sort of). She is full-time MTF pre-op TS. We are together quite a bit. We have so much in common. We are both single parents. Our teenage daughters are best friends (they connected instantly; they think they were separated at birth).

Prior to meeting Jackie, I was sure that I would not want to be with a girl who is full-time. Now I am reconsidering my thoughts. Having never been with another GG and not feeling attracted to other GGs, I don’t know if I could become a lesbian after her SRS.

Because of these concerns and others, we have agreed to just be friends. She tells me about her dates and I tell her about mine. Jackie has become one of my best friends and I love hanging out with her!

Hugs,
~C

[Joann0830]

Hi Carrie, I really loved your post. There's not much I can add to what the others Ladies have said, Its difficult being who we are and trying to relate this to a Genetic Female, who we are interseted in and hope that we are accepted. I had a wife that was a professional, A registered Nurse who accepted my Joann side but I lost her on July 11, 2001 the anniversary day of this post is when she passed away. I read your story and it makes me feel grand that there are ladies like yourself who are out there and it gives me hope that I will again meet someone like you and my Wife again. I hope that you find what you are looking for, it may take a while but the wait will be worth it.
Its also nice to see someone who sees and can understand the two sides we live in day by day. Joann0830:battingeyelashes::love:

[emmicd]

Carrie,

You are very special in our community and we are so happy too because of your understanding and by reaching out as you have. You write so eloquently and have a lot to say. I feel sorry for the people who don't understand and accept. They are narrow minded. You are very kind and truly a friend.

I hope you find someone nice you can relate to and establish an LTR regardless of whether they crossdress or not. For me crossdressing is a big part of my life because it has been a part of my life since I'm 5 years old.

I am happily married with a son and I pretty much keep the crossdressing activities to myself. I don't force it on my family or anyone for that matter. It is only done in privacy.

A crossdresser/tg would be lucky to find a girl like you. I hope you find one that appreciates you and allows you to express yourself as a girly girl too.

emmi

[Empress Lainie]

Carrie you seem an answer to a dream. I had felt that I wanted t get married again after 3, two passed away. Then I had my unexpected change and thought then well who would want a transwoman? I even ended a promising courtship because of that. Then lovely Cynthia and I got together. I really was glad because I felt I was really restricted to other trannies.

Our age difference of 42 years is no factor, except I think some of the things she likes in movies and games are rather childish, but never would say that, I just let her do her thing.

I really do wonder what most GG's think of hooking up with a transwoman. I guess they would think it too weird, or too lesbian. I can not now feel much interest in a relationship with a man, but of course i am taken anyway.

[Claire3]

We're all differant,and thankyou Carrie for your honesty

[Alaceann]

Someone as open and honest as you will surly find the right person for you. When you least expect it and are not looking is when he/she will apear. I had quit looking and gave up when she walked into my life 19 yrs. ago and we are probably going to get married next month so don't give up hope, you are a rare and obviously careing person. Good luck in your endevors.:love::hugs:




alaceann
:

[DemonicDaughter]

First, I'd like to say, that as much as some of us GGs might accept, support and embrace crossdressing, this DOES NOT mean the relationship will work out. Simply wanting to date us because you want to be accepted is as ridiculous as wanting to date a seamstress because she can make you skirts. There's so much more involved in a real relationship.

Second, Carrie... I've been there with ya! I recently added numerous "unusual" friends on my MySpace page. Oddly I've lost other "friends" over it. I'm far from "average", far from sweet and innocent looking and very far from what one would consider normal. But even knowing how outlandish and eccentric I am, I've STILL had people tell me they won't come hang out with me because they fear one of my "other" friends will be there and will weird them out. Good, because if I had to pick, I'd take my "unusual" friends any day.

And you are so right! Its not just about the clothes! Its their form of expression, their passion, their art! I think its one of the biggest attractions to cding for me is that it is such a beautiful form of self expression.

It is difficult to find someone who doesn't try to live out their sexual fantasies with you just because you are accepting (see Online Etiquette in my signature) but then, as you pointed out... this happens in every situation regardless if they are a cder or not.

As a bisexual woman, I was asked if my sexuality was the reason I liked cders. Honestly, no. It helps when it comes to the bedroom of course, but outside of that, no. I think my love of art is the biggest factor in my love and acceptance of cding. I can't see it as "just clothes" or "a hobby" or any other choice of words that make it sound like it is less than it really is. Art is ingrained into my life, personality, soul, being, flesh. I believe the same is true for cders. It is simply who they are.

Kayla would be the same person were she dressed in a burlap sack (and I think she could pull that off :heehee: ). The clothes only show an outward expression of the inner self.

So if you're a freak, then so am I! If you have "issues" well... I'd take these sort of issues over what could be any day! I hope you continue to be a "freak", "strange" or whatever else they want to call it. For without a doubt, when you finally do find that "one" it would be worth any bit of slander to have it. :)

Thank you for sharing Carrie. :love: :hugs:

[Sheena Pink]

Hi Carrie,
I'm a freak too. I'm attracted to CD'ers. Married to Bre Rue. I've been introduced to the whole lifestyle this year. Before that she was in the closet. I've made some great friends here and we've met up with quite a few too!
The funny thing is when we go out, I usually get picked up. (I tell them I'm there with my husband, I guess when there's a GG around men or gurls have to try.) I'm not attracted to the men, I'll dance all night long with the gurls, but when a man asks for a dance I get the heebies. Weird, huh.
What I hate is that every gurl says how "lucky" Bre is. How "supportive" I am. This makes me feel like the freak to tell the truth. Like I'm the unobtainable thing in the culture. Like I don't belong there. They usually then tell me their sad story. Sorry honey, I'm there to have a good time, besides a club isn't the place to talk. It's too loud!
Good luck with finding you gurl, she's out there waiting for you.

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Carrie,

Wow! what a lovely heart warming post, in the sense that you sound like an absolutely wonderful and lovely person. I can't believe that you don't have a long line of equally wonderful and caring "nice" CDs at your door.

Some of the things you wrote are almost exactly what my wife Marla has said to me. In particular how you met your CDing boyfriend is very similar to how me and Marla met. Thinks like:

I was initially attracted to his values and character traits of openness and honesty - qualities that I hold in high regard. Those qualities totally over-powered the fact that he wears dresses.

And also:

When I first saw her, I was immediately attracted to her because I had already gotten to know and to like the person underneath the clothes. Her dressing was never an issue for me.

And .....

The best part was taking her out and showing her off; whether we were shopping, dining or clubbing. She’s such a flirt; she would purposely swish her short skirt to get my attention….. Mmmmmm…. irresistible!
Marla likes to flirt with me when I am dressed.

However, she also agrees with you that:

I think finding my soul-mate among CDs might be even harder than finding that proverbial needle in a haystack. I have been to local CD events. I mostly meet married CD or some that have too many personal issues to even think about a relationship.

Like you, Marla wanted a crossdressing partner but not at any cost. That said, I think it's only a matter of time before you find the CDing partner of your dreams. I might be wrong, but I'm thinking that perhaps you are attracted to men who are soft, kind, caring, and emotional, rather than aggressive macho types. And that perhaps you see a connection between crossdressing and these “feminine” personality traits? If so, then I totally think that you are just like my wife, and "your girl" is just around the corner. :hugs:

Unfortunately though, just as with all other non CDing partners you have to "kiss a lot of frogs before your find your prince(ss)" :sad:

Remember "there's some one for everyone" ... you just have to find them. It took me 12 years of being a singleton! Hopefully it won't take that long for you. Sending you "cupid vibes" ...

Hugs
Rachel

[Amy Hepker]

Thank You for being honest and open. I myself am honest and open and always have been with all my GGirlfriends which the other day I figured I have had around 21 in my time. Not all were accepting of my dressing while others helped for a while and then I was over whelming to them. I am very passionet and find it hard to find GGs that are also. I am with a Great Lady now, she puts up with my dressing, but does not really like it. She has bought me many things in the past. She refuses to go out in the world with me dressed as a female. She will let me dress around the house and she will kiss me when I am dressed too, but she refuses to make love while I am dressed. Although we did a little while after we met.

I LOVE her and she LOVES me, but there are many times when she does not like me. Figure that one out??? Mt dressing is not a fantasy, but is part of my real life. I am mostly Female inside and I am also and mostly male on the outside. I am very sensitive and honest as I have said I have been open with all my GGirlfriends.

I do hope you can find that special person out there that you will be perfect with, I guess if I were looking for that perfect match for me, I would still be by myself too. I cannot stand to be alone in this world and life is just way to short not to have someone in it.

I really feel for the CDs like myself that were cast aside because we were not so-called all Male. So far I have not heard what a perfect male is, many have so many conflicts within themselves they take it out on others.

[TxKimberly]

Carrie,

I share this to give you hope, not to rub your nose in it, but a LOT of us here are in marriages that have thrived for 2, 3, and 4 decades. Myself, Holly, Sally, and Gina, and I know there must be so many more.

A lot of us want a great deal more than a quick romp in the sack or a fling. In fact, I'd have to admit that I've never had a one night stand. Not that I would have declined when I was single had a gorgeous hottie ever offered . . . lol

Just like you, there are many of us that want and need that special person to love and be loved by. Much as you have said a bout your own life, our being cross dressers tends to complicate our lives and make it much harder to find that special person. I promise you that right now, there are a large number of good and decent cross dressers who are on the verge of tears asking them selves "Will I EVER find a woman that will love me?"
Please don't stop looking for the one you want, he is out there, and he is at least as lonely as you are.
For my own part, I'd like to say thank you.
Thanks for giving us a glimpse into YOUR life and thoughts.
Thanks for giving us hope that there are women who will not only tolerate us, but may actually want us.

[Deelite]

Hi Carrie, like others here - you sound the perfect person for me!

I have just come out of a long term relationship (13 years) and i am starting to look for that understanding 'special person'.

You are quite unique, but not a freak, i just wished other GG's understood like you.

I thought there was no chance i would find a person like you, but you have opened my eyes, and i will hopefully find a GG like you.

You are a special person, and whoever you find, they should consider themselves very lucky to have you.

Kisses, Dee.

[kristytv]

i wish there was more girls like like you! and btw, car shows, outdoors and cd , i am in love! :love:, being the nut i am i so overly obsessed with cars and mix in a little cd/ts and bam, you have me! kristy

[FL_Nessa]

Carrie,

I at one time thought I had a girl like you, I told her about my dressing, and at first she was supportive. She even picked out my name for me, as time has went on though, she has become less and less supportive. I am one of the most generous people in the world. If she wants to do something, buy something, go somewhere... I say Ok... lets do it, Ok... go get it. I bring up I would really like to have a makeover done... it is all about Why?... I don't understand... and end result is me being irritated at her, and she doesn't know why I'm feeling that way.

I wouldn't trade my wife or family in for anything in the world... even a sane mind. I so wish that the mindset my wife had so many years ago will come back... but as most of us know... wishes don't go our ways.

Point I am working toward is... anybody that manages to become a part of your life is lucky beyond words. You are very attractive, kind and hopefully very soon you will also be happy with finding your perfect... honest person.

Hugs,

Nessa

[heidi99]

One unexpected obstacle that I have encountered is that when I get to know a non-CD they freak out when I tell them that I have dated CD (I don’t even get to the fact that one was a drag queen). I’ve had 3 guys dump me just for that. They mistakenly think that CD is perverted and that by my association, I must be as well.

Wow, I never thought about it from that perspective. I think most people here would agree that you are quite a bit more evolved than the close-minded fellow about whom you wrote.


BTW, I'm a girly-girl and I'm straight - I'm not attracted to other GGs. With a CD, when we get intimate, even if she's dressed, there are still the all-important boy parts. Why am I not repulsed by seeing a CD with a short skirt? Why do I find this so attractive? Am I a freak?


Carrie, you ARE NOT A FREAK. We are all diverse, beautiful beings. I think you answered your question regarding the attractiveness: it has to do with recognizing the beauty on the inside; the outer packaging is just that - packaging.

Hang in there, girl! :hugs:

[Joy Carter]

Carrie, may you find the perfect match, that has the heart and sole you richly deserve.:hugs:

[JulieLynn]

What a wonderful and beautifully thought out post Carrie. You are special to me!:):love: Julielynn

[Jean Ann S]

All I can say is you would be suprised how many nice single CDs
there are out there
Just wish you lived closer
Guess you know you are a "Dream Girl" to
lots here and an inspiration to keep looking

Jean Ann

[Dawna Ellen Bays]

Although I'm still very deep in the closet, I often think about how great it would be to have a TG friend who would take turns with me. One night, I'd be a guy and take her out as a girl, the next I'd be the doll and have him escort me somewhere nice. Neither of us would be looking for sex with each other, just fun "dating." Especially if I got to wear a cocktail dress or gown.

[Karen C]

I feel people are like broken mirers and there are lots of pictures that you see in thoes shardes of broken glass and most people olny show you somany sides or reflections , or personas of themselves . Sometimes there are thowes few that let you see all the pictures of the person in thowes glass fragments . they are the ones you have to look at carefuly because you might be lookin at someone who fits into your mirer.

[SusanLaine]

Carrie, what a wonderful expression of your feelings and thoughts. I read the entire thread and saw the outpouring of support and interest and would like to add my own. You sound like a wonderful person and I hope you find what you're looking for. My only concern when I read your message was for your safety and well being. It's easy to meet people on the web and the vast majority are fine - it's the minority that I worry that you could encounter but that's just me, worrying. :-)

My take on those people that break-up with you over your beliefs about CDs - or anything for that matter, is simple - better to know as early as possible that you're incompatible. That way you're less invested in the relationship and can move on with less pain and keep looking for the right person, CD or not.

One word of advice - sorry, I know it's obvious but I'll throw it out anyway - try looking for that right person somewhere you never did before. In my line of work I encounter people every day that complain that they can't get the results they want and don't know what they are doing wrong...I always think of the old saying even though it may sound harsh here - one definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Trying to break this cycle of "insanity" has lead to the most eye-opening and fruitful changes in some parts of my life...even though it's really just basic sense that we all have I remind myself of this saying daily...but then I have a very short attention span...:-)

[NatalieBliss]

The bravery and honesty in your post is amazing. I wish you best of luck and hope that the next frog you kiss turns into the prince/princess charming of your dreams!

[Beth-Lock]

Porkies? Do North Americans know what this means? I only know from following the tv series Jack Frost, for a while. (It means fibs.)

[Kristen Kelly]

Only 1 thing I can add to what everyone has said so far, it is nice to hear of GG's that see CDing as an asset as a group we are truly unique. I always have said as a person we are a compilation of things we are taught, experiences we have lived, and the people that have touched our lives, but this ”need” is instilled in many of us from birth, I always say I have a feminine mind, it wasn’t till 3 years ago that I would accept that; but it explains why my life has evolved the way it has, and accepting it and embracing it has only strengthen how I feel. Good luck with your search for your SO.

If you don’t kiss a few “Frogs” how will you ever know you have found your “Prince”