Lets spare a thought for all those GGs who struggle with CDing

[Bev06 GG]

Hi Girls,
At the risk of sounding very controversial I feel I have to say something in defence of all those ladies out there who are struggling with the fact that their fella CDs.
As an Accepting GG I enjoy lots of attention and positive comments from Cross Dressers and I feel very at home here on this forum amongst my friends. However, increasingly I read threads from CDs who state that they wish their wives or SOs were more accepting like those of us who are (fair comment who wouldnt do) and everso occassionally I feel that those of us who are accepting are being compared most favourably with those who are not. ( I love the adulation but hate being compared to someone who has stood by you in some cases for years and deserves the attention more than I do).
Could I ask that some of you give a little more thought to those ladies out there who although do not like what you are doing, nevertheless hang on in there because they love you. Some may tolerate, others may turn a total blind eye to it, others may hate it with a passion and let it cause friction within the marriage, and there may well be those who yoyo from one day to the next. But hey they are still there and even though you feel they are not supporting you I am sure you will find that in many other ways they are.
It is my considered opinion that these are the very people who should enjoy the adulation because despite everything they are hanging on in there.
I'm certain that there will be those of you who have stories to tell of marriages breaking down because of the CDing and that is not only sad but very short sighted and fickle of any woman who would give up a partnership because of something so harmless. I would have to ask hand on heart though was that the only reason for the breakdown of the relationship, if it was then that is very sad.
It is very easy for those of us who dont have problems in accepting a cding partner to join in and support our SOs wholeheartedly, what are we sacrificing, absolutley nothing infact we embrace some of the benefits that come along with it. But for those who do not feel the same way, then its a different story all together. I would even go so far as to say that they infact are being very supportive by standing by their man even though they neither understand or like what he does. Just remember that although you dont think you have changed ,to your SO the person she thought you were no longer exists Ive heard some wives say it is like suffering a bereavement. I am sure that the vast majority of you are very aware of all I have had to say and are mindful of it, but lately I have felt that these ladies are being unfairly criticised for not being as accepting as you feel they should be. Just remember acceptance works two ways. Sometimes the acceptance you crave from your SO has to start with your acceptance of their difficulties.

Take care Bev

[kateyliz]

Welll said and some very good points. Hugs Kathy

[Tomara]

Hi Bev , Very well said , I think that all of society has people that are always looking for someone else to blame for there own problems and shortcomings no matter what gender they are . Hopefuly a few might think about the whole situation after reading your post . Thank you ! Tomara

[Sophia KT]

Welll said and some very good points. Hugs Kathy

Ditto.

I didn't even stand by myself for a long time so I know how hard it is to do.

[suzy cool]

Seems that the problems are caused by frustration of both parties. The GG wishes it would go away because then things can return to normal and she gets frustrated and annoyed when it doesn't. And the CD gets annoyed because he can't stop it and it just makes everyone miserable. If they understood each other's way of thinking better and why they think that way then maybe they could work something out.
So to agree with you (sort of) thought should be given to the SOs point of view, not to submit and be forced to bury a part of you, but to try and help her to understand.

[Bev06 GG]

Yes good point Suzy, and believe me I do fight the corner of the CD at the Support group that I go to and via emails. I get an awful lot of ladies who struggle with CDing who actually PM me, and thats why I say it is so sad to give up something as precious as a marriage for something as harmless as Cross Dressing, unless of course the Cd is into wife bashing too.
Take care
BEV

[Jonianne]

Very well said Bev, I'm glad you are here for both parties.

[Shelly Preston]

Thanks for this post Bev

Its hard enough for most of us to understand ourselves

It has to be even more difficult for our partners :2c:

[charlie]

Hello Bev!
Any wife that is ambushed and told that her husband (who she thought she knew) is a cross dresser and stays through the whole gambit is a saint. I would feel awful and not really understand it if my wife changed into military pants and painted a mustache on her face every time I left the house. You are quite correct; staying is in fact support by a SO!

[Nicole Erin]

My wife yo-yos. but normally turns a blind eye.

[Deborah Jane]

Hi Bev.
Unfortunately my ex wife couldn,t come to terms with my c/ding and it caused us to break up.
As she has since told me, she was in love with the macho side of me and she couldn,t come to terms with the fact that i had kept this side of me from her.
At the time it didn,t help by the fact i didn,t know why i felt the need to dress, so talking about it was very awkward for both of us.
When we got married, i hadn,t dressed for two years and thought i was "cured", so i never mentioned it to her. Also i never dressed for several years after we got married. When the urge to dress came back i tried to deny it to myself by not dressing, but eventually the urge became so strong i nearly destroyed myself with the self denial.
Eventually it became a case of telling her or ending up having a breakdown or worse!!

BTW...Since our split we have become good friends again, but as she now sees me in a differant light, we will never again be a couple!

[Fab Karen]

It's common for people dating to at first put up a bit of a facade.Two people deciding to have a committed, live-together relationship need to communicate & be honest with each other. I think the big problem comes from CD's who put on a super-macho act to hide what they are, & they get involved with women who are attracted to that stereotype.

[Nikki K]

Thank you for your poignant reminder. My own SO is experiencing a horrendous struggle coming to terms with something that's been a part of my life, albeit secretly, for over 40 years. She has had more than her share of bad experiences in the past and this was something she simply wasn't expecting from me. I wholly applaud her for working hard to come to terms with the bomshell I dropped six weeks ago (the subject of another thread) and not simply dumping our 20 year relationship in the trash.

Nikki

[robyn1114]

Very well said Bev

[emmicd]

I agree with you and I always operated on the premise that I don't push my crossdressing on anyone. Certainly not my wife and son.

I feel it is a delicate line I walk sometimes. I live in the closet as a crossdresser.

My wife knows I buy and wear womens clothes. I dress because I just feel so comfortable and happy in pretty dresses and feminine clothing.

I've been dressing since I'm 5 years old.

I do not wear guys pants other than my worksuit pants.

So on my day off I do wear womens pants/jeans and my wife is ok with that.

That is the extent of my crossdressing in public.

In private I like to go all out feminine but never in front of my family or anyone.

My crossdressing has caused me to live a sheltered life.

I certainly can understand why women would be upset with their husbands crossdressing. I respect my wife's wishes and only dress limited in front of her. I don't even talk about crossdressing.

emmi

[Stephanie Scott]

Bev,

Great post. Obviously, every CD wants an enthusiastic, supportive, encouraging wife or g/f to share his life. That is a dream come true.

However, it is FAR more impressive to me when a woman who is not prone to acceptance of this decides to stay and work on being the partner her husband or b/f needs. It is easy to love someone if their quirk(s) doesn't bother you; it is another level of love altogether to work through a quirk that DOES bother you while staying and loving your partner.

As I've said many times -- love is something you DO more than something you FEEL. Love involves sacrifice, compromise, and respect. If you are a woman who is already "into" CDers or for whom CDing doesn't bother you in the least, there is no sacrifice in accepting your CDing partner. If you are a woman who is opposed to having your partner CDing and yet work through that enough to stay and even try to gradually raise your acceptance level -- then you are making a sacrifice of yourself because you are truly loving your partner for who he is. And THAT should be applauded. (BTW, I am by no means saying that a woman who enjoys her husband's CDing naturally loves him less as a whole -- I am merely pointing out that in this small particular area, it requires a greater sacrifice to love him if the woman is not prone to enjoying her husband's CDing side).

I am truly blessed to have married a wonderful woman who finds this whole thing sometimes not understandable -- a woman who did not know going into the marriage that her "manly" guy liked to be a girl sometimes -- and yet she has been a real trooper in loving me by trying to be as understanding, supportive, and sometimes even encouraging as she can. It has made me feel much closer to her than I ever thought I could because of her sacrifices for my happiness.

[darla_g]

thank you Bev very well put. I think its easy to forget its not all about ME. Especially if this that didn't get talked about until you were married or got together, it may be hard to accept and understand.

My wife and I have reached an understanding of sorts that there's time she wants to feel a hairy chest on her husband. I think she's more willing to understand my needs knowing that I am considerate of hers.

She also suggested something one time which i don't think applies to her, but I would mention it here. Some women may be put off a bit by making love to another woman. (yes she may know its you under there), but it may be difficult to put aside feelings that you are not a lesbian. That is a question i suppose for GGs who have a CD as their SO. (whew too many acronyms)

[Bev06 GG]

Interesting point Darla about the making love to your CD when dressed. Quite a few of my friends are not at all troubled with that and do so whatever their partner is dressed like.
I suppose that is a subject you could easily explore in depth in another thread but the quick answer is, although I have no problems with the CDing I actually fancy my fella more when he isn't dressed. That after all is the man that I fell in love with. However, if he was dressed and the urge took us I can't say it would bother me that much. He is after all still the same person underneath all that gear.
Take care
BEV

[Sandra]

Great thread Bev :)

People need to realise that not everyone is the same, and what I accpet may frighten the living daylights out of another SO. I'm sure each SO tries to do her best in accepting coming to terms with their SOs cding, and I do feel for those who are struggling.

If an SO has stayed with you then as has already been said that is support in it's self.

[valenstein]

It's been four years or so since I told my fiancee'. It's been a rollercoaster and very difficult at first, but she's come to tolerate it, and accept it most of the time. She bought me one of those "instant ponytail braiding thingies" once. It may have cost two bucks, but it was like a diamond when she gave it to me. I can't put into words the love I felt. I do hate it when she is mad at me and brings up my CDing to vent, but I know I'm lucky.

[jill s]

I did the classic bad deal, waited 23 years to come out to my wife and she has never once said anything about leaving my dumb butt. She has taken a huge shock and rolled with it. She is the best! She almost never wants to talk about "my problem", she gets upset if she notices a little polish left on the toes, and things like Eddie Izzard or a Transsexual on TV seem to make her go quiet and moody. I can't even get her to look at this site. She maybe described as Trans-phobic but she has always treated me and our marriage with respect, something I feel I didn't do in return. Yes my wife deserves respect for dealing with her end of the struggle. Thank you baby, you are the best !

[darla_g]

I think this thread was a good idea Bev. It is good to appreciate what your SO may accept and support. It may not be everything you might want, but I know I am willing to compromise. I think my wife has come to accept that it is a part of me and that for me to be happy I need to be able to pursue it at least to a certain level. There-best of both worlds!

If dressing constantly gets thrown up during an argument when that wasn't the central issue it would seem to me that it is a latent sticking point.

[Bev06 GG]

I have to admit I have been very encouraged by the replies to this thread. I realise it isn't a comfortable subject and it isn't one that I would have chosen to raise. I did feel though that the ladies in question probably never would do for fear of reprisal or the very fact that they wouldn't dream of coming on a site like this. Thank you ladies for your comments, I sincerely hope that many more have read it and even though haven't felt the need to respond have taken it on board. I think maybe on this particular site I am preaching to the converted but you never know maybe for some of our visitors to the forum it has struck a cord or two and given them food for thought.
Take care
Bev

[stevie b]

I think it is hard for us to understand sometimes, that as we see crossdressing as a fairly normal thing others do have problems. My wife has been a saint and has tried to accept the various stages, always agreed for me to wear ladies underwaer under the drab, but scared I would have an accident. Recently when she realised how down I was it was agreed that I would do the outewr clothes as well, she helprd me shop and do the makeup.
I went at this like a bull in a china shop and got the balance all wrong, she saw it as losing her man. So we had a long time without dressing and I had to purge.
Things are better now and there is an understanding where I can have my girly time alone, she can accept the CD but does not want to see me dressed, although she does help when buying clothes.
Sorry its long winded, but they do put up with a lot and sometimes we forget.

[Holly]

Bev, when you're right, you're right! There seems to be a never ending stream of, "My Wife Doesn't Understand" threads. It would seem to me a more accurate characterization would be, "I Don't Understand What My Partner Is Going Through." To my T sisters I would say, give your ladies a break. Instead of accusing them of not "getting it" or not being supportive, engage them in conversation. We are asking her to see things through our eyes. In all fairness, we need to be willing to do the same for her as well.

There's a lot of things we don't "get" about one another... she might not "get" why you like to play golf every Sunday, or work in your garage every evening after work. You might not "get" why she like to constantly re-arrange the furniture or collect salt & pepper shakers. But love is not about "getting it." Love is knowing that your partner is willing to stand by you no matter what, that that when you are near them, your heart smiles.

[KandisTX]

Bev you are absolutely correct. Sometimes we CDs can get all wrapped up in ourselves, and we can forget that there are others in our lives whom are affected deeply by our CDing. I am fortunate that my current wife accepts, understands, and even participates in Kandis' existance. I sometimes forget that some of my sisters are not that fortunate and tend to "forget" about their SO's when I offer them advice.

Kandis:love::rose2:

[Mitch23]

Well said Bev - something we need to remind ourselves of very regularly. Mrs Mitch is very unenthusiastic about my 'little hobby' but allows me to go out and behave within boundaries. I wuld be lost without her and love her very much.

I was surprised by just how many supportive other halves there were at sparkle last week


mitch

[Vivian Best]

Bev, thanks for your gentle reminder. Sometimes I get carried away with my thoughts and feelings forgetting my wife's thoughts and feelings. She has been a saint through this even if she isn't and probably never will be supportive. I appreciate you snapping me back to reality. Please continue doing that. Thanks!

[deja true]

A welcome little break in the pink fog,wasn't that?

Thanks, Bev!

:<3:

[TGMarla]

"Not getting it"? Heck, I don't even get it completely myself. It's no wonder I have a difficult time explaining it to her. I have trouble even speaking of it to her.

Mine was a lie of omission. I never told her about this before we married. I hid it for the obvious reason, that I thought she'd leave me if she knew. She may well have, too, but I don't give her enough credit. She knows I do this, although I doubt she knows to what extent. Yet she remains with me, and I believe our love and commitment to each other is strong.

Crossdressing is a very selfish activity at times. Those of us who engage in this activity would likely do it still even if everything in our lives changed. In this way, it is much like an addiction. Perhaps many wives presume that we won't change, so they just put up with it. I disagree with one thing you said, although I don't doubt the emotion behind it:
...to your SO the person she thought you were no longer exists Ive heard some wives say it is like suffering a bereavement. We really are the same person. We didn't die. That person does still exist. That person just has another fascet to him that you didn't know about. I'm not denying that some women feel this way; I'm just saying that it is wrong thinking. We still are the person she thought we were. There's just something more to us that you didn't know.

Thanks for the insightful post, Bev. I believe my wife has the right to exist in our marriage by the terms laid down when she entered into it. And crossdressing was not a part of the deal she entered into. I respect that. So I do my best to keep it out of her life. So far, she seems to prefer it that way, and so far, it has worked for us. I don't doubt that sooner or later, this will change for either the better (for me) or the worse. But I love her, and I'll always do my best to abide by her wishes when dealing with this. I won't ever stop, I think, but I'll keep it to myself if that's the way she wants it.

[RobertaFermina]

Thanks Bev,

In my third relationship I am finally getting what makes it work....unconditional Love.

That doesn't mean I agree with or support everything my partner does, yet it calls me to love her and give all the affection and validation that I would want.

If my partner were out of sorts with my CDing, she could still show her love in other ways.

Even if she doesn't, I remember that I love her, not because she loves me or shows me love, but because I love her, regardless.

It is a tall order, but the only thing that is bigger than any crisis we may meet, or our collective egos.

So Genetic Women, for loving us in the ways that you can :love: :hugs: :<3: Thank You !

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[emmicd]

I am in full agreement with what TG Marla says and I too keep this side of me private.

emmi

[Bev06 GG]

"
Thanks for the insightful post, Bev. I believe my wife has the right to exist in our marriage by the terms laid down when she entered into it. And crossdressing was not a part of the deal she entered into. I respect that. So I do my best to keep it out of her life. So far, she seems to prefer it that way, and so far, it has worked for us. I don't doubt that sooner or later, this will change for either the better (for me) or the worse. But I love her, and I'll always do my best to abide by her wishes when dealing with this. I won't ever stop, I think, but I'll keep it to myself if that's the way she wants it.

Oh Marla, I have just read that over and over. That was written with real insight and understanding. Have you communicated these feelings to her, I'd be so thrilled and releived if I was in the same boat and I heard my SO tell me that.
Take care
Bev

[Raychel]

"Not getting it"? Heck, I don't even get it completely myself. It's no wonder I have a difficult time explaining it to her. I have trouble even speaking of it to her.

Mine was a lie of omission. I never told her about this before we married. I hid it for the obvious reason, that I thought she'd leave me if she knew. She may well have, too, but I don't give her enough credit. She knows I do this, although I doubt she knows to what extent. Yet she remains with me, and I believe our love and commitment to each other is strong.

Crossdressing is a very selfish activity at times. Those of us who engage in this activity would likely do it still even if everything in our lives changed. In this way, it is much like an addiction. Perhaps many wives presume that we won't change, so they just put up with it. I disagree with one thing you said, although I don't doubt the emotion behind it: We really are the same person. We didn't die. That person does still exist. That person just has another fascet to him that you didn't know about. I'm not denying that some women feel this way; I'm just saying that it is wrong thinking. We still are the person she thought we were. There's just something more to us that you didn't know.

Thanks for the insightful post, Bev. I believe my wife has the right to exist in our marriage by the terms laid down when she entered into it. And crossdressing was not a part of the deal she entered into. I respect that. So I do my best to keep it out of her life. So far, she seems to prefer it that way, and so far, it has worked for us. I don't doubt that sooner or later, this will change for either the better (for me) or the worse. But I love her, and I'll always do my best to abide by her wishes when dealing with this. I won't ever stop, I think, but I'll keep it to myself if that's the way she wants it.


I am sure that I could not have said this better. this explains my life so much it isn't funny. From the lying by omission to the keeping it out of her life. It all nails it right on the head for me. My wife knows about all the aspects of my dressing. And has requested to never see me dressed. I respect her for that. She did not marry a crossdresser, why should she have to tolerate one now.

[Christinedreamer]

I would have to say I am (was) one of the lucky ones. I actually told my wife on our wedding night. She was always a tomboy and I was never femme with her prior to our wedding. (well kept secret)

On the wedding night, (1974) she came to bed in a traditional, beautiful, floor length peignoir. (quite out of character for her) I was enthralled and as we lay together talking, I kept telling her how beautiful she looked and how soft the gown was. After a lot of smooching, sweet talking etc. something clicked in her mind and she asked me if I wanted to wear the gown.

That was a beginning I could never have hoped for.

Unfortuantely as others have said, the pink fog overtook me and over time, I proceeded to allow my CDing to become too frequent a basis for "playtime" talking, and financial expenditure. One day she asked me "Is it me you love or the clothes?" That was a real eye opener. Fortunately she was a wonderful woman who decided that talking with me rather than running from me was preferable.

I realized that I had taken advantage of her understanding and compassion for my emotional need to CD and let it rule my every waking moment. We talked, a LOT, and she opened up to me and made me realize that her needs were every bit as strong and and that I had taken the CD aspect of my personality too far, too fast.

Unfortunately we divorced a while later for reasons totally unrelated to CDing. To this day I still love her.

One thing I thought was amazing. Three years after our divorce I was back in town for a business meeting. I called her to see if she would like to go to dinner. She said no and my heart sank. She then asked me what hotel I was at and if they had room service. I told her and that yes, they did have room service. She said "GOOD, I will be over in a little while and by the way do you have any of your nightgowns with you?" I said I did and she said to be "properly attired" when she got there.

During the evening she opened up to me that she really missed the soft side of me and regretted that the divorce occurred. She told me she felt safe around me and she felt the quiet, non-macho BS side of me what was attracted her to me after our original encounter. (other thread)

In retrospect, perhaps if some of us "girls" with non supportive GG SOs would actually encourage them to open up to us and LISTEN to their concerns and fears, some common ground may be found where CDing is a PART of the whole and is kept within reasonable and FAIR confines of the relationship.

One thing that I have heard from a couple GG friends with CD husbands: We have all heard that a GG who discovers her man is a CD may wonder if he is gay (common media misconception) It may also be that she fears appearing as a lesbian even in her own mind if she accepts a feminine husband or SO.

Remember that women have stereotypes inposed on the as well and have self identity parameters as well.

"What's good for the goose is good for the gander."

Just my:2c:

[Sherry-Stephanie]

I started to read this thread (especially since Bev started it and I enjoy her insight)....Then I saw how long it was and just went back and read the whole thing....

I'm new to the CDing lifestyle....since this past March. I started first by going to my wife and saying I wanted to do it...her response was "what the hell is going on here with you"?

Now with us we've got some "previous history" which may be "good and bad" to some of you....adn that's our mutual bi-sexuality. She was bi when we started dating and she told me about it and then asked me to try it out since she enjoyed watching...so that's the "history"...so me going to her wasn't that much of a problem....thought it over for a week or so and then it was "hey hon, I want to try dressing up female totally from head to toe"....

After about 4 or 5 days talking this over we went shopping for me....girly stuff....

But since March she's done the yo-yo thing with my CDing....more over me being over the top with it buying more than I should and just simply going to fast with this whole idea....so it's probably more my fault that she's doing the yo-yo thing here than it is with her having "problems" with my CDing.....

I think that as long as there is a balance between my male side and my female side and I don't get crazy buying $200 pair of shoes etc...we'll be OK. In addition, time helps as well....as time goes on she'll get more use to it and all. Last weekend I work glued on nails for three days...and several times she made comments as far as how I was handling them....ect...but on the flip side she couldn't ask me to run down the store either to pick something up for her. So yeah just those nails were a double edge sword....use more stick or press on nails so that if I've got to run out to the store for her it doesn't become a problem....

It's not an easy thing here....I feel for those of you that the wife or SO's flip out and or throw you out....but I also understand how some wives or SO's casn accept or be somewhere inbetween....like my wife is and yet I already had that previous bisexual event to go on...so I knew that a topic like bisexuality or cding could be discussed with my wife. I never really was concerned about the subject causing the marriage to fall apart ...just wasn't sure where the accpetance/involment factor would fall on the scale of 1-10....as it is now it's probably at the mid-range and where it goes from there??? who knows....

To you all.... the key ingrediant is communications and going at her pace and not yours....

Good luck....

Post to this....after I typed this up yesterday we were driving back from her work last nite and she mentioned about looking for some more dresses liek the one she had jsut gotten recently....and I mentioned I needed to get a few items and I asked when we might be going shoppign again....and she said maybe this Tuesday evening....she asked what I was looking for and I said maybe two pairs of slacks and a couple of tops to go with them....and two pairs of shoes. From that point we moved to make-up and talked about getting a few of this and few of that....

So it takes time...Rome wasn't built in a day...neither will the acceptence and involvement....

My point is this....I'm in a little "unique positon" here girls...I have a wife (g/f at the time) who arranged for my first date with a guy. HELLO...this is the one who set it up for my first experience...she also had a boss who was gay and had the hots for me and said "Ok" to him...and she's the one who I said I want to dress up "enfemme" and she's accepting...but not 100&#37; ...she's not comign home and being all "giggles" about it...she's helping...selecting clothes, buying clothes ordering this and that....but there's time she "yo yo's" on this....

Some of you have said you'd wish they'd talk to you yet they don't want to hear about your CDing....see your CDing, they simply don't want to be exposed to it in any shape form or manner...so why would they want to come to you to talk about it...or let you explain it....

All you can do it take it ONE STEP AT A TIME....baby steps...communication....communication communication...and hope you will chisle away at this situation until it works out to a more favorable conclusion. Not every woman out there is going to be a "Bev06"....we could only all wish....The one point I pikced up on Bev when she was first exposed to this is she went and did some research on Cding to educate herself...most women will not do this...bev was and is an exception....None of us can do that education to our wives/SO's that Bev did for herself....because remember they don't want to see it hear it or be exposed to it in any shape form or manner....So what do you do????

Just this I think....and this isn't easy...but it's the only way you can do it I think....be ope with ehr...give her small pieces of information thoughts desires whatever your talking about...if the "why" comes up in conversation...simply give her the basics and in very very small segments...yes we all would like to lay out this 200 page "Thesis" for her to read or digest about "eveything a wife or S/O would like to know about on CDing"....But really do you think she's going to sit there and read it or listen to this???? Not a chance....gilrs what we're talking her is spoonfuls of info....small spoonfuls....and then let them take it, taste it, chew on it and when they're ready give them the next bite. Unfortunately this is a very slow process and msot of us would much prefer to have it on a much faster track....ain't going to happen....you have to go at their pace...not the one you wish to go at. Plus you've got to show them that you are still the man they fell in love with. still the man who loves them....and although this is a new side of yourself that your showing them you are not flipping out totally and going to be come a female 24/7....yes I know some of you wouldn't mind that at all...but evidently you wife or S/O feels a whole lot different on that subject. Put your self in her place with this thought....how would you feel if one one morning you woke up and the lovely sexy lady you went to bed with the nite before was a man? Now I ask you...how would YOU handle that little diddy????

Chew on that for awhile....and get back to us....

[TSchapes]

but, I hope that my wife will progress past her point of contention. In this way she can understand all of me and share my joy. I feel it's her loss, and that's a shame. For example, I'm taking a photography course at the local community college. For my second project I had to turn in a portrait. I went through a great deal to create a B & W Geisha photo. When I turned it in, the professor was blown away, when the class found out is was me in the photo, it about brought the house down. Needless to say it felt great. I was not able to share this event with my wife as I have no way to know how she would take it. So I decided not to tell her about it, I wish I could have.

My wife knew about my CD'ing when we were dating. So there was no surprise after marriage. Over the years, even though she is OK with it, she doesn't want to know about it. It's OK for me to go to SCC this fall, she won't be coming. It's OK with me going shopping en femme or in drab, just don't ask her to come along. And never, ever can I stand in front of her dressed, she will turn away. This is particularly hurtful, I don't dress like a **** in front of her nor anything other than a normal outfit, but it doesn't matter.

What's most frustrating is she won't tell me exactly what bugs her about it. So it's hard for me to help her.

There have been signs of change lately. She found out I had an Avenue charge card, and was ticked because 1) she wasn't on it, 2) I discourage owning store credit cards. Fair enough, and so I told her the way around that is if she wishes to go to the Avenue, she'll have to take me along. She relented. We went, I picked out some great tops for her that she said she would never have picked out for herself, she thanked me, she let me buy a blouse for myself and some jewelry. So I guess it's baby steps and that's OK.

You have to understand, I love my wife dearly, and would never divorce her. She has stood by me through thick and thin. I just wish sometimes, (and maybe this is what some of the other CD's are writing about), I could wave a magic wand, and make things better. But I can't so I wait, and hope and pray.

-Tracy

[Andi]

Bev, you are absolutely right. GGs are the greatest, even those who have trouble accepting the CD. If GGs weren't the best why would I/we try so hard to look like them or want so much to be one. Women have so many fine qualities that help make the world a better place. I'm in awe of all of you and thank you for being you.
:love:

[Laura_Stephens]

For some of us, it has taken over 40 years to accept the crossdressing part of our lives. It is unfair to expect someone else to "get over it" or accept it in far less time. JMHO.

[Amy Hepker]

Hi Bev,

I do know what you are talking about. I do give myaelf to my Lady and I do not expect her to 100% accept me. That is because I have had over 20 GGirlfriends and 2 wives in my life and almost all of them knew about my dressing. I have always given most of myself to each and everyone of these Ladies and as a matter of fact there was only one that I broke up with. The others all broke up with me. I am not saying it was always because of CDing, that would not be truthful. There were a lot that just could not handle being with a man that wanted to wear a dress, or could not stand to see their man in a dress. I am not perfect by any means and have never asked for someone who was perfect either.

I think the real thing comes down to the fact that these days it is hard to find true LOVE. Many do not haveor give true LOVE. I also believe that the word love is used out of context to mush and can be just a word to throw around. To me LOVE is very special and should never be used for tennis or other things that have no relation to an emotion that so very special.

LOVE is something to stand by, by this I mean if you really LOVE someone you should want to be with them no matter what. LOVE should never be forced, like someone beating the hell out of their partner all the time. That is not LOVE, LOVE is standing beside your SO even if they have problems, like medical, health, as long as the problem hurts no one else or is not illegal. I have heard GGs say they were hurt mentally because the CDer CDed. I do not CD to just hurt my partner which I truely LOVE and I do not want to embarrass my LOVED ones, but I need to be who I am inside.

I have heard the comment, "If you LOVE me you would not need to CD." I am sorry but this is 2 different things. I can still LOVE even though I do CD. My CDing is not part of my LOVE for someone. I do not LOVE this person just because they let me CD, I LOVE them for wanting to be with me and for them staying with me because I am not perfect and we can have fun together, and we get along together.

LOVE, What does it mean to you???