Does the stupid anxiety ever disappear all the way?

[Nicole Erin]

Not at work but out in public.
I have kind of a femme look anyways with my hair, eyebrows, just a little bit of natural boob, and shaved legs.
I normally wear light colored tees and womens shorts and hose. Lately I added women's sandals to that [flat ones]

Very seldom does anyone say anything or look twice at me.
Thing is, it is like I am always self conscious.
I don't know if it is cause I am one of those people who doesn't really "pass" well for male *or* female. People have seen me as either. Sometimes I get "sir'ed" other times "ma'am".

I just get tired of always being worried about how people might see me. I know there is the whole "you get used to being who you are and forget about it" but that hasn't happened yet.

What is going on?

[Alan]

I'm FTM, but I get the same anxiety. I've found, though, that where I live (New England), people don't really care what you are. I've been introducing myself as Alan, and no one so much as bats an eye -- not even my roommate at orientation batted an eye when I said 'Alan', and she had to room with me for two days (okay, so I didn't say it's also 'he').

And those who really do care? I guess, if you can, avoid them.

[Magickman]

One word.

"Confidence."

When you are comfortable with yourself, you will generate, and radiate, a secure confidence, that exerts a powerfull influence on those around you.

People come in all sizes, shapes, varieties, and styles of adornment. When you are confident in yourself, others sense that, and react accordingly.

It doesn't really matter what you look like or how you are dressed. More important is how you project your personality, your sense of self.

"Does the stupid anxiety ever disappear all the way?"

Perhaps not entirely, but yes, you can mitigate the anxiety, when you feel confident in yourself.

[TracyH]

I'm the last person to have any kind of perspective on this, as simply leaving the house wearing anything will put me into "run for your life" mode. sometimes. But at least I know how you feel.

[Nicole Erin]

The thing that bothers me the most is this -
The ones I would worry about saying anything are the ones I know or like the least.

I guess cause if someone already knows another, there is no prejudice. You cannot pre-judge someone you already know.

I can act confident and maybe I do a good job but the bad gut feeling is always there. How does one get this confidence?

[sandra-leigh]

I thought that I was doing pretty well, but it seems I'm not as good as I felt.

I've been out several times TG and proud of it, not afraid to let people see my skirt or dress with my guy head.

Today I wore a white blouse to work. Passable enough as guys clothes -- not a smooth male white shirt, but it wasn't the Classic Blouse cut that gets immediately identified as Blouse. I knew what it was, that was enough.

Just before leaving work, I put on a neutral (dark nude) bra and my D forms under the blouse. I checked myself out in the bathroom mirror; I knew I could get past the security guard at the door if I put my bag in front of me to hide my forms, and then when I was past the guard, pushed my shoulders back so that the darkness of the bra straps were obscured by the folds of the fabric. But pushing my shoulders back makes my bust obvious, so once out the door I knew that many passers-by would be able to tell that I had bra and bust, especially if I was in the sunlight.

And although I've done roughly the same thing before, including going through a shopping centre with bra {even more} obvious in guy mode, today I slid quickly into a panic attack. Ended up having to stop on the way and take off my bra and pantyhose and take a taxi from there.

It's not always easy to isolate a panic attack cause, but tonight the visible bra in guy mode was a contributing factor.


The fact that I was wearing pantyhose wasn't affecting me, but I get warm when I start to panic, so taking off the pantyhose was a way to cool down.

[Karren H]

What anxiety? I haven't had any in years and going out enfemme is just as natural as going out in drab!! :) just very comfortable no matter what I wear...

Guess all those years of quick gender changes... Walking into a public restroom male and coming out female desensatized me.. Lol

[curiously_c]

I can't imagine it going away....I'm always worried that if I drop my guard I'd be outed in an instant.

Granted I'm a newbie, but I still get silly nervous being in public with women's underwear on.

[whitelace]

Well my 2 cents would be :
Saturation... just like learning a new language the more you speak it the more comfortable you become with it and here's the thing
the feeling of your Anxiety will diminish as your confidence grows on the other hand
the girl inside you will most likely be there forever it's up to you how comfortable she's going to be and just how much space she needs it's just that simple
lots of woman have anxiety when out in public and are as fragile as we are.
In unity the is strength! form a posse today!..best of Luck hugs....Lacie:battingeyelashes:

[vikki2020]

I agree, the more you get out the easier it gets.My perfect "escape" takes three days, because on the third day, I'm really feeling good!I go long stretches between outings, and the first day is always a nervous start.But, the confidence has to come from within you,no one you pass is going to give it to you.

[MJ]

i don't think it ever will . over time you may just get use to it but it's always there .. i still get read but i just don't care anymore what you see is what you get ..

just be yourself have a good time , i hear a good shot of rum helps

[emmicd]

I always have anxiety in public if I attempt to go out somewhat crossdressed. I am no longer that self concious in girls jeans but blouses and bra/bodybriefer is much harder for me. I've tried it but it sends me running to the bathroom to tuck underneath my jeans the moment I feel anyone may notice.

I can not even consider a dress at this time.

emmi

[CD Susan]

I went out in public for the first time two months ago so I have a great deal of anxiety when I do go out. I hope this will decrease as I gain more confidence and think it will. However I think I will always have some level of anxiety.

[Nicki B]

I can act confident and maybe I do a good job but the bad gut feeling is always there. How does one get this confidence?

Trust me, just keep doing what you're doing? If people show belief in your apparent cofidence, it feeds back - and you start to feel confident in yourself.. :)

Build a little 'does it really matter what anyone else, particularly someone I'll never meet again, thinks' spirit, as well? ;)

[pamela_a]

I have to agree that ultimately it comes down to being confident in yourself. I'm sure I get read constantly but the vast majority of people at most notice it then ignore it. Of course having a DILLIGAS attitude doesn't hurt :)

-Paula-






For those who may not know:

Do I Look Like I Give A Sh**

[Mitch23]

always get a little nervous when I'm out but it soon goes away and I just got on with what I want to do and enjoy the experience.

Mitch

[Kendra (Tx)]

I don't know...I must have been the exception to the rule...The VERY first time I went out was Halloween 98...I met up in Houston with another Tgirl and we each had a makeover at Jewells on Taft...BTW...Jewell was wonderful...She made me feel very comfortable and sat and talked to me like I was just another girl...Anyway...After we were dressed and madeup...We decided to head to a resturant first before hitting some clubs...All I remember was feeling "WHY did I wait so long to go out..." I was so calm and at ease...I think MY friend had to check me for a pulse a few times...LOL...And of course there were the times when I'd be on a weeks vacation with a GG friend ....I'd basically spend the entire time I was there AS Kendra.... Nope...Not anxious or apprehensive at all...Just like it was "Natural" for me...My advise to anyone nervous about going out...Take a deep breath...stand proud, and enjoy your femininity..

[tricia_uktv]

Trust me, just keep doing what you're doing? If people show belief in your apparent cofidence, it feeds back - and you start to feel confident in yourself.. :)

Build a little 'does it really matter what anyone else, particularly someone I'll never meet again, thinks' spirit, as well? ;)

Is I think exactly right. It will take a few months to build that spirit but it worked for me :) I am now happy to go anywhere and its so liberating!

[Empress Lainie]

I remember the first time I went out after Eday, with my sister to the Olive Garden for dinner. She had said: "Are you going out like that?" I told her of course, I am always going out that way from now on. I wasn't the least apprehensive, more excited than anything else. Funny thing, the waiter called me sir even with my long hair wig and skirt. But maybe he knew me before or just went by my voice. I said nothing about it.
The hostess as we were leaving while my sister was in the restroom recognized and greeted me, so I talked to her a few minutes and told her I was experimented with my feeling of being transgendered, she wished me well and we left.
We then went to the bookstore and Walmart, I never felt any anxiety but checked to see if anyone was reacting to my appearance and they weren't.
I felt for a few days maybe a week I could be bi-gendered and able to live as either gender, but that was over by week 3, and I knew for sure I was completely and irrevocably female.

[SusanMarie]

But...the anxiety helps us 'stay on our toes.'

Which, of course, should have nails painted in our favorite color.

[Emily Anderson]

That's a very good question, Erin.

I don't even go out and I'm often anxious about my crossdressing, even though my SO and all my family know about it. I think there must be something hard-wired into my brain that tells me it's wrong, and I just can't completely rid of that feeling, no matter how much I have tried.

I need a miracle pill...

[Nicki B]

I need a miracle pill...

No... Just regular practice. ;)

[Andi]

When you're a closet CDer like me, you're always full of anxiety like a "long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs". (Don't know who originated that quote but it sure is descriptive.) When I'm dressed at home I jump at every little noise. Don't know how long my heart can take that. LOL. :D