Why can,t society just let us be ourselves?

[Deborah Jane]

Hi Yall...
Like many of us here i dress quite often [most evenings] and sleep in a nightie.
I have to go back to my guy self during the day for work, etc and i,m really starting to reach a point where i resent this and just want to be able to live my life as i wish!!
Quite often now i wish i could stay girly all the time and just forget about having to go back to drab, unless i actually want too!!

Does anyone feel this way and wish society would just let us live the way we want too without fear of recrimination!!

[Tina Dixon]

I think every one wishes that, I would love to say I think I'll wear a skirt to work today and know one cares, but it will never happen.

[Sally1979ct]

Yeah, Same here ... I honnestly thinking now just to dress girly everyday .. Im ok with my Job Because i do Freelance work and do most of it at home anyways ..

I Mainly just dress at Night time and go out then . with my son, The Dark mornings and nites will be here soon and will be out all day , Because i can get out of my street without anyone seeing me :)

Sally

[Shelly Preston]

I think if society just lets us wear what we want away from work without any rude comments most of us would be happy

[Deborah Jane]

Personally, i,m just getting completely sick of the whole facade of trying to be something that i,m not, just to keep everyone else happy!!
Unless i,m dressed i tend to get stressed very easily and most days i just can,t wait to get home and be able to be myself!!
I am starting to reach a point where i resent the fact that i was born with the wrong bits and because of that, i have to be something i,m not just to follow the so called rules of society!!

[KandisTX]

There's an old saying here in the US. There are only 2 things we HAVE to do, pay taxes and die. Everything else is optional.

If you are that unhappy having to live "a lie", then change it, go full time and live your life as your femme self. No, it won't be an easy transition especially if you are not TS (however the statement of "being born with the wrong bits" would lend itself to believe you feel you are TS). However, the decision is yours and yours alone to make, but you must remember that your single choice will effect many people, like your family and friends.

Kandis:love::rose2:

[Deborah Jane]

However, the decision is yours and yours alone to make, but you must remember that your single choice will effect many people, like your family and friends.

Kandis:love::rose2:

Hi Kandis, it,s because of my 3 children that going full time will never be an option for me. Everyone else in my life, i could survive without them, but without being able to spend time with my kids, my life would become totally pointless!!

BTW..I,m not sure that i am TS, but the fact that in my mind i could live my life how i want too and wear what i want without recrimination is making me start to resent "the bits"!!

[Vivian Best]

As other girls have said, it's your decision! However, every decision has consequences to it and you have to understand them. So it all boils down to your feelings verses the consequences. Some have already mentioned some of the consequences and that is the impact on family, friends and job. It's your and only your decision to make. Good luck on making the right one for you.

[KandisTX]

Hi Kandis, it,s because of my 3 children that going full time will never be an option for me. Everyone else in my life, i could survive without them, but without being able to spend time with my kids, my life would become totally pointless!!

BTW..I,m not sure that i am TS, but the fact that in my mind i could live my life how i want too and wear what i want without recrimination is making me start to resent "the bits"!!

I can agree with regard to the children. No need to explain that part to me.

However, You say "I want to wear what I want without recrimination". It would seem to me that being in England would offer you more freedom to do so than I have here in the US. Granted, I haven't been there since 1988/1989 time frame, but I seem to recall seeing a large number of TGurls out and about in London (and not just in Piccadilly Circus) when I was there.

Kandis:love::rose2:
((My first wife was an Essex girl))

[Deborah Jane]

It would seem to me that being in England would offer you more freedom to do so than I have here in the US.

I think it depends what area you live in in England. Where i live there are a lot retired and elderly people with old fashioned, conservative views. To many of them we would be unacceptable!
Moving too far away from my kids to be able to be myself, isn,t an option i,d consider.

[Karren H]

Who knows? Them's the rules... And if everyone were allowed to do and wear what ever they wanted then the whole social order would break down... End up a mess... Anarchy!! Very prettily dressed Anarchists mind you but still anarchy!!! Hehehe

But then if everyone could wear what ever they wanted then it wouldn't be crossdressing any more would it? I'd have to find a new hobby... Secret agent in charge of rounding up enfemme Archanists? Lol

Rules don't bother me... I happy no matter how I'm dressed...

[karynspanties]

I know what you mean. It would be nice to be able to wear what I want without any comments. Kind of like the (sorry for the terminology) bull dykes that dress completely in mens clothes and never a word is spoken. But I would be happy to just be able to wear something with spagetti straps and not worry about seeing them under my male attire. I doubt that this will ever happen in our lifetime.

[Melanie R]

For many in society worldwide, there are only two boxes blue for masculine and pink for feminine. There is no third box or acceptance of persons who move between boxes. There are exceptions. I remember when my wife and I sponsored a cruise to Tahiti in 2001. Our group of crossdressers were almost worshipped by the people of Tahiti. When our ship came in mothers brought their children to see us. The entire island knew we would be spending a week on the Tahitian Islands. Tahiti is what I call transgender paradise on earth. You may enjoy the link to a presentation of the cruise put together by Heidi of California and wife, Monika. Enjoy!

http://www.geocities.com/heidixxxxx/cruise3.htm

[CaptLex]

Kind of like the (sorry for the terminology) bull dykes that dress completely in mens clothes and never a word is spoken.
:doh:

[Claire3]

Does that we dont care about our male side,the hard drinking matey one?If we have one?

[Mydia]

Of course we all wish that, but unfortunately it will probably never be so T_T

[adelle]

hi girlz hope you all had a great day, i feel the same way as Deb, why cand we just go about and do and dress like we feel comfy in, but i think the sollution to this is with us as parents, the reason why i say this is here in my house i teach my kids the real values of life and that we as persons MAY NOT look down at other people and that we all have equal rights, we have a gay friend visiting us from time to time and my kids knoe that he is just as normal as any other person and has a right to be him self, so maybe in the next generation it would work but for now? we must bare it and teach society that we are not freaks, the real freaks are those who rape their children and their woman, love you all :hugs:

[KimberlyS]

Deborah, IMHO you have the answer for your own question.


...I have to go back to my guy self during the day for work, etc ....

Why do you "have to" become your guy self and not just be who you are? You do not need to answer that. The point is many of us are not out to the general public, to family and friends. So it looks like we are hiding. And this is what the general public sees is that we are some unknown number of people hiding and wanting rights. And hiding is often associated with something being wrong.

So while as a group the TG community has gained some acceptance, IMHO we will not gain wide scale acceptance until a lot more of us come out of the wood work and get counted and they can see they we are not such bad people.

I reference groups of the past that wanted rights and acceptance, most recently the gays/lesbians. Large numbers of them coming out and having rallies, peaceful demonstrations at state and federal government grounds. The groups showed that they were a sizable number of people to be dealt with and suddenly they went from bad people to our neighbors, friends, family, co-workers, and other real people we could deal with and had already been dealing with. They were suddenly more like us than we thought.

[TGMarla]

Sure, that would be great. I'd wear dresses a lot if permitted by the greater majority. But you can't please everybody, and mainstream society has a ways to go in its acceptance of gender benders. So I find it's best to strike a balance, and learn to like yourself despite what you're wearing at the moment.

Balance, DJ, balance!

:love:

[MJ]

Personally, i,m just getting completely sick of the whole facade of trying to be something that i,m not, just to keep everyone else happy!!
Unless i,m dressed i tend to get stressed very easily and most days i just can,t wait to get home and be able to be myself!!I am starting to reach a point where i resent the fact that i was born with the wrong bits and because of that, i have to be something i,m not just to follow the so called rules of society!!

i felt the same way debs the problem is it just gets worse


Hi Kandis, it,s because of my 3 children that going full time will never be an option for me. Everyone else in my life, i could survive without them, but without being able to spend time with my kids, my life would become totally pointless!!

i understand your fear but are you so sure . my children are just fine with me .. ever try talking with them ..

debs i love you to bits but i can see you going full time real soon Hun .. why because you sound just like me..

[Deborah Jane]

i understand your fear but are you so sure . my children are just fine with me .. ever try talking with them ..



Hi MJ. My kids are ok with my c/ding, but it,s pretty clear to me they want to keep me as their dad and be as close to the way they,ve always known me as possible.
I won,t push it further with them at the moment, because i don,t think theres any point in risking what i allready have with them.

[Nicki B]

I think it depends what area you live in in England. Where i live there are a lot retired and elderly people with old fashioned, conservative views. To many of them we would be unacceptable!


Debs, have you ever tried? :idontknow:

Or are you perhaps imagining what would happen? IIRC, you live not that far from Brighton & Hove - which is an extremely accepting place (and with a high population of older people)?

You might find that if you got out some of the time, your feelings might get less fierce..

[Amy Hepker]

I do believe it is a lot better now than it ever was before. Remember Great things take time.

[kym]

i firmly believe that the main problem with society goes back to this conceot: a majority of the people in this world fear that which they them selves do not understand. to simplify even more if we are not understood then we are feared in some way, so it is our duty as sisters to get out and educate the general public on us.

[lisalove]

Until everyone here and elsewhere just says WTF and just do it, "society" isn't going to accept us as us. The blacks did it , the gays did it, the punks did it, and everyone else that are now accepted but weren't not too long ago, did it. It's time to put your best high heeled foot out there and start being yourself, til then, just accept that society isn't going to accept you.

[CD Susan]

Of course I feel the same way Debs. Like others have said it has to be us to do what is neccessary to make society look at us in a more favorable light. Since there are so many of us that are still in the closet I don't think we as a small segment of society can have a positive influence on the rest of society. I think the younger generations are more accepting of us so maybe there is a change taking place already even though it is a slow change. I can see better things happening for us in the future even if is the distant future.

[kym]

I agree 100% susan, its up to us to make the world deal with us.

[vivianann]

I am doing my part to get society use to seeing a crossdresser, I go out enfemme almost every day , and most peaple are very accepting, I get treated very nice, yeah I get the occasional dumb ass who thinks he is the fashion police. I could care less what they think. I wear what I want to wear, and I dress modestly so I do not cause any trouble. We need to do like the GGs did over 40 yrs ago when they started wearing pants, we need to be careful how we present ourselves when out enfemme, I dont pass very well, and I do just fine enfemme. I understand that alot of you have families, and jobs, and those are your first priorities, you dont want to jeapordise you family income, and you family unit. but there are those of us that can go out enfemme and it will not affect our life that much, for those of us that can go out crossdressed we need to overcome our fears and go out crossdressed so we can blaze a trail for those who cannot at this time crossdress in public, we can make a difference by being out and about.

[Kate Simmons]

It doesn't bother me Deb. Just remember, we are who we are for a reason my friend.:)

[Katheryn]

Hi Yall...
Like many of us here i dress quite often [most evenings] and sleep in a nightie.
I have to go back to my guy self during the day for work.
Does anyone feel this way and wish society would just let us live the way we want too without fear of recrimination!!

Society is soooo messed up! A psychiatrist should get it on the couch for a few years.

GG's can wear a skirt and heels or pants and pennyloafers. But, on the other hand, they usually don't get paid as well or promoted as often as GB's. And, if they are promoted, they have to work harder to just stay even with males at their level.

I had issues with my boss over nail length, mine were about a 1/4" past my fingertips and was told to cut them back to male length. I think I posted that in another post. A GG I work with has her nails half an inch again longer than mine were, but has no problems from the boss, so it isn't a job performance or safety issue. I have no idea what he'd do if I showed up in a skirt. I'm on my feet for 12 hours a day, so heels wouldn't be prudent....LOL...


K

[Carly D.]

I am wearing my favorite pair of shoes right now.. to go outside I check the front, see if anyone is out there.. go to the back to see if anyone is out there.. check the neighbors houses (yards) then, and only then, will I venture out the back door where we have a natural fence line in some trees in the back, a hedge to one side and an eight foot high fence on the other and the tree line in the back isn't full, there are holes in there for the thrill of the chance.. I was out doing video a few years back and it was late afternoon close to dark and I'm about to wrap it up and hear this car going up the ally and.. when I watch the video I could see the car but could they see me?? were they looking?? I was wearing a skirt and hose and my black platforms.. I guess what I'm saying is I can be daring at times but why do I feel like I'm doing something wrong?? why do I feel like if I'm caught there will be hell to pay.. I think I should know better, and this is the way I want to be.. I just love the way pantyhose and high heels feel to wear..

[Joanne f]

Hi Yall...


Does anyone feel this way and wish society would just let us live the way we want too without fear of recrimination!!
That has to be a big YES, because at times it really gets at me as well , yet when we say "to be are selves" what do we mean , i often wonder when we put on a wig and false breast`s are we really being are selves or are we trying to be someone else, surely if we were being are selves it would be just the clothes, maybe only do the rest when it was for something special .


[QUOTE=KandisTX;1356363]

However, You say "I want to wear what I want without recrimination". It would seem to me that being in England would offer you more freedom to do so .




I think that is like most place`s some parts you can get away with it and some parts you can not, and i also think that it makes a difference if you are just visiting or live there.
I do not live far from a town where you will see , wizards, elf`s, witch`s, goddess`s pixie`s and the occasional man in a skirt, so i think that it would be quite safe for a visitor to walk around . but being a local in my town i have had to put up with allsorts once i was found out , so it is sort of pot luck .




joanne

[StephanieF]

Hi,

I've been reading through the reply's here and I have to agree with most of the comments (btw Kandis - Although it has been attributed to Benjamin Franklin, it was Mark Twain who coined the phrase "The only two certainties in life are death and taxes"). I know - who cares, but I just love trivia. I digress.

I don't think it's about us ignoring society that's the answer or going to get us accepted. People tend to look down on or be judgemental about things they don't understand, especially when there's a negative history or perception.

I think one of the most positive steps we could take is to get rid of the word 'crossdresser'. It's always had a negative connotation with the the more perverse side of life.

I don't think we can make the term separate from that negative perception. Have a different terminology and 'come out' under that name as responsible business people, happily married caring fathers & providers, strong members of our societies who should be recognized for that and also for having a wish to be fem. I just don't think the term 'crossdresser is helping us reach that goal' It's been dragged through the mud for too long.

Come out under a new name and under a new light.

My :2c: Stephanie

[kendra o'riley]

... and just want to be able to live my life as i wish!!
...
Does anyone feel this way and wish society would just let us live the way we want too without fear of recrimination!!

Deb Jane - I recently discovered that my frustrations with society (and my perspective of it) is a way to turn my focus away from... me. We all know we're chasing, or driving strong impulsive feelings. To a degree, we all know the pink fog (as playful as Karen Hutton's girls just wanna have fun ethic - go girl! to Your resent of your bits, to the girls we've heard and watched take the big plunge. - It's up to us to decipher these feelings or "email" from our own hearts. We all know first hand that society's schoolin' of the male side of life is all about responsibility. So, of course it's going to be the ball that gets pitched to us... (pitched = American Baseball, British Crickett = Hurled?)

But it is not the question being asked of you. When I prething everyone else's reactions before I do., be or say anything - then I'll get what I expect. If I'm open to surprise and committed to going forward then I'm get surprised.

When kids are in the picture - and they seem to be Top Priority in your world, then you have to take steps with love as your torch in the dark tunnel of the unknown. If you follow that always, you will come to the place you're looking for.

But it starts with the heart - and I know it's way too easy to second guess it - Sweetheart, if you're on this site, you've become samurai at dodging, ducking, slicing and dicing emotions and feelings, and thoughts... sheath the sword, it's time to breathe. Good luck!

[Blixa]

Where i live there are a lot retired and elderly people with old fashioned, conservative views. To many of them we would be unacceptable!

This reminded me of a little anecdote about Adam Clayton Powell Jr, an african-american politician who was elected to the US House of Representatives in 1945. Told by a fellow (white) representative that "we don't accept blacks here", after inviting a (very black) member of his constituency to the Congressional dining area, he simply replied "well, don't accept them, if that is your custom", and went right on with the meal.

A great attitude to start with, so what if they don't necessarily approve of you. However you would soon find, that if you just let them, people on the whole will be much more accepting than you imagine. At least this is my experience.


My kids are ok with my c/ding, but it's pretty clear to me they want to keep me as their dad and be as close to the way they've always known me as possible. I won't push it further with them at the moment, because i don't think theres any point in risking what i allready have with them.

Have you considered the possibility that living as your true self might make you an even better parent to your kids? That you would be the cool parent, even in the eyes of their school mates?

It is not impossible, but first you have to put yourself in this frame of mind, instead of oh, poor me, if only i received a written invitation, from every single person in England, pleading with me, demanding me to live my life as i would like to!

[CD Susan]

I had issues with my boss over nail length, mine were about a 1/4" past my fingertips and was told to cut them back to male length. I think I posted that in another post. A GG I work with has her nails half an inch again longer than mine were, but has no problems from the boss, so it isn't a job performance or safety issue. I have no idea what he'd do if I showed up in a skirt. I'm on my feet for 12 hours a day, so heels wouldn't be prudent....LOL...


K

This is discrimination without a doubt! If your place of employment has a HR manager I would have gone there and filed a discimination report. An employer cannot tell you that your nails are too long! Your supervisor needs to be educated about what his/her limitations are when it comes to issues such as this. I would not have tolerated this kind of treatment!




Just WTF is "male length" ????????????????????

[Rachaelb64]

I think it depends what area you live in in England. Where i live there are a lot retired and elderly people with old fashioned, conservative views. To many of them we would be unacceptable!
Moving too far away from my kids to be able to be myself, isn,t an option i,d consider.

Debs you'd be surprised what old people think :) one of the rudest chats I had was with a 89yr 'lady', her granddaughter was more embrassed than she was.

You know if the World took on the views of these old dears that had gone thro the depression, WWII, & 50's rebuild, then live would be much easier

:)

[RobertaFermina]

If it was so easy, everyone would do it !

Now would that be as good a thing ?
I might dress for fun, or experiment.
Dressing because I am called by something so deep that it drives me to dress and express myself even though it might cause a backlash is cool in this way: I know that the drive and desire is a deep part of me...who I am.

I have that realization to thank all the Yahoos for !

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Beth-Lock]

I tried to be open about it in my privtae life, and ended up feeling my life threatened, GG friends mad as hell at me, even loyal friends and relatives not wanting me to do it where it would reflect on them, and in essence, the whole thing was a complete disaster.
In response, I have become more of a loner, the way I used to be when I was very shy. I am looking for psychological save venues, and friends I can be myself with, but have yet to find them. So I am withdrawing into my own safe world. The whole thing has left me bitter with the hypocrisy of even those people who like to think they are tolerant, not in practice being tolerant at all.