Don't know what to do?

[lost soul]

I finally got enough nerve to put on a pair of panties and pantyhose before my wife and I made love. She freaked out and tells me it makes her sick to her stomach. I wear these to bed every 2 to 3 days in hopes the she my learn to accept it. She goes in the other bedroom when I put them on. Is there any hope that she will come around or is there any way I can help her understand and accept me? How do you find a women that will understand and have fun with it? I know these are 2 questions that if there were exact answers we could all retire but any ideas would help. I am new to wearing womens lingerie and need help to understand myself and what I am going through. I am so glad I found this fourm because I know I am not alone. Thanks in advance for any advice.

[Shy Charlotte]

Hi Lost Soul,

So sorry to hear that you're having trouble with your wife because of crossdressing. This can be a sticky situation, and at one point or another many crossdressers find themselves at odds with significant others because of what we do. I'm lucky enough to have a g/f that not only knows about my crossdressing, but actually gets turned on by it. However, I'm one of the fortunate few. In this case, my girlfriend found out about me CDing before we even got together. My friend, who I came out to, started blabbing to the world that I was a CD, which pissed me off, but I guess worked out in the end. However I did lose my first girlfriend because she walked in on me once while I was dolled up.

In the case of your wife, this can be a very confusing time for her, even more so than for you. In another post titled something like "What if your family doesn't accept your crossdressing", I mentioned some approach to dealing with coming out.

In a nutshell, first find out as much as you can about it yourself. Why you do it, what are the motivations, what is the percentage of the CD population that is gay, etc. Arm yourself with information, to find out what you're going through and so you can intelligently answer your wife's questions.

Next, pick a time when you're both in a good mood, and maybe in a confessional state of mind. Just mention to her that you may or may not be a CD, and that you still love her and are the person she fell in love with. Then after that ask her how she feels about it, and try to find what your boundaries are with her. If she's ok with the pantyhose, cool. If not, don't push it right away.

I know it's hard for you, just starting out, but it's also hard for her, and it might be best to let her sort things out first, rather throwing her into the deep end to shock her into acceptance. If she's not the type that accepts it right away, then it'll take a while before she accepts it, if she ever does. Slow and steady, and remain always receptive.

Best wishes and good luck...
Shy one

[PaulaJeanette]

You certainly take the direct approach. At this point, it maybe best to ease back a little and not press her too much. Give her time to think about it by not dressing as much as you do. What you don't want to do is alienate her with your crossdressing.

About a year or so ago, I got caught. Somehow, my waist nipper dropped next to the bed and she found it. At first she thought it was hers and wondered why it was out; after she determined that it was NOT hers, she confronted me. Up until then I'd been secretly dressing whenever no one was home...been doing that after 12 years of marriage. At that moment, when confronted, I admitted to her that I was a transvestite and liked to wear women's lingerie. We sat and talked about it briefly and it dropped...but she does mention it on occasion. As part of damage control, I've kind of kept my dressing in panties only whenever we make love. She has bought me a few pairs...so I don't stretch her's out too much. I don't know which but she did mention once that she doesn't think she could stand seeing me wearing a bra so I haven't pushed it.

As a rule, I dress when no one is home. I also wear panties...at home but under my male briefs. Whenever I go on travel, I take along a few things so I can dress in my hotel room. I don't go out.

So, my advice is to go slow. Remember, she is hurt...just like my wife, that you kept a secret from her. That hurt needs time to mend.

Good luck,

Paula J.

[Lola]

Is there any hope that she will come around or is there any way I can help her understand and accept me?


Hi lost soul,

I think part of the problem here is that you just confronted your wife with this before she even had a chance to know what is going on with you. I think you should give her as much information as you can on crossdressing. It might be a good idea to show her this forum (that's what my man did to me). When she reads that there are many men like you, hetrosexual and with understanding wifes, she might be not so afraid of it anymore, cause i think that's what she is... find her articles to read, give her a little time and talk with her about it... reassure her that this doesn't affect your love for her, on the contrary, if she can accept this side of you, you will love her more... I hope this turns out good for both of you..

Lola

[Jenny Beth]

First of all it would be a good idea to keep this out of the bedroom, this is your fantasy, not hers. Trying to get her to understand your crossdressing is one thing but wanting her to be a willing partner is quite another. She may never accept this and trying to force this on her will eventually destroy your relationship. You need to talk about this in a civil manner and listen to her concerns. You may or may not find neutral ground but above all she must know you still love her. You said you were new to this and need help understanding yourself. How can you expect her to understand what you do not? You can use this to your advantage, tell her your feelings and be honest with her but in the end you will have to decide what is more important. A harsh answer to your question but a truthful one.

Jenny B

[lost soul]

I understand that I have to go slow and hope that someday she will come around. Talking is out of the question so far but she has brought it up once for a split second.It wasn't a good talk but it still was a talk I guess. Thanks for the advice and I will let you know how it goes if it does at all.