Psychological and emotional well being of a Closet Cross Dresser

[Bev06 GG]

The more I read about CDs either being in the closet or suffering rejection as a direct result of their CDing, the more intrigued I am as to how you actually cope/deal with it.
I have heard some of you say that you have suffered bouts of depression and indeed some of you have even been labelled manic depressives by your counsellors.

Not being able to share such an important and integral part of your personality, would I imagine put a great strain on your psychological and emotional well being. So I have a few questions for those of you who for whatever reason are unable to share your lifestyle, or who have and have suffered the consequences of it going pear shaped.



Have you ever suffered depression as a consequence of your preferred lifestyle

What methods do you use to cope

How helpful are sites like this one in helping you to deal with the rejection and lonliness

Is there anything that you feel could be done to help you and others in the same situation.

I have noticed more and more that County councils are setting on Diversity Officers who deal with inclusion issues with minority groups and CDing you can rest assured is in there big time.

Take care
Bev

[Toni_Lynn]

Hi Bev

I'll have a bash at this:

>Have you ever suffered depression as a consequence of your preferred lifestyle

Yes. In the past I have. Nowadays, no, however, as I have grown far more confident and self assured.


>What methods do you use to cope

Before, I used, abused actually, alcohol. I also used anger, albeit internalised, to cope.

Now, I'd have to say that my sobriety, and the self assurance that that internalised anger brought forth, a kind of stubbornness that say that I am okay, help me to get through life. Those things have helped me to stay sane.

>How helpful are sites like this one in helping you to deal with the rejection and lonliness

They weren't around as such when I started. Certainly my first encountered such as those on HSX-100 and HSX-200 on Compuserve back in 1985 did help. I found that I was not alone, and I could talk about what got to me.

Today, its great to have sites like this to be abl eto help others, which in and of itself helps keep me going!

>Is there anything that you feel could be done to help you and others in the same situation.

Better public education to combat the exploitation that has become a mainstay of shows like Jerry Springer. That's the first that come to mind.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Jaydee]

Bev,
I'll take a stab at it. No, I was never depressed by my CDing urges. As a teenager, I didn't understand it. I realized that I was not gay, but why did I have a fascination with wearing women's clothes? I thought I was the only one in the world. Over time I just grew to the understanding that it would not go away, so I just dealt with it while keeping it the deepest of secrets. It made me happy so, I just told myself that as long as no one knew, I wasn't hurting anyone else.
I found this site a couple years ago. I now know that I am not the only one. I now have confidence enough to talk about it online, even if I don't have confidence enough to go out or even use an avatar. I obviously never spoke to anyone about it. I think that sites like this have been a great help to me. I wish the internet had been available when I was younger.
I would like to see the mainline media discuss the subject in a nonjudgmental and non sensational way. Maybe it would eventually make it into the understanding of society as a whole, but probably not in my lifetime.

Jaydee

[Veronica 1]

Before I discovered that I was a CD, I used to have anger and lonliness issues that affected me to the point that depression set in and I had suicidal thoughts. Since I have discovered myself and accepted that I am a CD I have found that it is a great lifestyle change that has brought about a few changes in my life:
I have quit abusing alcohol, while I still enjoy a drink now and again.
I am still alone but I am not lonely as I now have a woman to share my life with.
I am not always on porn sites being fasinated by the body parts that I do not have, I now have my own artificial ones.
When I get bored, I do not sit around fretting about having nothing to do, I go and practice my makeup skills.
I, and my house, are a lot cleaner and I find that I am eating better and paying more attention to my body and my health.
In short, I think that all the problems that I had before were brought about by the woman in me trying to get out and the male in me trying to suppress that outlet. Over the past year, the people that know me have remarked on my change in attitude and have wondered about how I achieved it. If they only knew.
I agree with Toni that more and better education to society would be the best thing that could happen to us but it would be a long and hard fought battle before we can be accepted by them. The prejudices that have been instilled over the centuries of male dominated insight will take time to turn around.

[Bev06 GG]

Thank you girls this is very interesting. Especially the bit about educating the public. The reason I am asking these personal questions is because there may be a chance that my job role will change. There is a post going at County Council for a Diversity officer to work with minority groups.

Our council have been working very closely with a lady called Belinda Wood, who runs Boston Belles Support group for CDs in Lincolnshire. I really dont want to say too much more because to be honest it would be a complete change of career for me and I am not certain that I'd be any good at it. I am however considering because my present contract with County Council is due to come to an end in September.
Thanks for your support
Bev

[MargoLE]

Have you ever suffered depression as a consequence of your preferred lifestyle
Light depression a few time but then I am a true Aries and you don't keep the fire/air depressed for long.

What methods do you use to cope
The closet door keep locked, then I started using the Internet and found this site along with a few others. Right now and for the pass two years this site has been on the top of my list. There are so many good people here. And it all does help, even the pannies posts :heehee:.

How helpful are sites like this one in helping you to deal with the rejection and lonliness
:love:
But then my SO never really rejected me, just does not support in an active way.

Is there anything that you feel could be done to help you and others in the same situation.
More education in the schools but not limited to just crossdressers. It is hard to teach old dogs new tricks but it is not too late for those still in school. Some of the colleges do have orgs/clubs so the younger ones should have a better time adjusting then us old ones.
If there was a way to lead new crossdressers to sites like this one without attracting the general public.

[tricia_uktv]

Bev. We are all different and its important to remember that (suspect the County Councils need to understand). I could write a book on what you are asking but so could everyone else here.

I have never suffered depression because I've never been unhappy in my male life. I am still not unhappy even though Trish is out and open, because I'm proud of Iain too. Sites like these really help because they allow us to swap experiences and give us a forum to show our successes (or sometimes hilariously, failures).

Read my blog or message me if you want to know more,

[Toni_Lynn]

There is a post going at County Council for a Diversity officer to work with minority groups.

Bev

Good luck in your endeavour!

I'd like to add that programmes dealing with substance abuse (drugs and alcohol) specifically gears toward minorities such as TG folk would be a blessing!

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Bev06 GG]

Bev. We are all different and its important to remember that (suspect the County Councils need to understand). I could write a book on what you are asking but so could everyone else here.

I have never suffered depression because I've never been unhappy in my male life. I am still not unhappy even though Trish is out and open, because I'm proud of Iain too. Sites like these really help because they allow us to swap experiences and give us a forum to show our successes (or sometimes hilariously, failures).

Read my blog or message me if you want to know more,

Hi Tricia,
I suspect the county councils are trying to understand that and the very fact that they are making an effort and trying their best not to be patronising is a bonus. And yes I think my understanding of the diversity within the CD community is fairly balanced, I have just been horrified over the past few years at how many Closet CDs have struggled with depression.
Take care
Bev

[darla_g]

Bev
i can only speak to the fact that before this year i really didn't have any contact with anyone in the community. Joining others with a similar interest provides a world of difference as far as i am concerned!

I don't know that it ever made as a significant impact that i was clinically depressed or anything. After a while being alone just felt a little weird. I tried to explain that to my wife but I don't think she really appreciated it.

[AmandaM]

Have you ever suffered depression as a consequence of your preferred lifestyle

What methods do you use to cope

How helpful are sites like this one in helping you to deal with the rejection and lonliness

Is there anything that you feel could be done to help you and others in the same situation.

1. Yes, almost constant low-level depression.
2. Prozac, exercise, diet, cognitive restructuring. Not as much as I should.
3. The people here are my only friends outside of 1 or 2 people. I can be myself.
4. If society was more accepting.

[Nicole Erin]

The more I read about CDs either being in the closet or suffering rejection as a direct result of their CDing, the more intrigued I am as to how you actually cope/deal with it.
... or who have and have suffered the consequences of it going pear shaped.
I am not so much in the closet, I do have to try to be a little more careful. I get to enjoy consequences.


Have you ever suffered depression as a consequence of your preferred lifestyle

Sometimes, especially after someone has given me grief about this, I wish I was not CD but if that went away, I don't know what I would be.


What methods do you use to cope

I get by, yes I get a little upset, but really, I just lay down for a bit and try to sleep off the depression. I had to do that today, a short nap after something happened while I was out.


How helpful are sites like this one in helping you to deal with the rejection and lonliness


Well I am happy we have things like this, it helps in small ways but when a real problem comes of being CD, all's a website can do is have people who offer advice. The web is not the same as having real life friends.


Is there anything that you feel could be done to help you and others in the same situation.
I am on the consequence end of an out CD, and really, the occasional harassement is just something we have to live with. The best we can do is be cautious where we go and who we talk to about this.

[melissacd]

Depression comes with the territory. I made the decision that I had to stop denying who I am and the result was that I had to leave everything that was dear to me behind because my spouse could not accept nor understand.

To say that it depresses me sometimes is an understatement. So yes I do have some very black moments, however, it is the price that I have had to pay to be myself. A steep price to pay but the alternative was worse.

[Jonianne]

Hi Bev,

I'm sure whatever work you end up choosing, you will do very well.
You definatly have the heart for diversity type job skills.

I believe your question is for those who are currently going through these issues but, if you don't mind I would like to answer some of your questions, based on my past (thankfully!) life experiencies.

Have you ever suffered depression as a consequence of your preferred lifestyle

I suffered MAJOR depression. Cognitive dissonance, I believe is the medical name. I could not combine the idea that I thought crossdressing was horrible with the fact that I was and would always be a crossdresser. I almost went insane (for real :sad:).

What methods do you use to cope

I used religion and any hobby or activity that I could immerse myself into to get my mind off the thoughts.

How helpful are sites like this one in helping you to deal with the rejection and lonliness

To have known that I was not alone, but that there were vast numbers of good people out there just like me, would have been priceless.

Is there anything that you feel could be done to help you and others in the same situation.

I don't know how good mental health coverage is available in the UK, but here, I only had a couple months of coverage per year and if it were not for my good counselors who used a sliding scale based on income, I could have not got the professional help I needed. And since then, the coverage has steadily got worse. Putting pressure on the political system for better mental health coverage would be what I would recommend.

[Sarah...]

Have you ever suffered depression as a consequence of your preferred lifestyle
What methods do you use to cope
How helpful are sites like this one in helping you to deal with the rejection and lonliness
Is there anything that you feel could be done to help you and others in the same situation.
Bev

1) Yes. And caused it in my SO. Not because I did CD but because I didn't and rejected the TG part of myself. This damaged our relationship and both of us, thankfully not permanently. It was a dreadful, dreadful thing to do. Just awful.
2) To "cope" I used to repress my personality. Then I got angry. Then I just spent years being sad and accepting it. This wasn't coping at all of course. My SO and I now talk a great deal about this and what it means / has meant for both of us. We listen to each other and change things accordingly. So now we do cope and we do so together and it's much better.
3) Very helpful. To openly discuss my preferred lifestyle and who I am is priceless.
4) NOT putting our situation into a "special" category would be really helpful. Do you see what I mean? Yes, absolutely have input at county level with roles such as the one you describe but work to ensure the diversity you represent isn't seen as a series of special cases that get special treatment. Ultimately that sort of role should be self-limiting. The most successful incumbent would work her/him self out of a job! That would be such a huge challenge. Could you do it Bev? Only you can answer that but reading a lot of your posts I see a balanced and insightful woman and as an employer I see these as priceless qualities.

Sarah...

[Laura_Stephens]

The more I read about CDs either being in the closet or suffering rejection as a direct result of their CDing, the more intrigued I am as to how you actually cope/deal with it.
I have heard some of you say that you have suffered bouts of depression and indeed some of you have even been labelled manic depressives by your counsellors.

Not being able to share such an important and integral part of your personality, would I imagine put a great strain on your psychological and emotional well being. So I have a few questions for those of you who for whatever reason are unable to share your lifestyle, or who have and have suffered the consequences of it going pear shaped.



Have you ever suffered depression as a consequence of your preferred lifestyle

What methods do you use to cope

How helpful are sites like this one in helping you to deal with the rejection and lonliness

Is there anything that you feel could be done to help you and others in the same situation.

I have noticed more and more that County councils are setting on Diversity Officers who deal with inclusion issues with minority groups and CDing you can rest assured is in there big time.

Take care
Bev

Yes, have dealt with drpression -- almost suicidal at times.

Coped by seeing a therapist. Helped quite a bit. I still feel love for the lady I saw -- not romantic love -- a very deep friendship kind of love.

This site is the best for seeing and feeling less disconnected and accepted.

Sorry, don't have a good answer for ther 4th part.

[suzy cool]

Have you ever suffered depression as a consequence of your preferred lifestyle

What methods do you use to cope

How helpful are sites like this one in helping you to deal with the rejection and lonliness

Is there anything that you feel could be done to help you and others in the same situation.

Interesting questions:
1) Yes I get depressed but it is more to do with personal guilt and self loathing than other issues. It's very difficult to reconcile all you are taught about "being a man" with an urge that doesn't fit any of it.

2) I cope by categorising it as a fetish. It's a neat simple and logical explanation. Some people do things in their bedrooms they wouldn't want anyone to know about. Well, so do I.

3) A site like this is extremely helpful because the experiences of others make my own seem relatively sane in comparison. ("I just wore a bikini to Walmart" ....etc.)

4) How to help us? Sites like this I suppose.

[LisaSae]

Have you ever suffered depression as a consequence of your preferred lifestyle: Not until recently. Before some of the liberties of living alone my dressing had been very limited and therefore I've been somewhat naive as to what it meant to me. Now that I have my own place I've been able to get more things to help with my dressing (wig, breastforms, more clothes, makeup) and I've been able to experiment with this and I've realized how its an important part of my life, albeit not something I'm wanting to do daily or anything like that. Since this I've been feeling this way recently I felt that at some time I should tell my GF of 3 years (who I'll probably end up moving in with and maybe even evoking the "M" word... if all goes well). Thinking that way has caused anxiety and fear that she'll be unaccepting and intolerant of my CDing and leave me :sad:


What methods do you use to cope: For now my methods of coping are researching as much as I can and doing some serious soul searching so if we do ever have that conversation I can be well prepared and ready to address her questions and concerns. As well as preparing how I'd handle a completely emotional response on her part (with no questions just pure resentment, frustration, anger, and confusion) and how I can help to mitigate that and try to explain.


How helpful are sites like this one in helping you to deal with the rejection and loneliness: seeing as how this website was the first to know about my CDing and I view it as a safe place to share that aspect of my self I'd say its VERY helpful epically if you're not out to anyone. I've heard it mentioned before here but if you're hiding an important aspect of yourself due to fear of backlash ,even though from what I've learned here CDing is perfectly ok (now if I can only believe that rule applies to myself as well;) I'd be perfectly ok too) you feel repressed guilt an that can lead to a lot of negative emotions. By being able to express that part of my self here I've found it immensely helpful.


Is there anything that you feel could be done to help you and others in the same situation: For me Sarah really said what I was thinking when she said "not to put us in a 'special' category" Right now CDing is is viewed by some people as "different" and "atypical" fortunately not by everyone though! I had a friend in high school who always said its not a big deal unless you make it a big deal, and for me (maybe just me though..) I think society's acceptance of us makes it a big deal and therefore some of us, epically myself, need to make a mountain out of what should be and probably is a mole hill.

[deja true]

Have you ever suffered depression as a consequence of your preferred lifestyle

Wel, I guess you could call it virtually a lifelong low-level depression. And mixed with it a kind of hidden satisfaction that I could get away with something so 'perverse' and nobody else ever knew! There was the sad feeling that my public life was a sham and people who thought I was a good person would immediately reject me if they ever learned of my secret self. There was the guilt of having good friends and wonderful lovers and knowing that I didn't deserve them. There was the life-altering decision made as a teenager never to marry in order to avoid the inevitable heartbreak of the divorce and recriminations that were sure to come.


What methods do you use to cope

These days, after spending years feeling subliminally guilty, and thinking that was the way it was always gonna be, I cope by reading all there is to read on our "affliction", by talking and sharing with the many wise folks here to get a better appreciation of how we can fit (or can't fit) into society at large.

There never was a chance for therapy of any kind, or even face to face conversations with friends or confidants about this ever-present curse/blessing. And, to tell the truth, I'm rather glad for that. I've ultimately come to terms with myself in a happy and satisfied way, and did it myself, so I'm sure that how I feel and how I act is deinitely the right way for me.

I'm a self-assured individual with a reputation for honesty. I'm needed by my co-workers and friends as a reliable and responsible person. I have a group of close friends who are like the family that I never had. And I have an inner life that, rather than dragging me down, actually re-inforces my belief in myself as a person of worth and goodness.


How helpful are sites like this one in helping you to deal with the rejection and lonliness

I was over the fear of rejection long before I found this site, but that was because I had totally separated my self from those who I thought would reject me. I rejected them first! But still thought of myself as a singleton in the universe. I'd shed the guilt but not the loneliness. But this place has been instrumental in helping me find the acceptance of others that we all need. In truth, "no man is an island", and just the ability to relate to others like ourselves is what affirms to ourselves our own humanity.



Is there anything that you feel could be done to help you and others in the same situation.

Given all that I've said before, I think that the best help any of us can get is the help we can give ourselves. Providing the tools, the resources of information and the availability of thoughtful and insightful mentors, is the best way to provide help. And as opposed to the 'bad old days' of my youth, this is already happening. The existence of sites like this and others, the wealth of literature about trans issues compared to years past is a major step on the path of freeing our own minds from the shackles of repression and guilt. Note the number of young un's that have found us and that they display very little of the guilt and self-recrimination that plagued the rest of us.

I always used to think that I was born too late. But now I'm of a mind that I was born too early. Gender issues are finally being taken seriously in the public world, not hidden under the rug or relegated to psychiatrists offices.

[TxKimberly]

Have you ever suffered depression as a consequence of your preferred lifestyle
Yes, big time.

What methods do you use to cope
At the time, I used all the wrong methods - primarily alcohol abuse. this of course only made things worse and yet i kept doing it. In the end, the only thing that helped was deciding I was not ashamed of what I am and there is no reason i should be ashamed about it.

How helpful are sites like this one in helping you to deal with the rejection and loneliness
At the time that depression was a problem for me, rejection wasn't an issue because no one knew about it. I had already gotten my act together by the time I found this site, but I suspect that for those that are still in depressions grip, this site would be wonderful thing. It shows you that you are not alone. There are many like us, and most are decent people you would be proud to know.

Is there anything that you feel could be done to help you and others in the same situation.
The Internet and sites like this have already done it - they show us that we are not alone. For me the worst part was being lonely. Not just a lone cross dresser, but the fear that I would never find a woman to share my life because of this. I don't want to sound like I am idolizing you or the other GG's here, but finding that there are GG's out there like yourself, that not only can tolerate our difference, but might even embrace it, is a huge ray of sunshine and hope.

[TGMarla]

Deja's and Kimberly's posts resonate with me quite a lot. I went out for the first time ever only a couple of weeks ago, and that surprised almost everybody here, because they just assumed that I was out there already. Not true. I'm a semi-closet case, big time. I say "semi", because my wife, although she is aware that I crossdress, is not accepting of it, and I do my best to keep it under wraps.

So:


Have you ever suffered depression as a consequence of your preferred lifestyle

Yes. Sometimes I'd say it was very deep depression. I won't say that it was completely due to my crossdressing, but it was certainly a factor. The fact that I am a man, and I am so drawn to wearing women's clothing has always seemed to me to be so unfair at times. Why, if I'm not female, have I always had such an affinity to their clothing, and a need to appear female? Others have already mentioned a "lifelong low-level depression", and I think that about hits it squarely. I don't really suffer with that anymore, but I've dealt with it off and on my whole life.


What methods do you use to cope

Time. It took me a long time to come to grips with it. I came to realize that my desire to crossdress was not going to go away. I also came to understand that although I have some strong transexual tendencies, that I am not going to transition and have surgery. When I laid that question to rest, I was better able to deal with the rest of it. I refined my look as best as I was able, and began to find greater pleasure in crossdressing. I began doing it as much for pleasure and fun as I was out of necessity. I found that keeping a balance between my male life and my crossdressing was one of the keys to better happiness. In short, I accepted myself as a male and I accepted myself as a crossdresser.


How helpful are sites like this one in helping you to deal with the rejection and lonliness

This site helped a lot. I was better able to see just how many of us there really are. Remember, the number of crossdressers out there far outnumbers the number of crossdressers on this site. Places like this allow us to talk to others freely about our peculiar activity, and talking is one of the essences of mental healing and health. By interacting with others who are dealing with the same issues, we find that we're not perverse, alone, demented, wierd, or even abnormal. We find instead that this behavior is actually quite normal, if not wholly accepted yet.



Is there anything that you feel could be done to help you and others in the same situation.

There are still many, many people that have not been able to come to grips with their transgendered natures. We still live in this pseudo- "Leave It To Beaver" type structured society that does not accept the gray areas in that structure. Men are men, women are women, and there's not supposed to be anything in between. It is important for transgendered individuals to accept themselves before they worry about whether others will accept them, especially society as a whole. Those who look down on the transgendered are very little different from those who once (or still do!) look down on black people as something inferior. Anyone who places themselves on a pedestal in order to put themselves above others is guilty of absolute wrong thinking. My advice to others is to find their self-acceptance, and go from there. Self-acceptance is the beginning of the Yellow Brick Road. That's where it starts.

Thanks again, Bev, for a very insightful thread. You are a terrific asset to this forum.

[tricia_uktv]

Hi again Bev. Yes, what we will do is use stuff like alcohol and drugs to mask what is inside us. To try to be the complete opposite of what we feel and show the world how macho we are. We can do it, believe me, but it isn't right. Its far more fun being girly :)

[Bootsiegalore]

It took me a long time to come to terms with my dressing and to confide in my wife the extent of my feelings. I have cross dressed and been interested in women’s clothing and being feminine since a very young age. My wife is accepting and supportive. My only problem is my internal struggle as to if I should come-out or not. We have gone out together (my wife and I) to local tg group sponsored parties (balls) and weekends away (Divas Las Vegas), etc. I do go through depressions and on occasion I can say I have lost interest in thriving. However in my normal guy-mode I am very happy as a professional. Some have even said I am too happy and ask me if I am on something. I work very hard. (possibly even too much) But when I want to relax that is when I like to dress. I do keep to the house for the most part. Sometimes I’ll run out and drop off the mail or go to the drive through ATM dressed. For the most part I am “housed” rather than closeted CD.

I do not want SRS. I am a cross-dresser. My kids are out of school for the summer which has cramped my dressing until August. When they are in school I dress a few times a week as I am self employed and work at home on the computer a lot as a civil engineer.

I’ll admit that sometimes I do drink a bit too much to cope. Just recently I was having bouts of anger which externally erupted a few times, as I had clients not paying. I have probably damaged one relationship beyond repair, coincidentally with my highest historical volume client. However non-payment of many thousands of dollars for months on end is inexcusable and I just lost it. Said client has used 2 other firms and they have screwed up every contract he gave them. (I was called in to clean up)

I just need (I feel) confidence to GO OUT. Maybe then I’ll see if it is good or bad. We all have fears of being exposed, heckled and rejected. I am almost to the point now that I kind of don’t care about what others think. (maybe it is my age – 45, but I am not sure.) I have been afraid of the opinions of others and how it will affect me and my business relations. Maybe it won’t. I don’t know.

As to the answer, I don’t know. That is for someone with greater knowledge than I to determine. I just think acceptance by others will go a long way.

thanks


Tara

[Babette]

Wow Bev, this is a big kettle of fish to consider. Here I go:


Have you ever suffered depression as a consequence of your preferred lifestyle

Yes, primarily before I told my wife and quit denying it to myself. Not so much any more though. Sometimes I still have feelings of guilt or shame. Since nobody has ever tried to make me feel bad, I really have nothing to be shameful for.


What methods do you use to cope

I tried to be in total denial about it for decades. It was kind of like having an upset stomach and hoping it would quit on its own. Once I accepted my cross dressing desires, I'm a lot better.



How helpful are sites like this one in helping you to deal with the rejection and lonliness

Words alone cannot describe my relief after participating in this forum.


Is there anything that you feel could be done to help you and others in the same situation.

First accept yourself. Then be considerate of others when exercising your degree of expression. Finally, despite the pink fog, never forget who you really are and be yourself in total.

Thank you for asking these important questions.

Babette

[kellylynn_31]

How ironic with the thread I started yesterday.

Well to answer the questions.

Have I ever suffered depression as a consequence of your preferred lifestyle

YES, it has at time consumed me to a point of despair.


What methods do you use to cope

Educate myself and S/O. Realize I am not a bad person and am not as unusual as I may think I am. Communication with S/O and am now looking into joining a local support group.


How helpful are sites like this one in helping you to deal with the rejection and loneliness

Not really applicable, rejection and loneliness have been self imposed. This site is great to make contact but true healing comes from within.


Is there anything that you feel could be done to help you and others in the same situation.

Education, communication and a good sense of humor.

Kelly

[SusanMarie]

Difficlut to answer...but here goes
1) Yes and still do sometimes, but less and less as time goes on.
2) When I look at what goes on in 'society' in general, I realize that what I am and what I do is not detrimental by comparison; not even close.
3) A lifesaver a lifegiver,an inspiration...I could go on and on.
4) Acceptance and respect. Sorta what most people want, so, it's what I give.

PS: Bev your posts can be so incisive, thanks.

[Andi]

Bev, here's a short reply from my perspective and humble opinion.

[1]Have you ever suffered depression as a consequence of your preferred lifestyle?
Yes I have and still do a lot of the time. I'm very conflicted by what I feel I need verses what that action would do to my family and friends. It would cost me all relationships and that's too high a price to pay. Yet I feel the years slipping away and the realization that my dream will never come true weighs on me more heavily each passing day. So I live each day with that frustration and resulting depression.

[2]What methods do you use to cope?
I try to stay busy outside of the house but mainly I keep reminding myself what a wonder wife and family I have - over and over.......and I sneak time to be Andi whenever I can. I also value the input from the GGs and SOs here who help me keep the right perspective on things.

[3]How helpful are sites like this one in helping you to deal with the rejection and loneliness?
This site and another like it I frequent are very helpful to me. By being here I realize that there are so many others like me dealing with the same frustrations and depression and loneliness. Even though there is no solution for me it's nice to know about others and to read their words of comfort.

[4]Is there anything that you feel could be done to help you and others in the same situation?
I don't think there's any hope for me but for others here, and especially the younger folks, I think the future will be better. A key issue in the US is to get the TG community included in our anti-discrimination laws. The gay, lesbian, and bisexual communities have been afforded some legal protection but not the TGs. When this is corrected that will help clear some of the path to progress and acceptance for the TG community. That will cause the subject to be visible and society will have to deal with the rights and acceptance of all individuals. 2008 is so much better than 1968 in this regard and I'll guess 2028 will be much better than now.
:hugs:

[Deidra Cowen]

Very nice post sweetie...well here goes!!!


Have you ever suffered depression as a consequence of your preferred lifestyle
Yes, I have suffered from depression, I would guess it had a lot to do with me surpressing my trans urges and also that kept my sexual preference surpressed.



What methods do you use to cope
When I started dressing a few years ago the depression really lifted. I often observe that the past three years where I have been dressing have been the best years I have had since college. I would guess good diet and exersise that were the result of me trying to achieve a femmy figure probably helped me cope a bit too and lift the depression.



How helpful are sites like this one in helping you to deal with the rejection and lonliness
I enjoy the trans net resources both here at CD.com and other places. They have been truely been great but the best thing for me was going out and making friends with other Tgirls here in Atlanta that are my friends. I have to say this was one of the places when I was a rookie that I read and looked at pics of girls that went out and about and that helped. It is all but impossible for a gay CD like me to find a long term relationship but that really has not too bad a problem. I still have my kids so thats my family life. When they grow up I probably am facing a period of lonelyness unless I find a BF or Tgirl GF. Really right now logistically thats not possible anyway due to my kids staying with me a bunch.



Is there anything that you feel could be done to help you and others in the same situation.
Oh I guess society being more accepting of us which it actually slowly is doing would be a big factor. Other than that I just think it is important to admit that who we are and try the best to live life that way. I personally have found a balance between guy at work and with the family but being a crazy part time Tgirl the rest of the time. Maybe when I get the kids thru college and don't need a big income I'll go Fulltime...or at least most of da time. Gotta admit getting dressed and doing all that makeup sometimes is a pain. But I seem the most happy if I can dress 4 to 5 times a week and go do something. Clubbing, Shopping, Driving around or even being a bad girl sometimes with someone!

[Emily Anderson]

I haven't been able to share my lifestyle/personality with others as freely as I would like, but on the other hand, I've never been depressed nor had any major hangups about my crossdressing.

I would be cautious about deducing that people who cannot share their feelings/emotions are necessarily psychologically strained. Some of us are perfectly capable of adapting to life's situations without need for external help and support.