Being READ, the Positive Benefits

[Princess Chantal]

Ever wonder if you were not read as a crossdresser or transgendered person if the positive experiences that you had would have happened?
I have often wondered if the extra friendly services I had at stores, restaurants and etc. would have happened if I were not pegged out as a crossdresser. I know that I wouldn't have had the opportunity to meet and chat with Mark McKinney (Kids in the Hall comedian) before their show or had been approached by a friend of the lead actor of a crossdressing themed Fringe Festival play to come join them backstage after the show.
Would people still come up to me with encouraging and ego boosting remarks like "You Rock", "Wish I had legs like that", "You go Girl", "Love your style" and "You're amazing" if they thought that I was female? Would I get those warming smiles by people passing by?
More importantly, are back my heels not marked up by child driven shopping carts cause of the extra awareness of my presence :roflmao:?

[CLARRISA]

I know what you mean, you do sometimes get this sense that they know but are just being realy polite and understanding,which is nice but its "special needs" "ahh its a crossdresser, i wonder if they need any help i'll treat them well"..kind of makes you think "hmmm i'm not passing am i?

[Joy Carter]

I just get stares and dropped jaws.

[Darlene Dippy]

I don't know about positive benefits as much as positive thinking Chantal, still a cheery thought for someone like me!

There is one GG I pass with but I think her guide dog has me sussed!:doh:

Darlene

[Joy Carter]

There is one GG I pass with but I think her guide dog has me sussed!:doh:

Darlene

A little guide dog discrimnation Darlene ? :heehee:

[Sara Jessica]

For me the positive thing about being read is that I don't need to obsess about passing. My concern is doing the absolute best that I can to present with class and grace, hoping those who clock me might think "I see her for what she is, and she pulls it off pretty well". So I don't come unglued if I get clocked, as long as people are not mean about it. And yes, I have received extraordinarily positive service in girl mode which kind of seems like it's based on my being transgendered.

[CharleneT]

I have had some very positive experiences when out ... due to the owners of the places I was visiting being happy I was there. These were restaurants or bars. Example, I went to a bar to see a band I liked. I was not "passing" that night at all and could tell from the stares etc... But, the bartender bought my drinks, the waitresses were sweeter than pie and the person minding the door gave me a big hug on the way out and told me that if I came back that there would be no cover charge. When I had arrived that night, while standing in line with a bunch of younger GG's, the same bouncer exclaimed, pretty loudly, "my honey you look fabulous tonight". Trust me on this, the GG's looked WAY better.

In many ways I believe that this place and other are happy to see some diversity in their crowd and encourage it. Why ? Not sure, but it has happened quite a few times. Just Saturday night I was out with a friend, both of us transgendered, and the staff was very attentive and thanked us "ladies for coming here tonight". The host told us that 3 times ... so he was most definitely trying to make sure we understood !

Unfortunately we have to balance that with other, less positive, experiences. But my policy is: if they treat me well, I go back and give them my business more. They notice that, especially if you are polite and kind while there.

Charlene

[tricia_uktv]

For me the positive thing about being read is that I don't need to obsess about passing. My concern is doing the absolute best that I can to present with class and grace, hoping those who clock me might think "I see her for what she is, and she pulls it off pretty well". So I don't come unglued if I get clocked, as long as people are not mean about it. And yes, I have received extraordinarily positive service in girl mode which kind of seems like it's based on my being transgendered.

Is a brilliant answer Julia. As soon as I recognised I was not a girl but was transgendered it opened up all the doors and I didn't have to panic. When out dressed I get so many positive experiences and hardly any negative. I like being noticed now because its who I am.

[Princess Chantal]

For me the positive thing about being read is that I don't need to obsess about passing. My concern is doing the absolute best that I can to present with class and grace, hoping those who clock me might think "I see her for what she is, and she pulls it off pretty well". So I don't come unglued if I get clocked, as long as people are not mean about it. And yes, I have received extraordinarily positive service in girl mode which kind of seems like it's based on my being transgendered.


Is a brilliant answer Julia. As soon as I recognised I was not a girl but was transgendered it opened up all the doors and I didn't have to panic. When out dressed I get so many positive experiences and hardly any negative. I like being noticed now because its who I am.


Amen!!!!!! I'm so glad to see some of you's have similiar outlook as I do.

[SweetCaroline]

One of my fondest memories was on New Years Eve. I was sitting at the bar at the hotel I was staying at when a nearby GG just started talking to me just like I was another woman about jewelry of all things. I was wearing a large gold, cross shaped pin and she complemented me on it and asked me questions about it, then started showing off her own jewelry. She was a little tipsy I noticed (it was New Years Eve) so I'm not sure if she realized I was a crossdresser when she first started talking to me. I was by myself at the bar, but several of my T-girl friends were nearby, so there's no way she couldn't have figured it out, but she just kept talking to me like I was just another girl. It was very nice. It really made me feel special.

I've had GGs who have gawked at me and my friends. Giggled when they first saw us or stared at us with "Oh my God" looks on their faces. But just as many have treated me sweetly and noticibly kinder than I would have expected as a man. Others have just gone about their buisness and ignored us. All GGs are different but I think for the most part they enjoy seeing us.

[Rachel Morley]

For me, for the most part, I've found that it depends.

Sometimes people seeming treat me no differently to any other customer, and sometimes they do definitely treat me nicer and smile a lot more. Either way, I've never had a negative reaction yet.

I do agree with you though, there are certain places where they seemingly totally love you. Our local Dress Barn, and Gottshalks stores are two places in particular that stand out for me and the rest of our CDing friends in our local support group (http://www.rivercitygems.org/).

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Passing not apssing isn't critical since I go out...the important thing for me is to look the best I can and feel as much woman in me as I can...if I reach that level/point I'm one happy girl!!!!

[Nicki B]

I've never kidded myself that I pass as anything other than a transwoman - but because of that, I've often found people more often than not positive and encouraging?

Your willingness to get out and be yourself deserves respect - and, IME, you are often given it?

[LA CINDY LOVE]

This is something that I ask myself time to time, when I am out on the town I get a GG come up to me and tells me how nice I look or ask about something that I am wearing, do they think I am a woman or do they know I am a cross dresser.

As a cross dresser you can get read but still look good and get a positive reaction and what they are saying is you look and dress very good, also as a cross dresser you can get a positive reaction because you look and dress very good and people see you and talk to you because they think you are a real woman, in other words you pass.

LA CINDY LOVE

[Beth-Lock]

At least if you get read and want to pass, it tells you that yoiu have not got it right. No one is as honest about it as a hostile or smirking stranger.

[karezza]

Hi Chanal. Nice to see you here. I think we have a mutual friend!

I have no illusions about passing, so there is no question I am a crossdresser when out. I think some people recognize the courage it takes and offer their support through extra kindness. And they may be trying to compensate for others in the room who are gawking. A crossdresser is a novelty in most situations. You are probably seen as an exotic beauty!

Karezza~

[Empress Lainie]

The only passing I worry about any more is passing for 42 instead of 73.

I feel very bad when Cyndy is read and someone says something to her or calls her SIR. It has happened less since I got her the camisole and breast forms.

The place I go where all the employees know I am trans because I was there for 7 years before as a man, is one where both of us are treated like royalty. We both have some very good friends there that know we are trans. We talk to them about our jewelry, and our health and they are always concerned. Two of the girls there I tried to date before my change. They are completely supportive and are good friends to both of us.

[Princess Chantal]

may I ask to limit the usage of the term "pass"/"passing" in this thread...... the term always becomes the main focus and hijacks discussions amongst the crossdressing community

[Sheri 4242]

For me, for the most part, I've found that it depends.

Sometimes people seeming treat me no differently to any other customer, and sometimes they do definitely treat me nicer and smile a lot more. Either way, I've never had a negative reaction yet.

I do agree with you though, there are certain places where they seemingly totally love you. Our local Dress Barn, and Gottshalks stores are two places in particular that stand out for me and the rest of our CDing friends in our local support group (http://www.rivercitygems.org/).

Other than when my wife and I did a marriage ceremony out in Vegas with me as the bride, the very best experience I ever had out in public was at a retail store in a mall. I was not en femme, but had a sales girl offer to help me. I was in a comical mood and plainly told her the skirt I had picked out was, indeed, for me. For the next hour the SA couldn't do enough to assist me! It was great service -- very memorable!!!


I've never kidded myself that I pass as anything other than a transwoman - but because of that, I've often found people more often than not positive and encouraging?

Your willingness to get out and be yourself deserves respect - and, IME, you are often given it?

Great observation -- and very true!!!

[karezza]

I see your point, Chantal .... sorry.

[Princess Chantal]

I see your point, Chantal .... sorry.

just that the term is used as a judgement and could not usually be proven

[Sara Jessica]

may I ask to limit the usage of the term "pass"/"passing" in this thread...... the term always becomes the main focus and hijacks discussions amongst the crossdressing community

But isn't "being read" by definition "not passing" (if that is one's goal)? And please don't take this the wrong way, I hate the term "passable" as I have made it known before. It just seems that if a girl is read, she either didn't pass when she was trying to or perhaps didn't care to pass in the first place and she got what she expected.

I think your other comment is right on target. Let's say one of us goes out and is treated as any other woman out there, no laughs, no comments. There's no way one can state with any certainty that you were not read. Maybe you were totally and no one said a word.

[CharleneT]

I think your other comment is right on target. Let's say one of us goes out and is treated as any other woman out there, no laughs, no comments. There's no way one can state with any certainty that you were not read. Maybe you were totally and no one said a word.

I think this is very common, I believe that I present well, but also think many can read me. BUT when they just treat me well, I am very happy, that is all I want !!

C.

[Princess Chantal]

But isn't "being read" by definition "not passing" (if that is one's goal)? And please don't take this the wrong way, I hate the term "passable" as I have made it known before. It just seems that if a girl is read, she either didn't pass when she was trying to or perhaps didn't care to pass in the first place and she got what she expected.

I think your other comment is right on target. Let's say one of us goes out and is treated as any other woman out there, no laughs, no comments. There's no way one can state with any certainty that you were not read. Maybe you were totally and no one said a word.


in my opinion, "being read" means to be interpreted as a crossdresser or transgendered whether you are dressed in your feminine mode or masculine mode.

[tricia_uktv]

How about: and a fledgling blog entry:

Tricia’s sexy red dress made its debut the previous night. Leaving Tina asleep (she was eventually to wake up), it made a mistake crossing the road at eleven o’clock. The lights changed to green when it was half way across forcing it to walk down the middle of the street. Cars on both sides were beeping their horns furiously. Tricia realised that they were not beeping their horns because she looked like a man; with her slinky red dress and fishnet stockings in the middle of the night, they were beeping their horns because she looked like a prostitute. Tricia loved the attention and wiggled more provocatively, if that was at all possible.

But I do now love being read and am, often! Its fun :)

[tricia_uktv]

may I ask to limit the usage of the term "pass"/"passing" in this thread...... the term always becomes the main focus and hijacks discussions amongst the crossdressing community

Chantal, sorry but thats the whole point. As soon as we accept we can't pass all the time (and even if we have surgery we wont) we can relax and do what we want. That was absolutely major for me. I think its the most important lesson we have to learn,

Hugs

[tricia_uktv]

Written this, think its important!

Tricia thinks deeply about what to wear; not deeply enough as we shall see. Check tea-dress, white jeans or short skirt with leggings. She decides on her white jeans with her “These shoes look fab I have to have a pair” red top. Twenty minutes later after much jumping and grinding she has somehow managed to pour into her jeans and is happily sitting at the mirror doing her make-up. Jewellery, wig, lippy and she is ready. She checks her handbag; keys, purse, camera and tissues are already there. She adds her little cosmetics bag filled with the essentials, her hair brush and her cigarettes and lighter and zips it up. White jacket on, handbag over shoulder, final check in the mirror, sexy bitch, then the door clicks shut and Tricia is free.

Be confident girl, I say to myself as I walk through the corridor and get into the lift. I wonder if anyone will join me, they don’t, and I get out, pass reception with a smile, get a smile back, and out into Manchester. Left, lets go to Primark because I need some make-up brushes and sponges and some tights. A young girl walks past, she doesn’t notice. An elderly man walks past. He doesn’t notice. Going good Trish but there are three young guys heading your way. Run, hide? No be confident. Stride, remember what Tara has told you. Back straight, pencil behind the shoulder blades, head high. Heel, toe, slightly cross your legs. Good girl. They’re past you and you passed; well at least they didn’t recognise me.

Getting busier now as I approach Piccadilly Gardens. Left, then right, over the tram lines and I am in the open in the middle of the City. Yay this is brilliant! Very young girl doesn’t recognise me. Older one a few steps further on does, but gives me a lovely smile. I smile back. Through the doors and into Primark. I know this shop well but still get lost. I finally track down the sponges and brushes. £2 for three of each; definitely a bargain. Two pairs of patterned tights, I love patterned tights. Those girls are watching me. I look at them and smile, they smile back. Those two seem amused, but then I suppose its not often you see a tranny browsing the skirt rail. Need a new black belt to replace the one which broke yesterday. That’s nice and only £3. To the check-out. Queue not too bad. Three girls and a bloke; who is going to have the pleasure of serving me. She’s a pretty girl, another nice smile and out of Primark onto the Arndale Centre. Really busy now. Up the escalators because the second floor has all the girly shops. Vestry, no nothing in there; Dot P, no try West One sometimes you can find …………… wow look at that slinky red dress. Any in my size, Yay size 12. “Yes, I’m fine, just browsing but I think … can I try it on?”

Now a lesson for all aspiring girls out there. If you are going shopping don’t put your sexy white jeans which take twenty minutes to put on, on. Beads of sweat are bouncing off the floor of the changing room like the raindrops yesterday as I finally manage to peel them off. But it was worth it. The dress is just gorgeous. Dead slinky like my black one and fits perfectly. She’ll more than do and is under £30. I go and pay. “Yes, I’m out all weekend, it wonderful. Will wear it tonight, yes, thank you, you have a good night too, bye”. Brill, sorted so outfit is slinky red dress, gold flats, white coat and handbag.

Lets go downstairs and try Peacocks, you can often get a bargain there. Wow, black cotton dress, short, definitely Tricia, under £20 and its mine ….. £14.99, my size. But there is no way I’m going through the rigmarole of getting my jeans off and on again. So ask girl. Yes, it is refundable if it doesn’t fit. Let’s go for it. Bra for my red dress, 38C, yes, that’s pretty I’ll get that one. Look at those panties, 3 for a fiver. I know I’ve got loads but a girl can never have enough panties. Go on Trish, you deserve them. Black jacket. Hmm that will go with slinky red dress and my white jacket needs a rest. Try it on girl you’re dressed as a woman for goodness sake! Fits well. Yes I must have it . Check-out girl smiles nicely at me.

I hate this, fumbling around in my purse . Why are my hands shaking so much; I am not nervous. Is it the beer or is it the rush? I suspect its a bit of both. Pay by card girl its easier. “Thank you, and I will enjoy my day”. Have I really spent that much? Ouch, sorry Iain. Its gone twelve already and I've agreed to meet Tina. Good morning's work though!

And our brave young lady clip clops out of the Arndale Centre and to Piccadilly Gardens hardly creating a stir at all. She gets noticed by a few, but only a very few people. She calls Tina who is who isn't even dressed yet, so has not started on her make-up, so is going to be at the very least an hour. Tricia goes into Nero's in Piccadilly Gardens and buys a coffee. She takes it outside and drinks it slowly. She is very, very, happy. She is herself.

I turn into the campus, to the gay village I know and love. I relax and drop my guard. I am spotted by a car waiting at the lights.
“Beep beep”
“Beep beep”
“Beep beep”
And other cars join in. I smile to myself as I cross the road and wiggle through the car park and into the village. I so love being Tricia!

[TommiTN]

If you don't write professionally you should give it a go. You have a talent!

[Karren H]

I don't know.... seems that people are friendly to me no matter how I'm dressed... Maybe because I'm friendly to them, no matter how I'm dressed? :)

[Deidra Cowen]

I don't know.... seems that people are friendly to me no matter how I'm dressed... Maybe because I'm friendly to them, no matter how I'm dressed? :)

Thats the trick...if you are totally confident, have a smile on your face and give 'em a bit of personality people luv us. But if you are not confident, don't interact and lose 'it' whatever 'it' is then the chance of a bad reaction goes up.

The postives for me are all the people I have met out at the clubs...often civilians so to speak, just regular people that get a kick out of a confident friendly tgirl. Then a time or two at stores or such have been great. I wrote here a while back for example about going to my dry-cleaners and the lady that owns the shop is very supportive. I remember another time at Starbucks going in totally dressed to the nines...even had a fur on...one of the occasions where I really thought I had da look nailed and was super confident. I could tell the girls behind the counter really got a kick out of me and I caught customers smiling at me too!! And in a good way you know how you can tell.

Have had bad experiences too...will not lie...again it is always generally when that confident feeling goes away and I get insecure. The magic is gone and things fall apart quickly it seems.

By the way people i meet and a lot more that just look at pics (misleading since I pick da nice ones and its just easier to do a pic than look the same in RL) sometimes tell me I pass! But I know I don't. I pancake on the makeup and I have a deep voice....best I can do is blend in but that requires me to keep my mouth shut!

Oh lord I went long on this one, but nice subject you posted up sweetie.