Is it a hard life being a crossdresser?

[KateSpade83]

Is it a hard life being a crossdresser? How were your experiences - jobs, social, women?

For me, yes, it was a hard life. Many jobs didn't last long when they found out. I'm ostracized by the "in-crowd" in Chicago. And women, I'm not good at finding one and hitting on them. My craigslist crossdresser ad for women only got 2 curious replies, nothing more happened then a tranny chaser hit on me. Didn't go that way!

My current job - I think they spy on me and know, but it doesn't bother them! My boss gave me the gay hand testing me, but I ignored him. Nothing further has happened.

[Sherlyn]

I'd rather think of it as a fun part of my life Kate..nothing hard about it all ..and I don't advertise the fact I do at work...matter fact they wouldn't believe me anyways if i showed pictures ...lol

[docrobbysherry]

I'd rather think of it as a fun part of my life Kate..nothing hard about it all ..and I don't advertise the fact I do at work...matter fact they wouldn't believe me anyways if i showed pictures ...lol

Sherlyn speaks for me, too. Except no one, not even the CDs here, would believe Sherry was me, if u saw my Robert pics!

I think, if your CDing isn't fun, your not doing it rite! ( TG/TS folks, please excuse my comments. I know many of u r either trans, or thinking about it. That must be quite traumatic, as well as life changing. And it doesn't sound like fun to me).

[Sarah Doepner]

Kate, I'm with the others. Being a crossdresser is one of the last groups to get any understanding. I am amazed that you are out there trying to get accepted but not surprised at the response you are getting. If you want to walk that path, I wish you the best of luck and the strength to continue.

[emmicd]

Crossdressing is not hard for me. It is a part of me and I need to integrate it as part of my life. What's hard is being TG. If you feel trapped in the wrong body that is very sad.

emmi

[Joanne f]

It is bit of a lottery being a cross dresser as it all depends on where you live, who you live with, who your friends are , who you work with , no one knows how tolerant these people will be until you come out with it then it is ether OK or to late. some can cope with the rejection of others while some will not , i think that is a fact that you have to take into account before you come out in the open with it .




joanne

[Maria2222]

Part of it has been easy for me because I've always accepted being a CD as a natural part of me.
As for the intolerance of others, I'm a closet CD and very happy that way, so I don't have to handle the intolerance. If I ever do decide to go out dressed, then I realize that dealing with that intolerance is going to have to be part of it. Until laws and attitudes change, there are always some who are going to try to make our lives miserable.

[Kate Simmons]

Only as hard as we ourselves make it Kate. I never take myself that seriously in any case. I just have fun with it.:)

[Holly]

I wouldn't call it hard at all. More like a relief, finally accepting myself for who I am.

[bgirl]

Yep. It can be that. Its not always fun either. Flip side of the same phenominum. Part of the experience. I wish it could all be fun. When it is fun, nothing could be better. When its not, it can be a real drag.
Its not easy. It has driven me into closets at times. Denial and even to tears.
Big crocidile tears. It is worth every minute just to be who I am. The joy of freedom in my heart is something I hope will someday be able to be brought fully into the light of day, any day.
The old saying,----------anything worth having is worth working for.

[jennifer41356]

never a problem with me and if for any reason someone found out at work and it made my job difficult , i will not hesitate to sue them...that is just wrong

I could not really care if I am not a part of the "in" crowd, whoever they may be , because they are usually mindless lemmings , a slave to the Madison Ave admen:2c::brolleyes:

[jill s]

For me it's getting harder to not let it damage my marriage. Being a teen CD was scary and confusing. The years between 20 and 40 were pretty easy as I had no urge to bring it out of the closet. All together I wouldn't recommend it if one has a choice, not that I believe most of us do really.

[Samantha43]

It has not been a difficult part of my life. Samantha is a very fun and important part of my life......but only a part of my life. I am many other things too. A husband, father, employee, coach, etc. I am very happily in the closet. No one would ever know that I am a crossdresser. Complications are something I don't need. I do have an accepting wife, so that helps with the emotional part.

I guess the most difficult thing for me is finding the time. I am very active and sometimes must go for months without dressing.

[DemonicDaughter]

what is "the gay hand" test?

[Emily Anderson]

Well, at times it's difficult, and at other times it's great fun. Then again, isn't that true of everything in life? If we want to get somewhere, we have to put in the effort, take the good and the bad together, and decide for ourselves whether the balance is right.

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

What is the "GAY Hand test"? What does it indicate? I'm a CrossDresser but not Gay.

Personally, I don't want to cause trouble for myself by letting people know I'm a Crossdresser at work. I wear the clothes I wear for me, some are feminine shirts or spandex black boot-cut style pants. I don't wear bra's, forms, wigs or jewelry etc. that would set-off alarms for most of my co-workers. I'm sure some have thoughts that I lean in the feminine direction but this is my limit at work. I do the major crossdressing at home and on my own time. You need to balance this life-style with the real world.

:daydreaming: My fantasy would be that anyone could dress however they wish without fear or repercussions. But we don't live in that kind of world, things change very slowly, so I change slowly. I do applaud you for the courage to go out dressed and pushing the envelope further than I. But realize when you push the envelope out, sometimes the world pushes back. :2c: :battingeyelashes:

[CD Susan]

The only thing that I ever considered hard, or more aptly put difficult, was living the life of a cd while being married to a wife who did not approve of it. The lies and feelings of deciet and dishonesty were indeed hard to live with. That has all changed and the life I live now as a cd could not be any easier.

[Beth-Lock]

Kate, I find it hard too.
You would think, without a job to worry about, living alone, no relationship with an S.O. to deal with, and so on, I have the best possiblity of being happy with it and indulging it.
Yet, I get very unhappy, depressed and frustrated.

[KateSpade83]

what is "the gay hand" test?

In America bending the hand down at the wrist is a gay signal. I think my boss knows about my crossdressing because people followed and spied on me after work. My boss gave me the "gay hand" while talking to me, and I just guessed he was just testing me if I was gay. Happened too in previous jobs.

[Nicole Erin]

It is fun yes but sometimes wanting to pass or getting read while out and people being smart alec is not fun, so yeah being CD has it's challenges.


what is "the gay hand" test?

HAHAHAHAHAH!!! :heehee: Kate has a way with words like no one here.
And I don't think she is trying to be comical like say Trannie T enjoys being.

OK EDIT - KAte answered...

Kate dear, I have a feeling you are being a BIT paranoid about things. I mean no one is going around spying on you or sending subliminal signals...

[KateSpade83]

Kate dear, I have a feeling you are being a BIT paranoid about things. I mean no one is going around spying on you or sending subliminal signals...

Every company I work for spies on me because I work with company designs / info and I could be an industrial spy if I wanted to.

[Karren H]

My life is WONDERFUL!!!!! And i wouldn't have it any other way....

[Pattie O]

Yes I.ve found it quite difficult as Im married with 2 kids and my wife does not approve

[Pattie O]

Currently Im wearing lingerie to bed at night under my pjs ;had my back waxed and have shaved my legs/and removed my chest/body hair ;BUT my wife doesnt like me without a beard that i wear;I think she wants to prevent me from looking feminine.can anyone offer any advice as to gradually persuading her that I want to look femine facially also?

[victoriamwilliams1]

The gay hand! I haven't heard that code in at least 20 years.

Anyway, it is only as hard as a person makes it, I have now gotten to the point in my life where I do not care what the public thinks in their own minds when I am out.

The employers spying, It is 100% true since at one time I was in charge of tracking Internet usage for a company, most companies use hidden programs that report to a central location or they use the router logs.

For the most part they do not care unless your sending trade secrets out. They also can read you company emails too which is 100% legal as long as the email is NAME@YOURCOMPANY.___.

[sandra-leigh]

They also can read you company emails too which is 100% legal as long as the email is NAME@YOURCOMPANY.___.

Ummm, that's rather a simplification of the legal state in Canada and the USA; it is rather less true in Canada.

Closer would be to say that in Canada and the USA, commercial companies that are not working on federal or state contracts generally have a legal right to read the email sent through their systems if they have clearly notified you that they might do so. If there are federal or state contracts involved, then the legal rights become less clear. By the time you get to a situation such as mine, working directly for the Canadian government (rules are different in the USA), email can only be monitored if there is a proven work requirement to do so. The section I work for does not do enough secret work to be legally authorized to do routine monitoring of email; other sections such as large parts of Defence do have sufficient security requirements for routine monitoring.

In the USA, commercial companies on the public stock exchange may be required by law to monitor employee email, in order to prove that there is no "insider trading" going on.

[DemonicDaughter]

In America bending the hand down at the wrist is a gay signal. I think my boss knows about my crossdressing because people followed and spied on me after work. My boss gave me the "gay hand" while talking to me, and I just guessed he was just testing me if I was gay. Happened too in previous jobs.

Yeah... living in America myself, New York no less with all the wonderful diverse culture, I know what most people consider that "signal".

Oddly did you know it originates with women? See when a man greeted a woman she would hold her hand out, slightly bent at the wrist, for him to kiss. It became acquainted with being gay because they categorized the behavior as more feminine (also because of the showing off of rings).

Now if you think about it that way, it would be more a MtF "signal", no?

Did you ever think your boss might be gay?

Or something crazy, like... he just moved his hands that way?

Here I am envisioning all these straight guys trying to do everything in life without bending their wrists in fear of being thought gay. :lol:

And anyone can be an industrial spy. Its called "selling out" and happens all the time in businesses. If your boss really wanted to get to you, he would have had you sign a confidentiality contract and the moment there's suspicion would simply fire you under that clause.

But you are right, a lot of employers "spy" on their employees. Some because they can't just let go of all control, or because they feel the person isn't working up to standards as well as various other reasons. I use to be one of those "spies", they called us "efficiency experts". I'd be more concerned about what about your job they feel you need to be watched for than if they want to know what kind of underwear you have on.

[KateSpade83]

It's confusing getting the gay hand from women. Are they saying I'm gay or do they want to be hit on?

If I was gay I still wouldn't touch my boss. And my boss is somewhat ugly.

I work on "unclassified but secret" stuff everyday.

Crossdressing brings joy to my life too, and it's such an adventure trip shopping in drag! Not everything is a hard life. Just a reduced social scene and my past employment sucked because of being found out.

[karynspanties]

Patti, it's your face. If you want to shave off the beard then do it. One thing my wife and I agree on whole heartedly, we would never tell each other how to or what we can or cannot do to our bodies. Fortunetly, she likes me smooth all over. She hates body and facial hair. If you have to tell a white lie...just tell her your tired of the itchiness and upkeep of a beard. I know I had one a looooooong time ago and that's why I got rid of it. Made the wife very happy!

[battybattybats]

Oddly did you know it originates with women? See when a man greeted a woman she would hold her hand out, slightly bent at the wrist, for him to kiss. It became acquainted with being gay because they categorized the behavior as more feminine (also because of the showing off of rings).

Didn't the kissing of womens hands come in as a result of the chivalric romance elevation of courtly love but originate before that in the practice of kissing the Popes ring of office?

Of course in Ancient Egypt and Ancient Ireland one greeted respectfully the king or Pharoah with nipple-sucking!

[Joanne f]

In America bending the hand down at the wrist is a gay signal. I think my boss knows about my crossdressing because people followed and spied on me after work. My boss gave me the "gay hand" while talking to me, and I just guessed he was just testing me if I was gay. Happened too in previous jobs.


So that's why my wife keeps telling me about my hand jesters :D:devil::D


joanne

[DemonicDaughter]

It's confusing getting the gay hand from women. Are they saying I'm gay or do they want to be hit on?

If I was gay I still wouldn't touch my boss. And my boss is somewhat ugly.

I work on "unclassified but secret" stuff everyday.

Crossdressing brings joy to my life too, and it's such an adventure trip shopping in drag! Not everything is a hard life. Just a reduced social scene and my past employment sucked because of being found out.

I don't mean to sound difficult (okay, well not this time, lol) but I don't think as many people are giving you the "test" as you think. I mean... most women feel they have "gaydar" and don't need to give hand signals. I don't think most men do either. Actually, now that I think about it... I don't know anyone that does any sort of social "test" like that. They either ask outright, wait for the person to slip up or just don't give a crap.


Didn't the kissing of womens hands come in as a result of the chivalric romance elevation of courtly love but originate before that in the practice of kissing the Popes ring of office?

Of course in Ancient Egypt and Ancient Ireland one greeted respectfully the king or Pharoah with nipple-sucking!

Although the gesture originated in courts, its my understanding it goes much further back than the pope. It was a sign of royalty to kiss the seal worn on the hem, hand or lapel (where the kissing of both cheeks supposedly comes from).

There's tons of things like this... but then this thread would go way off topic. And wouldn't that be a shame...:straightface:

[Empress Lainie]

Wow DD does that mean the pope is GAY?

[Beth-Lock]

I thought the feminine gender is indicated in a soft handshake, even a partial rather than a full grip. But it does not necessarily mean all transgendered people seeking the female gender role do it. I find it slightly annoying to shake hads with an acquaintance who has transitioned, (and generally wears a skirt), and be greeted with a firm handshake, while I prefer to give, a softer handshake myself. It really is confusing.

[Emma England]

If bending the hand down is seen as gay, then we need a new gesture to signify cds.

[AKAMichelle]

In America bending the hand down at the wrist is a gay signal. I think my boss knows about my crossdressing because people followed and spied on me after work. My boss gave me the "gay hand" while talking to me, and I just guessed he was just testing me if I was gay. Happened too in previous jobs.

I would say that anyone who knows about the gay hand shake and uses it as a test to figure you out may have something to tell you. :devil:

[CaptLex]

Looks like I failed the gay hand test, but it's not my fault . . . at the meeting they told me the gesture was optional. :heehee:

[DemonicDaughter]

Wow DD does that mean the pope is GAY?

No, but he's definitely a CDer! I mean... an outfit like that!? Come on, he's not fooling anyone! :heehee:

[Brianna1]

Love that sense of humour!! Well he's in Australia at the moment and he's apologized for the abuse by the clergy of some children. Maybe he needs to apologize to us for his dress sense!
FASHION POLICE! FASHION POLICE!! there's never a friggin cop when you want one...:lol:

[Laura_Stephens]

No, but he's definitely a CDer! I mean... an outfit like that!? Come on, he's not fooling anyone! :heehee:

Underdressing? :eek:

[Amy Hepker]

Try the online dating www.flirt.com the people seem to be more apt to go for crossdressers.

The thing about a job is that you want to wait until you have been at the job for at least a year before you bring it out in the open. I know you said you were followed and many office company places do this to see what kind on neighborhood you are from. It is not right, but it does happen. Is it right that an employer check you credit before you get a job??? To me that is not right either.

[Laura_Stephens]

Try the online dating www.flirt.com the people seem to be more apt to go for crossdressers.

The thing about a job is that you want to wait until you have been at the job for at least a year before you bring it out in the open. I know you said you were followed and many office company places do this to see what kind on neighborhood you are from. It is not right, but it does happen. Is it right that an employer check you credit before you get a job??? To me that is not right either.

Amy, with all due respect, I disagree with part of what you said. A credit background check is very appropriate if the employee will be handling substancial amounts of cash like a bank teller would. Employers don't hate their employees (well, most don't). Employers (U.S. based) have a legal responsibilty to protect the interests of their stockholders.

Also, most states in the U.S. recognize all non-contractual employees as "at will" employees. That is, the term of the implicit contract is not a defined period and may be terminated by either party at anytime. With that said, courts have held that a person cannot be terminated for no reason whatsoever. There must be a valid business reason for doing so.

[Melora]

"Is It a Hard life being a CD?.."
Only IF You let it be soo.. Hun...
You can do ANYTHING IF YOU WANT TOO!!!

[trannie T]

Melora is spot on!
We all have difficulties in life, our sucess is defined by how we deal with our problems.

[Love-B]

To me is hard. Being an "outed" crossdresser in my country is very difficult... it have cost me almost every job I have applied for. Over here, the outdated mentality of people have no boundaries. Most of the times I'm more than apt for the job, but after they see me in person, they look very obvious when inventing excuses for not giving me the job.

And I know it's because of my looks... I intimidate people. And no one will hire a dude that looks like a chick.

But honestly, I can't do it another way, I can't pretend to be masculine, because I'm not. I don't feel comfortable when dressing fully male neither. I hate it. I wish to start my transition to become a MtF transexual, but need to find a job first.

[Joanne f]

"Is It a Hard life being a CD?.."
Only IF You let it be soo.. Hun...
You can do ANYTHING IF YOU WANT TOO!!!


Yes you can do anything you want to , but you have to remember that every action has a reaction .
It is not the action of the Cd er that is the problem , it is the reaction to the Cd er which can cause the problems that may make your life harder than it would be other wise.
This is what some of us have to think about before we blindly step into the big wide world.



joanne

[quietone]

i find it hard. due to the people i know. lots of people dont understand what crossdressing is. they all of a sudden think your gay. i feel its harder 4 a crossdresser 2 come out of the closet then a gay person. i feel like a gay person is more accepted.it sucks when you have 2 hide from people when i have 2 crossdress.

[danam]

For me it's getting harder to not let it damage my marriage. Being a teen CD was scary and confusing. The years between 20 and 40 were pretty easy as I had no urge to bring it out of the closet. All together I wouldn't recommend it if one has a choice, not that I believe most of us do really.

Me too! And, for me, it was more like between 20 and 35 that I had no urge to bring it out of the closet. Something switched in my brain around 35 and I started to think, what the hell...but I still care enough to keep it in the closet, I've just started to explore and post stuff online.

Does this mean that when I'm 40 I will really go nuts with CDing?

[Andi]

......Does this mean that when I'm 40 I will really go nuts with CDing?

Dana, I'm willing to bet you will. I became more obsessed as I gained more free time. Kids left home, work got less demanding, I retired, etc and now all I can do is think about being/looking like a woman. I am always looking at and studying women - in magazines, on TV, in public - and imagining their hair, makeup, clothes on me. Femininity is a potent drug and highly addictive. :daydreaming:

[Amanda_Robinson]

Kate,

Try to remember that your coworkers cannot read your mind. They have no idea what you do in your private time. If folks really are following you home from work then I think they have a serious problem. That would probably qualify as harassment where I work.

I used to stress over it quite a bit thinking someone might see missed traces of maskara,lipstick or eye liner on my face or something like that. The truth is they don't know what you ate for dinner, what you watched on TV or what clothes were on your body the night before. In fact odds are that you know or work with someone who also likes dressing up and you can't tell either ! :)

I hope you are feeling better soon, Kate.

~Amanda

[Lidia_tv]

Kate,

Try to remember that your coworkers cannot read your mind.

Hallelujah to that! I guess that's one of my worst fears :o

[Bev06 GG]

The gay hand! I haven't heard that code in at least 20 years.

Anyway, it is only as hard as a person makes it, I have now gotten to the point in my life where I do not care what the public thinks in their own minds when I am out.

NAME@YOURCOMPANY.___.
Yep Victoria I couldnt agree more. Someone once said that your Attitude determines your Altitude. I know it isn't always a barrel of laughts choosing an alternative life style, but if we do we have to be prepared to make the odd sacrifice and put ourselves out or suffer the consequences.

Bev