Sometimes You Scare Me (Help..)

[halfman_halfamazing]

how is it you know everything about me before i ever even said it
sometimes its such a rush that i can hardly even bear it
so i really want to say,
sometimes you scare me
sometimes you scare me
it makes me think that i can never lie
you even held my hand and kissed me first when i was too shy
but you knew i wanted it
yes you knew i wanted it
but i don't know how you knew
so i just want to say,
sometimes you scare me
sometimes you scare me
you sat there and decoded every lie i ever told
tore me apart with something that was never to unfold
i'm not what i want to be
no, i'm not what i want to be
so i just want to say
sometimes i scare me
sometimes i scare me


a conversation with my girlfriend.

- just thought you were putting something you bought in your underwear
- no
- figured you faked it when id touch you
- no
- you can feel it when i squeeze you right? thats you?
- yeah
- if its not ron its okay. take it out. i dont want you having something in your pants that doesnt belong.
- quit it
- just please no more lies please i want you all of you be honest with me



nauseous. i don't know what to do.
because if i tell her. thats it. i'm not in the fantasy world that i want to be in where i can be who i want anymore.
she'll know.

[xTwo_Of_Heartsx]

she doesn't know you're not genetic??
.. also, why would she know you pack if she didn't know you're trans?

[Katherine Bell]

Thank you for sharing that-- it was beautiful yet poignant.

I think she knows. As difficult as it will be to share that and leave your fantasy, perhaps, just perhaps the reality will be so much better.

I can not begin to identify with what you are feeling and wanting. But I have a fantasy of who I want to be too and I presented that fantasy to my partner. It's not all fantasy I am mostly that person. However the parts not true had to come clean. It's hard and I still sometimes wish for the fantasy. But being loved for who you really are is so much more powerful than being loved for what you want her to think you are.

[ZenFrost]

I think it may be time to come out and tell her. I can only imagine how hard it must be, but the longer you put it off the more she'll suspect now and the harder it will be. The only advice I can give is to try to cushion it, tell her first how much you care and that you never meant to hurt her. :hugs:

[Alan]

If she suspects and you tell her no, and then later you tell her yes, actually, then my guess would be that she'll have trouble trusting you again later on -- that is, if she even gets over you having lied to her about this. You can talk to her about how you really don't want to give up your fantasy and ways to work around that, but lying is one of those things people take the hardest.