Wholeness and completeness

[Kate Simmons]

Since I've balanced myself and integrated my feelings, I feel whole and complete as a person. That being the case, I really do not "need" a woman or man for that matter to feel complete. The question is "Where do I go from here?" I do socialize and am accepted in both modes by my friends. Sometimes though I ask myself the same question that V'Ger asked in Star Trek-The Motion Picture. "Is this all I am? Is there nothing more?" What I've realized is that there indeed is.

As a natural consequence of getting in touch with myself and my feelings and not being afraid or ashamed of expressing them, I realize that I have a power and ability that many do not possess which is from a spiritual perspective. I know there is a greater purpose for who we are than simply prancing around in a dress looking pretty. From this standpoint, there is much to be accomplished. Sometimes, however, I wonder if I'm up to the task which is to promote understanding and thereby balance the energies.

Sometimes I feel I'm "missing out" on the simpler things of life which is interaction in relationships. Quite frankly though this is drama which I can do without as it detracts me from my main purpose. Even so, I tend to get frustrated at times just because I have human feelings.

Whatever the case, I continue to move forward. I know this program we call life is about to come to a conclusion. The purpose of it all is to experience feelings and emotions. One day soon we will be analyzing the data and seeing all of what was accomplished. Until that time, I continue to do what I can and be the best person I can possibly be. I can do no less.:)

[paulaN]

Arianna, it sounds like you have found something that so many people can not seem to find. Peace and happieness. good for you. As to where to go from there. beets the heck outa me.

[JoanFlores]

I am very happy for you, I wish that someday I may be so lucky.

[Jonianne]

Hi Arianna,

From my understanding of your post, your main purpose is: "to promote understanding and thereby balance the energies." How can we do that without building trusting relationships and going through all the grief, sorrow and joy that entails?
The tin man in the Wizard of OZ said, Now I know I have a heart - because it is breaking.

[CD Susan]

I know this program we call life is about to come to a conclusion. The purpose of it all is to experience feelings and emotions. One day soon we will be analyzing the data and seeing all of what was accomplished. [/QUOTE]

This is a very interesting evaluation of life.

[docrobbysherry]

I don't understand, but I SO appreciate the updates in your quest/journey. I guess being a novice CD at my advanced age, I still have so much to learn, and so far to go to reach your spot on the mountain. I worry I may run out of time first!:sad:

[Stargirl]

I know what you mean, Arianna. It's impossible to regress for some of us. We won't stand for it. I compare it to trying to fit back into my baby crib. At the end of a really good day, I hesitate to sleep, because I don't want to lose the beauty of a person, or moment from that day. At the end of a really bad day, I can't wait to wander into the dreamscape. I get to see my departed relatives, mystery lovers, and beautiful places, with an occasional "evil doer" and sometimes, I do not want to leave the dreamscape.

Of course, the scientists/bag ladies/anyone can throw in their theories, and therapists may tell me (I never went to one because I have free guides when I need them) "You dream about your dead relatives because you want to". I would reply : "Well, what if I want to dream about them every night, and I don't. What would you say, then ?"

Krishnamurti said "Why do we worry about death when we don't know what it's like ?" And of course, energy is only transformed, so all theories are a big banquet in my opinion. This planet is so tiny, and our heads are small, yet we can ponder so much. Right now, I am pondering a bowl of cookies.

[Empress Lainie]

You are after my own heart Stargirl. BUT I DO KNOW what death is like, having died and returned once. My girlfriend did it 3 times. None of it on purpose either.

As a transgendered woman aware of it very late, at 72, I couldn't possibly live a single day pretending to be a man. 72years of it was far far enough. And the two weeks before my transition when I really tried hard to be a "regular" guy, I hated ever minute of it.

Transitioning was like breaking out of prison. I went 24/7 changed my name and id sex and never looked back.

[Stargirl]

There is a certain awkwardness to being human. We got used to being human, and I am still working on that one. Maybe I should stop trying so hard at it. Society frequently programs behavior with something called "memes". There are days I just want to fly a kite, and laugh. Lainie, I am happy that you had enough of your uncomfortable situation, and became yourself. I wish our society would help people to blossom, and find a productive niche, instead of trying to make us into something ill suited and chaotic. I never wanted to be part of a "herd".

[charlie]

Hello Arianna!
Your inter searching that you have been keeping us informed about is really a blessing to all of us who really are confused as to why we dress, gender bending confusion, feelings about ourselves and even our sexuality. You are sort of our mentor now that you have waded through all of that and have a oneness with both your female and male side. The only sentence that I did not really understand is where you say that what you are doing "detracts from your main purpose". What is your main purpose as you see it? Besides living life, honoring God, and getting an understanding of ourselves, what is our purpose here as you define it? A serious question, not being catty at all.
Charlie

[KayR]

Arianna:
Are you saying that your CD/TVing has completed your spiritual and physical makeup? Did you experience a catharsis, or was it a gradual process? I think most of us do what we do as a result of an inner need, which could be expressed as a lack of a piece of the jigsaw which would complete us - to quote V'Ger is a nice touch, because her/his/its journey was completed when reunited with The Maker. Is this how you see your life? As a journey?
I can see where we, as travellers along the way would collect experiences and engage with other travellers. What I don't understand is what comes next? Having amassed all this stuff, what do we do with it? It clearly would be no good handing the "manual" over to anyone else - a young person, for example - because their journey would be without reason, like having all the postcards, menues, ticket stubs etc., from Disney World without actually having been there.
As I get older, I'm starting to think along the lines of finite development. We are here to contribute to the general state of the hive, if I may put it like that. In so doing, we make our contribution in a negative or positive way, and then go. It is the journey, not the destination which is important.

[Kate Simmons]

Hello Arianna!
Your inter searching that you have been keeping us informed about is really a blessing to all of us who really are confused as to why we dress, gender bending confusion, feelings about ourselves and even our sexuality. You are sort of our mentor now that you have waded through all of that and have a oneness with both your female and male side. The only sentence that I did not really understand is where you say that what you are doing "detracts from your main purpose". What is your main purpose as you see it? Besides living life, honoring God, and getting an understanding of ourselves, what is our purpose here as you define it? A serious question, not being catty at all.
CharlieHi Charlie. My main purpose is to balance energies, nothing more or less. Sometimes along the way I get distracted from that when I get involved with the human dramas even though I relate to them and many are important for others to develop into who they were meant to be. We are really spiritual beings experiencing a human condition in order to understand feelings and emotions. To accomplish this, we are participating in a bio-genic experiment in this reality program. This program is soon scheduled to terminate and we will reach Zero Point which really means nothing other than returning to our former state. It may be hard for some to fathom but it is what it is.:)

[Nikki A.]

My friend, and fellow traveler. I salute you for being able to come to terms with life as we call it. However, we never know where the end is or where we go from here. It's not an end , its a new beginning.

[Vieja]

[QUOTE=Arianna Daniels;1361996]Since I've balanced m is a greater purpose for who we are than simply prancing around in a dress looking pretty.QUOTE]

Alas poor me. I would be perfectly happy if I could prance around in a dress and look pretty. LOL

Vieja

[harmony]

dear arianna!
i think your head is telling you that you have a heart!listen to it!
the intellect is very dominant in our time and to balance that is a major task of our generations.some do it by getting in touch with their fem side....

[Emily Anderson]

Spirituality is all fine and nice, but there's also a thing called reality.

I'm sorry to sound so crass, but I find that this integration of feelings is more about self-indulgence, or even self-delusion.

There simply isn't a state of being which is superior to another. That's what makes the human race so fascinating.

[suzy cool]

. I know there is a greater purpose for who we are than simply prancing around in a dress looking pretty. .:)


Some of the higher vibrations in creation can be achieved by prancing around in a dress looking pretty. The deeper meaningful aspects of personal growth are usually to do with knowledge by pain. Joy, on the otherhand is ...simply prancing about in a dress looking pretty. And Joy is something worth embracing.

[RobertaFermina]

I think of something called the Axis Mundi when I read your thoughts, Arriana..

The Axis about which creation revolves...above the spiritual, below the material/profane....in the middle....the plane of human consciousness.

As a human being, if I move far above, I begin to lose relationship with my material-based heritage and family. If I move far below, I begin to lose relationship with my spiritual-based heritage and family. If I remain in the middle, I live with the amazement, and the heartache of an eternal consciousness in a cycle of life that must end, or constantly cycle through beginning, maturity, and death.

So it goes.

I can take my path and step into a new (unknown to me?) realm of pur(er) spiritual existence, and perhaps an entirely new apposition of above/below within (what, relative to me now, is) a purely spiritual world. And upon that new axis, new tension and awe and heartaches....or who knows what the next real above is...or if it has any relation to the profane and human.


Or this could be all there is....to stand with part of my heart and consciousness in the clouds, and my feet and body on the earth and to know an eternal unrealized possibility of spiritual transcendance, and an eternal unrealized possibility of profanity, immersion in sensation and unconsciousness, and instinct.

Somehow being at the axis and central plane is a blessing and a curse.

If that's all there is, it sure beats oblivion.

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[docrobbysherry]

I think of something called the Axis Mundi when I read your thoughts, Arriana..

The Axis about which creation revolves...above the spiritual, below the material/profane....in the middle....the plane of human consciousness.

As a human being, if I move far above, I begin to lose relationship with my material-based heritage and family. If I move far below, I begin to lose relationship with my spiritual-based heritage and family. If I remain in the middle, I live with the amazement, and the heartache of an eternal consciousness in a cycle of life that must end, or constantly cycle through beginning, maturity, and death.

So it goes.

I can take my path and step into a new (unknown to me?) realm of pur(er) spiritual existence, and perhaps an entirely new apposition of above/below within (what, relative to me now, is) a purely spiritual world. And upon that new axis, new tension and awe and heartaches....or who knows what the next real above is...or if it has any relation to the profane and human.


Or this could be all there is....to stand with part of my heart and consciousness in the clouds, and my feet and body on the earth and to know an eternal unrealized possibility of spiritual transcendance, and an eternal unrealized possibility of profanity, immersion in sensation and unconsciousness, and instinct.

Somehow being at the axis and central plane is a blessing and a curse.

If that's all there is, it sure beats oblivion.

:rose: Roberta :rose:

Roberta,
Now THAT I understand. And it was about the deepist thot expressed on this site in the 10 months I've been here! I'll be thinking about it all nite probably! Thank u!:daydreaming:

[Nadia-Maria]

I'm sorry to sound so crass, but I find that this integration of feelings is more about self-indulgence, or even self-delusion.



Hi Emily,

I share your point of view.
It's about narcissism and rationnalization as well, it seems.

Luvya

Nadia

[Kate Simmons]

What I am not saying is that integration makes one feel superior to anyone else. Quite the opposite in fact. What I am saying is that integration helps me to understand myself and my motivations better. Self indulgence? Possibly but how many are really ready to take things down to the bone and marrow and be totally honest with themself? Only the person themself can determine that.

[Emily Anderson]

As a natural consequence of getting in touch with myself and my feelings and not being afraid or ashamed of expressing them, I realize that I have a power and ability that many do not possess which is from a spiritual perspective. I know there is a greater purpose for who we are than simply prancing around in a dress looking pretty. From this standpoint, there is much to be accomplished.

I wasn't suggesting that integration makes one feel superior to anyone else. I was simply saying that I don't believe any state of being is superior to another.

In other words, if some of us find our purpose by prancing around in a dress looking pretty, then it is equally as powerful as any other state of being. Besides, some people do not have a need to search for anything further.

[Kate Simmons]

I understand Emily and what I meant by that statement was that there is much to be accomplished as far as doing things in a positive way to promote acceptance of us as a community for those who are so inclined. If just going out to be ourselves is the extent of it, that is fine also. The main thing as always is to be comfortable with being who we are.:)

[Nikki K]

Arianna, I'm curious; are you single or do you have an SO?

I feel the same as you in that I don't believe I need a relationship with a man or woman in order to feel complete. Last night I described it to my therapist thus: with my eyes closed and in a state of relaxation she asked how I saw myself right now, I said "I see my body as an empty shell in silhouette; to the left is an image of a female and to the right a male. Either will fit perfectly into the silhouette. Often both inhabit the silhouette simultaneously."


This is fine whilst in isolation but causes distress and conflict when I'm around my extremely loving, but not accepting, SO.

Thus, whilst there are times that I feel "whole" it is only when not in the presence of the one person who truly cares for and loves me.

Nikki

[Kate Simmons]

Hi Nikki. My wife and I are estranged. I do have a current SO however, who is TS. The funny part about all of this is that I have realized that completeness is intrinsic although most of us do not realize it. This is why I always say that CDing is just the tip of the iceberg. Oh sure we feel satisfied and we have fun with it but understanding the deeper feelings is always available for those who are ready to pursue it. It's not always either easy or convenient for many folks though and requires total honesty and introspection.:)