Emotions: For those on Hormones Only!!!

[Kimberley]

I dont ever recall seeing this one so let's get some feedback. I think that the guys on T should wade in here too. I would prefer that only those on hormones answer this because they have a comparison.

Please, if you arent on hormones just read and not respond. Thanks.

It is well known that I have thus far passed on HRT not for lack of wanting but other reasons. I also know that my emotions are all over the map and seem to be at extremes. Anger is explosive when it happens, depression is deep, joy is relished, happiness is preferred as a sense of well being.

Since I have no frame of reference I would like to know how your emotions changed (forget the "I became so calm and the world is rosy line.It is passe and worn out." I want to know how your emotions changed and do you think they are fueled by hormones or are they psychological based. Is it for the better? How?

Thanks to everyone for your replies.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[morgan pure]

This thread is hormone junction.
Hi Kimberly.
Yes, my emotions have changed. I was always a little fem, especially when I was hanging out with a lot of gay guys. It was cool, it was alright. But while I'm not getting noticeably more fem to the very straight people I hang out with now, I feel calmer.
When I first started I flushed when asked a question at a business meeting. That has never happened to me. I felt overwhelmed by the world and my responsiblities. That stopped by the 3rd week. Now I just feel more peaceful. I used to have a terrible temper (I've referred to that in another post), and I don't have a trace of it anymore. And I'm smoking LESS pot!
I don't want to say exactly how long I've been dressing, but my first bra was my mother's circle-stitched cotton 34-A. I have always loved women although I've had a lot of gay sex (often in drag). Getting my own tits is the only thing I've always wanted and haven't been able to get. Modernity (it's really a word) and the internet have made it possible.
Morgan

[CaptLex]

On the other side of the road . . . testosterone has made me calmer, less emotional, more focused, less moody, less depressed, more optimistic. :)

The physical effects are generally great, which I'm sure also contributes to the emotional stuff, but you didn't ask for those, so I won't get into it.

[Dawn D.]

Kimberley,

Well, I have only been on E for a little over two month's. I started noticing a real change in emotions about a month into taking them. I have always had anger issues, hot temper and nearly uncontrollable rage. Simply put, I do not have these issues any longer. No more road rage, no more throwing things when I become frustrated, etc. Those are probably the biggest emotional aspects to my awareness yet. I know that I feel much more positive about anything and everything (with the exception of maybe the economy, but I digress). My kids have both seen the difference and commented to their mother and each other about it. "What's up with dad? He seems so much happier", are the comments my wife relates to me. I feel, I can make clearer decisions. Whether it is about business or our personal affairs. I can take criticism better. That is a biggy!

In a word, I think more than anything else it should be described as better self-control! However, I love to watch those corny chick flix with my wife and, yup, I come away with tears in my eyes like never before! I find that I am much more sensitive to others feelings, I will listen when they talk instead of trying to over-talk them. If you knew me before and experience me now, you'd think for sure I had received electroshock therapy or something if you didn't know already that I am on hormones. Speaking of therapy. I will add this. Before going on hormones, I was and still am receiving professional therapy. It in itself made a lot of difference in how I see the world and those in it. It helped me know that the two attempts at suicide that I displayed in front of my dear wife was really an attempt at emotional blackmail to force her to accept me for who I am. All the while, not being necessary. But, through mental health therapy my emotional health was brought to a point that I was ready for accepting the hormone therapy and all the benefits that I am now receiving from it.



Dawn

[Sharon]

My emotions were also all over the place..., until I started hormones a year-and-a-half ago. Believe me, people tell stories about my mood swings from back then. Unlike some others, it also acted as an anti-depressant for me, which my Endo told me was very common.

Where the root of my relatively recent improvement lies, I'm not sure. I can't say whether the hormones are directly responsible or whether it is simply that I am more well adjusted now that I am moving forward and being free to be who I am.

Hormones are not a cure-all for everyone, but for me they certainly were.

[AmberTG]

I can't say that I experienced much of an emotional difference with spiro and estrogen, but I think that was because I was on an anti-depressant for about 7-8 months for my clinical depression before I started on the hormones. The anti-depressant had already straightened out my crazy mood swings, so any estrogen effects were subtle. I have changed significantly since I started on HRT, but I don't know how much of that is a direct result of the HRT, and how much of it was just from letting my personality out of hiding. I always had to hide my tendency to have behaviors that were similar to the girls around me, but I don't hide it much anymore.

[Sara Violet]

I have been on E for 10 months, and I totally agree with morgan pure. Before hormones I was very self aware and even though I was living full time I did not act the part very well, E has made my emotions more intense. In my case I almost lost my job because I could not control them (as a man I kept all my emotions to myself). Still, it took me until recently to really adapt. I find that I cry very easy, and while I get depressed some times, its easier controlled than that " I should have been born a girl" depression I had all my life. As for anger, I used to have an uncontrollable temper (there are many things in this world that have dents from me), now I'm just pitiful. I get angry then I end up in tears. Its sad but I love it. I feel like this is who I am and that is the "calming feeling " to me.

Sara

[Jennifer_G_2]

I have been on estradiol for 4 months now, and it has quieted my mind severely. I am much happier and more emotional. I can see how depression can occur, I have experienced hints of it, but I found at least for me it is more because I am giving much more emotion to my thought processes and feeling "sad" seems more acceptable in a wierd way. I used to have anxiety issues, and since HRT, they have all but fallen by the wayside.

Its almost like a feeling of knowing it is how I should have been feeling all along.

Jen

[Kimberley]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I am sure they are beneficial to everyone. We always hear about the physical things but there is so much more to this than just that and it was my hope that these are the kinds of responses that might help others. Thank you again for myself and others who might be thinking of HRT.

Now to take this a step further if I may. Have you noticed any personality changes beyond the emotional ones here? I am thinking in terms of capitulating male priviledge and such. And for the guys, have you seen an increase in this sort of thing? How do you feel about these changes? Have they made you feel better about yourself, the same or confused etc.

:hugs::hugs:
Kimberley

[Sara Violet]

I can't say it did for me. For myself I can say that taking hormones has helped make me very passable and with that, not only am I treated as a woman, others expect me to act the part. If I try the whole privilege thing, I won't get very far.


Although I will say that I feel much more vulnerable, whether it because of the hormones or from being treated as a woman in today's world I can not say.

[morgan51]

I am 7 months into E my mood swings have lessened as has depression issues, I have more patience and clarity I never experienced before my wife agrees it is the best thing for us at this time she likes the way I have calmed and the lack of aggression I had before. I like the changes in my deportment and body too. the calming is terrific for our marriage relations and has let us become a happier couple.

[CaptLex]

Now to take this a step further if I may. Have you noticed any personality changes beyond the emotional ones here? I am thinking in terms of capitulating male priviledge and such. And for the guys, have you seen an increase in this sort of thing? How do you feel about these changes? Have they made you feel better about yourself, the same or confused etc.
Ah yes male privilege is a thorny subject with me and it does confuse me. I just don't understand why people are treated differently because of what they have between their legs.

I think most transguys are taken by surprise the first time they experience it from the other end. It's little things like the waiter not automatically taking your order first, or women expecting you to let them first on the bus even if you've been waiting for it a lot longer. I'm still getting used to it, but I find the whole thing silly really.

The real personality change for me is that I feel freer to speak up now - not that I was a shrinking violet before. It's nice when people take you seriously, though it's silly that it's probably just because you present as male. :tongue:

[Jena11]

Well, I sure have noticed a difference in my emotions, Mostly I am so much more calm, It has been very strange. I seem to laugh and feel really good when having fun with friends. My docotors asked about depression and weight gain. I have been trying to be healthy for quite some time so I have not gained weight or feel depressed at all. I have been through alot of stress that I am actually dealing much better with than I would have last year before the hormones. It is the strangest thing to me I have never actually felt like this before in my whole life. I just survived with the depression and stress of being a boy when I did not want to and felt that there was something wrong with me. I was so afraid to talk to anyone that I never really opened up myself enough. I am not saying my life is perfect but It sure makes it easier for me to deal with life. I still have more challenges ahead as I continue with hormones and changes. Jen

[AmberTG]

I don't think that hormones have changed my personality in any real way, I was always the way I am, I just had to hide it deep inside in order to function in a male dominated society. I think the combination of hormones and transition have just allowed me to give myself "permission" to show my real personality. I haven't quite been able to let it all out yet, old habits are hard to change. After so many years of hiding my personality, it's not that easy to let it out in the open, but I'm working on it.

[Kimberley]

Interesting comments Amber. I say that because I was rereading Carl Bushong's site last night. I dont agree with everything he says but in general I do.

Anyway, one of his philosophies is that we must deconstruct the male personality. This is something I disagree with but I do believe that we let the female emerge on her own to become the dominant one.

Any thoughts?

:hugs:
Kimberley

[Sara Violet]

I believe we are all really just females, its just the barriers we place to allow us to survive as males we have to overcome.

As a boy growing up if I did something girly I would be verbally punished, so I would put up a mental barriers to not do it again. (best way I can explain it)

After a time I feel like they add up like spam and choke off who we really are.

As a woman I found that I had to teach myself to ignore the barriers, telling my self it's ok.
Like, Its ok to use my hands to talk, Its ok to giggle, its ok act shy, Its ok to hug a friend..ect. Hormones have made this so much easier almost natural.

[AmberTG]

I would tend to agree somewhat with Sara V on this. I think it's probably inside us all along and just needs to be let out of hiding. In order to do that we have to deconstruct at least some of the walls we've built over our lifetimes to protect ourselves. I suppose you could call it "deconstructing the male persona", it's usually a construct that we've made over the years. If you have a male personality, as opposed to persona, that you need to change for transition, you have no business taking hormones in the first place.

[MJ]

On the other side of the road . . . testosterone has made me calmer, less emotional, more focused, less moody, less depressed, more optimistic. :)

The physical effects are generally great, which I'm sure also contributes to the emotional stuff, but you didn't ask for those, so I won't get into it.

it's been 3 years now for me . My emotions were also all over the place but like so many here i feel so much better about myself except for me i became very emotional and sensitive too i cry way too easy anything and nothing can set me off ...oh and the weight issue ..


I would tend to agree somewhat with Sara V on this. I think it's probably inside us all along and just needs to be let out of hiding. In order to do that we have to deconstruct at least some of the walls we've built over our lifetimes to protect ourselves. I suppose you could call it "deconstructing the male persona", it's usually a construct that we've made over the years. If you have a male personality, as opposed to persona, that you need to change for transition, you have no business taking hormones in the first place.

the hard part was reinventing myself after all there is no school for this you just do it. also it take time to deconstruct over 40 + years of male persona

[sybercom11]

My emotions are NOT all over the place at all. I know I have become much calmer in general, and rarely get angry. But I do cry at the drop of the hat. And that's not necessarily all bad crying. I mean I cry when I see a new baby or kittens or a soldier greeting his wife after a year away.

[Kimberley]

Great stuff ladies!!!

After several years of therapy (and diligent journaling) I think the barrier thing is an absolute. From my perspective, I am less concerned about what others think in general but still concerned in specific areas of family, so in that regard, there is a great deal more "freedom" as opposed to what was. Very freeing overall. I think that for me, once those areas are addressed the HRT and electro will begin. Soon I hope. I am not rushing anything but I am curious as to what to expect and your insights have been tremendous. Thanks.

[CaptLex]

Great stuff ladies!!!
Ahem! :raisedeyebrow:

[Kimberley]

AND Gents....:love:

[MJ]

as this is about hormones did anyone experience weight gain on hrt or testosterone ?

[Dawn D.]

MJ,I have been fighting my weight for the last month. Before starting HRT, I had recently lost over 25 lb. I was down do 173. For being 5' 10", I didn't think it was too bad, but, I was hoping to get another 9-10 lb. off. Well, now all of a sudden I find I'm back up to 182. Now, I have several tops and dresses that I can't get into. Time for more salads and exercise! Yuk!


Dawn

[Teresa Amina]

did anyone experience weight gain on hrt

While I'm above my immediate pre-estrogen low of 174lb I am, at E+1yr, below the two years before estrogen high of 194lb, midway in fact- 184lbs. I've always liked chubby girls, now I get to be one! :D
As far as mood goes the difference is not great in the tearing up department but I am immensely more happy in general :)

[melissaK]

hmmm. I am on a low dose regimine. When I dip too low on E - I think I am prone to a bit of short temperedness. When I run high, I seem a lot happier and closer to my feelings.

Certainly there is some subjectivity in those statements. No two days present me with the same problems or circumstances, so winnowing out what part of my mood is "the influence of E" from what is a justifiable natural response to whatever is going on is really hard to decide.

hugs,
'lissa

[Scotty]

Lissa I am the same way...

[natasha]

I should be starting hormones in less than a month. I am one of the wierd ones, I guess, I could stand to gain a few pounds!! I'll let you all know if anything happens in that department.

[melissaK]

I posted this in another thread with similar topic:

From here: http://www.eje-online.org/cgi/conten...5/suppl_1/S107

"Indeed, in transsexuals, cross-sex hormone treatment induces changes in behavior and cognitive performance on tests that are known to manifest differences between males and females. In MFs, 3 months of estrogen addition and testosterone suppression resulted in a decline in anger and aggression proneness, sexual arousal, sexual desire, and spatial ability (usually males outperform females) and in an increase in verbal fluency (usually females outperform males) (24, 26, 27). In FMs, 3 months of testosterone treatment was associated with an increase in aggression proneness, sexual arousal, and spatial ability performance, whereas it had a deteriorating effect on verbal fluency tasks (25, 28). These behavioral and cognitive findings in transsexuals following cross-sex hormone treatment are in line with the studies reporting influences of endogenous and exogenous sex hormones on behavior and cognition, as well as on cortical brain activation, in non-transsexual adult humans (29, 30). Whether functional brain changes accompany the anatomical brain changes in transsexuals remains to be elucidated using functional brain imaging techniques."

Your brain size physically changes on HRT. The changes have functional effects. I haven't found a study saying whether going back and forth damages your brain, (or the brains of test rats). The above study only says:

"Thus, our reported volume changes in the brains of transsexuals following cross-sex hormone treatment may represent alterations in neuronal cell numbers or the number of synapses. However, more work is needed to uncover particular cells and specific genes on which testosterone (and estrogen) act to regulate cell death in the central nervous system (35). "

hugs,
'lissa

[Steph Butterfield]

Hi Kimberley,

The emotions you are experiencing are the norm, they should subside within a few months, they did for me. I got these immense mood swings 3 months into HRT, my emotions seemed to level off by month 7 or 8.

I am still emotional, but just like a genetic woman, if I'm upset, then I cry, where as in the past I would not have done so.

Weight has been an issue as the weight gain has gone straight to my tummy region not my hips as I had hoped.

I think you'll be ok

xx

Stephanie

[Anna the Dub]

When I started on hormones, I too, was all over the place. Whether that was the hormones or my state of mind at the time I really cannot say. Perhaps it was both. After a few months, it settled down. Now I would say I am a fairly balanced person. I don't have mood swings anymore, but I am very emotional. However, I think that this was always my natural state, it was just that as a child I was just too repressed to allow my inner feelings to surface. Now I couldn't keep them in even if I tried. So, I cry at the drop of a hat, I like chick flics, I like chick lit, I cry at weepies, I find children and pets sweet, and I am one big softie. In some ways I am almost a cliche. My GG best friend thinks it's all very cute. I think that the emotional me is not as a result of hormones, it is just that being on them has given me the confidence to allow my inner feelings to be expressed.