wife is so mad

[DeniseNJ]

It's not like my wife don't know about my Cding . When we first met she suggested I go as a girl to a halloween party, that was about 21 years ago, little did she know that I was so elated. I kinda went all out shaved legs make-up wig but no polished nails. I was a hit at the party and looked good. after that early on in my relationship I dressed and we had playful sex and she was Ok with that. about 6 years later I dressed again as denise for a halloween party , this time glue on nails and I looked and felt great we even went to the Casinos afterwards and to mingle with others as denise was great. For the past 5 years now the wife totally is disgusted with my Cding. Yes it had created many fights. I only had about 2 pictures of Denise on the computer about 2 years aho but the fall of 06 and after finding this site My desire to be woman made me dress more and push it a little farther in my prep to be Denise. Well I made my first treck out alone as Denise in Nov of 07 and Oh what a thrill, I had all day to make Denise look good and took pics as I took many pics before and stored them in my computer in a (what I thought was a hidden file ) About 75 pictures. The wife don't know about my going out alone as Denise, but I had a few pictures of Denise with a few GG's mixed in. One day I recieve about 8 e-mails from my wife yea I labeled them Drag shots . She found them, I did wear some of my wifes clothes but I braved the racks at Good will for a little stash of my own. I have about 7 pair of heels, along with a few outfits. She is so mad that I wore her clothes not to mention she totally believes I am GAY( ALL crossdresers are gay and queer in her mind.) I copied all my pics on a disc and got rid of all the pics but she said she found more. economic situations is why I am still here. I can't even mention Denise without her getting pisssed and I so look to this fall to shave my legs, darn I can't even wear polish on my toes around her anymore:sad::sad::sad: How I love to polish my toes and slip into sexy open toe heels. I am kinda a scared that if I left her the extent of me dressing feminine would get stronger and people would start realizing I am a Cder. I hate sneeking around and I still get in some dressing BUT I am so sad that she hates it so much. Could it be that she see how far I am willing to go to be convinecing as a woman... yes i do have fantacies but a guy isn't in them but other cders are.. any suggestions as what to do!!!

[Shelly Preston]

You need to be able to communicate before you can do anything

Once you mange that you can explain all the other things Like most CD's not being gay
You may even get her to join here one day so she can chat to others in the same position as her

[nikki.darlington]

Denise...it seems that most of the times she has been mad was when she found out about your dressing without her, not from you dressing with her...perhaps she is jealous of you having that part of your life in secret, and does think more is going on such as gay sex.

would long chat with her and a pledge to include her fully into your dressing help, do you think? good luck...kisses...nikki

[Wendy me]

you know what totally gets me is cross dressers that post like it's them that are the ones we should feel sorry for like it's all abought them and the wife not seeing things their way....

my wife is less than supportive but small steps we are working on that ..... see i look at things from her side (even though it's not easy) i try to bring things up in small steps building a level of acceptance that she is comfy with .... i love her and her comfort and trust come before what i want...........

abought her clothes unless she says yes leave them alone .... brave you at the good will well my dear if you want to explore your fem side then getting out shopping is something your going to have to do..... suck it up and hit the stores.... might not be a bad thing to take her shopping and buy her some new things and promise you won't wear them ....

yes i do have fantacies but a guy isn't in them but other cders are.. any suggestions as what to do!!!


excuse me other CDER'S are "GUY'S" if your not planing on totally destroying your marriage with your wife skip that part.... she says your gay hook up with "GUY'S" and prove her right.......

just my $.02 wrth..... you asked...........

[TGMarla]

I agree, before you can talk, you have to at least communicate. Start with the importance of your relationship and move forward from there. Set the foundations, then build the house.

[TxKimberly]

I think the three above me have made great points. In my opinion, one of the reasons my marriage has made it just short of 21 years now is that we always talk, we hide nothing from each other, and we are always honest.
It sounds to me as if you need to make an effort to talk to her about this. Don't assume that she understands what it means to be a cross dresser, or that she knows what it means to you - talk to her.
Hiding things from your wife is never going to be a good thing. I know there are many here that hide this from their wives and I'm not about to encourage them to trot up and spill the beans because I just can't handle the thought that someone's marriage might end because of advice I gave. But your story is a bit different - you wife knows already. Given that she knows, I would recommend you not "hide" or "sneak" as this is just going to cause distrust and ultimately lead to her hating crossdressing and perhaps even you.
Get a hotel room for that night you want to go out so she doesn't have to fear friends, family, and neighbors seeing you. Invite her. She will probably say no but the fact that you invited and included her in your plans will mean something to her.
Other than that, I just wish all the best

[Holly]

Sorry Denise, but it sounds to me like YOU blew it. When you first met, your wife suggested you dress up as a girl for a party and now you are at the point of she "gets pissed" whenever you mention it. To be blunt, it's not the cross-dressing that is the problem, honey... it's your hiding, taking her clothes without permission, sneaking around... small wonder she doesn't trust you. If you want things to change, you have a lot of work ahead.

[Sandra]

Well hell I'm not surprised she's mad, you wear her clothes without her knowing, then you get all dressed up go out and take pics. Do you want us to feel sorry for you? well I don't the only person I feel sorry for is your wife for having to put up with your hiding and using her stuff, I suggest you get the lines of communication going with her.




yes i do have fantacies but a guy isn't in them but other cders are..

Unless your talking about TS's then the cders you fantasie about are men, I'm sorry if I've offended anyone with this comment.

[Amy Hepker]

I have to agree with others here. You overstepped your bounds when you dressed in her clothes and hide things from her. When she found out, Yes, she is going to be mad. My xwife knew all along I was a CDer long before we got married. She got upset when I wanted more and more of the girly thing. That's when I started hiding it from her, well that didn't work for long. They find out, they always do.

I will say this much that the work Queer does not mean Gay. Look it up in a dictionary. It means something or someone different or odd. So yes, that does make us.

The best thing to do is find out what you can do to make it up to her. It maybe to late and in that instance, you can still try, but chances are when she gets the chance she will be gone.

My xwife used to say I was cheating on her because I would dress up. Not because I was with someone else, because I made my own someone else. At least that is the way she seen it. And oh yes, I was called every name in the book for many years and it was an abusive relationship. She used to beat me all the time knowing I would never hit her back, and I never did.

It comes down to this, what does a woman do if she thinks you are cheating on her??? She will cheat on you. Maybe not all the time, but in my case that is exactly what happened.

[westjennifer]

excuse me other CDER'S are "GUY'S" if your not planing on totally destroying your marriage with your wife skip that part.... she says your gay hook up with "GUY'S" and prove her right.......

just my $.02 wrth..... you asked...........
I agree 100% with this post.
grow up...stop lying to your wife and yourself.

[JenniferR771]

Denise, I know what you mean. My wife gets angry if I mention cd. She does not want to hear the details, refuses to listen. Convinced me to get rid of a few dresses. I don't want to hide anything from her--BUT--she gets so angry at the tiniest thing--how can I tell her more? I am not sure how many pictures she has seen. She has not investigated my cd disk. She knows I hide clothes in my closet and outdoor shed--but has never investigated.

Calls me queer frequently. My only thought is tiny baby steps--at her own pace. I will tell her more, or show her more, if and when she asks. She insists that I get off this site immediately if she sees me on it--but she knows and I hope that someday she will actually read a paragraph or two.

[Emily Anderson]

There's not much that can be added that hasn't already been said.

Stop blaming your wife, and start communicating!

[DanaR]

Well Denise, most of the comments, I totally agree with. The only suggestion that I have is that maybe you and your wife seek out some couples counseling. There are some issues regarding your CD’ing, but you need to be more honest with you wife and consider her feelings. Marriage is a compromise and she probably feels like she is on a runaway bus.


Most of us, with somewhat understanding wives, would probably be divorced by now if we had done what you are doing. You can’t take giant leaps, just baby steps and be considerate and understanding of her.

Think how you would feel, if your wife did to you, what you are doing to her.

[serinalynn]

THere are three problems that have to be addressed

1 You were sneeking around as Denice behind your wifes back.

2 You were wearing your wifes clothes and having pictures taken of you in her clothes.

3 You and your wife need to communicate better.

MY wife only begrudgingly accepts my crosssdressing. We have had many discussions about it and some things she is really cool with and other things she won' t allow. She won't allow a dress or a skirt nor will she allow make up. My wife wears very little make up anyway and many days goes with out any to her job as a Finanical Services Rep a bank branch she works at.

STOP wearing her clothes!! and buy your own. Sit down with your wife and talk about your crossdressing and how you felt being all dressed up fem as Denice at those Halloween parties. and how you progressed from there.

[jennifer41356]

sorry to hear that, and I dont want to offend or upset anyone, but what do you expect her to do?. A majority of women out there arent comfortable with it and may never accept there SO wanting to wear dresses, thats the nature of this world.

I asked a female friend years ago who i told about my fem side
what she would do if her BF told her he like to dress like a woman, and she said she wouldnt stay with him, and then she said to me...If you had a GF who liked dressing like a man, wearing a fake beard or mustache and having short hair, what would you do?..I had to admit to myself at the time, I would feel weird by that.....now after all these years of being single, if I met someone like that, I would probably embrace it, but because I can relate being a CD myself

I know it most be difficult being in a relationship and wanting to express your fem side, but if you allow her to dictate if you can shave your legs or wear polish on your toes, arent you letting her be the Mom and you are the child?


again I dont mean to offend or upset anyone and if the mods want to delete this so be it, but I just have trouble understanding why folks dont understand why there SO gets so upset when after so many years together you finally tell her a deep secret you have.

Am I wrong to think this, I know and understand you are seeking support here, and there are some great folks here who will be in your corner, but it is your decision, she accepts you or you accept her rules:2c:

[vivianann]

I agree with Sandra 100%, your sneaking around and wearing her clothes and and going out dressed in secret does not look good in her mind at all. it is similar to cheating on her. You should not have done this to her, because she was supportive at one time. This kind of behavior is enough to cause any GG to look at us in a bad light.

And wanting to have a relationship with a CDer is the same as a man. If your wife were to get on this forum and discover your desire to be sexually involved with a CDer that will end your marriage for sure. that is not what you want is it?:thumbsdn:
You need to rethink what you are doing for the sake of your wife, and then yourself, and those of us who are trying to convince GGs that we are not going to look for sex with other men, (and Cders too).

[Emily Anderson]

sorry to hear that, and I dont want to offend or upset anyone, but what do you expect her to do?. A majority of women out there arent comfortable with it and may never accept there SO wanting to wear dresses, thats the nature of this world.

I asked a female friend years ago who i told about my fem side
what she would do if her BF told her he like to dress like a woman, and she said she wouldnt stay with him, and then she said to me...If you had a GF who liked dressing like a man, wearing a fake beard or mustache and having short hair, what would you do?..I had to admit to myself at the time, I would feel weird by that.....now after all these years of being single, if I met someone like that, I would probably embrace it, but because I can relate being a CD myself

I know it most be difficult being in a relationship and wanting to express your fem side, but if you allow her to dictate if you can shave your legs or wear polish on your toes, arent you letting her be the Mom and you are the child?


again I dont mean to offend or upset anyone and if the mods want to delete this so be it, but I just have trouble understanding why folks dont understand why there SO gets so upset when after so many years together you finally tell her a deep secret you have.

Am I wrong to think this, I know and understand you are seeking support here, and there are some great folks here who will be in your corner, but it is your decision, she accepts you or you accept her rules:2c:

Jennifer,

I agree with you to a degree: One can always do what one wants. But, one also has to accept the consequences of ones actions. In other words, sure anybody can shave themselves from head to toe, wear nail polish and makeup, dresses, etc. but one also has to accept the fact that the SO may get mighty pissed off and decide to leave, or worse.

It's not a question about Mom's and children. It's about finding the the right balance, compromise, and especially communication!

One thing I see all too regularly is CD's trying to shirk off any and all responsibility for what they do (or want to do).

[Nicole Erin]

It's not like my wife don't know about my Cding
For the past 5 years now the wife totally is disgusted with my Cding. Yes it had created many fights.
I can't even mention Denise without her getting pisssed
I am kinda a scared that if I left her the extent of me dressing feminine would get stronger and people would start realizing I am a Cder
any suggestions as what to do!!!

Well if everyone is done giving you a hard time about it and pointing the finger at you, I would like to say some things you might consider -

First of all, don't bring her to this forum, it sounds like everyone has already taken her side. You can see where it would lead. I don't know if it is cause they are not married or they have this ultra-supportive spouse, but often even other CDs tend to forget how hard communication can be with a wife who is just gonna act like a "B".

At least she knows. That is a start. Some wives are like that, they are cool with us being CD one day and not happy the next. If she acts like a butt at the mere mention of CDing, one thing you could do is invite her to go out with you, but make sure she is in a good mood. I think some women have more of a problem with being excluded. She may decline invitation but she won't feel "left out".

Leaving her? It would be sad for both of you if it came to this, but marriages do fail. If you two DO part, yes you will want to explore your new freedom. You will probably present a little more femme even in drab. The day will come when you will not care what others think of your CDing. You cannot hide who you are. You may lose friends or family may ask stupid questions but CD is who you are.

What to do?
Like I said, if you can find a good time and manner to do so, invite her to go out with you when you CD, even if it is to a gay club or something. All our wives really want is our love and attention [yes I know, it sounds corny]

Make sure all your femme stuff is your own. I have never worn my wife's clothes myself but I imagine some women do NOT like to share clothing. My wife steals some of my stuff. Women.

Don't forget that there are people in this world that one just cannot communicate with. With these types of people, do not waste your time once you have tried to talk but to no avail.

If you have tried everything and you and your ol lady still split, then enjoy your new life and freedom.
There is no adult in this world worth giving up happiness for. Not a parent, not a kin, not a spouse, not the neighbor, not a boss....

Well good luck.

[Karenon67]

I agree with the posts above. Wearing her clothes behind her back was a no-no . . . very inconsiderate . . . definite "violation of personal space" if you don't have permission. And if you looked better in her clothes than she does . . . oh boy! That opens a whole new can of worms! Going out without her knowledge didn't help. It probably led her to wonder what other types of things you might be hiding from her. In a nutshell, it sounds like she's feeling threatened, or insecure, or both.

She might also be afraid of "losing" you as your femme side evolves. Try to remember that anger is oftentimes fueled by fear.

But until you two sit down and have a heart-to-heart, it's anyone's guess what's at the root of her anger. You both sound like you have a lot to get off your chests.

I must also admit to being confused by the statement regarding your fantasies. You say you don't fantasize about men (you made no mention of "other women"), but you do fantasize about CDers.

So, either you see CDers as women and therefore are fantasizing about "other women", or you're really fantasizing about men (and putting them in dresses to make the fantasy more acceptable to you).

Therapy is a good idea. If your wife refuses to go with you, you should go alone. Ideally, you need to be able to express who you are and be accepted for who you are by your spouse. However, this can take time and patience to achieve. You will both need to make compromises.

And remember, compromise is a wonderful thing when it's mutual, but dictatorships (with their one-sided compromises) tend to grow old very quickly.

:hugs: Good luck to you both.

[DonnaT]

Denise, I've been married for nearly 33 years, and my wife has know for 32 yrs.

When I first dressed in front of her, she was OK with it, even gave me a wig she owned.

Later, she had done a 180. There's been several 180's.

You just need to be flexible, and bide your time while keeping the lines of communication open.

I've given her articles to read, so she knows it's not going away, and she knows I was born this way.

Yes, she still has problems with it occasionally, but is more often OK with it than not.

Once you get her in a more amicable mood, try what Erin suggests, take her out with you, if she'll go. Hopefully she'll see other CD's are out with their SO's and realize that many are not gay.

[Shelly Preston]

First of all, don't bring her to this forum, it sounds like everyone has already taken her side. You can see where it would lead. I don't know if it is cause they are not married or they have this ultra-supportive spouse, but often even other CDs tend to forget how hard communication can be with a wife who is just gonna act like a "B".

Brininging her to this forum would let her communicate with other wives or parters in this position

Not every spouse is ultra supportive but they can at least get the opinon of someone else who may have been through a difficult time with crossdressing

Even after coming here she may not accept the situation or want to see it but at least she will be better informed

[Sandra]

First of all, don't bring her to this forum, it sounds like everyone has already taken her side. You can see where it would lead. I don't know if it is cause they are not married or they have this ultra-supportive spouse, but often even other CDs tend to forget how hard communication can be with a wife who is just gonna act like a "B".

Joining here may help her to understand more and be a little more supportive, also she would see by all the other GGs here that she is not alone




All our wives really want is our love and attention [yes I know, it sounds corny]

Add to that a partner that they can trust and someone to be honest with them.

[sissystephanie]

There is no adult in this world worth giving up happiness for. Not a parent, not a kin, not a spouse, not the neighbor, not a boss....

Well good luck.

If the above statement means that it is alright to hurt someone else merely to retain your own happiness, then I very strongly disagree. The original poster made the first mistake by not telling her that he was a CD when she suggested that he dress as a girl at Halloween. Then to wear her clothes without asking?? I was fortunate to have a fully supportive wife for the 49+ years our marriage lasted. She passed away 3 years ago. BTW, for her funeral she wore, at her own request, a pair of MY satin panties. We did trade panties, but nothing else. We were very different sizes in other things.

As others have said, communication is the main goal here. There is a very obvious lack of it now, intentional or otherwise. Forget about taking her to a "Club," just sit down and talk to her. But forget that fantasy about other CD's!! Unless you really are GAY!! Yes, there are CD'ing GG's, but I don't think that is what you were referring to.

Your wife married a man, or thought she did. Let her know that you are a man, albeit one who like to wear dresses! Show her, in as many ways as you can, that you love her (if you realy do!) and that you want to be her man. If you can't do those things, then IMHO you should not be married. BTE, I told my dear late wife BEFORE we were married!! We wore matching white silk lingerie at our wedding!!

Sissy/Stephanie

Sometimes a lady, but always a man underneath!

[NoraTV]

Denise, I think that you really messed up big time when you messed with her clothes. I know from experience that a lot of women can handle you wearing your own clothes, but that does not give you a license to invade their closets (even if their stuff looks better on you). I made that mistake once, but it led to a mutual understanding that resulted in little presents magically appearing in my closet. if she's sincerely supportive, an offer by you to put her closet and drawers off limits could go a long way.

[DeniseNJ]

I see all sides and I see the whole picture now. Yes I am saddened about this whole mess. I do get the part of invading her privicy, I know it is wrong BUT I don't know about some of you but the urge to dress can be very strong at times and I guess I am weak and selfish. About the guy part , let me clear the air //// the male image doesn't turn me on but I appreciate the efforts some of you GUYS go to so that you appear female, I know it's hard. I just fantasize about going out with a beautiful Cder to a club and trying to act like one of the girls. The time I went out dressed as Denise I didn't see a hot guy walk buy and say to myself wow he really turns me on, I want him bad he is so HOT. When I did see the female impersonator with the beautiful breast

[Emily Anderson]

I see all sides and I see the whole picture now. Yes I am saddened about this whole mess. I do get the part of invading her privicy, I know it is wrong BUT I don't know about some of you but the urge to dress can be very strong at times and I guess I am weak and selfish. About the guy part , let me clear the air //// the male image doesn't turn me on but I appreciate the efforts some of you GUYS go to so that you appear female, I know it's hard. I just fantasize about going out with a beautiful Cder to a club and trying to act like one of the girls. The time I went out dressed as Denise I didn't see a hot guy walk buy and say to myself wow he really turns me on, I want him bad he is so HOT. When I did see the female impersonator with the beautiful breast

No need to beat yourself up about it. Many a CD has borrowed their wife's clothes and got caught in the process. It's wrong, but not the end of the world. Also, the being attracted to other CD's is not a grave problem, so long as it remains a fantasy while married.

You need to take some time out, and think about where you're going (or want to go) with all this.