Why, oh why?

[CowGurl Rachel]

I was pondering my need to CD and was wondering if it is possibly due to a lack of a male role-model growing up, in part, or not? My Dad mostly worked and drank, and Mom raised us for the most part. I have a younger sister and an older brother. I know it isn't the sole reason, but I'm just curious if it didn't play a part? This can apply to a MtF or a FtM (missing a female role model). Any thoughts?

Rachel

[antonia10]

i once read somewhere that the need to crossdress is down in part to the lack of love and attention from the mother . just how true this is i dont know but i can certainly relate to it i do wonder other cds opinions :hugs:

[Carol A]

A very hard question to answer as my mother raised me the best she could by herself. I was home alone all the time while she worked and just started guffing around with dressing up and before long I was hook and just couldn't stop. Been dressing since I was 14 and I am 69 now, :battingeyelashes:

[MargoLE]

Somewhere I read the males learn how to be males from their close female relations while females learn how to be female from their close male relations. You would think is is incorrect but think about it, it just might be true.

[insearchofme]

I had a full time father, a very loving and caring mother, 3 brothes and a sister. I honestly feel that none of these factors played a role in my Cding. It's just the way I am.

[Deborah_UK]

Nature or nurture??

The old, old question.

Personally I go for nature - but its a question i believe will never be answered in my lifetime.

Enjoy being who you are - you only get one go - make the most of it.

[tricia_uktv]

I suppose the first question to ask is how old were you when the urge to cd came on? I think its nature not nurture but thats just a guess.

[KimberlyS]

I have basically given up on the why as I have come to realize it really does not matter. There are a lot of things in life that we do not know the whys for. I decided I just needed to live my life.

As for nature versus nurture. Most theories lead towards both. We are made who we are and that is that. The human development process in an interesting process. It really is surprising that it works so well as there are so many things that can affect the process. But the nurturing we get growing up, family, friends, society does have an influence on who we are and our CD/TG/TS tendencies. How much influence depends on the person being influenced and how they take the influence along with the strength of the influence. It is just life. Live and enjoy what you have.

As for family life growing up, I guess you could say I grew up as a typical boy: Loving family, Father that worked to support the family, Mom who was a house wife and raised us kids, siblings both male and female, lots of extended family and friends.

[RobertaFermina]

Here is my Two Bits and a Penney.... (unlucky 13 x :2c:)

It would be a crying shame if we all came to be CD to the same degree and same way. It would take all the mystery and magic out if it.

Quoting an anonymous source: 'The answer to "Why" is the "Boobie-Prize" ' (no pun intended, enjoy at your own discretion!).

So you get the answer, OK, now how does that help you deal with the fact that you are where you are, and you are who you are ?

I have to confess to a deep-seated judgment (read prejudice) that "asking why" is looking backward, and often the opening salvo in the effort to avoid dealing with the pains and burdens and threats it brings. Along with that I have a deep-seated judgment that, without embracing the potential dangers and embarassments and burdens of CD, I won't get to really enjoy all the absolutely fabulous parts! Gotta take the bad with the good.



CD is like ADULTHOOD. We don't choose it, it is thrust upon us. Once thrown onto the path, we cannot fully live our lives without confronting it. The choices that we make about it only seem to work when they involve dealing with it responsibly. It will be completely miserable if we are not willing to take the initiative to look for the gift in it, and celebrate it.

Like every Medicine, CD can be toxic. Like every Toxin, CD can be healing.

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[suzy cool]

I have two loving parents and both were very much a part of my life. So the theory doesn't hold up for me. My brain is just wired this way.

[lisa531]

I grew up with a loving mother and father, your great american family had 2 older brothers and had a great friend that lived right down the street and we played together your normal boy stuff, but i remember wanting to dress at a very early age, so i believe family has nothing to do it. i think it is something your born with maybe we just have a desire to be more fem than the other boys :2c:

[TommiTN]

I was pondering my need to CD and was wondering if it is possibly due to a lack of a male role-model growing up, in part, or not? My Dad mostly worked and drank, and Mom raised us for the most part. I have a younger sister and an older brother. I know it isn't the sole reason, but I'm just curious if it didn't play a part? This can apply to a MtF or a FtM (missing a female role model). Any thoughts?

Rachel

I think there is some truth to it. My Dad, while not abusive or anything like that, was pretty inept as a role model. He always had jobs that required him to travel a lot, and looking back on it, I think it was so he could avoid the responsibility of raising a son. When he was home he kinda halfassed tried to do stuff with me, like fishin' and huntin', but I could tell his heart wasn't in it. So, my Mom raised me and she hadn't a clue, either. She got Dr. Spock's book and did whatever it said. As it turned out, Dr. Spock was wrong.

[Joy Carter]

Ive been here over two years and this questions comes up every now and then. And the conclusion that most have come up with is there is no one factor, that makes us the way we are. In my case I really belive it's genetics. Some where along the line I should have been female, but I came out looking like a male. I can't ever recall not feeling this way. But you will find others who never started till their early teens. Rarer still, not untill much latter in life.

[Maria2222]

I firmly believe that all CD's were born as CD's. I think it just manifests itself at different ages in different people.

[carhill2mn]

These "theories" re: mothers, fathers, etc. have been around for a long time and are, IMHO, like other "old wive's tales" You can find examples that fit the theory but, there are lots of other examples that are the complete opposite.
As we learn more about the brain and what all influences the "end result", I am more convinced than ever that nature is much more of a factor than nuture.

[Sarah...]

This is always an interesting question, in some respects. But why do we actually ask it? I used to ask myself this question so I could get some sort of justification to be who I am.

Imagine asking the same sort of questions of an ultra-masculine man. "Why is it you show no feminine characteristics and love to wear male clothing all the time?". Or, "did you have a dominant male role model when you were growing up?". Or other similar questions. What about asking questions of women at the other end of the male-female continuum? "Why do you wear what you do?". Or, "why do you love to present as a feminine human being?". Or other such largely inane and meaningless questions.

The truth is I bet most men who reside firmly on the male end of the continuum and most women who occupy the female end of the continuum couldn't answer with any great conviction and more importantly wouldn't see the importance of needing to answer at all. They just are who they are. And they do what they do.

To extend the analogy, we could ask the same question of anything. I love mountain biking. I regularly mountain bike with other mountain bikers. We just get on with it but never ask each other why love doing what we do. We just do it.

Because those of us floating around in the middle of the continuum are, it seems, a minority we might end up feeling that some sort of rational explanation is required to establish why we are not exactly like the majority and residing at one or other end of the spectrum as "expected".

Whereas if we took the same view as the majority and simply accepted that we are who we are we wouldn't need to ask why all the time.

This is a personal view of course but I do know for a fact that I wasted a lot of time asking myself why and now that I've stopped doing that I'm a much happier and complete individual.

So, in other words, I CD because I do and I'm TG because I am. And it's no-one's fault and nothing my parents (or anyone else) could have done would change that. I've said in a different thread recently that I put it down to nature and that is, yet again, the conclusion the original question in this thread leads me to.

Does that make any sense? Sorry if I've rambled a bit - it means something to me!!

Sarah...

[Lidia_tv]

I guess any reason or cause you name will fit someone's need to dress, and justify it. Somehow I doubt there is one generic reason why we crossdress that would fit all our stories.

[SuzyZahn]

Yes,I too as a young child had lack of FT dad,,,actually never knew him,,,,grandma and mom did most of raising me,,,,had occasional interaction with grandpa and uncles,,,but lacked bigtime in father role model,,,,,always adored my female role models i guess,,,,,,,hmmmm,,,maybe,,,,,it is what it is now!!!

[jennifer41356]

I grew up with a loving mother and father, your great american family had 2 older brothers and had a great friend that lived right down the street and we played together your normal boy stuff, but i remember wanting to dress at a very early age, so i believe family has nothing to do it. i think it is something your born with maybe we just have a desire to be more fem than the other boys :2c:

:werd:maybe its an Ohio thing, i too grew up in Ohio:heehee::D:love:

[DonnaT]

It's possible, but there's no way of proving or disproving it, is there? Unless you could look to your older brother and see if he was similarly affected.

[Ruth]

I don't wonder much about it because I don't think I'll get anywhere. However, occasionally a little nugget of information comes my way.
The other day my mother said that when I came along, she had really wanted a girl. She always loved me as a child and treated me like a boy, but you have to wonder if there were some kind of subliminal signals going on.

[Jill Mac]

for me theres only 1 reason i do it, & its got nothing to do with my family or chlildhood, its because i enjoy it,simple as that.


Jill

[racquel]

I think Sarah hit it on the head.:thumbsup:

[TGMarla]

I was pondering my need to CD and was wondering if it is possibly due to a lack of a male role-model growing up, in part, or not? My Dad mostly worked and drank, and Mom raised us for the most part. I have a younger sister and an older brother. I know it isn't the sole reason, but I'm just curious if it didn't play a part? This can apply to a MtF or a FtM (missing a female role model). Any thoughts?

RachelLook, I've heard all the mumbo jumbo about role models, hormone baths in vivo, low testosterone, etc., etc. I think it's a load of hooey. I crossdress because I like it, it's become ingrained in me, and I really don't want to stop. It's long since stopped being some great big weight I'm carrying around, and now is just a fascet of my being that I tend to keep private. I think as mature adults with any kind of perspective, we are right to be curious about that which is unfamiliar to us. Women lead lives that are completely different from the lives men lead. Part of that life is an abundance of clothing and hairstyle choices that are abjectly forbidden to men. It is only natural for intelligent people to be curious about that. And it's no surprise that some of us are quite pleased with these things, and choose to incorporate them into our own lives.

Ask most women if they like getting all dressed up, and most will tell you that given the occasion, they love it. So why should anyone be surprised that a guy would love it as well? Women like their clothes because their clothes are fun. There are a lot of men out there that think their clothing is loads of fun, too. I'm one of them.

So I ignore all the psycho-babble. I think the real answer is a whole lot simpler than that. I tried on the clothes out of curiosity, and found that I liked it. So I've kept doing it, and I still like it.

[trannie T]

After reading many theories about why we are crossdressers I have come to three conclusions:

1. I don't know.
2. I really don't care.
3. Even if I didn't sign up for the trip I'll do my best to enjoy the ride.

[christid66]

I have two loving parents and both were very much a part of my life. So the theory doesn't hold up for me. My brain is just wired this way.

Same for me......My Dad passed when I was 17 but that had no influence.

I guess it's just who I am

[adrienner99]

1. I don't know, either.
2. I really do care why and I don't think we should stop trying to figure it out--the more we realize, the more we might help other CDs.
3. I don't think there is one reason. For some, "it's just me," may be true but I think it really goes deeper than that.
4. Both my parents were alcoholics. My dad was very functional and worked hard, played hard. My mom was sometimes out for days. My brother is gay and knew it in his pre-teens.
5. I was about 10 when I sneaked into my mother's closet and tried on some of her things. I got a wonderful sense of peace.
6. There are times when I hate men and hate being a man. I know I am one, however and do not want an operation. I am inextricably drawn to women's things and maybe it's just a reaction to pressures of being male--but were they evident when I was 10?

[Patty]

Just wired this way and trying to enjoy it

[CowGurl Rachel]

Wow, some great responses! I suppose I should just accept it and live, but my curiosity got the better of me. I know that one's upbringing is supposed to influence how we dress and act while we are children as we learn from those around us, and then form our own "opinions" later as we grow older. I guess it wouls affect not why we CD, but how we dress/dressed. As for why, it must have been the Space Alien Ferrets messing with the water, eh? :heehee: Dook, dook!

Rachel

[bimini1]

I don't wonder much about it because I don't think I'll get anywhere. However, occasionally a little nugget of information comes my way.
The other day my mother said that when I came along, she had really wanted a girl. She always loved me as a child and treated me like a boy, but you have to wonder if there were some kind of subliminal signals going on.

I once heard my mom say something like this over at relatives house once, although she denies saying it but I know what I heard.

I think sometimes we want some kind of cop-out, someone to blame so we don't have to own up to it persay. I know that drives my search for answers at times. Especially when I get down on myself for it.

I still have not owned it totally and will often try to compartmentalize somewhere deep back in my mind.

[Jonianne]

Hi Rachel,


I suppose I should just accept it and live, but my curiosity got the better of me.

If the question is on your heart then ask it. That is why we are here for each other.
When you feel ready to just accept it, you will.

I've pondered it many times, although I know I will never come up with the final answer. I believe its going to be completly an individual situation for each of us.
My desire for female role models all my life keeps coming back to me every time this question comes up. I don't know why, it just does. I've always wanted to pattern my life after good strong women in my life. And you know what, I would not change that even if I could. I feel the same about my crossdressing. I would never want to change the femme side of who I am. My femme side is very much a part of who I am.