The signs are there but.....(Long to make up for lost time)

[yazooey]

Hey everyone,
I've been a bit selfish for a while just trolling this site and reading all of your great questions and comments. I haven't posted in a long while. Anyway,I know that the "coming out to girlfriend" posts have become a "beaten horse" thread but I'd like to present my situation to all of you girls.

This past weekend my girlfriend and I went to an event with ome of our gay friends that was hosted by drag queen who was such a hoot of an MC. My girlfriend is very open minded towards a lot of people and of course she chatted it up with the hostess MC. I watched her and could see stars in her eyes, like talking to a celeb. It was great. Anyhow, we had a blast. So, it came up a couple of times of having a crossdressing party at our house for kicks. For her birthday actually. I didn't object but I didn't force the topic.

I have been dressing for a long time and have quite a bit of clothes hidden at our house. She has no idea that I do this. I don't know how she would react. Years ago my brother told her that my mother found my stash when I was in high school but that whole topic went by the wayside and has never been brought up again.

So, if we have the party should I just come out to her and tell her what I've been up to for so long? I'd really like to wear items from my own "wardrobe" but I don't want to appear to be so polished as a crossdresser. Should i use this opportunity to test her tolerances with shopping for me? We have such a great relationship and I really don't want to do something silly to ruin it. I can live without crossdresseing for her that's how much she means to me. On the other hand, I think an opportunity has arisen but again, I don't want her perception of me to be negatively altered. Also, I think that i like dressing for my own benefit and enjoyment. It is a bit of an escape for me and have noticed that the more stressed I am the more I dress on my own. I am a bit afraid of her asking me to dress for her. Too much attention. Please advise. Thanks for being such a great community.

[kym]

i would go ahead and sit her down and have the talk with her and express that you do not want to lose her thats why it took so long to come out to her. But also don't let her know how polished you really are unless she asks, give her something to do with you in regards to dressing like shopping or wardrobe advice, it will make her feel like shes a part of your life in a complete way.:love:

[DonnaT]

Should i use this opportunity to test her tolerances with shopping for me? .

No. It wouldn't be an accurate test, would it. If she knew, then it would be either a test or a show of acceptance. If she doesn't know, it would be a lark, something fun to do.

When I first dressed for my wife she enjoyed it, as a lark. Things changed after I told her I was a TV. Things are good now, though, but it's taken a lot to get here.

YMMV

If she really wants to do a CDing party, then you might want to have a "remember when" conversation, and bring up your brother's comments again. Ask her what she thinks about you having dressed before. Then go with your feeling based on her response.

Totally up to you though, since you prefer to do it privately.

Either way, you could get a new outfit out of it. ;)

[deja true]

It's a cliche that "women never forget the details". So even though she may have never mentioned the brother's comment about your secret stash again, it's probable that she still remembers it. If you have never brought it up, then she's let it ride.

If she's never referrred to it in a disparaging way, and it seems evident that she's comfortable with "alternate gender" folks like the queen and your gay friends, I'm thinking that you have an inkling that she might actually be alright with the knowlrdge of your dressing.

That you think you can live without crossdressing for her sake is probably a mistaken judgement on your part. We've read countless stories here that tell us that that just don't happen! While your relationship is still new, and you're both in the stage of finding out about each other, I think there's no better time to ty to get this subject out in the open, for the sake of the future happiness for both of you...

The longer you leave it as your relationship deepens, the harder it's gonna be to confront this blessing/curse and allow yourselves to manage it and incorporate it into your lives rather than let it have a negative affect on your conscience and your relationship...

Think about it, hun! I can't think of a better time to be more open and sharing, as the subject is still fresh in both your minds. But I can think of a lot of worse times...

[Brooke Smith]

It's a cliche that "women never forget the details". So even though she may have never mentioned the brother's comment about your secret stash again, it's probable that she still remembers it. If you have never brought it up, then she's let it ride.

If she's never referrred to it in a disparaging way, and it seems evident that she's comfortable with "alternate gender" folks like the queen and your gay friends, I'm thinking that you have an inkling that she might actually be alright with the knowlrdge of your dressing.

That you think you can live without crossdressing for her sake is probably a mistaken judgement on your part. We've read countless stories here that tell us that that just don't happen! While your relationship is still new, and you're both in the stage of finding out about each other, I think there's no better time to ty to get this subject out in the open, for the sake of the future happiness for both of you...

The longer you leave it as your relationship deepens, the harder it's gonna be to confront this blessing/curse and allow yourselves to manage it and incorporate it into your lives rather than let it have a negative affect on your conscience and your relationship...

Think about it, hun! I can't think of a better time to be more open and sharing, as the subject is still fresh in both your minds. But I can think of a lot of worse times...

How'd you get so smart?

[DeeDeeB]

Once again, I think Deja True has hit the nail on the head. The only thing I would add is that dishonesty whether by commission or omission is the greatest threat to a relationship. It took my SO a while to warm up to the idea of my CDing, but to try to keep it from her would probably have been devastating.

And have the party. Sounds like fun.

Dee :fairy1:

[yazooey]

Thanks everyone for your responses. Actually, this girl and I have been dating very seriously for the past three years after an initial break up years previously. We've known each other for a total of about 10 years and have dated a total of five of those 10 years. I know that there will never be a straight forward black and white answer to what I've asked. And yes, you're right I guess I don't mean that I can give up crossdressing totally for anyone. It is ingrained in me at this point.

Just the thought of having the sit down with her makes me feel so nervous it almost makes me sick.

[Tamara Croft]

Hmm, what you have to remember is, women think differently, it's different when someone elses husband is doing it, as long as it isn't mine, sorta thing.. So maybe she enjoyed talking to the MC etc, but she didn't take him home, she took you. I won't tell you what to do, it's your life, but I would air on the side of caution... Think about what you could lose if it didn't go your way ok?

[Bev06 GG]

Spot on Tamara, I know lots of girls who would readily have a laugh with a gay or a cd but wouldn't neccessarily want one for a partner. The signs do look quite promising but tread carefully and test the water. However, if your going to be honest now is the time to do it because as many have already pointed out, starting a relationship on a lie isn't the ideal.
Bev

[charlie]

I have read far to many posts here about wives leaving their CD husbands, girl friends becoming distant..etc..when the honesty comes spewing forth. It scares me! Honesty is usually the best policy, but a SO having a cross dressing partner is usually more then a partner can take. There are a few exceptions where the SO accepts and becomes part of the dressing, but those are few and far between. Have the party, dress like you did at the start (not polished and perhaps let your girlfriend dress you), and see how it goes. A couple days later tell her that the whole thing turned you on. See if that gets any play. If it does, have her dress you again. If not, keep to the closet!

[finacarina]

What a great opportunity to add to your wardrobe, buy a new wig, makeup, heels, everything!!! Dont miss the opportunity- leave the stuff you already have hidden!!! Make her buy you more or allow you to buy yourself more!!! Have fun!!!

[yazooey]

More great thoughts from you ladies. I don't know what I wanted to hear from you all by starting this thread. I just cannot decide what to do. Oh well, maybe the party will happen and we'll just leave it at that but maybe more may arise. We'll have to see but I will definitely let you all know what happened. By the way, my main concern about dressing up for the party is wearing heels. I find that I am quite accomplished at wearing them and I think that this will be a telltale sign that this wouldn't be the first time that I've walked around in heels. I keep imagining in my head how I should go about coming out in heels. Should I walk around like a linebacker or like Miss Universe. I can definitely do the Miss Universe with no problems. The linebacker thing may take some practice.( Toes out, knees bent awkardly, etc, etc.)
Thanks girls.

[tricia_uktv]

So I suppose the question could be - what do you want more, your girlfriend or crossdressing (I know you want both)? But you seem prettyentrenched. My thoughts are if you don't tell your girlfriend you're living a lie, and thats not easy and probably isn't fair on either of you. It is also likely the cd'ing will get worse. I think, deep breath, head up, and tell her now. If you do and she accepts I'll have another guess. You won't be having a party. Good luck hon

[Nikki A.]

You are the best judge on how to handle this.
Yes there are women who like CDs and gay guys as long as they are not "their" guy. But on the other hand you need to find out whether she can accept you, because almost nobody can just stop and eventually it will come out and then it will be a lot more painful for both you and her and your family. Go ahead with the party, have fun and do your best. If anyone questions your finess in heels just say you are naturally graceful and laugh. Let her help you dress and let her know that you enjoying her helping you. See how she reacts

[Sally24]

I have been dressing for a long time and have quite a bit of clothes hidden at our house. She has no idea that I do this.

I can live without crossdressing for her that's how much she means to me.
It appears you are still dressing, just in secret. If you two stay together long enough, she will either suspect something or actually discover your secret. It is very difficult to keep a secret like this forever, from someone who lives with you every day. If you are serious about her then you need to decide WHEN, not IF to tell her! It's usually the secrecy, not the crossdressing that women object to. I would reccomend that you ease into this and use the party as a way to open up the conversation. If you notices how well you are dressing, walking, applying makeup, then she will start asking you questions, which can be a good thing!

Good luck!

[Kristen Marie]

If I had this opportunity, I would support the idea of the party with her and say you would like to try it. If everything goes well, it may be a nice way of opening up dialog rather than forcing it by having a sit down meeting. I would try not to be so slick in your dressing that she would suspect.

[RobertaFermina]

Bear in mind, charged bits of information stay in the memory a long time. I rather doubt she'd forget that your mom found a stash of your girly things.....but you know best?

If you want to keep it for yourself, and you could do without it for her sake, and you are not kidding yourself, they why "out" yourself?

It sounds like you would lose some of the joy and enjoyment of your privacy if you revealed.

I'd let her take the lead. Let her be your guide on how to dress. Forget what you know, and let her teach you. Dress as well as she shows you. Don't hesitate to pick things smartly, if she offers you the choice.

Of course, her idea of dressing you up may be far and away different than your personal sensibility. Use this as an opportunity to explore HER FANTASY...could be a great relationship exercise.

Best of Luck !

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[yazooey]

It's funny, the more this thread develops, the more I add to the issues. My girlfriend has no problems with asking if what she's wearing is acceptable, or looks good. I think that I have a keen sense of style both as a male and as/for a female. She knows this and asks constantly for my advice. I like to give advide as a guy with some style. I think that if she knew of my crossdressing she would ask for my advice as a girl. I know to many of you this would be wonderful but for me I like having the male eye for style.
BTW, I've always had a funny gate in my walk. I don't consciously know but I walk on my toes. I always have and I'm working on it as a male. Funny, huh?
I love this site. I love all of you ladies with all of your wisdom.
Believe me, I've got stories and issues that have developed over the years that could be talked about for ages.
Thanks girls!

[Glenda]

I'm a little confused. You are a crossdresser. You have been in a LTR with your girlfriend and never shared this with her. She wants to have a crossdressing party and you're wondering what you should do? Have the party! Chances are that most of the guys who attend will not crossdress for the party. Some may. You may be the only one who does. Or maybe they all will. It just depends upon your friends. You won't know until it happens.

It will give you the opportunity to share this side of yourself with her in a safe environment. Tell her that if you're going to crossdress for the party that you want to do it right and look the best that you can. At the very least, you'll have a good time at the party. Hopefully it will accomplish even more. You've kept this secret and private because you are afraid to share it with others. I think you may find that sharing is a good thing and you can feel completely natural with others while dressed en femme. It may be a very positive thing.

It may open a dialogue between you and your GF. You may be able to open and expand your relationship with her. Or it may be a one time thing and you just go back to the closet with no harm done. IMO, if you have a chance like this, you take it.

[Emily Anderson]

Hmm, what you have to remember is, women think differently, it's different when someone elses husband is doing it, as long as it isn't mine, sorta thing..

100% agree with Tamara on this one. A lot of women are very open to diversity, but when it comes down to their partners, most want a manly man, not a girlfriend. If you can combine the two, then that's great... and hopefully you can achieve this over time.

But, I would not jump out of the closet just because the opportunity is there. Instead, I would enjoy the moment for what it is, and leave any serious talk for another occasion.

Saying "well that's a great idea for a party, and it just so happens that I have a collection of clothes, wigs, shoes and makeup etc." would be one hell of a party pooper!

[Holly]

What you are really asking is this... Do I want to be in a relationship where I am free to be who and what I am and live my life free from fear? Or do I want to be in a relationship where I am forced to hide an important part of me, something I genuinely enjoy doing, and constantly live in fear of being discovered? Once you can answer this question, the answer to your stated question should be obvious.

[Amy Hepker]

I would bring it up to her about what your brother said to her before and then elaborate. Test the grounds you walk on though and do not push, let her know you did do it before and that you would like to wear girls things again if only at the party. It sounds to me you may have a great chance to bring yourself out to her, just proceed very carefully and do not push, let her know it will be a lot of fun.