Close encounters of the bisexual kind

[Bev06 GG]

Hi Girls,
Have any of you been actively persued or stalked by male admirers either online or whilst out and about dressed. If so what was your reaction and how did you deal with it?
Bev

[Joy Carter]

Hi Girls,
Have any of you been actively pursued or stalked by male admirers either online or whilst out and about dressed. If so what was your reaction and how did you deal with it?
Bev

I hit the delete button.

[Katrina]

I hit the delete button.

LOL! That's what I do too!

[deja true]

Well...was politely hit on the first and only time I went to a club so far.

And while it was a little scary (not scared for my physical safety), it was also a little gratifying. But I politely declined the attentions, preferring to just interact with my much more experienced sisters who had brought me there and watch how they coped with similar happenings.

At the time I was so unsure of myself that I immediately fell into a kind of "Groucho" frame of mind; 'How could I possibly be attracted to anyone who was attracted to a skinny old bag like me?' :doh:

If it happens again though, I might actually be able screw up the courage to at least try to have a polite conversation. :)

It was a test for me. And while I didn't fail it completely, I'd say I only rated a "C" minus. But I've been studying, and comparing class notes with more successful and more confident sisters, and to tell the truth, I can't wait for the make-up quiz! :daydreaming:

It's a subject I'm very interested in, but I need more lab time to see if it's a career choice that suits me and that I can be successful in.....

What do I wanna be when I grow up? Still don't know! :strugglin


(I haven't put deja anywhere more public than here, no myspace, no 360, so I've never been approached on line. Evidence from experiences related here tells me that these too open forums only attract pond scum for the most part anyway. I don't wanna have to deal with that ever. Not desperate enough!)

[Karren H]

Online all the time.... Especially a couply local guys on IM.. and the problem I have is I IM on my Blackberry and there is no delete button and the "ignore" feature doesn't work.... So I've told them I'm not interested way to many times and now I just don't reply... I get a lot through 360 too.... Personally I've had a few "creapy" incidents out and about.... I just go the hell out of there as fast as I could.... I usually don't get hastled at the casino's... most of the guys there are in their 90's anyway.... hahahha

[Deidra Cowen]

I get hit on all the time on the internet...I ignore most of those guys but everyonce in a while someone catches my interest. (most guys are big time wasters too on da net!) I then have them meet me out at one of the clubs where I will be somewhat safe with my Tgirl friends around me so I can check them out. (That weeds out 99% of the chickens and time wasters)

While at da clubs I get hit on also sometimes from guys not from the net. If the guy is hunky and has a nice personality sometimes I take it further. I met two M/F couples that way too and yeap thats fun!

But....the big pain in da bootie with guys is that it is very very rare that they will actually take a Tgirl out on real dates.

[DAVIDA]

No, it has never happened to me.:straightface: But if anyone sees the need, my #555-4932:heehee:

[RikkiOfLA]

Enough times to know that the genuine "admirers" are very polite about it. After all, they're veterans of the gay community, where availability needs to be communicated sometimes with nothing more than the eyes. If you're not available, let them know right off the bat, and they'll get the message quickly and cleanly. The sickos who won't take no for an answer are something else again. They aren't looking for love in all the wrong places--they're playing some other (sick) game. They hang out online because they're not tolerated in the gay community (or the straight community, either). How do I discourage them?

1. I press all the Ignore buttons at my disposal.
2. I mark my online profile "female." I guess that discourages them because they know women take far less harassment?
3. I have my online account set up to take IMs only from friends.
4. I'm always looking for stronger spam filters for my email.

Blessings,
Rikki

[Kate Simmons]

How I deal with it totally depends on the person Bev.:)

[Janice1948]

I love being hit on by male admirers. While it has always started online, I have eventually met with several of them. They were always perfect gentlemen although not always the best of lovers. If you chat with them long enough before meeting you can usually sort out the real ones and to be safe I always meet them in a public place before going any further. As the old story goes, us "girls" can give them what they don't get at home".

[black leotards]

Not quite what you're looking for, but I was taking ballet classes some years ago and in the change room, i was told by a male classmate that he thought I looked great in my tights. I think I blushed and couldn't think of much to say except thanks! (duh! - great comment). By the way I'm not bi, but... :)

[MJ]

well if it's the Internet then like others i hit the delete key just not interested . but out in public thats hard i get very nervous around men and try to avoid them but if i have no choice i just tell them no thank you . no drinks and no dances and no dates ..

if i ever take a chance it's with someone i already know safety is number one

[Autumndawn]

If they conduct themselves as a gentleman, I have no qualms chatting online with them. It also depends on how they make their introductory comments. If it is crass or rude I just ignore them.
Most of the others apparently unable to contain themselves and eventually "care to share" XXX pics, or worse pics of their own appendage.
Most the time I click delete or ignore, a few times I just minimize the window site. I reason that their sole aim was to play with themselves, certainly didn't ask me, so I just let them continue playing with themselves without me.

Getting hit on in a club is a rush for me though. Same rules apply, but how I do like to flirt!

[tamarav]

Ladies, this is something women deal with daily. Working with them I hear all the stories and how they convey a lack of interest to men. Some of them are scary ladies but they get hit on and followed and sometimes it can get very scary.

For myself, I take it as a compliment (to a certain extent) that a man would think I looked good enough to start a conversation or more. This week I posted a thread about getting hit on 4 times in one day in the middle of the day. All four were just complimentary to how I looked and I graciously thanked each of them. Turning down any offers of marriage or sports cars.... Most men are genuinally polite and others are just leaches.

When a guy compliments me I just respond with a thank you, and no I am not looking to "hook up" or whatever. Since I dance a lot I get asked to dance by a wide variety of guys. I generally dance with most of them except the obviously sleeze balls. When the guy is really a nice guy (your male intuition will give you a good idea) and really doesn't seem like the type that wants to nail you against your car in the parking lot, I will talk with them and let them sit at my table. If a guy seems to take a possesive stance and tells other guys to go away, I leave. Look around for a security officer or a waitress, they can be your best friend.

Most CDs I know weren't the type of guys that hit on women just to score. Most are genuine guys that respect, heck even worship women and would never do anything rude to them. So I know that most of you guys don't have a lot of experience going out and scoring in bars and tallying up the numbers like some men do. (Some of this information comes from my two older sisters who had a lot of experience dragging guys around)

Many men are so shy that they will barely smile at you. When a really shy guy appears to be looking or whatever and he is alone I have been known to say hi to them and sit and talk with them. Really makes the aggressive guys in the place wonder what in hell you see in that guy. It also bolsters the ego of the shy guy to a great extent.

One guy I did that to in a casino caberet has turned out to be a great guy friend every time i see him. If he sees me come in he doesn't run over to great me, he makes sure I am alone and if another guy keeps harrassing me he will step over and sit down with me. If a good song comes on and he wants to dance but doesn't like to by himself I nod at him and he comes over and takes my hand and we go dance.

Men come in all flavors, you have to listen and look for the signs that give you an indication of what they want. We all know what men actually want, some are just more subtle about it. Since they won't get what they want, at least they can appear to be getting somewhere to other men, no need to totally destroy an ego, unless necessary.

OK, ending it soon. I go out a lot since I dress daily. I seem to pass well enough to attract a bit of attention (I know, you egotistic bitch) but people seem to react to me. (after all, that is what I am after..) My goal is to look like an attractive woman, and if other things follow thats understandable.

So one night in a casino caberet this sleeze ball keeps hitting on me. I turn him down for dances and dance with "normal" guys. He comes over (obviously either been drinking or his testoterone is pumping or both) and starts making demands on me. He is loud enough to be heard over the music. I stood up, walked right up to him so that I had my hands on his two arms holding him at a comfortable distance with my arms bent at the elbow 90 degrees. Then when he starts to put pressure on my arms with his hands I brought my right knee into very hard contact with his gential area. He dropped like he broke. I reached over and picked up my coat and left. At the door I told the security officer what happened and he escorted me to my car. I haven't been back to that casino since.

Watch a guys face. If it glazes over when he is talking or listening to you, he is in lust and is not listening, just thinking about getting laid. If he is honest and listens and seems to hear, tell him you aren't interested. If all else fails, rip off your wig and stand up shouting in your loudest male voice. Wow, you just blew this stake-out! and stomp out.

My 4 cents,

Tami

[RobertaFermina]

I've encountered discrete passes and passes and "come-on's", where the fellow was a bit persistent...but got it when I said "Roberta doesn't do sex."

One time I did find myself in a clinch and enjoying it and made a date....but that's an "old thread."

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Julogden]

Hi Bev,

Back in my younger days I was out nightlifing a lot, had guys come on to me often, but learned how to handle that without problems and only had one guy behave weirdly, even following me out of the club as I was leaving. Fortunately, the bar owner and the club bouncer saw what was happening and also followed me out and made the guy leave me alone.

I also once had a guy following me in a car when I was driving home, so I headed for the nearest police station and pulled into the parking lot, the guy left.

Carol

[Bev06 GG]

Thank you ladies. Some very interesting answers there. Interesting though isn't it because part of you is flattered the other part can be scarey specially if they persist.
I had a guy once where I worked who unbeknown to me was besotted with my sister. He kept asking me questions about her and it didn't register with me that he was anything other than attracted to her and was sounding out her availability. Anyhow this guy started stalking her, waiting outside her house first thing in the morning and following her to the shops etc.
He wrote her letters, kept IMing her on the internet, emailing her until in the end she'd had enough and had to take further action. The 6ft hubby and brother waiting for him to turn up and then having a few words in his shell like.

Take care
Bev

[MsJanessa]

On the net I usually ignore them---find them to be wannabes and a complete waste of time---in real life--if I find them attractive, I allow them to pleasure Me in various ways until I'm satiated--but I refuse to do the same to them---and then I send them on their way---smiling at their discomfort. You Ladies would be suprised how many of them comeback begging for more:dom:

[AmandaM]

I usually say thanks for compliments in person. The internet is easier, just don't respond. Once I was leaving a club and a guy followed me to a car, this was after he told me he was into guys and if he wanted a woman he would find a real one. What a jerk. He reached down and grabbed my privates. I told him I wasn't interested and he left. It was scary, but I didn't want to get in a fight in drag and have the cops show up, especially since it was a friend-cop of mine's beat.

[tricia_uktv]

All the time. I will be out tomorrow and Saturday night and will be chased by admirers who've been after me before. I know the look, I know the body language. I can't be too coy though, baring in mind what I've written in my blog I'm game for it. What I would say is that I don't have any problem. They keep trying and I keep saying no, I hope nicely. Online I haven't experienced it. I suspect most admirers are too lazy.

[Princess Chantal]

I get hit on quite a bit by men whether it be in the straight clubs, gay clubs or on my out'n'about daytime expeditions. I don't mind it really. However if it starts with or heads to a blunt sexual suggestion/question, then I do get disturbed and would react in negative fashion.

[Fab Karen]

What Tamara V & Deidra said reflect my experiences. Pay attention to what they've said girls, some good advice. Also Bev reminds us of something important: don't give out a lot of information to someone you don't know. You don't have to give specific answers ( or even have to answer ) about questions like work, where you live, etc.

A t-girl friend of mine told me once years ago some guy kept hitting on her & wouldn't quit, saying "I'll get us a room, I'll do whatever you want..." so she told him "you must let me stomp your foot with my heels until your toes are broken"
he said "but why?"
"because everywhere you go, you'll think of ME." ( he backed off ):devil:

[Katrina]

On the net I usually ignore them---find them to be wannabes and a complete waste of time---in real life--if I find them attractive, I allow them to pleasure Me in various ways until I'm satiated--but I refuse to do the same to them---and then I send them on their way---smiling at their discomfort. You Ladies would be suprised how many of them comeback begging for more:dom:

You're a bad girl! :devil: I love it!

[ArleneRaquel]

Tami,
It is pleasure to have you as a member, you are not only gorgeous but alo very wise. Thank you for sharing your insight.
Katrina

[jeniinnylons]

big pain in da bootie

Um I'll leave this alone :devil: