Not Fair

[ReginaS]

I Love being a T-Girl and being a CD'er but I hate how much struggle and shame I have been through and how much shit I read about other girls going through.
It's just not fair! I did not choose to be this way and the only way I have found happiness in my life is when I began to accept just who and how I am. While most of the peoe who are important to me know who I am, I still feel like I live a secret life much of the time for fear of professional problems and the big fear of my father finding out.
Why do we have to hide who we are? I know the practical reasons but it's just not fair and it pisses me off.

[Zenith]

Yeah I know. I was a little put off by all the rules of this message board, but now I see why. We can be targets of less understanding individuals. But as someone else mentioned it can be pretty neat to have aspects of a male and female personality. Maybe it's a strange gift...

:D

[Steph Butterfield]

Hi Regina,

Being TS, I have to be totally out, which I did after I changed name by deed on 6th April 2006.

I've had no end of bother and trouble, loss of family, abuse, threats, assaults, home targetted, lack of work opportunities, and I'm a target by the locals on my estate.

That said, I am still glad I transitioned, the alternative is too awful to contemplate, so I'm happy that I know within a year I will be complete.

xx

Stephanie

[spiroxlii]

I know my family would never accept me as I am. Maybe a couple of my sisters would, but my parents never could. I'm blessed to have a girlfriend who accepts me, but I think it worries her a bit too. I don't know if I will ever really be able to indulge my desire to be female to the extent that I would like to...

[Satrana]

Simple, we wanted to be loved and befriended. CDing brings out the worst in people, their ignorance and prejudice is painful to bear witness to and it erects a barrier that can shut off the love and friendship we seek.

[Darlene Dippy]

Yep Regina it gets to us all and we feel hurt. But remember its not just CDers who get the hassel, anyone or group who think/act in anyway that questions society norms suffer much the same fate.

"Face piles of trials with smiles, it riles them to believe that you perceive the web they weave and keep on thinking free."

:)
Darlene

[Jonianne]

But remember its not just CDers who get the hassel, anyone or group who think/act in anyway that questions society norms suffer much the same fate.

You would think issues with an interracial marriage would be passe, but in many parts of the South here, it is still not accepted.

[Mirani]

Rule 1: Life is not fair; get used to it.
Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem.
Rule 3: . . . . it is difficult to speak of life being fair. It seems that too often good people go unrewarded, and evil people go unpunished.
In a world where there are drive-by shootings, child abuse, terrorism, cancer (In the UK in 2005, there were 153,491 deaths from cancer), fatal traffic accidents (in the USA in 2003: 42,643 fatalities, 2,889,000 injuries) and in 2006-07, Englsnd and Wales police reported 5,619 hate crimes in which someone was injured, 4,350 hate crimes without injury, and 28,485 cases of racially or religiously motivated harassment. There were also 3,565 cases of criminal damage related to hate crimes.
The typical hate offender is a young white male (most homophobic offenders are aged 16-20, and most race hate offenders under 30). The majority of hate crimes happen near to the victim's home while they are going about their daily business, and an offence is most likely to be committed between 3pm and midnight. Most hate criminals live in the same neighbourhood as their victims. A hate crime is one motivated by someone's perceived difference or belonging to a "different" group from the perpetrator.

More: Jasmine Whitbread, who heads the UK branch of Save The Children, said: "We are extremely worried that many children are now suffering from the most serious level of hunger. MORE than 30,000 kids under five will die of hunger in Burma in days unless their brutal rulers let the world help them. "When people reach this stage, they can die in a matter of days."
Trans people are not the only “victims” of unfairness. It’s called LIFE.
Let’s count our blessings and stop living as “victims”. No offence intended to anyone suffering from discrimination of any form. It is unacceptable (and I too am sometimes on the receiving end – like many of us). But sometimes I feel we are a little bit introspective and blinkered and moan about how unfair life is to us.

[Tina Dixon]

It is the way it is, it be nice to say screw it and just go to work in a dress today but well it's not going to happen.

[Karren H]

Well life sucks then you die.......

But hey... make the best of what ever situation you have... I sure do and actually find the duality of my life really cool and fun!! No shame.... Yeah I don't wear a dress to work... So what... I still get plenty of chances to wear one and I'm happy!!! For me it's all about balance.... balancing work, and family and playing ice hockey.... and dressing like a girl!!! I'd crash and burn if I started getting depressed bacause society says I can't wear this or do that....

Simply... I'm happy with my life no matter what I'm wearin.....

[DAVIDA]

Tina, there might be a day real soon that I do just that! But, there won't be anyone there to see me. Does that count?

Morning Karren. Life is all about balance, reguardless of the CDing.

[Bev06 GG]

It is the way it is, it be nice to say screw it and just go to work in a dress today but well it's not going to happen.

LOL you are so funny Tina, I dont know what your on but I'll have some please..

Mirani, you beat me to it. It does us all good to get things into perspective from time to time as we are all guilty of thinking we are the only ones with problems. I know its not a fair world but there are many who are suffering much greater injustices than we are, and I know that doesn't make it any easier. I have just been listening to the news about that bride and her new hubby who have been involved in a shooting on their honey moon. I guess he's laid there in hospital thinking the World just isn't fair. I think for our community its just a case of counting our blessings and making the best of the freedom we do have.
Take care
Bev

[melissacd]

The world is what it is, remember that we are but players on a very big stage.

Decide what you want your life to be then live it. Accept the consequences of those choices. Accept that all choices come with both risks and benefits. Hopefully the benefits outweigh the risks, but it is always a personal choice as to what you are willing to risk and accept in your life.

Look for and enjoy the good, focus on what is right and what works, do not look for the world to solve your problems, stop expecting things to be fair, stop being a victim and reclaim your personal power, be who you want to be and you will be a happier person. It may not always go the way that you hoped or wanted but at least you will be living based on choices that mean something to you rather than living by someone else's standard.

[TGMarla]

Regina, I think we all, for the most part, feel the same way. When I see a woman walk by wearing high heels, a skirt, or a dress, I think to myself, "Well, at least you had the option available to you..." It's tough, and it sucks, but it is what it is. And I'm not about to go on some crusade to make it okay for men to wear dresses without repercussion. Dresses, such that they are, have been a traditional form of women's clothing for somewhere between 3000 and 10,000 years, and that's not about to change, no matter how many of us shout, march, and cry out for change. No, it's not fair. But really, what sucks to me is that I was born male, and that I still want to wear women's clothing. So let's all grind out teeth, heave a sigh, and get on with the day.

[gretchenD]

I dress fulltime myself,My male friends did give me a hard time about it at first and they changed in a positive way.They somehow realized this was me and to accept it.

[bgirl]

Thanks for acknowledging the pain and the bs factor. Nope, its not fair. But like you, I only began to enjoy hapiness when I was able to accept myself as I am.
There is a benifit for all the crap we have to endure. And the acceptance we enjoy. We can apply this experience to many other things we will encounter in our life's that are not fair. Life is so not fair!!
So if we can make it through all of this, we can make it through anything.

There are cultures that measure a person by the greatness of their enimies!!
You have survived an ecounter with a powerful advisary, it follows that you have the abilty to endure and also have power.

Another benfit, If you have survived and are still here, still fighting, still being who you are.......................
No one can doubt your dedication, your persistence, your desire, your strenght, your commitment.

Turns out crap has a job. Cold Mountain ---The bird eats the seed. The bird craps out the seed. The crap fertilizes the seed. The seed grows. Bird has a job, seed has a job, crap has a job. Bethany is retired.

[Joy Carter]

Lots of good advice here. Now get the heck out there and live like you want to live. :hugs:

[Emily Anderson]

Hi Regina,

I hear you! It can be a terrible experience if not managed, and I'm sure there are several girls here who would agree that they have also been through a lot of problems and emotional pain due to their crossdressing.

Some people are better inclined to be able to manage their lives with regards to CD'ing, whereas others struggle until the day they die.

I don't really subscribe to the "get on with it because there are others in the world you are worse off" theory. That argument could be applied to just about any issue. However, I do think that you need to try to do your best with what you have, learn to understand your wants/needs and how they can best be managed, hopefully with the help of some of the people here, but perhaps even better, in real life. You could try joining a support group, for example, or maybe you know someone very close whom you trust to help. And of course, there is also therapy...

But, you're right... Life is not fair!

[CD Susan]

I agree, this whole issue of us not being accepted by society really does suck! However there is no point in dwelling on it so the best we can do is just live with it the best we can. I stopped caring what society says I should or should not do a long time ago. I am a happier person because of this and am glad that I discovered that there is only one person in the world that I have to please and that is me. We will never live in a perfect world so our way of life is what we make it to be. I for one do not let others dictate to me what I should do with my life. Stop worrying about what others think and live your life the way you want. Life is too short as it is so don't waste it by not doing what makes you happy.

[Angie G]

I know how you feel I only out to my wife and would love to be out 100% but that can;t happen. Maybe someday but not now hun.:hugs:
Angie

[Steveo]

i totaly agree with regina, well said, for me it is not the opertunity to wear a dress or skirt to work, i'm not shore i would anyway but the shear fact that when i dress in the morning i have to think is this top acceptable for were i'm going, it has been hot here for a couple of day's and it would have been nice, just nice to put on a cami and go to work, no statement just me wanting to wear what i feel nice in, but no i have to look and say to myself will i get away with this does it look male inought while being a female garment,

their is one funny thing that happened to me reasently in a supermarket, i had on fem jeans (i live in fem jeans) but my top was grey/silver glittery with a deep scoop, on the way there not a peep from anyone (that i noticed) in the shop not a smurk or laugh, get to the check out and the young lady cashier, say's nice shirt then changed to t shirt, i could be mistaken but i think she meant it. bye for now.

[Veronica 1]

Life is not fair and it never has been from the beginning of time, for the little people or the ones in charge. I have two ways of looking at it concerning our CD activities.
L - Live
I - in
F - fear
E - eternally
The relates to those of us who will never leave our closets or even tell those who are closest to us and bottle themselves up.
L - Live
I - in
F - female
E - experience
This would relate to those of us who let the world know that we are here and have the courage to present our female personas to the world, no matter how small that world might be.
It is up to us as individuals to decide how we will experience life and how we will let it affect us in our CDing.

[trannie T]

I found this thread to be very uplifting. Some people have such miserable lives that mine looks absolutely fabulous by comparison.