Work Dilema

[CrossdressinGoth]

Hello all,

I have a situation that has presented itself at work in regards to my crossdressing. I have fully come out to work and they accept it 100%, to a degree. I have approval from our HR, my supervisor, and my supervisors bosses that I can dress at work providing I still follow the dress code that woman have to follow. So I have been doing this. Wearing what I feel like when I wake up to work. My supervisor took it upon herself to ask her boss if I’m allowed to wear wigs to work. I got approval to do so, but have not done this yet. With having shorter hair for the summer, and to get the dye out of my hair, tried some new things, I've been tempted to wear them to work.

My problem that I have is, I have recently found out from a couple co-workers that are very trustworthy that my supervisor is seeing this as a game and a form of entertainment. They are taking something as serious as my crossdressing and turning it into something else for their amusement. She, my supervisor, is waiting to see how long it will take for me to come fully done at work with my wig included. I have worn makeup, and woman’s outfits to work. I even wear high heels to work but change out of them when I start work to follow the dress code. My question is, should I follow my being able to wear my wig to work or should I consider stopping my dressing at work completely based off of what they are turning it into? To me, crossdressing isn’t crossdressing unless I have male attire on, so by giving in to not doing it to spite them, I’m not following my heart of who I truly am. Some at work tell me I should do it anyway if its what I feel is right for me, others agree I should do for me but think I shouldn't based off of the drama my supervisor and her click of friends started with making it a form of entertainment. What's a girl to do? Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated.

[Emily Anderson]

I think you should follow your heart on this one, and try to ignore the fact your supervisor finds it entertaining. Obviously you have some great colleagues who support you, which is a massive plus. You'll probably find that your supervisor gets bored with it after a while.

[Karen_Ski]

Sadly this is the reaction of some out there, to think this is just a game to us rather than a way of life. I would go to HR and address my concerns there. Perhaps they can either speak to your supervisor or get you transferred to a friendlier location within the company.

[tamarav]

People are very short sighted at times. It sounds like you may not be as committed as you think if you are thinking about not dressing when you have the best opportunity to do so. The others will soon forget all about you, moving on to the next most "cool" person or topic and you will just become one of the girls at work.

You will get comments from the other girls on your clothes or hair or whatever, but the sniggling in the corner will be on someone else.

So if this is truly you, just ignore the whispers and go on with your life. It gets much easier at time goes on.

I started working in a beauty salon with a number of girls and for the first month or so I was the butt of every innuendo, every joke or lame remark. Then when the next new girl came along I was totally forgotten and they all started talking about the newbie. Now I am just one of the girls, nothing special.

Just go along with your heart and disregard the rumors or giggles and do the best to show them that you are a woman at heart and will rise above them

Your sis,

Tami

[CD Susan]

Just do what you feel is right for you. Since you have approval to dress the way you want to at work go ahead and do what pleases you. Your supervisor will become accustomed to this in time so I would not worry about this. I applaud your courage to be yourself and wish you the best.

[DonnaT]

I agree, dress as you feel like.

If your supervisor is seeing it as a game or wondering how long it will be before you dress fully, then dress fully as soon as you desire and the game will be over.

Then go back to dressing as you feel like.

[RobertaFermina]

Seems premature to consider what you should do. What are your feelings and to what degree might your emotions be influencing your perspective and weighing on each of your options ? Sharing your feelings with a heartfelt friend might be what you need before considering these things further. :hugs:

After checking in emotion-wise, pay attention to any resentments that you might be fueling with your emotions. I judge your resentment is being a bit of a buzzkill for you.

As a direct question, I support you doing whatever makes you happy and reasonably safe. If following the work-rules contributes to your ultimate happiness, then crossdress within the rules.

I'd love to achieve the freedom you have. Now that you have it, you are finding out that permission, and tolerance, and acceptance, let alone support and appreciation, don't come all at once, and from some, may never come at all.

Thank you for sharing your experience. Should I ever screw up the Courage to do what you are doing, I will have the benefit of your experience.



:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Sally2005]

Not speaking with experience. What about if you talk to your supervisor about it? Could you turn the tables by getting her involved? Maybe ask her for advice or something and add in some comments about how you respect her for not making a game out of your situation. Also, document what and when you find out and talk to HR if required, but no one in a work place is your friend!...it always comes down to people being scared for their own jobs so protect yours.

On the other hand, I don't get it. It seems like you want to dress fully, but you also said you want to wear male stuff too. Unless you are transitioning I think you have no legal rights to CD. If your goal is to go fully dressed, then just do it. Maybe see if your supervsor can help you pick and day and maybe she can lend a hand helping you find a look that she respects so you won't be critisized by her.

[CrossdressinGoth]

Thanks all for the wonderful responses. Following my heart seems to be the best option to follow. What makes it hard for me to dress 100% at work is I live with my parents still, close to moving out if the cards play in my favor, they do not know of my dressing and I'm not in a stage that I'm fully ready to tell them, because I know for a fact I will get disowned, which is fine by me, but I will get kicked out. Some friends have offered to take me in if I have this happen, but I'm not ready to "rock the boat" with my situation right now at home.

I have talked with my supervisor many times about things reguarding my dressing and have been finding she is leaking that information to other workers and has a front she puts on to my face, but behind my back is make a huge joke over this. I expected this to happen and am not surprised by this. Nobody said walking up a mountain road in high heels would be easy :P

When I move out of my parents house I know for sure that all my male clothing will be stashed away just incase they would be needed again, but once Im on my own, I wont be wearing them. I'll keep them until I know for sure I won't be wearing them ever again. What makes it hard to dress at work all the time is having to hide this from my family. People are always home when I have to leave for work so I have to always find a place to stop and change. At times its a pain in the butt but its well worth it. I have had many times I was unable to bring anything to work to change into because family was around me and kept coming in my room by me while I was trying to get my things gathered. Soon this should stop and it will be nice.

For the work thing again, I want to do what is right for me and what I feel is the right thing to do. I really don't want others to make the roads for me. Today I have to talk with our HR about some stuff so maybe this wouldn't be a bad time to bring up some of these other issues, not to try and get anyone in trouble, but to voice my concern a little and see what can all be done.

Thanks again girls for your thoughts, all of your responses are meaningful and I appriciate all of them :)

Also I would like to mention Sally that with what I was saying about male attire was that I feel like I'm a crossdresser when I wear male clothing, womans clothing is more natural feeling for me. I don't like wearing mens clothes, just feels like when I do, then and only then should I say I'm crossdressing. Hope that makes a little more sense, I know I didn't word it the best the first time so hopefully this way works a little better :hugs:

[WildLotus29]

If you have the desire to go to work fully en femme then do it. Don't let anyone keep you from being yourself.

[KayHenderson]

The woman I work for told me recently that we simply have to allow a little time for people to adjust to something this unusual. Most have never met a transsexual - as far as they know.

When I first interviewed, she was a little taken aback - but now, she says, she just sees me as Kay. And everyone else is totally nice and respectful.

[Angie G]

If you have appeal then do it and don't let the jerks spoil it for you be who you want to be hun.:hugs:
Angie

[Ruth]

It sounds to me like you are using your workplace as an outlet for your CDing desires because you are unable to do so at home. Though this is understandable, it's a hard way to go. Particularly as it sounds that the workplace supervisor is not totally sympathetic.
If you depend on this job for financial independence and getting a place of your own, I suggest you tread very carefully there. If necessary, sacrifice your workplace CDing in the short term to secure your own place and your own life in the longer term.
Just a thought.

[Joy Carter]

I'd not let what the others say and do be an issue with you. If you are creating a problem, (not that you are) they might not want the hassle, and find away to dismiss you. I went through something close to this on my job. And I while I was not giving into the harassment, it disrupted the work being done, making me the fall guy/girl. In short it was easier to rid themselves of me, (one person) than the several who were creating the problem. Good luck. I admire your courage.

[tvbeckytv]

You seem to have a great employer to me.
supervisors have to be respectfull to staff to their face, but bitch about them behind their backs all the time. Dont take it as you been treated any different...its just she obviously uses your crossdressing to be bitchy about you...in all likelyhood she will be bitchy about other people for other reasons.
just to protect yourself, id try to get the consent for how far you can go in writting from your employer if possible.
Dont even give your supervisor a second thought...really.

personally, ive always thought of work time as being paid for time that dosnt belong to me, so it really dosnt matter what i wear. Just so long as i can wear a skirt n heels in my own time im happy enough.
but hey, major kudos to you!

[Nicole Erin]

If you start attending work en femme, it is something you will probably need to do all the time.

I have heard stories about CD/TS going to work en femme one day and drab the next then en femme...

The problem people have with that is they wish the CD/TS would make up their mind.

So basically if you are wanting to commit to that... As we know, CD'ing and presenting well is not easy work.

I don't know what others will say about my post here, but it is something to think about before going too far.

And the bosses think it is a game? Ehh heck with them. As long as they approve it should be cool, they will get used to it and look for fresh meat to gossip about.

[renee k]

It sounds to me like you are using your workplace as an outlet for your CDing desires because you are unable to do so at home. Though this is understandable, it's a hard way to go. Particularly as it sounds that the workplace supervisor is not totally sympathetic.
If you depend on this job for financial independence and getting a place of your own, I suggest you tread very carefully there. If necessary, sacrifice your workplace CDing in the short term to secure your own place and your own life in the longer term.
Just a thought.

Hi,

I'm just trying to figure out what your motives are. And I agree with Ruth's take on all of this. If you were working in New York or San Francisco you would probably be able to pull it off. But in the conservative midwest, good luck. You would probably stand a better chance of telling your supervisor your were going to transition. Just to be out there rocking the boat, you better know how to swim. I not saying your wrong, with what your doing. But it's where your doing it, that concerns me. People are set in their ways it may take years to change that. So, please be careful. This may be an impediment to your independance.

Huggs, Renee

[girl_in_pantyhose]

That is a hard one. If others think it is a game to be played you don't want too play to them. But still you have to follow your heart. You have done 80% of the hard part which is coming out at work. Think of it this way, if your co-workers are treating like a game that means there is nothing better at work to do. Once the novelty of you being the "New Girl" wears off then they will most likely pray on some one else! I can't imagine this game lasting more than a month! If so you have some dedicated players.

Just do your best at work and no one can complain. Maybe you might lead the way for others to come out like you! Then think how work would be if two of you "Girls" were working at the same place!

[KateSpade83]

You are lucky enough already! Most jobs when they found out about my cd'ing - I didn't last long. And making fun of you comes with the territory! So what if the supervisor gets amused! - Maybe she might like to keep you around for amusement!

[Alex!]

Well, while I do not understand this kind of crossdressing, I recommend that you do what you want to do, as long as it adheres to company policy. If you are harrassed, there are laws to protect you, though their use in a case of crossdressing might be quite complicated (the difference between a dress code versus gender bias or sexual advances). I think your situation would be similar in this legal respect to a person who wears, say, Shakespearian outfits for some reason. Of course it amuses people, and they will wait to see what comes next. If it causes too much of a disruption, a company can fire you for disturbing morale. However, a good supervisor will need to have a written track record building up to this eventuality - springing it on you could conceivably hurt both parties.

The one who deviates from the norm must expect a difficult journey. That is why most of these people (those who are successful) are admired, though unfortunately only after they pass away.

[Melinda G]

My old girlfriend had a rather crude saying, "You don't shit where you eat", meaning you keep your employment and your personal life separate! A lot of truth to it.