Picking one reason from hundreds

[Patrice]

After reading Kate's thread about wearing bras in guy mode, and thinking very hard about Andrea's post in it about why we that under or partial dress choose to do so I found myself trying to understand the bottom-line reason why I dress at all. I have dozens, maybe hundreds, of different answers I can give if asked - some contradictory - all of them absolutely true, but the main one I usually give as the 'real' reason (because it feels right) has always felt like half an answer at best.

Then it came to me, sort of rose up out of my subconscious more or less fully formed.

I dress because I like the look, the clothes, and the styles. I wear earrings of a feminine style because I think they look good on me and nail polish because (I believe) it conveys that I give a damn about the details of my appearance.

And I have NO PROBLEMS (shame, guilt, or embarassment) with any of what I do because I do not understand AT ALL why I shouldnt be able to!

The true borrom line is that I have never understood the artificial gender stereotypes imposed by our culture (or cultures) in much the same way a dog will never understand the tax code. As far back as I can remember whenever I have heard someone say 'boys dont do THAT', or 'Girls cant do/be THAT' I have always asked 'Why not?' And noone has ever explained to my satisfaction why not.

So I do/wear what I like obeying the bare minimums of the law (because I'm too cute to go to jail) and my employers dress code (because I need my paychecks to buy more shoes!), and if people notice I really dont care, all I ask is they have the respect to let me be me. As its been said before here and other places, 'Those who matter dont mind, and those who mind dont matter!'.

[girl_in_pantyhose]

the construct of gender is all very much artificial and superficial for that matter. The reasoning as i see it is that there is some need to spit up the population. I believe the powers at be think a divided nation is easier to control as you can always pit one side against another. I know that doesn't describe why you or i may dress and get some enjoyment out of it but it is a start of a theory.

Happy dressing

[gennee]

I have a saying; 'Be who you are' because no one can live life for you. Like you I feel no shame or guilt about wearing women's clothing. I love :love: your spirit, Patrice.

Gennee

:)

[Alex!]

You are quite right to point out that "gender" is an identity issue, not a biological one. But in any society, there will be gender norms. When someone is perceived as deviating from those norms, the behavior is considered strange. For those who are threatened by disruptions in the status quo, strange can lead to intolerance and, unfortunately, sometimes violence.

Consider how people expressed gender identity through the ages and across cultures. It varies hugely. Upper class European men in the 18th century would be laughed at in today's Western cultures, but during their time they were bad asses.

Why this is brings up the idea of character traits. It is a mistake to assign character traits as female or male. Compassion is often called a female trait while agression considered a male trait. All I see are human traits. In time, I believe gender will be accepted as a diverse spectrum of "being", while sex will also proliferate in all its wonderous forms. We are going that way, and I think we will be much happier for it. After all, in the grand scheme of things, who gives a damn how people make themselves happy, as long as they are happy?

[justmetoo]

Exactly!
I've never cared much for the term "chick flick", for example. I like some movies labeled as such. I also like some action films and other genres.

[Nicki B]

After reading Kate's thread about wearing bras in guy mode, and thinking very hard about Andrea's post in it about why we that under or partial dress choose to do so I found myself trying to understand the bottom-line reason why I dress at all.

Have you asked yourself why you only partially dress? Did you come up with an answer?

[Patrice]

[QUOTE=Andrea M. Forbes;1380140]But in any society, there will be gender norms. When someone is perceived as deviating from those norms, the behavior is considered strange. For those who are threatened by disruptions in the status quo, strange can lead to intolerance and, unfortunately, sometimes violence.

QUOTE]

As far as the word 'normal', I despise it and the homogenity it implies. The strange, weird, and different are the fire that keeps this kettle of a world percolating and evolving. The norm will never change unless, and until, it is challenged. I am a unique individual, not a cog in a machine or insect in a hive, I exist within this society but am not subsumed by it. And I will not let fear stop me, not even fear of physical violence. If Im not willing to put it all on the line, I should put nothing on the line.


And to answer Nicki's question: I partially dress, and underdress, as a sort of a safety valve - a constant release of controlled amounts of pink mist to prevent it overloading into a full-on 'Pink Fogbank' so blinding Im at work in a skirt and full makeup before I realize what Im doing. I may be committed to what Im doing, but Im not totally gone yet :)

[Alex!]

"Normal" does not imply homogeneity. It can be quite "normal" to have a heterogenous society, for example. The population of the United States, Australia, Canada and parts of Europe are quite diverse, and this is a normal condition for a representative democracy. That doesn't mean the interfaces between different groups won't experience friction, however. Such a society serves as a constant cauldron of social redefinition - instead of genetic evolution, we have robust memetic evolution, or the transference of ideas instead of genetic material.

Crossdressing and all other manner of gender expression have a better chance of finding expression and ultimately tolerance in a dynamic society like this.

It is also important to note that an enemy of democracy is individualism, or the ideology of one. The "I am crossdresser, hear me roar" crowd doesn't help the cause.

[Sara Jessica]

You are quite right to point out that "gender" is an identity issue, not a biological one.

Identity versus biological as stated is apples and oranges in my opinion. The age old question is whether one's gender identity is nature (biological) versus nurture (environment). In my case, I didn't stumble into the closet and discover I liked what I found in there. Rather, some of my earliest memories involved questioning of my gender and an unrelenting desire to be a girl.

And the notion made elsewhere to suggest the construct of gender is artifical and superficial utterly ignores the dramatic differences between the genders, particularly between the ears. The statement strikes me as a rant against society to allow people to wear whatever they want which at it's core has little to do with gender identity. There is so much more to gender than the clothes we wear.

[Karren H]

I really have no reasons.... Plain and simply..... I'm just driven to dress..

[Patrice]

It is also important to note that an enemy of democracy is individualism, or the ideology of one. The "I am crossdresser, hear me roar" crowd doesn't help the cause. I couldnt disagree more, one of the things Ive always adored about our struggling country is its commitment to protecting the rights of the individual. I always cry when 'we' violate those protections for any reason, especially 'national security'. Sometimes Im not so sure I want to be part of a society that can deny an individual their rights because they just decide its in the best interest of the majority.

Also, I didnt mean to imply I see NO difference between the genders, biololgy does indeed make us different and 'vive le difference' as they say. If men and woman were completely the same we probably wouldnt do what we do, or perhaps wouldnt feel the need to.

What I was railing against is this basic cultural bedrock of 'woman = weaker'. Women in combat, woman CEOs, a woman president; absolutely unthinkable not so long ago and still somewhat are in certain areas of America. The mindset that browbeats into us the cliche. 'boys dont cry'. I find it immensely unsettling that in this day and age I still know people who honestly believe that if your wife needs, or just wants, to work to bring income into the home you are a failure as a Man, Husband, and provider. This rant could go on forever, you all know the cliched stereotype statements I mean.

And as far as 'I am crossdresser, hear me roar'? Any of the oppressed minorites in America's past didnt begin to achieve any measure of equality or protection until they did just that, stood up and roared.

[DonnaT]

I dress because I like the look, the clothes, and the styles. I wear earrings of a feminine style because I think they look good on me and nail polish because (I believe) it conveys that I give a damn about the details of my appearance.

How does that relate to an earlier post where you made the statement:



Crossdressing has never been about being someone else, its been more about using an external stimulus to contact elements missing from my persona, a meditation aid in a sense.

I have a feeling that you dress because of an urge somewhere inside you that needs fullfilling. Dressing does this for you. My reason for dressing, BTW.

And that it is a good thing you like the look, the clothes, and the styles etc., because it is the only aid available to meet the need.

Just my opinion, of course, based on my experience.

Am I wrong?

[Patrice]

Absolutely not Donna! You are 100% correct, that need - that 'something missing' I was trying to connect with was my feminine side which proved to be more intrinisic to my true self-identity than I had ever suspected. Appropriating artifacts of the 'feminine' side of the tracks is how I express it outwardly.

And take a glance at my first post this thread, I have more reasons for what I do than stars in the sky. And they dont all agree :devil:

[Nicki B]

And to answer Nicki's question: I partially dress, and underdress, as a sort of a safety valve - a constant release of controlled amounts of pink mist to prevent it overloading into a full-on 'Pink Fogbank' so blinding Im at work in a skirt and full makeup before I realize what Im doing. I may be committed to what Im doing, but Im not totally gone yet :)

I think you missed my point (or I'm not understanding you)... I asked why do you dress only partially? Or, from your comment above, is work your only life? :idontknow:

[sissystephanie]

I have a saying; 'Be who you are' because no one can live life for you. Like you I feel no shame or guilt about wearing women's clothing. I love :love: your spirit, Patrice.

Gennee

:)

I agree totally with Gennee!! I dress. or underdress. simply because I like to! The underdressing is done only when either my children are around or because of a business situation. My daughter does know, but my son does not and I will not tell him. Other than them, I don't care what other people think about my clothing choices. BTW, now that my wife has passed on, I do not try to "pass!" I wear feminine clothes as a man because, as I said earlier, I like to!!

Sissy/Stephanie

Lady on the outside, but man underneath!

[Joanne f]

I am wondering if this question can ever be answered sensibly as there are no doubt many different reasons and i have to admit that i have answered some post`s to So that it is only clothes, but now realise that was a silly statement as it go`s far deeper than that , it is like an association with the clothes and what it means for you and you have to make this connection through the wearing of the cloths, they are like a gate way that at times you must pass through to get to the other side (the other you).
And once you have been through that gate you have to do it more and more until it becomes an obsession if you are not careful , so i will not be saying it is just clothes any more :D.


joanne

[Nicki B]

Clothing has symbolism in many ways... That's why wearing clothing of a particular kind seems more likely to me to be a symptom, than a root cause?

[Patrice]

why do you dress only partially? Or, from your comment above, is work your only life? :idontknow:

I only dress partially at work or when out and about among the teeming masses (though Im working on the latter). My evenings and days off are something else entirely, hehe.

[Angie G]

Well said Patrice you go girl. :hugs:
Angie