Do you hate the "Gay" Label?

[KateSpade83]

Do you hate the "Gay" Label? As a straight crossdresser I hate being generalized as gay because then people get the wrong notion that I have sex with men, and I don't! I'd proudly admit I'm a crossdresser, but not gay! How do you feel about this?

[WildLotus29]

It wouldn't bother me if someone called me gay. I'm know that I'm straight and I'm secure with my sexuality. It's not my fault that people are so closed minded.

[pinkeverything]

I'm the same. I am waiting, with anticipation, for my SO to call and tell me to bring up some "****ty things" to wear. We're in a difficult relationship, but this week is better than last. I wore a pink shirt today..........and matching panties.:D

[RobertaFermina]

I don't mind the label.

Sometimes I'm quite enthusiastic about someone using it.

Sometimes I'm quite afraid.

Double-Edged Sword there....are there any other kinds ?

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[renee k]

It wouldn't bother me if someone called me gay. I'm know that I'm straight and I'm secure with my sexuality. It's not my fault that people are so closed minded.

My feelings as well, I also think that the label of being gay because you crossdress is not that prevelent anymore.

Huggs, Renee

[Roberta Llyan]

Doesn't bother me in the least. It is just a word used to define someone or something by the mind of those trying to identify that which it sees. We all use labels. So why get so uptight about them.

They have no power over us unless we give them power.

[Rachel Morley]

I hate being generalized as gay because then people get the wrong notion that I have sex with men, and I don't! I'd proudly admit I'm a crossdresser, but not gay!

That comment sounds somewhat homophobic to me! No, I am fine with it. Several of my friends are in same sex relationships and I am totally ok with people thinking I am perhaps gay even though I am straight. I can always tell them I'm not gay if they happen to come on to me, and if it's a complete stranger in the street who perhaps thinks this about me because he sees or suspects I am a crossdresser ... well who the hell cares!

[Patrice]

Doesnt bother me in the slightest, in fact I consider it something of a compliment. Some of the best, most compassionate, downright decent people I know are gay.

[AmandaM]

I don't like it. The problem with the gay label for CDers isn't that you are called "gay", it's that when they say the word they mean it like this, "you are a disgusting, sicko".

[KateSpade83]

I definitely hate the gay label because of homophobia, being ostracized for it, job discrimination / problems, and that it'll turn off most women.

[Pink Person]

I'm not gay, unless you count being in love with myself. By that standard, most people are gay.

P.S. I am not opposed to having sex with men, but prefer women. I hate having to explain my gender preference to both, so have not been very sexually active.

[RobynP]

I don't know if I hate the gay label... but I dislike it a LOT! It does not describe my sexual orientation at all... It's like calling a gay person "straight" because they don't crossdress or because they are very masculine.

Peace,
Robyn

[gagirl1]

i don't like being mistaken for something i'm not and meeting ignorant people. however, i see it as an opportunity to educate them and show them that there is a lot more to crossdressing than sexual orientation. i also try to view it from their perspective. it all depends on the person though. if they are a real jerk, i will give it righ back to them. if they are curious, i will try to educate them as best i can.

[Sallee]

I don't really like it but for the uneducated or folks who just don't know, I can understand how they would mistake a CD for being gay. I don't like to assume any ones sexuality because 1st it is none of my business and 2nd I don't care. I guess if I wasn't a CD and I met some I might assume they have sex with men because that is what women do for the most part. therefore gay. But still best not to assume anything and take people at face value not who they get it on with

[NatalieBliss]

I know some people will just go nuts hearing about "hating the gay label" Personally I understand the general confusion. To a guy who has never had the desire to wear women's clothes the leap to homosexual isn't all that great. Women wear women's clothes and women tend to like men. A generalization for sure, but one that comes with some data to back it up, as most of them are. A cliche is a cliche for a reason, that is what makes it a cliche, not a hard and fast rule. You also have to look at the pop culture references to the world of crossdressing the "Drag Queen" rules the references. A "Drag Queen" is generally thought of as a homosexual man that wears woman's clothing: To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar; The Birdcage; Priscilla Queen of the Desert, TransAmerica... The genre of "gender confusion movies" is filled with gay men that dress as women. A slight misrepresentation of the popultaion, perhaps, but not any less valid. The population that has no interest in gender bending dosen't know anything about it. Not surprising. I don't care for auto racing so my general perception of it is "fast cars that turn left". Not a wholly representational view of the sport what with a branch of it being trucks, and then there is the whole world of formula one, where the wheel actually gets turned to the right. Not invalid, just incomplete. Anyway that just a realists two cents on the matter...

[Bev06 GG]

Hey girls,
Its just a label born out of ignorance really. Believe it or not I get that too but from the CD fraternity. They are always asking me If I a gay because I fancy my SO dressed. It did used to bother me but I guess I have just come to understand that people just dont understand something that is alien to them.
Take Care
BTW I AM NOT GAAAAAAYYYY tee hee

[gagirl1]

just wanted to add: Bev, you are incredible. can we clone you? pwetty pweeaaaassseee

[Bev06 GG]

just wanted to add: Bev, you are incredible. can we clone you? pwetty pweeaaaassseee

Awww your so cute.
Corse ya can
Bev

[gagirl1]

ok, i'll start the research.

[Sarah_Knight]

I prefer the term Gay to "Homo" "Queer" "Puffta" "Shirt-lifter" or any of the other labels applied to people by other people when they can't be bothered to understand them.
My sexuality is an ongoing journey. At one stage I would have described myself a "100% straight" and only interested in female partners. Now I acknowledge I have some feelings stirred by certain men. I shall probably never act on them, but I am not disgusted by myself or upset.

I guess I am lucky because the gay people I have met in my life have been 100% wonderful human beings, not a single jerk/idiot/timewaster or fool among them. Sadly I can't say the same for the "straight" people in my life. Ho hum! One of the coolest people I know is a Scottish guy who has been openly gay for as long as I've known him. He is clever, articulate and a top notch human being. All those things and he just happens to prefer guys ... so what!

[sandra-leigh]

In my life, I've had numerous random strangers on the street (or, much more likely, in cars) call me "fag" -- including one time when I was wearing completely stereotypical male clothes (jeans, lumberjack shirt) and had just 3 minutes before had my hair cut quite short by a very old school "man's barber". It often upset me that people were so quick to judge me and yell insults to try to hurt me.

It isn't the idea of homosexuality that bothers me: I don't remember that the idea ever bothered me. There were some "out" gay men my high school, and some people avoided them and put them down for that, but what I saw was that they were amongst the few people outside of my {small} direct circle of friends who were pleasant to me. I don't have much of a "gaydar" at all, but as an adult, the women who have taken the time to get to know me have often turned out to be lesbian. The only friend (person who really knows me) that I have come out to as a cross-dresser was lesbian when she lived in the same city (now bi); I hadn't seen her in years or even talked to her much, but when she visited the city, I knew she'd be fine with the idea, so I wore a skirt to our dinner (and I was right, she was tickled by it, and by my trust in her.) So it doesn't bother me if a stranger thinks that I'm homosexual.

But there is a difference between people thinking that I am homosexual and people yelling epitaphs at me on the street. Consider for example the word "genius": it's nice to be thought of as very smart, but when you are child and kids on the playground "spit out" the word at you, or as an adult, people in passing cars yell it out at you, those people aren't trying merely describing you or complementing you: they are trying to hurt you, and it is the obvious intent to hurt that hurts, rather than the actual choice of label hurled out. Why do people feel that they must be cruel to others??


Now, an interesting oddity in all of this, is that in the time since I started crossdressing (less than 4 years ago) and started appearing in public gender-bending or completely dressed, I haven't had even one "fag" yelled at me. I have been laughed at (but not very often).

I find that these days, cross-dressed or gender-bending, I make many more random short-term "connections" with strangers than I did before I started cross-dressing, that overall, I am more "socially accepted" even as "a guy in a skirt" than I was before I had any idea that I wanted to wear skirts. I don't know why: perhaps women somehow see me as "safer" to talk to, or perhaps they perceive "something in common" -- or perhaps I'm just smiling more.

[Shelly Preston]

I guess it will be more upsetting to hear it from people who know you but have not even tried to find out about your sexuality

The general public have not yet realised crossdressing does not automatically mean gay

[KATIE TV]

I definitely hate the gay label because of homophobia, being ostracized for it, job discrimination / problems, and that it'll turn off most women.

I for one am not that bothered if people think I am gay, I know I’m not so what label they want to use from ignorance is down to them, But in their defence it can be very confusing to those who don’t understand, I don’t have a problem with this as when I realised how much my cross dressing meant to me I wondered if I was gay myself. I even tried a gay relationship with a friend of mine (also a cross dresser) It didn’t work for either of us, He is now in a full time gay relationship and very happy, For me I now have the woman of my dreams who loves Katie. The funny thing is that some of the most unkind comments I have had about my sexuality have come from gay men who just don’t get it. As far as my more “macho” friends are concerned life got much better when I started my new relationship as showed I was not gay as I know that some were uncomfortable with that thought, As for women’s company I have never had it so good, including a lesbian couple, so I don’t agree that it puts ladies off, Finally on discrimination if I was gay here in the UK there are laws to protect gay people, but I’m not sure if they apply to TVs so being labelled gay would make me more protected. So in conclusion I really don’t care what others call me, I am happy with me so that’s really all that matters. Katie, X

[Bev06 GG]

Yes I agree with Sarah about Gays. Two of my childhood best mates were openly Gay and one of them liked to wear womens clothes believe it or not. I never had any problems with them, they still keep in touch today eventhough one of them lives in Canada and the other one is the other side of the UK. I love them to bits and always will do and like Sarah has said, they are bright intelligent articulate and wonderful human beings who accept everyone else for who they are.
Bev

[KayR]

Whilst I agree with everything said here, I think I understand the point. Here in the UK, many people still fling out the "gay" accusation as an insult. By association, being asked if we are gay is often an insult - like being asked are we say, child molestors or rapists.
I am not gay, and have no leanings in that direction. I like and respect many gay people for their sensitivity and compassion, which is not why the enquirer is asking, many a time.

[Joanne f]

As far as i am concerned Gay people are like most Cds in the respect that they go about their own business not harming anyone else yet get picked on for doing that , i have been called gay many times and it just doe`s not bother me as i know the one`s that call you names are just plain ignorant and stupid so why both as to that they are saying, their opinions mean absolutely nothing to me as they are born out of hate ,fear and ignorance.





joanne

[Fab Karen]

BTW I AM NOT GAAAAAAYYYY tee hee

No, Bev, you have to hold a Press Conference & have your partner standing behind you trying not to roll their eyes. If anyone asks probing questions, you just respond that you have "a wide stance":heehee:

[annabellesmooth]

yes im in a same sex relationship,...
an if i were to be called a name with out a smile an a wink,..:D
i do get cranky an have been agressive be for,...:Angry3:
lables are for those that need to be confermed by others:devil:
love n let love,.... an it is just fab to be in love:hugs:

[deja true]

Much rather be called or thought of as gay than a self-absorbed, self-righteous a$$hole!

Gay or not, if I'm liked and appreciated and thought of as responsible, reliable person, then I'm happy...

[MJ]

Much rather be called or thought of as gay than a self-absorbed, self-righteous a$$hole!

Gay or not, if I'm liked and appreciated and thought of as responsible, reliable person, then I'm happy...

same here . also it's better to say i am gay than take 10 minutes to explain who i am and how i feel ...

[Ásfríðr]

meh, i find it hilarious watching ignorant but well meaning people shifting around and being careful because they think i'm gay. saying things like "no offense of course" at the end of a misinformed generalisation but definitely looking me when they say that. i think they leave thinking i'm "at least bisexual", which is a pretty funny statement as it is, also because i would probably def enjoy that. shame really, i've got one eye closed, keep bumping into things lol, as much as i'd love to i just can't get the damn thing open!
but its silly to hope people won't make that assumption about you if you're wearing make-up and being girly, the whole feminisation of men has been a part of 'gay suffrage' as it were. not to mention drag-queenism (if that can be an ism) just correct them if they're wrong, explain yourself if you can, change a few ideas here and there; we'll get the same sexual revolution that the gay community went (and arguably is still going) through, viva! x

[MsJanessa]

I'm bisexual so it doen't bother Me

[Alex!]

I would dislike this label very much, because I'm not gay. I would find being called a Christian just as disagreable, because I'm not Christian either. I think it makes sense to be annoyed (hate is too strong a word) at being characterized in a way that is very different than who you are at a fundamental level.

[Sedona]

Some are pretty quick to judge folks who go anywhere near the hate or dislike label as homophobes.

Think about it this way:

If you had a college degree in, say, business administration, and everyone kept saying you had an accounting degree. Would you dislike it? Yes. Would it be an insult? No.

I don't view it as an insult to be called gay, but I dislike it when people get their facts wrong. Nothing wrong with that.

[CaptLex]

I guess you'll have to constantly "come out" as hetero when people assume otherwise - just like many gay people have to come out because people automatically assume they're straight. :p

As for me, I'd rather be called a fag than a dyke because then at least they'd be seeing me as a man. Hasn't happened yet, though. People still think I'm a lesbian . . . including my family, I was recently informed. :doh:

[valenstein]

As far as the public masses generalizing that all CD's are gay, I hate it, much in the same way people generalize about gay people. If they ask me personally, I may or may not take offense to it. When they come on with an attitude, I want to ask them, "How much do you weigh?" or "Can I see your DMV photo?"

[Angie G]

What I don't like is the know it all who use the word and show everyone how stupid they are. And Kate why do you hate being called Gay you make it sound dirty. By saying you hate to be called gay to my it put you down to there level. I know some very nice gay people they don't judge others except for there stupid thoughts. :hugs:
Angie

[sparks]

Sometimes I take offence and sometimes not. Soemtimes as whole the world does need to suck it up alittle. On a day to day basis I am most likely called something I agree with or not. If I'm in a nasty mood I will take it poorly but on many days it's a whatever kinda thing.
Labels can be a simple descripter or they can meant to hurt. My wife has called me gay and I've taken great offence to it. Words can hurt sometimes. But Sometimes they hurt because they are truthful. Like a lot of people here I've struggled with the "BI" issues as well as things in my childhood that have messed me up beyond belief.

So I guess try to take the word as it was meant.

[carolinebrookes]

When all said and done it's just a label. People will think what they think and there isn't a whole lot you can do about that.

As a straight guy, I have had to deal with questions or name calling, but can you do about the uneducated views of some?

The gay label doesn't bother me too much as it doesn't affect my life.
I have some terrific gay friends of both sexes and we all tend to mix freely in one another's circles.
I'm at ease with any label as my nearest and dearest know the truth and that's what counts.

[CD Susan]

The label of gay does not bother me. Actually it is more sensitive to the feelings of those that are gay than the words fag or queer. I have been asked by only one person if I was gay and that was my ex-wife. I confided in her that I was a cd and she assumed I was gay out of her ignorance of the subject. There was an instance where two guys in a passing vehicle insulted me as I was on a sidewalk. They called me every derogatory word in the book because they made me as a cd. This incident scared me more than anything. Again this was the result of their ignorance of the subject of cd. I think that there should be classes on human sexuality and gender issues that cover cd taught in high school. The vast majority of people are so ignorant of these things and that is a sad thing for us.

[DonnaT]

I should hate it, but since there is nothing wrong with being gay, I don't hate it.

The reason I should hate it is because when I told my wife I was a transvestite (crossdresser wasn't a term in use back then) she looked it up in the dictionary. She was fine with my dressing up, until she read the definition that equated it with being homosexual.

Heck, there are many who think being gay is a step up from being a tranny.

What I hate is the ignorance that some people, who refuse to educate themselves, show.

[Sharon]

My family, friends, and most of my associates know whether I am gay or not. I don't give a fig what strangers think.

[Ellie]

I only hate the gay label because it soooo doesn't completely describe me. I am far more then just gay or straight... I can be sad or crooked sometimes too :P

Interestingly enough if your workplace fired you for being a gay transvestite you could sue for discrimination but not so if you are a stright crossdresser. So if I did get into an issue with work because of my CDing then I'll claim GAY all day long... Get all drag queened up and act FLAM'N! at least until the settlement check cleared! hahahaha....

[tvbeckytv]

i find it degrading that just because im a crossdresser, people assume im probably straight.

[CaptLex]

i find it degrading that just because im a crossdresser, people assume im probably straight.
:heehee: :^5:

[tricia_uktv]

Err, I'm bi - so if people said I was gay I would understand. No, doesn't bother me at all.

[Emily Anderson]

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.

If you're not gay, then why do you care about it? In fact, if you were gay, why would you care about it?

I think you're letting yourself get emotionally injured for no reason.

[Joanne f]

If you think about it it`s a bit ironic that men dressing up as women, acting like women and wanting to be a woman, and chatting to other men doing the same are concerned about being called gay .







joanne

[bettysue6879]

It's not that being gay is a bad thing, I just hate that people jump to conclusions and think that I am just because I CD.

[Deidra Cowen]

"The lady doth protest too much"

[KateSpade83]

What I don't like is the know it all who use the word and show everyone how stupid they are. And Kate why do you hate being called Gay you make it sound dirty. By saying you hate to be called gay to my it put you down to there level. I know some very nice gay people they don't judge others except for there stupid thoughts. :hugs:
Angie

I only hate the term because people automatically think you have sex with men.

[CaptLex]

I only hate the term because people automatically think you have sex with men.
Could be worse . . . people could assume one has sex with women. :phbbt:

[Deborah Jane]

Strangers can call me anything they like...They don,t know me, so what differance does it make!!!


I only hate the term because people automatically think you have sex with men.

Does that mean if somebody calls me a bitch, they think i have sex with dogs?

Or if somebody calls me a b*st*rd, they doubt my parentage?

I think your taking things too personally myself...Just ignore them!!

[Deidra Cowen]

Could be worse . . . people could assume one has sex with women. :phbbt:

:heehee::devil::thumbsup:

[Fab Karen]

I only hate the term because people automatically think you have sex with men.

An analogy: "Oh you're a vegetarian, obviously you love broccoli"
Veg: "BROCCOLI?! I HATE broccoli! I've NEVER eaten broccoli, I get sick if I even THINK about broccoli!"
compare with: "No, broccoli doesn't appeal to me"

[Roberta Llyan]

Strangers can call me anything they like...They don,t know me, so what differance does it make!!!

Does that mean if somebody calls me a bitch, they think i have sex with dogs?

Or if somebody calls me a b*st*rd, they doubt my parentage?

I think your taking things too personally myself...Just ignore them!!


WONDERFULLY said Deb. We are so caught up on what others are doing...why don't we just be who and what we are and to hell with them. It is a full time job just being myself without worrying what "others" are doing. I don't have time for them.

I go 24/7 all the time and I've yet to have anyone call me a name such as I have seen on this thread. So maybe it is our own consciousness that is drawing these labels to us.

Change your thinking and change your life! (and carry a big stick....hehehe)

[bimini1]

I definitely hate the gay label because of homophobia, being ostracized for it, job discrimination / problems, and that it'll turn off most women.


Shoot. Gay people are more accepted than this! The public can almost stomach that but let a man put on a dress, oh noooooo.
So I guess good, let 'em think I am gay, they are gonna think that anyway. Then they might be able to halfway see it. But in no way can they understand a hetero man CDing. Nor do they want to understand it.

Not to say I'd ever do it but hell, since I have some fantasies about actually being with a man while dressed I must have some bi tendencies I don't want to admit to myself anyways. In that fantasy I see myself as a hetero female all the way. Who knows, maybe I am TS "at times". Just all over the freggin map.

[KarenCDFL]

It would not bother me at all. After all it is not what others think of me, it is about what I think of me.

And honestly, if someone is calling me gay out of hate, then they can just go $$$$ themselves!

And if they are asking me, I just introduce them to my wife.

[Sarah Doepner]

If it takes being considered gay to get people to accecpt me as a crossdresser, I'd welcome being called gay.

Or if they are threatening and using stereotypes, I might remind them that some of the best known crossdressers in the movies were homicidal maniacs. It could work as I flash my dazzleing smile at them and pull the chainsaw from my clutch purse.

[jennifer41356]

My family, friends, and most of my associates know whether I am gay or not. I don't give a fig what strangers think.

:werd: Amen Sharon, you took the words right out of my mouth:D...I dont give a rats *ss about what they think, I probably would never see them again anyway, i can live fine without ignorant people like that:2c:

[jennifer41356]

I only hate the term because people automatically think you have sex with men.


so who cares????:brolleyes:

[sandra-leigh]

An analogy: "Oh you're a vegetarian, obviously you love broccoli"



It isn't broccoli they assume about vegetarians: it is mushrooms. They take the regular recipe, take out the meat, and put in mushrooms. Somehow that's supposed to be protein. And I'm supposed to love it, since "after all, mushrooms are vegetables!" (oh no they aren't!!!)

(There are things I am more allergic to than molds and fungi, but people don't go around putting beech pollen in my food.)

[meg_dc_00]

The word "gay" doesn't bother me one bit, the word can actually be quite erotic...

[marie354]

I don't like labels either, but what are you gonna do?
People have just begin to learn to accept gays and now, here we are... Somewhere in the middle.
I've often thought of having a T-shirt made up that says...
"Transgender is not gay!" with the triangle TG symbol in the background... But would anyone, except us understand?

[Carol123]

I could easily live withat label

[jenalex]

i find it degrading that just because im a crossdresser, people assume im probably straight.

yes, indeed
and there used to be buttons like this:
"how dare you presume I'm heterosexual"

:happy:

[Teranika]

For a long time as a child i was terrified that crossdressing made me gay.

Now though, I almost don't care at all what people think and I understand that they're not the same thing.

It does bother me that most people when they find out immediatly ask if I'm gay. I suppose sometimes it's a propositon tho....

[michelle64]

im a lesbian..i only like girls...my views on gays would only lead to a flame war..suffice to say i do not like guys and in fact i like to only buy items from ladies which includes even a new vehicle from my local car dealership...i do not trust the male gender and i am one....99% of my close friends are in fact GG women...dont ask me why but thats always been the case with myself

[Carly D.]

I don't get why that is the first thing that pops into a persons head when you say that you cross dress.. one has nothing to do with the other... I've said this before; I told a woman that I was talking to on line that I cross dress and the first thing she asked was am I gay.. and my answer was no and that cross dressing has nothing to do with being gay, that most cross dressers aren't gay and that most gay men don't even think of dressing as women..

[valenstein]

An analogy: "Oh you're a vegetarian, obviously you love broccoli"

I've thought about that analogy myself. The one that just came to me is my perfect example of how I feel. Because I'm tall, people are always asking me if I played basketball. I like basketball well enough, and I'm not necessarily offended, but if you're going to judge me on how I look, are you a horse jockey? Then I wait for the response as whether or not I like zone or man on man defense:)

[Jenna Lynne]

I only hate the term because people automatically think you have sex with men.

What's kind of funny is that while a lot of cross-dressers are keen to make sure everyone knows they're not gay, there are also a lot of gay men who are keen to make sure everyone knows they're not (gasp!) cross-dressers.

Each group seems to feel it would be worse stigmatized by association with the other (tee-hee!).

But seriously. When I was young I was paralyzed and traumatized by the idea that anyone might think I was gay. At the time I knew no gay men, and would have fled from them if they had made friendly overtures.

Today one of my close friends is a gay man. I'm not attracted to him, and I'm pretty sure he's not attracted to me. The idea of guys doing it with other guys is just not a big deal to me anymore. Not very interesting, either.

I'm sure some people think I'm gay. I'm sure others have no idea that anything unusual is going on with me! Either way, it hardly matters.

Being called names by bigots is a different matter. That's scary, but mainly because of the potential for violence.

Now, if someone called me a "fashion victim," THAT would hurt!

***Jenna Lynne***

[blogging at jennalynne.wordpress.com]

[Michaela]

I have to say, like a couple of other girls who have posted in this thread I am also bi.

it does bug me though for some reason. I guess part of that is because well... I used to only date boys before I started dressing. um... being Michaela turned me into a bit of a lesbian essentially so I have a few issues that surround the whole gay-str8 issue...

I have to say though, it doesn't really matter. only people who are close to me should know the difference and chances are if I know them that well I have already helped them to understand. Anyone else's opinion doesn't matter to me

[unclejoann]

I'd prefer to be gay, probably. At least then my partner might be interested in sex.

[DemonicDaughter]

I definitely hate the gay label because of homophobia, being ostracized for it, job discrimination / problems, and that it'll turn off most women.

I reiterate... I have no idea where these "women" are that you come across. Last I looked, it was my GAY male friends that had MORE women around them then all of my heterosexual male friends did combined. And its not just on a "friendship" level. If you ask the majority of the GG population if gay men turn them off, they'll laugh at you and tell how how good looking most of them are, how well they dress and how understanding they can be. If you ask them whether they would sleep with their gay male friends if given the opportunity, I can guarantee the majority of them would say yes. Why? Because women love the PERSONALITY more than they do the looks, money, etc.


Much rather be called or thought of as gay than a self-absorbed, self-righteous a$$hole!

Gay or not, if I'm liked and appreciated and thought of as responsible, reliable person, then I'm happy...

Amen!


And Kate why do you hate being called Gay you make it sound dirty.

My thoughts exactly.

Kate you put yourself out there by making statements that sound like being called gay is the worst thing someone could call you.


i find it degrading that just because im a crossdresser, people assume im probably straight.

Oh amen to that too sister!

I don't get upset when anyone assumes I'm gay or straight even though I'm neither. What DOES bother me is someone making a statement that sounds like being called that is disgusting.

WHO CARES if someone thinks you sleep with men?! Do you? No? Fine then move along! Geez! Such a big deal over something so minor. Bi's and gays are presumed straight every single day by everyone around us and WE don't freak out, bitch, complain and make it sound like we were just called something vile. Get over it!

[KateSpade83]

Every time I was called gay - I lost a job, friendship, or a possible date with a girl. And if they think you have sex with men, coworkers will give you hell and you don't last long. So the gay label is a big deal, and you can't protect yourself from employemnt discrimination and lawsuits are a losing matter! You gotta keep it all under the rug at work!

[Beth-Lock]

I hate being called gay in public. It is so awkward, because if you stop to correct them, and tell them you are a tranny, there is no telling where that might lead.
It is like the case of visible minoroties who are immigrants who used to be asked, however politely, "How long have you been here? " when it is thirty years or something. Just a little off-putting.

[Michaela]

Every time I was called gay - I lost a job, friendship, or a possible date with a girl. And if they think you have sex with men, coworkers will give you hell and you don't last long. So the gay label is a big deal, and you can't protect yourself from employemnt discrimination and lawsuits are a losing matter! You gotta keep it all under the rug at work!

I am so sorry that you have had to work in situations like that in the past :( just so you know, not all jobs in this world are like that and I have come out of the closet for girl me, as well as "gay" me back in the day with a decent amount of success as well as failure...

It is possible to get some sort of progressive social situations in some jobs... even if it seems like they never exist.

[whitelace]

Hi KS,


I'm not gay some of my boyfriends are! lol
but I'll tell you what... Lets take all your gay labels and all your other labels and put them in a pile and torch em then we'll sit around the bonfire and we'll all hold hands and realize as adults how silly the labels were in the first place...... it's time to stop dissecting the pie 2c:: love ....lacie:battingeyelashes:

[Michaela]

Hi KS,


I'm not gay some of my boyfriends are! lol
but I'll tell you what... Lets take all your gay labels and all your other labels and put them in a pile and torch em then we'll sit around the bonfire and we'll all hold hands and realize as adults how silly the labels were in the first place...... it's time to stop dissecting the pie 2c:: love ....lacie:battingeyelashes:

mmmmmmm piiiiie

what kinda pie? key lime I hope!

[Jilmac]

I'm with you Kate. I have had so many people ask if I'm gay when they find out I'm a crossdresser. My wife believed dressing would turn me gay so I kept it in the closet for 26 years. All my gay friends who know Jill also know that I'm straight as an arrow and they're ok with it. When I get into a conversation with someone who asks, I tell them that the great majority of crossdressers are straight.

[pinkygirl]

Katespade: Im with you, I really dislike being labeled gay because I crossdress.For someone who is happily married to a wonderful women it is an insult .My wife who does not really like my crossdressing does support me.This idea that cding is all sexual really bugs me. Best of luck Kate.

[noname]

I don't like the assumption being made, especially when I'm not gay. Do people think I wake up in the morning and think, hmmm how can I dress so people know I like guys. Please. It's hypocritical is what it is. Do people assume when a woman wears pants she's a lesbian?

[Emma England]

I dress for myself (as do many GGs).

If I was gay (which I am not), would I not try to dress as MANLY as possible - as that is what gay guys would be interested in?

I have never understood why a lot of the public assume cds are gay.

Even if you was gay, it doesn't mean that you would have sex with every guy you meet. You might not even like the look of them.

[Roberta Llyan]

WHO CARES if someone thinks you sleep with men?! Do you? No? Fine then move along! Geez! Such a big deal over something so minor. Bi's and gays are presumed straight every single day by everyone around us and WE don't freak out, bitch, complain and make it sound like we were just called something vile. Get over it!




THREE CHEERS FOR DEMONIC-DAUGHTER!


[QUOTE=KateSpade83]So the gay label is a big deal, and you can't protect yourself from employemnt discrimination and lawsuits are a losing matter! You gotta keep it all under the rug at work![/quote}

So you are sleeping with men and just don't want others to know for you are keeping it "under the rug."

This is EXACTLY what your worded sentence implies!

Again, as someone said much earlier in the thread, you do sound homophobic.

[CaptLex]

Do people assume when a woman wears pants she's a lesbian?
Yeah, sometimes . . . :straightface:

[KateSpade83]

THREE CHEERS FOR DEMONIC-DAUGHTER!


[QUOTE=KateSpade83]So the gay label is a big deal, and you can't protect yourself from employemnt discrimination and lawsuits are a losing matter! You gotta keep it all under the rug at work![/quote}

So you are sleeping with men and just don't want others to know for you are keeping it "under the rug."

This is EXACTLY what your worded sentence implies!

Again, as someone said much earlier in the thread, you do sound homophobic.

No, I don't sleep with men. I meant you have to keep crossdressing under the rug!

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

The gay label is the reason why I resisted my urge to CD for so long. But I thought to myself,I'm straight, I love GG's especially my wife who accepts my CDing,so why not?. I now love CDing every chance I get.No one knows about my CDing so no one can assume that about me.

Felicity :)

[Niya W]

Being called gay no.

Being called gay and this is just a sexual fetish yes. THat I'm some how trying to trick deceive people .

[Roberta Llyan]

No, I don't sleep with men. I meant you have to keep crossdressing under the rug!



Maybe you ought to try it sweetie. It might help you to cope.

And that is not what you said.

[Ruth]

These discussions about CD versus gay have come up before and they always generate a lot of heat.
We are (I hope) liberal in our attitudes but unfortunately we live among a lot of people who aren't, so labels like this can give us problems in a practical sense (as mentioned by the OP).
Other than that, I don't find the label of 'gay' as applied to me to be either an insult or a compliment. It would just be a mistake.

[LeotardMan]

It gets annoying after a while but its unfortunate that is how society is. For a while I thought because I was a CD I was gay but realized I’m not.

[akaCathy]

I try not to use labels and I also try to ignore being hung with one. Yes, I love being with a man. Yes, I dress as often as I can as a woman and feel more kindred with women. If that makes me a gay crossdresser, then that's the label some will use. I am me. Cathy. I love who I am and who I am becoming.

Hugs,

[Nicki B]

For someone who is happily married to a wonderful women it is an insult .

But why would it be an insult, unless you consider being gay is a bad thing? A mistake yes, but an insult???

And that is so often the underlying implication of many here and why these threads always get so heated... Many of you just do not realise how what you say sounds. :sad:

[valenstein]

I wouldn't say I feel it's an insult, but I do feel it's improper and not polite to ask someone (particularly a stranger) about their sexual orientation.

[Missy]

Ok I hate labels i take off the labls off my water bottles as well as my soda bottles
I do not like being under any label that not me
So you can say I hate all labels
OMg i am a label hater
that is a label in it self

[valenstein]

One more thought: Just as I was rather clueless about FTM guys, the general public is pretty clueless about me. I have to ask. If someone asked me with no animosity if I was gay, I might see it as a chance to inform them if they are receptive. There are a lot of people whose minds will never change about me, but there are also people who just don't know and might understand me better if I told them.

If they have a stupid question attitude and ask me, "are all crossdressers gay?". I would reply, "I'm not, and I don't know all crossdressers, so beyond myself, I can't answer that question."

[deja true]

Is this freekin' thread still alive? Sheesh!

Well...I guess it has to be...or be replaced by another one on the very same topic.

We get so many new members each week that many of the same questions have to be answered over and over again. That's okay I guess.

And for new folks here, that question is almost always at the top of the list..for themselves ...and for their SOs... and their friends...and their new acquaintances...

But gosh,y'all...!

It sure is annoying in a forum that's supposed to be predicated on acceptance for all.

I hope that the new readers of this never ending thread and (it's cousins) come away with the realization that the vast majority of intelligent and thoughtful members here have pretty universally said, "Gay? Who cares?"

And those that continue to trumpet their "absolutely 100%, never-a-doubt-in-my-mind, totally, unequivocably, goll-darned-guaranteed, straight arrow" hetero-ness may have an acceptance problem of their own..either with non-heteros or with themselves.

Like DD says "Get Over It !"

As for me? I'm hetero-curious! Always wondered what it would be like to be an overweight, beer-drinkin', anniversary-forgetting, belly-scratchin' straight guy!

:D

My 25 cents! (inflation, ya know!)

[DeeDeeB]

I think the reason most people assume crossdressers are gay is that the most vocal ones tend to be. Take drag queens for example. My theory is that they have already taken the big leap by coming out as gay, so admitting to CDing as well is not much more of a step. I do think (hope may be a better word) that as more straight CDers come into the public eye like Eddie Izzard, concepts will change, but slowly enough that I don't expect to see it. I know I'm not helping the cause by staying in the closet, but I do choose my battles carefully, and I'm not quite ready for this one. I am grateful to those of you who have taken it to the streets, so to speak.

In answer to the question, which I seem to have skirted (pun intended) I'm not terribly disturbed by any labels others put on me, and since I don't see being gay as a bad thing, and many of the people I like are gay, that label bothers me not at all.

Dee :fairy1:

[TSchapes]

Gays are proud of who they are and crossdressers are proud of who they are, why would someone calling me gay when I'm straight affect me? It's like someone yelling at me that I'm rich, as if that were an insult.

I bet too there are CD's here that profess to be hetero, and yet I bet they fantasize about being kissed and wooed by a man. It is only natural. Will they admit it, not to themselves at least.

And like passing and everything else, there is a continuum of a definition of what it means to be hetero, so please, get over it all ready.

No one cares that you are straight or gay, because your straight and the next guys straight are two different things. Sexual orientation, gender identification and sexuality are all fluid, and no two people are exactly alike.

Next topic please :drink:

[tvbeckytv]

[QUOTE=TSchapes;
No one cares that you are straight or gay, because your straight and the next guys straight are two different things. Sexual orientation, gender identification and sexuality are all fluid, and no two people are exactly alike.

Next topic please :drink:[/QUOTE]


exactly right.
people dont really care that deeply.
you are exhibiting effeminate behavior...why wouldnt people think that you are gay?
they arnt interested enough to know any different. get over it, really

[Nicki B]

Is this freekin' thread still alive? Sheesh!

Well...I guess it has to be...or be replaced by another one on the very same topic.

We get so many new members each week that many of the same questions have to be answered over and over again. That's okay I guess.

Bbbut... Does it really make sense, to keep on reinventing the wheel, over and over again? Yes, it allows newcomers to start a conversation, but the same topics repeat so very predictably - and surely when they realise that, it could actually be embarrassing?

Couldn't we somehow have some threads which stay open - or encourage people to use the search functionality? At the moment, it does feel like there is wisdom, here, but it is so very fleeting - it's never grasped and built upon? :strugglin

[deja true]

Bbbut...
Couldn't we somehow have some threads which stay open - or encourage people to use the search functionality? At the moment, it does feel like there is wisdom, here, but it is so very fleeting - it's never grasped and built upon? :strugglin

Don't see why not!

If there can be a permanent thread on the art of tucking, for gosh sakes...

then there should be a permanent thread on a subject that causes such unnecessary grief and soul-searching to so many.

The best place to start, I think might be with DDs thread "The Final Say on the Gay Issue" ...

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=78960

or this one...

:) :<3: :)

...and yeah, we've all gotta make more use of the Search function...AND the new TAGS function!

[tvbeckytv]

its a forum for goodness sakes. if you dont like a thread tittle, or are bored with the subject....dont read it.
you could apply the repeated content to just about any thread that appears here.

[Nicki B]

its a forum for goodness sakes. if you dont like a thread tittle, or are bored with the subject....dont read it.
you could apply the repeated content to just about any thread that appears here.

But becky, we just get to 'first base' over and over again - how could we not lose some of the wisdom and then build on it, to advance all of our understanding? Or don't you think we could, or should? :strugglin

[deja true]

But becky, we just get to 'first base' over and over again - how could we not lose some of the wisdom and then build on it, to advance all of our understanding? ... :strugglin

Yup! and we have to keep reading and commenting in the new threads with old subjects that interest us.

New ideas and new takes on old subjects, especially as important as this one, need to be constantly built on, not just re-hashed all the time.

[tvbeckytv]

But becky, we just get to 'first base' over and over again - how could we not lose some of the wisdom and then build on it, to advance all of our understanding? Or don't you think we could, or should? :strugglin

i think perhaps you shouldnt try. you see, the real point is that the questions and replies indicate "where we are" both in the TG community and the real world. if you try to shift the perception here, you may if you very lucky change one or two peoples view (although very unlikely), but it wont be reflected anywhere else.
Besides which, im not entirely sure there are any rights and wrongs. if people wish to be homophobic, to a degree i think that is their right. as a practicing queer (you can never get enough practice), i quite like to see their irrational hypocritical ramblings outted.
No two peoples psyche are precisely alike...thats the only absolute. everything else is just opinion...including my own

[TSchapes]

But becky, we just get to 'first base' over and over again - how could we not lose some of the wisdom and then build on it, to advance all of our understanding? Or don't you think we could, or should? :strugglin

For us who have been here awhile it does get repetitive and we seem to be walking through glue. I know too that when you get to a board for the first time you have to feel your way through to see where everybody is at on a topic.

I think when it comes to threads like these it would be cool if we could like vote on the different posts, a sort of here here, I agree. That way the people that don't wish to post but do read could have an anonymous say in it.

I like the idea of a sticky for these main themes too.

Love, Tracy :hugs:

[Kayla Shadows]

From being on sites that are not just for crossdressers,Ive seen that a lot of people just assume your gay because you dress like this.I have nothing against someones preference of sexuality and it doesnt bother me to be thought of a different way.I know who I am and my friends are the ones who see me for who I am.I dont give anyone the power to bring me down with their words.It really doesnt matter to me what they say.People will always have something to say about you but its whether you allow power over you or not.

[Nicole Lee]

as much as i would like to say it doesn't bother me, i'm secure with my sexuality..

it's just annoying. you see a guy wearing tight girl's jeans, you automatically assume he's gay. i eat at dinner at hooters occasionally, and the busboy [who is gay, but that's besides the point] wears tight girl pants, and my friends [or even cousins] always seem to make fun of it. bothers me that a fair pecentage of society thinks this way.

[Empress Lainie]

:2c:

The first thing several people asked me when I told them I was transgendered and would live as a woman for the rest of my life was: "Are you gay?" (my son was one of them!)

I have absolutely nothing against gay people, and like all of them that I know.

It's just that people in general outside of the communities, have no idea of the difference between a gay male, a CD male, a CD-Gay male, and a tg woman.

The attitude of many is ( and I have changed the minds of some of them!) is that if you have a penis you are male, period.

[curse within]

It's just that people in general outside of the communities, have no idea of the difference between a gay male, a CD male, a CD-Gay male, and a tg woman.

The attitude of many is ( and I have changed the minds of some of them!) is that if you have a penis you are male, period. I am secure in my straight sexuality enough to know that if I was a bull rider I'd step in bull s**t all day and it wouldn't bother me one bit, but instead I am a CDer and as I leared it comes with many labels includeing bull s**t!

[Raychel]

The whole crossdresser group is lumped together with everyone else that does fit in the typical hetro mold. Do I like it, Not even a little bit. I am a totally hetro male, that just happens to like to play dressup some times. It does not make me gay. Just as it does not nmake every gay person a crossdresser. But unless you are ready to step up to the plate and fight for the cause, then you just have to grin and bear it.

[polargirl541]

I am a transsexual woman living over five and a half years full-time.

The reason crossdressers get lumped in with gays and even transsexuals is the selfishness of the gay agenda.

Transsexuals are related to as third gender genderqueers who are now mocked because of the mispresumed association with gays.

The gay community is trying to push the image that crossdressers, she-males, and transsexuals are all one of the same.; that one eventually graduates to the next level. This is such bigoted non-sense.

Heterosexual coss-dressers have to suffer from this to. They cannot have the same range of expression as their female equivalent; the tomboy, due to mispresumed association with gays.

A petition to the gay media image group GLAAD ( Gays and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) to remove transsexuals from the transgender umbrella is available for signing at the webpage pasted below:

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/2/transgender-is-not-an-umbrella

A petiton can also be created for crossdressers to be removed from the transgender umbrella as well.

Wish you all the best with this.

[TSchapes]

I am a transsexual woman living over five and a half years full-time.

The reason crossdressers get lumped in with gays and even transsexuals is the selfishness of the gay agenda.

Transsexuals are related to as third gender genderqueers who are now mocked because of the mispresumed association with gays.

The gay community is trying to push the image that crossdressers, she-males, and transsexuals are all one of the same.; that one eventually graduates to the next level. This is such bigoted non-sense.

Heterosexual coss-dressers have to suffer from this to. They cannot have the same range of expression as their female equivalent; the tomboy, due to mispresumed association with gays.

A petition to the gay media image group GLAAD ( Gays and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) to remove transsexuals from the transgender umbrella is available for signing at the webpage pasted below:

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/2/transgender-is-not-an-umbrella

A petiton can also be created for crossdressers to be removed from the transgender umbrella as well.

Wish you all the best with this.

But what I have found is that gays need just as much education as the lay public about gender identity. It does us no good to battle with them, we would be stronger if we were allies with them, and not enemies. I belong to the GLBT at work and we both need to understand each other better. Also, we don't have to reinvent the wheel as we try and get our message out, the gays have blazed the trail for us, we just don't have to do the things they've done to set them back.

We must not forget the Stonewall Riots in 1966 when gays came to the defense of crossdressers. I have a great deal of respect for the gay community. If anything, the CD community has not stepped up to the plate. I include myself in this by the way, I'm not a 100% out.

Now answer this truthfully: How many CD's come to the defense of other TG/TS/CD folk as well as Gay/Lesbian and Bi-sexuals in their day to day conversations with their friends, family and co-workers? Or do we chime in with them so as to not expose ourselves? It would be better not to chime in but even better if we stood up for them. In that way we would be helping ourselves and educating others.

And sorry, I do see myself under the transgender umbrella, we have more in common than we don't.

-Tracy

[deja true]

Good Lord! Someone wants to actually shed us of the only moderately powerful allies we've got? That's crazy!

Sure, you may not feel like a gay man, but neither does a lesbian...or a genderqueer...

We are all related, though, in a common fight against gender based discrimination.

We tend to think that there are a lot of us, because we think about us all the time. But in reality, there's are probably not enough to win a primary election in a medium sized state, even if we did all vote the same way!

D'ja ever hear this? "The enemy of my enemy is my friend."

That's the place we're in now. Without the "umbrella" of the greater LGBT community we'd be a tiny, tiny voice crying in the wilderness... Then who would we get for allies? The shoe making and lingerie making lobbies?

LikeTracy says, we gotta educate our allies so they don't do us any more injury like the "collateral damage" of the ENDA debacle. It's a pragmatic choice, until we're all ready to get dressed and get out in the streets to fight our own battles without help.

You see that happening any time soon? Me neither!

[Katie Boundary]

I went to a fancy dress party last year and had to walk from someone's house to the venue (with my girlfriend and her friend). A car with four teenage boys stopped and one said I looked gay.

Did I find this offensive? Yes, but only because I hate it when people don't engage their brains. I know I'm not gay, so what they thought is irrelevant. If the truth be told, at their age I would have probably mocked a bloke if I saw him walking along the street in a dress. (All the while wishing it was me wearing it :heehee:.)

Clarissa

[Celeste]

Takes a crude and mindless person to consider it "open season" on ones sexuality,I think people are way to complex for a few cheap labels.

[Screenager]

Yes, I do. But I'm quick with a comeback. Given that I expect this sort of thing I often come prepared with some sort of witty riposte although, given the type of people who say such things, my comeback just confuses them. Which gives me time to move on.

[Dragonfly]

Considering the original question...

Out of all the nasty and hateful words that could be used, I think Gay is a very good choice. It is less clinical than homosexual etc, and the very word itself carries a positive tone, it is also single syllable so straight and to the point. I cannot personally think of a better word.

[Valeria]

I am a transsexual woman living over five and a half years full-time.

The reason crossdressers get lumped in with gays and even transsexuals is the selfishness of the gay agenda.
I'm a post-op trans female with quite a few years of experience full-time myself. I'm also a gay woman (i.e. lesbian), and I've found that for the most part, the only people who use the phrase "the gay agenda" are homophobes. There is no "gay agenda" per se, anymore than there is a secret Jewish plot to rule the world. We do wish equal rights and equal protections, but that's hardly a unique agenda -- most demographic groups share those goals with us.


Transsexuals are related to as third gender genderqueers who are now mocked because of the mispresumed association with gays.
There are plenty of clueless gay people, just as there are plenty of clueless straight people (and trans people). But I've yet to hear a gay person describe transsexuals as "third gender genderqueers" (and I have lots of gay friends and spend a lot of time in queer women circles). Generalities about the attitudes of any demographic tend to be terribly flawed.

Anyway, the political alliance between gay people and trans people is useful. There have been a lot of gay people make a stand for trans rights within the past few years. I can't fathom why some people are so resentful of being associated with gay people that they want to throw that away.

[valenstein]

I can't fathom why some people are so resentful of being associated with gay people that they want to throw that away.

This divisiveness happens among gays and lesbians as well. I know "lipstick lesbians" that are shunned by other lesbians, only because they don't portray the public's perception of a lesbian. How backward is that? The only issue for me is that someone assumes something about me that is none of their business, be it gay or whatever. My toughest days are when i'm totally in drab and someone asks me if I'm gay just because I have a pair of pink sneakers on. I was wearing a Wonder Woman shirt one day (and it happened to be a man's shirt I might add) and a woman asked me if my gf minded that I was wearing it. What the? I don't know if she was questioning my masculinity, my sexuality or has a thing against Lynda Carter!

I have read comments in other places where other CD's made comments just short of calling a gay person a f**got. Again, what the? (Almost) any group whose majority accepts me is ok by me. In the last year, I have found that many Wiccans are very accepting of me. I'm not Wiccan, but that doesn't mean I won't stand up for them. I had a lot of misconceptions about them, when I got to know them, those misconceptions went away. There are a few in the bunch that don't portray Wiccanism in a nice light and end up on dreadful talk shows, but they are the minority.

If I have to stand on the "straight" side or the "gay" side, I'd stand on the gay side.