Questions on Crossdressing from New Member

[Curious George]

Hi. I have a long-time friend who is a man and who over the last year has started crossdressing. I don't mind the fact that he's doing what he's doing, but he won't talk much about it, and I guess I'm just curious what's driving him, and why men crossdress in general. If anyone cares to share their motivations for crossdressing, I'd appreciate it. Or if anyone could recommend an article or book, that would be helpful too. Thanks. :confused:

[Ashley Allison]

Well for starters, you're a guy right? Personally, I haven't told anyone who is a man my life about my crossdressing besides one therapist. It's just a bit intimidating.

Also, how are you asking your friend about this? If you're asking in a joking sarcastic kind of manner and it's clear you're making fun of him, then you're not going to get anywhere. Also, if in the past you have made it clear you have unfavorable disposition towards crossdressers that might be another reason why he doesn't want to open up to you.

[GypsyKaren]

We all have our own reasons,so it could be anything that starts it.For me, it was being molested a bunch of times when I was a kid. My psychiatrist tells me that the little boy in me couldn't handle it, so my female side took over to protect me. Don't expect answers from your friend because his reason may be impossible to talk about. Just try to be understanding and let him do it, because he's really not doing anything wrong, just different. It could be a temporary thing or a lifelong commitment like most of us here. And be sure to give your friend lots of love.

[Curious George]

Thanks to the two responders so far. I'm not judgmental towards him at all, and I even respect the fact that he doesn't particularly want to discuss his motivations. But I too have urges, like curiousity. I don't think it fulfills any sexual fantasy. I think it somehow relieves stress for him. I imagine that associating himself closely with feminity relaxes him, but I'm not quite sure why.

[AbbyLee]

Hello,

Like others, I had some significant trauma during my childhood. My psychiatrist maintains that it is safe,soothing and provides relief from many anxities. For me, there is no single cause or simple answer. It is very complex and interewoven with my global persona.

Love AbbyLee

[StephanieCD]

You are a good friend. I'm impressed. I am assuming you're male, by the way.

Ever since I was a little kid I always thought mom's clothes were more interesting. All my life I've just been more interested in womens clothes. If you want to understand - seriously, do this...

go to a department store like walmart.

Walk throught the men's department. Keep mental track of the stuff you see - the choices... maybe 3 different styles of pants. a few styles of shirts - you get the idea. Touch things. feel the fabric. Seriously - no one has to know, you're just shopping. Pay attention to the variety.

Now - walk through the women's section. If you're not embarassed browse. Remember the underwear in the men's section? maybe 6 styles and that's a stretch - women have a whole department just for underwear, a whole DEPARTMENT. Look at shirts - 4 or 5 times the choices. Pants, belts, everything - they have hundreds of times the variety.

Women like to feel pretty - I'm generalizing - they get sad they go shopping. They dress up. They enjoy feeling attractive. A guy does this and he's a "fag". If I take too long picking out my "man clothes" I get picked on - "you're such a f-ing princess, just grab a shirt". For some reason - science is leading toward a hormonal shift during embryo development - I've always wanted to feel 'pretty' and the clothes do that... even if just for a minute - in shame, hiding from our friends and family in fear. Think about the women you know - think about how they feel when they feel ugly. That's just how many of us feel every minute of our day until we try to fix the feeling... shaving the body hair helps - when the women you know don't shave their legs even for a day I'll bet they start to feel ugly - right now I have an inch of hair on my legs I grew in just in case my family goes to the beach this summer - just in case. ANd it makes me feel ugly... and sad. BUT - just to shave my legs and once in a while throw on a pair of nylons - that I'd bet you like to look at on a woman - and I feel better. To look down and see what I find attractive - that's why. I don't find MEN attactive - I don't want to look like a MAN. If I want to feel attractive I want to look like what I find attractive...

That's my input - I respect your quest to understand your friend better. A good way to break the ice would be to tell him about this forum. He's probably afraid you think less of him - I'm dying to talk to my friend about it... but I'm too afraid to lose our bond by what he'd think of me - even if he was nice to my face. Prove to him you still accept him - you've proven it to us.

[stephanie1000]

Everything is ok with your friend, He is not hurting himself or others and from what it sounds like it is releaving stress. You are a good friend to be curious, just don't be hurtful. Many things people do and say can be hurtful if they don't know were the person has been and how they were raised. I guess what i'm trying to say is just be there for your friend and when he is ready to confide in you he will begin to open up and let you into his world. ;)

[Nikki A.]

I can answer for anyone but myself, But as for myself I feel more liberated and not as constrained. I feel that I am expressing another side of me.

[Wendy me]

ok by terms ..labbles or what ever i can /am a crossdresser.. but for me there are two sides of me a "him"side .....and a her side....i just dress witch ever side of me that is
out at that time in the right clouthes....just we tend to put "him" in the closet were "he" belongs a lot...........

[Kiera]

Hey curious,
I think that you will find that most of us here started dressing right around the age we hit puberty. Personally, I was not abused, negleted, forced, or pursuaded into wearing women's clothing. For me it came naturally. I never once saw or had any knowledge of crossdressing before I myself began doing so. In my opinion, it is not a choice your friend has made, but more of an inner desire that drives him to do so. All of us here have that desire, most of us have tried to suppress it in one way or another, only to realize later that it is not going to go away. It is as much a part of us as our male side that we show to the world. I am certain that your friend is not speaking about his dressing with you for one simple reason. The world views our hobby as being wrong. Though he is just as much of a man as any other in the world, he feels guilty for that part of him that is female as well. In society, the opposite of being a man is, of course, a woman. A clear cut distiction of labels society has placed on ourselves. So to admit that he has certain desires that do not fit into that learned distinction, is almost like admitting that he is weak, or maybe flawed. How many men do you know who will admit their flaws and weaknesses? I joined the Marines just to prove I was a man and I excelled in every aspect of my service. I believe that my feminine side helped me to do so. Try not to think of gender as being so clear cut. Even though man and woman are opposites, so are black and white. So think about all you would be missing out on if you leave out all the blues, reds, yellows and so on that life has to offer. I hope this rambling helps, and if i can help you anymore, you can email me at kiera_renea@hotmail.com
Good luck.... Kiera

[Priscilla1018]

It can be very difficult to talk about crossdressing,even to a SO.Be patient and understanding.Eventualy your friend may realise that you are not judgemental and will feel free to open up.Maybe not,some of us find it hard to talk about because of the non acceptance of society so,don't feel bad if your friend cannot talk about it.
I think you must be a very great friend because of your desire to find out more about crossdressing.The world needs more friends like you.

Love and Hugs,
Priscilla

[DonnaT]

Welcome to the forum George, Ashley, Kiera.

George, the reasons vary from person to person, but many of were driven by some unknown force to first try on feminine apparel, and loved it. It was like some hidden door was opened and new world was on the other side.

There have been a number of instances of guys not CDing until their 20s, 30s, 50s, even 70s. A few are here on this forum. But when they do, something long laying dormant in their mind was awakened.

Some CDs can't even talk to their wives or SOs about their CDing so talking to a friend, especially a male friend, is quite a bit harder. What makes it hard, besides not understanding it themselves, is the lack of self acceptance. When the CD doesn't understand why they dress, and have not accepted the fact that this is an integral part of their nature, it is difficult to not feel shame or embarrassment when talking about it.

A good book to read is Helen Boyd's "My Husband Betty" which you might find in a book store, online (google it) or at Helen's website (http://www.myhusbandbetty.com).

Other discussions, fact, thoughts can be found at: http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd/menu.htm

Thanks for trying to understand.

[CharleneCD]

[QUOTE=DonnaT]Welcome to the forum George, Ashley, Kiera.

George, the reasons vary from person to person, but many of were driven by some unknown force to first try on feminine apparel, and loved it. It was like some hidden door was opened and new world was on the other side.

There have been a number of instances of guys not CDing until their 20s, 30s, 50s, even 70s. A few are here on this forum. But when they do, something long laying dormant in their mind was awakened.


OUCH, Donna that hit too close to home. HeeHee

Im 38, and basicly my wife and I playing opened up a new world for me. I found out that there is a feminine side of me that I was repressing. It explained why I never realy fit in with the guys. Just make sure he understands that you are still his friend no matter what and that you are cool with what he is doing. And remember just because he is a crossdresser does not mean he he is gay. I will dress completely fem and I am strait.

Charlene

My suggestion George is to have your friend visit this site and let him see for himself how he fits in. For me this site has allowed me to feel much more open about my crossdressing. If he comes here and fits in he may be thankful enough to you to open up a bit to you.

[Natalie x]

Hi George

Everything said above is true and good advice, this is just another thought.

One other reason for your friend's reluctance to talk may be that his sexuality may extend beyond crossdressing, or alternatively, he may fear that you will think it does. Society is better these days in accepting homosexuality, but taking the first step in admitting it is still traumatic. I am one of the "few", mentioned by Charlotte, who came to crossdressing much later in life, and I know how hard it is to find the words to tell my family and friends about it. I can imagine that is must be just as hard, if not harder, if the admission is that one is gay. Equally, your friend may think that his crossdressing may make you think that he is gay, and he could be worried about your reaction to that.

You are clearly a good friend - taking the trouble to actually join our community in order to better understand your friend was a noble and heroic thing. My only advice, which I don't think you need, because you are already doing it, is to tread softly around your friend's feelings and be patient for him to tell you when he's ready.

[StephanieCD]

One other reason for your friend's reluctance to talk may be that his sexuality may extend beyond crossdressing, or alternatively, he may fear that you will think it does.

Another possibility is that he's scared that it means he is. I personally struggled with it for years - I like to dress as a girl so I must be gay and in denial, right? It took years of coming to terms with me to beat that one and I'm still not done.

He'd probably really screwed up about it inside if he just started in the past year or so - as far as you know.

We'd love to hear from you again - are you out there?

[anemone]

[QUOTE=StephanieCD]Another possibility is that he's scared that it means he is. I personally struggled with it for years - I like to dress as a girl so I must be gay and in denial, right? It took years of coming to terms with me to beat that one and I'm still not done.

Stephanie you really hit that one on the head, I too have struggled with that idea, especially with modern science and genetics(my brother is gay), but after years of self destruction and therapy I have come to terms with it myself. I know I'm a healthy hetrosexual man who enjoys wearing woman's clothing! :)

[StephanieCD]

Bravo!

[jade36]

I started dressing up when I was 10 and for me I had my mother around and my sister most of the time and I would just mimick what they were doing.There was a time in my life were I was abused physically and I don't know if it comes from that I feel like I am comfortable and pretty like a woman and my sister and mom know what I do.They are there for me and you should be there for your friend. Jade

[Dawn]

George,
I totally agree with all the replys the gals have left you here!
I do believe that all men have a feminine side to them. It's only the lucky ones, like the girls on this web site and your friend, who are able to let their feminine side take control of their being. They get to experience the joys of being a woman!
Your friend will need your support....if not now....in the future!
Let him know that nothing has changed between you two. It's very rare for one guy to share something so personal as CD'ing with a buddy of his!
Even rarer still, is the buddie's acceptence of it! Your friend is a lucky guy!
Good luck to you both.

Dawn