"Are you a crossdresser?"

[Magickman]

Every now and then, a woman will ask me, "Are you a crossdresser?"

And I always deny it. "No," I say, with a look of incredulity on my face,"Why ever would you think that?" Thinking then, What? Haven't you ever seen a man in a skirt and high heels before?

"Then why," she might ask, "are you wearing women's clothes?"

"These aren't women's clothes," I reply. "They are mine. Do you like them?"

This same sort of scene has played out many times, again and again. I resent people trying to pigeon hole me into a stereotypical cofiguration from their own imagination.

I am an individual, possessed of unique characteristics, and not a stereotype.

Which leads me to ask, How do you respond when a stranger asks if you are a crossdresser?

[Karren H]

When someone asks me if the womens clothing I am buying are for me I say "of coarse they are" and smile..... and especially since they saw me coming out of the dressing room with an arm full of dresses.... Most could care less... and I always get compliments on my selections of clothing..... plus it's relly fun to see their reaction.... lol

[monalisa]

I politely say Yes I am and proud to be one.

[Holly]

My response is usually, "Why yes I am... and I'm having the time of my life!"

[vikki2020]

No one has ever asked me, but I like your view on the subject!

[Sandra]

My SO replies " No I'm me!"

[valenstein]

Nobody has ever asked me face to face (unless they were tg and asking if i was TS or TV). I have never liked the word "crossdresser", so I'm not sure how I would answer. I suppose I would answer them with a question asking them to define what they are asking. On a few occasions people have asked me where I got what I was wearing and I truthfully say (in those specific cases) that I borrowed it from my girlfriend. Usually that refers to a jacket or t-shirt, but when I answer that way, they don't seem to be too surprised or taken aback.

[Carly D.]

When I'm in a store looking at different clothes I wonder if people are thing if these are for me.. truth is I don't look like a cross dresser when in male mode because I look like.. not fem at all... and I think there could be a lot more like me that buy the occasional fem wear clothing because they do in fact cross dress.. I like the attitude that the skirt and heels are yours and that makes them mens wear.. the old "cross dresser" label seems to be a must for everybody, if someone is wearing something that women wear he must be a cross dresser.. shoes are shoes, they don't know if it is a mans foot or womans foot in it and the same goes for the rest of the clothing.. I guess what I'm trying to say is that women can wear mens clothes without a second thought and men can't wear womens clothes or we are branded as weirdo or something, and why?? I don't know why there is that double standard.. I wish I could wear in public what I wear at home when no one is around..

[RobertaFermina]

I tell them "yes", then wait graciously for a stream of questions....often the usual suspects.

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[tamarav]

I work dressed daily and provide the perfect opportunity for people to ask such questions. Rarely do I get asked such a question because it is just tacky. (my first word was "stupid" but that seemed a bit strong) and I do tend to answer stupid questions with a question.

Do you ever walk up to a person and ask them questions like that? I would think that most of us on this forum would have more courtesy and more tact than to simply ask a point blank question like that. We may work it into a conversation but...

I had a really fat, sloven woman ask me that once and my reply was "Are you really as fat as you look?" She "harumped" me and told me I was very rude. I simply thanked her and went on with my business. Don't ever attack me without a good follow up plan.

Three days later she came back into the salon where she had asked the question and walked up to me and apologized for asking me if I was a crossdresser. She realized it was none of her business and was simply coureous. So I said "Yes, I am" and left.

If I am buying female clothes in male mode and someone looks at me funny, I just look them in the eye and tell them the clothes are for me, thank you and smile. This tends to happen in thrift stores a lot when you are buying 20 items and the woman next in line is looking at everything that the cahsier is ringing up, then looks at you, then back at the next item.

Just me,

Tami

[sparks]

If asked politely I would answer in check. What's wrong with settling anothers curiosity. I've generally only run into rude comments myself. Though I was shopping with a friend in the dress department in the thrift store and a woman held up a dress to my friend and replied this might be the look your after.
So the world is full of different people. If you don't want to feel pidgeon holed as a stereotype. Let them know. Alot of people I thought were stuck up and rude turned out to be great friends.

[Tina Dixon]

No they haven't, they run in fear of the large man in a dress:devil:

[Karen_Ski]

You should tell them you are not a crossdresser but rather a happy dresser, the only tim I get cross is when I can't dress as I please.

[Phoebe Reece]

I always say "Yes" and follow up with some explanations. I take it as an opportunity to educate the public about us. If more of us would do that it would help us all be accepted more.

[Sarah...]

You should tell them you are not a crossdresser but rather a happy dresser, the only tim I get cross is when I can't dress as I please.

Lol!! A happy dresser - thanks Karen, that made me laugh!

Sarah...

[DonnaT]

Seems to me to be stupid question if I'm already dressed in women's clothes.

I guess I'd ask, "Is that a retorical question?"

Or answer, "Nooo, I prefer women's clothes. I wouldn't dare crossdress in men's clothes."

[Linda C]

I need to get the guts up! I bought a bra and panties the other day and the woman was so cool - about me buying it for my wife.
I am not sure if she would have been the same if I had told her they were for me??? :straightface:

[Sarah_Knight]

Approaching the Empire Theatre in Liverpool ... looking wonderful and ready for a great night of ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW, a group of girls shouted "Hey love, you look gorgeous!" and laughed.
"Thank you!" I said, did a neat curtsy "and so do you!" ...

[carolinoakland]

I tell them right up front, Yes I am, and quite good at it too. And I love the happy dresser too! Carol

[Sally2005]

Not quite, but a friend's girl friend a long time ago asked me "Do you wax your face?"... I thought it to be a rude question because I never had a lot of facial hair and it is one of those manhood things and I was insecure about the who I am and whole CDing issue. Now understanding that CDing is part of who I am I wish I -could- wax my face.

I believe people are not tring to by rude. The response should be 'why do you ask?', or 'I'm not going to answer such a question" rather than a counter attack because they probably won't understand.

[Bev06 GG]

Tamarav has a point though. When you think about it the question is quite a rude one. My fella got asked whilst at work collecting insurrance premiums. The lady who asked him was a beautician and she said she could tell by his manicured nails and his shaped eyebrows.
He then came home from work and told me that she had offered to do a makeover for him. I remember feeling very put out because I did all his stuff for him (maybe a touch of the greeneyed monster) but I did think she was being very cheeky.
Bev

[Nicole Erin]

I just tell them yes, altho not too many women have asked. Then come the usual questions...

Once in a while a man will ask something to the effect but in a different way -
"Are you going to wear those panties?" :heehee:

[tvbeckytv]

hmm, well i do have the same philosophy, in that they are my clothes, not womens. An unfortunate fact is that they were designed for women though, so really its hard to argue against....unless of course you wear mens skirts.
It really isnt something that should fill you with resent though...really!!

[trannie T]

I've never been asked. When I am in male mode I look pretty macho, when I'm en femme I look. . .pretty macho.

[deja true]

Well nobody's ever asked 'cos I've only been out shopping while dressed once. People at the shoe store, and the makeup counter were very polite, but I could tell they could tell. I think they were as much amused as any thing else.

But I have volunteered the information a few times while just dressed as what's-his-name, (at a MAC store no problem obviously), at a terrific shoe store where I tried on about 10 pairs of shoes and boots with the help of a very polite SA, and at a Victoria's Secret where I got to have a long educational talk with a manager ( she was interested enough that she helped me personally for a half an hour without pawning me off on a SA). So all in all, a number of very good experiences and no bad ones!

[Shelly Preston]

I have never been asked but if your trying things on its a bit obvious

[TGMarla]

I've only ever really been out one time, and no one asked. But since I was with a group that included some rather obviously transgendered people, I think it was a rather obvious assumption that I was a crossdresser. I like to think I was a rather pretty one, with nice makeup and a very tasteful dress, but I really don't think I fooled anyone.

If anyone had asked, I would probably have told them, "Why, yes, I am. You couldn't tell?"

[Bernadina]

I don't remember who said it but the response I like is, "I'm a gender illusionist."

[Joy Carter]

If she were pretty I'd lick her face. If she were ugly I'd bite her on the ankle........:heehee:

On a serious note no. But I'd engage them in conversation if they were that interested. My first question for her would be, "Why You Looking For A Date ?" That would put that ball in her court in a hurry. My advice. Always have an answer ready, if your gonna shop in enemy territory. :D

[docrobbysherry]

No one's ever asked, and it's not likely they ever will. If I ever told anyone I was a CD, they probably wouldn't believe me.

Quite honestly, I doubt whether anyone here would guess I CD, if u saw me in real life!

[Lara]

I do what anyone would do.
:404:

[whitelace]

About 4 months ago I was in a wig shop in Bridgeport Conn I had picked out a new wig and told the SA this is the one i want
she looks at me and said hey you're with that movie crew arn't you that's shooting up the street
I said no hun the wig is for me i said I'm a crossdresser
her eyes opened wide
I have a feeling I was her first but it was cool ....lacie

[CD Susan]

No one has ever asked me that question either. If I am ever asked I will politely answer yes I am. You never know what that could lead to, maybe something good would come from it.

[Roberta Llyan]

Every now and then, a woman will ask me, "Are you a crossdresser?"

And I always deny it. "No," I say, with a look of incredulity on my face,"Why ever would you think that?" Thinking then, What? Haven't you ever seen a man in a skirt and high heels before?

"Then why," she might ask, "are you wearing women's clothes?"


Did you think to asked her: "Then why are you and over 90% of American women wearing jeans and shirts, which are MEN'S CLOTHES? Are you a cross dresser?"


That works also.

[Denise01]

I have not been asked if I was a crossdresser , but one day when on Vacation in March, I did have the girl on the desk at a campground I was staying at, ask about the relation of Denise to the male name on my CC,

I told her that I was a transgendered person, who was in the process of sarting to life femme full time.

We had a very nice conversation, and I explained some things to her. A couple of days later , was chatting with her again.
She told me that she was very pleased that we had the discussion, as the evening before there was a documentary on the television about transgendered people, and with me chatting with her about it a couple of days earlier, she had a much better underdanding.

Any time we can educate some one, it is a big step in the right direction

Denise

[Kimberly Marie]

Great post.......I always think of that old movie starman what the guy said towards the end of the movie. My response is .....As much as I hate to stoop to symbolism, yes I'am................hehe....I love that line...........:)

[Sarah Doepner]

I don't get out often, and have never been asked directly. Instead, I've had someone take a good look at me and then do the sideways look and try to ignore me or suddenly change their attitude and refer to me as "sir". I wish they would ask because it would create an opportunity to do a bit of attitude adjustment.

[Miss Petra]

I have been kidded with several times in the past buying makeup at drug stores or nails for that matter. One clerk responded with " You are going to have a fun time with all that makeup tonight!" My response is " Hell Yeah I Am!!! She was stunned and started laughing not at me but with me. She mentioned that she asked many men purchasing fem things in the past but I was the very first manly man to fess up. I mentioned I was going to get all girled up and go dancing tonight. Again more shock more laughing. While I was leaving 2 young hispanic girls "Said make sure your heels are tight while dancing or you will get blistes.

I really dont care what others think as long as they are strangers. People I know thats a different story. If I have not told them yet I really perfer they dont know.

Hugz,

Petra

[Sallee]

It has never been asked while dressed It has happened kind of when buying clothing in boy mode. I usually say it is for me and I am a cross dresser I love the look and response I get from the one questioning.
Maybe it is obvious when I am dressed that I am a CD or maybe not:)

[Rachel Morley]

Like others, I'm never actually been asked that question (yet) but if I did get asked it, I think my response would depend on how I perceived the questioner. i.e. if I thought they were just being curious or interested I think I would answer honestly and say "yes". However, if they were asking in what I thought was an alarmed or hostile way I would probably answer with "why do you want to know?".

[Toni_Lynn]

This reminds me of two situations on my life.

Way back a long time ago -- 1977, I was a disk jockey while in college. I was living at home at the time, and things were, shall we say, difficult there. I had gone to the station to do my Sunday afternoon show. Because I was under threat, once again, of being discovered at home, I purged and tossed some stuff in the dumpster. I don't rememebr if there were any clothes, but I do know that there were some magazines like Female Mimics International. Anyway, I alone at the station, and this woman who sold ads for us came in for some reason. After she got some papers, she came into the studio and asked me point blank, 'are you a crossdresser'. Of course, I answered ..... 'NO!' ..... in a very stuttering voice. I was no doubt as white as a sheet, and I recall that my hands went clammy. I thik I may have asked her why she asked, but past that, I can say that I denied everything, and that was the end of that.

Fast forward to 1996. I was married to the wicked witch of the west spelled with a b. She didn't know, and I was going crazy inside feeling like the girl within was in a prison. I began buying androgynous panties (hmmm -- wouldn't that be a great name for a band .. Now on our stage -- the Androgynous Panties!), and would cut the female size and brand tags out of them, and sew in tags from men's underwear. One day, after laundry, I was asked the dead stop question, 'Do you wear women's underwear?' Rewind to 1977 for the answers.

Did I answer correctly? I'd say for the times and places, yes. Would I answer differently today, probably. But then, who knows

Huggles


Toni-Lynn

[Emma England]

I wish that anyone in school or college did an anonymous survey (i.e. no one has to put their names down).

That would give the proportion of one particular class how many are crossdressers.

[Toni_Lynn]

I wish that anyone in school or college did an anonymous survey (i.e. no one has to put their names down).
That would give the proportion of one particular class how many are crossdressers.

I am always thinking the same thing at work ... looking for clues .. because I know that I can be the only one out of 27,000 employees!

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[DeniseCA]

Well nobody's ever asked 'cos I've only been out shopping while dressed once. People at the shoe store, and the makeup counter were very polite, but I could tell they could tell. I think they were as much amused as any thing else.


Sounds similar to my two only out-and-dressed experiences. I was pretty sure they could tell, but not overly concerned. I actually wanted to ask them if they could tell and ask how I looked, but couldn't get up the nerve. I must admit I was much more comfortable in the women's shops where there were no men, vs. the shoe store and KMart where there were men too. Women just seemed nicer ... and softer & better looking! :battingeyelashes:

Denise

[Genifer Teal]

When someone asks me if the womens clothing I am buying are for me I say "of coarse they are"


Such a "rough" response from a sweet lady. I see you like to get down to the grit of the situation. (sorry, I couldn' thelp myself!)

I am confused by the initial question. How exactly were you presenting when questioned? It sounds like you were already dressed female (to some degree) If so, the question does not seem unreasonable. At least they asked. They could have just made some rude comment about the possibility.

Regardless, it seems the point of your frustration is lost by simply saying no. You have an opportunity to educate someone and help change the stereotype you dislike so much. You could either explain what you really are like or ask what the other person thinks a CDer is and correct their mistake. In the latter option you both may learn something. We often assume what the general public thinks but how much do we really know?

Gen

[emmicd]

I've never been asked this question before though I have shopped for womens clothing for several years. I would imagine many people, especially women could care less.

If I were asked this question I would prefer to be asked by a girl or woman.

I would have more of a difficult time if a guy asked me this.

If a woman or girl asked me I would answer truthfully that certainly I am and I love to wear pretty clothes.

If a guy asked me I would say absolutely not!

emmi

[Ann D Bluebird]

"Then why are you and over 90% of American women wearing jeans and shirts, which are MEN'S CLOTHES? oooh! errr!.......Do you really wish to open that can of worms??
:hiding:


As for me.....a sale's assistant asked me if the nice dress she was ringing up was for me (I was in drab) and I just said "Yes it is!" and smiled

and then recently (my first public out in a skirt day!! yipee!) a guy admired my skirt and then asked if I was a transvestite............:doh:
(well I'm a dressed {vested} transsomethingorother for sure!) :D

[Jolene]

When someone asks me if the womens clothing I am buying are for me I say "of coarse they are" and smile..... and especially since they saw me coming out of the dressing room with an arm full of dresses.... Most could care less... and I always get compliments on my selections of clothing..... plus it's relly fun to see their reaction.... lol

To have your attitude Karren. An inspiration to all of us here.
Jolene :)


I've never been asked this question before though I have shopped for womens clothing for several years. I would imagine many people, especially women could care less.

If I were asked this question I would prefer to be asked by a girl or woman.

I would have more of a difficult time if a guy asked me this.

If a woman or girl asked me I would answer truthfully that certainly I am and I love to wear pretty clothes.

If a guy asked me I would say absolutely not!

emmi

I would go with this one as well.
Jolene :)

[Babette]

I've never been asked this question before though I have shopped for womens clothing for several years. I would imagine many people, especially women could care less.

Emmi, you say "especially women could care less" and by my observations, I would have to occasionally disagree. Where ever I go shopping, there seems to be a cashier trying to be cute by asking if the clothes are mine.

A few months ago, I was in my male mode and took some of my guy shirts into a shop for alterations. I also brought a skirt with a broken zipper and to see if it could be repaired. The lady behind the counter tested by reaction by asking, "I suppose this skirt must be yours too?"

I soberly replied, "Of course it is and when can have the work done?" She laughed like I was pulling her leg but suddenly the rest of the shop fell deafly quiet. Two ladies from the back came circling toward me like vultures. I was a spectacle because a bona fide Martian had just walked into their store.

The ladies from the back looked as if they would explode if neither could say anything. Finally one of them blurted, "The color of this shirt really matches the color of your eyes." I could tell they were dying to find out more about me and the skirt but they held back.

To make a long story short, I came back to pick up my clothes a few days later. Once again, the shop fell silent when I walked into the store and all three ladies came to the front. To be honest, I have never seen such attentive customer service before. Nothing much was said about the shirts. However, they went into great detail about fixing the skirt and hoped that it would meet my approval. Once again, I could tell they wanted to dying to ask more but didn't. It looks like I will never have a problem getting my girl things altered when needed.

Have too much fun.

Babette

[Raychel]

No woman has ever asked me that. And I would bet that it will never happen. No real female feature show when I am not in a dress. But if one were to ask me. I would gentle put my arm around her shoulder, give her a wink and say with a grin. Would it turn you on if I was? There put the ball right back in her court. :devil:

[noname]

I have never been asked, but I am no more a cross dresser than a woman who wears a pair of jeans is a cross dresser.

[TrekGirl1701]

I've never been asked, but I don't think I would take offense at the question if I ever was asked. I think most people who ask are just curious because they've never met a crossdresser before. I'd be glad to answer any questions they might have.

[Niya W]

When shopping for clothes never been asked that, but the SA has asked aren't you going try that on before you buy it.

[Jocelyn Renee]

I've been asked the variation, "Are you a guy?", to which I replied: "Not at the moment.", said with a big smile.

[PamelaTX]

I'm a long way from being asked that question, but if it ever comes up what I plan to say is "Yeah, do you think this makes me look fat?"

The idea is to convey the following thoughts, "it's no big deal," "your curiosity doesn't offend me," and "if you want to be friendly then so do I."

[Rachel Morley]

I've been asked the variation, "Are you a guy?", to which I replied: "Not at the moment.", said with a big smile.
That's a great response! :D Can I borrow this line if I ever get asked it? :)

[KateSpade83]

I don't mind being called a crossdresser, and I'd readily admit that than being called gay.

But I don't ever want coworkers to know!

[Nicole Erin]

I have been asked time to time, but it is usually "Do you do drag shows?" I tell them I do not but I do wear women's clothes. I don't lie about my CD status. Often times when I am out wearing short shorts [not booty shorts] it is only obvious...

The thing people seem to have the hardest time understanding is that I am not gay, I have a female wife and a kid. Staying married is unusual enough as it is.


No they haven't, they run in fear of the large man in a dress:devil:

Yeah most people aren't going to want to piss off a large man in a dress. :heehee:

[Samantha Thomson]

bev i had something like that to i was at work and a customer ask are you a crossdresser and first deny it but she said she saw me on my lunch brake trying on womens clothes at a store some times there not much you can do so i said yes and move on


samantha

[Jennifer Soames]

Had a comment yesterday. I was buying some lingerie, what else, and not from the store I usualy go to. The SA asked after I gave her the size if they were for me. I said yes and she moved me up one size and asked what size my forms were. She smiled and said you boys always think you are smaller than you are. She was sooo great, we chatted a bit. I asked her about a future fitting and she gave me the best times to come in. She then asked a few questons about did i wear my lingerie for long periods or for short term pleasure. I replied both but mostly short term.

She smiled and asked did i preferr the fem or girly look, I said fem. She chose a beautiful matching set and said these are what you need. After the purchase was made she called over the other SA and introduced her and said that CD were welcome and that they both love helping men choose pretty things for themselves. She did say it was just good sense and do come back.

I have only had one negative response so i believe that most SA are very tuned tojust being nice.

Jenn



So this went in the same direction as this thread but not exactly ansswering the question. I do get athrill interacting with women about my dressing.

[Joy Carter]

I've been asked the variation, "Are you a guy?", to which I replied: "Not at the moment.", said with a big smile.

Put me down for #2 who wants to use that line.

[mackemlass]

It's well over twenty years now,I was in my first job and was still uncomfortable at times with my desire to dress,scared of people finding out,etc,anyway I was working alongside a young girl,I have absolutely no memory of the conversation or what led up to it,but I can remember clear as day the moment when she said 'I bet you're one of those blokes who wears womens underwear'! Panic! As far as I could tell I hadn't done or said anything to suggest I might have leanings in that direction,I laughed nervously and said 'Yeah,right'! and changed the subject. It never came up again and she left the firm but that moment is stuck firmly in my mind. Years later I began thinking along the lines of if I ever met her again I would try to steer the conversation round to 'I remember a time when we worked together when you said you thought I wore womens undies....how did you know'? But the opportunity has never presented itself. I thought it might do when I saw her name on Friends Reunited under my old workplace,so I sent her a 'would like to hear from you' message,but she's never responded.

Now compare the above to a few months back and my 'accidentally outed myself at work' thread where the conversation led to a colleague asking if I wore tights,and I freely said yes I do and did it bother her.

These days when shopping if I do get comments which suggest the SA suspects I'm buying for myself it doesn't bother me at all. I've had the 'you'll look good in that/those' type comments,to which I'll sometimes respond 'I'm glad you think so',etc. Last Christmas was fun when Marks and Spencer had a buy one get one half price promotion on packs of knickers,I bought two packs and the lady asked did I want a gift receipt. Without even hesitating I said that wouldn't be necessary....the penny dropped and the look on her face was priceless.