If you are closeted on some level...

[valenstein]

Backstory: My SO knows, but my mom-in-law who lives with us, does not (though I do my best to blur the line). I usually tiptoe out of the house, but once I'm out, I figure if someone I know outside of my CDing life sees me, fine I'll deal with it. Most of my friends are full time TV or TS. I choose not to tell my mom-in-law at this time because I don't think she'll fully accept it, but more so that she might accidentally out me to my SO's family. I don't feel like telling everyone at once or that they even need to know for that matter.

My question is: For those of you in the closet at any level, if you were out with people who did not know about your CDing and a CD/TS friend recognized you, how would you handle it? My gut feeling says that I would not deny a friend or play it off, but my brain wonders if I would sneak off around a corner, try to hide, ignore...

What would you honestly do?

[Angie G]

I just don't know. :hugs:
Angie

[Sarah...]

The likelihood of me meeting a CD / TS friend around here is minimal. But I think I would acknowledge the friend - I've no need to explain how I know someone.

Think of the scenarios - if the friend comes up and says, "Hi Sarah" then the cat is out of the bag and I might as well acknowledge my friend. If he / she comes up to me and says "Hi (male name)" then the cat is still in the bag and I might as well acknowledge my friend. Either way the friend is acknowledged.

I'd be the worst kind of hypocrite if I pretended not to know someone because of their dressing habits or their personality / gender ID.

Sarah...

[DonnaT]

I'd say hi, back.

But it's doubtful anyone that's seen me enfemme, and not en drab, would recognize me when not enfemme.

[Linda C]

That's why I always carry my check book - to pay them off... just kidding - I guess that I hopefully would never put myself in that position - but if your busted straight up - I guess that you have to come clean..

[cdmindymi]

I don’t think that I would come into a situation like that, but I think I would admit knowing her and would chat with her in fount of my strait freinds. My worry would be that she might out me, and that would be no small thing. I know myself well enough to know that if I pretend to not know her, it would haunt me forever, even if I knew that she would probable get over it, I wouldn’t. I think it would be easier for me to explain her to my strait friends, with some small lies to keep myself in the closet. If anyone of them showed any interests I might take some time to explain some of the tg’s world posing her as my teacher and friend. That’s what I think I would do, but we all know that when we are blind sided with something like this in life,,,, we don’t always do the best we can. Then all we can do is hope our friend is a true friend with the gift of forgiveness.

[trannie T]

The only transgendered people I know already know me as Vanessa and not as my male personna.

[Jodi]

That has happened to me twice. Both times I was with people that had no idea that I was a cd. The first time I recognized the person in guy mode. He recognized me by my voice. We both covered it well and noone else was the wiser.

The second time I was at a family funeral. At the wake dinner after the funeral, I realized that the guy sitting across from me at the table was one of the cd's that attends Girls Night Out in Warren, OH. He also figured out who I was. We both got up from the table and headed to the bar for another beer, and talked about it then. Again, noone else knew anything.

Jodi

[tvbeckytv]

interesting question.
i choose not to have a social life as a guy, so its not going to happen to me. even so, i would still be in the closet by your rules, as i dont feel the need to let just anybody in on it...its my choice who knows.
i would say though, that there is a responcibility on all tg folk not to put others in uncomfortable positions like that. unless they knew you were totally out to the world, its just selfishness on their part to do such a thing.

[Nicole1]

Well, first; no cd/ts should ever call another cd/ts by her feminine name if she is en drab without her prior approval. That is just rude, crude, and just not acceptable. Secondly, why wouldn't you recognize a friend if they recognized you first? No one should hold it against you because you know someone that crossdresses, is gay, is in a wheelchair, etc. They can easily be explained as having been introduced at work, social function, golf course, etc.
If the approaching cd/ts indicated that they were wanting to speak with me and not avoiding me (I would respect their wish for secrecy), I would acknowledge them.:2c:

Hugs:hugs:

Nicole

[pamisme]

Hy Jodi
I did not think any thing like that would happen in Y town.
Pam:drink:

[Joy Carter]

"Any one still in the closet in some form ?" Is this the question ?

I don't do it in my home town. That is one of the rules set down by my wife. I service a large amount of commercial accounts (out of town), and I choose not to buy at those places, as I wouldn't want to explain, the next time I make a customer call there. Otherwise, I'm out as far as the rest of the world goes.

[Lara]

Good question! I think it would depend on the circumstances. Not much chance of it happening around here though. I would probably whisper hello into their ear before setting them on fire.

[brandic]

My question is: For those of you in the closet at any level, if you were out with people who did not know about your CDing and a CD/TS friend recognized you, how would you handle it? My gut feeling says that I would not deny a friend or play it off, but my brain wonders if I would sneak off around a corner, try to hide, ignore...

What would you honestly do?I feel this is a great test of character for your friends. If your CD/TS friend isn't passing, then your friends/coworkers/family will see that you have friends who are into that. If they can't accept you know people in the life, then you have learned all you need to know about them. Frankly, if someone reacted badly after such a run in - say I'm out to a movie en drab with a guy friend and I run into a fellow CDer who is just obvious enough to make my buddy suspiscious. If he gets demeaning about it, I'd out myself to him on the spot, and perhaps even start flirting (even tho I have no interest in men while en drab). To heck with them if they can't accept is my attitude.

[Alice B]

I'd also say "hi" because the only time I get out, Other than Halloween is to TG friendly places.

[angelfire]

I have never met another TS/CD in person, other than a friend from high school who does drag every now & then, but he doesn't know I am a CD. Thus, I have about a 0% chance of being outed that way.

But if it were plausible for my situation, I'd like to think they would feel the same way I do, or at least know and respect how I feel enough to not out me.

[Michaela]

it is quite simple... there is only one answer for me... that is I would go with the flow.

if outed I would call them a butthead and explain to my friends... I would prolly have a bit of a panic attack but what can I do...

the good news is I am very vague about who I am even to the best of friends and they all know about my feminine-facing opinions (they think I am just open minded or whatever)

all the same I think I have shocked all of my friends enough with other things that they would likely be used to it by now if they got shocked again by something and would know the procedure of not throwing a big fit about it lool...

that's why I love em :love:

and that's how I pick my friends too :daydreaming:

[darla_g]

wow tough to say how i would handle it. It does sound like you are walking a tightrope. good luck!

[Katheryn]

I don't feel like telling everyone at once or that they even need to know for that matter.

My question is: For those of you in the closet at any level, if you were out with people who did not know about your CDing and a CD/TS friend recognized you, how would you handle it? My gut feeling says that I would not deny a friend or play it off, but my brain wonders if I would sneak off around a corner, try to hide, ignore...
What would you honestly do?

I am partially closeted, the list of who knows is growing,though. Everyone at work knows I'm kinky, and I had some issues with long nails, so they probably have guesses about the CD'ing.

Most of my family knows and my sister thinks it's cool to have a sister she didn't know existed, my wife's family consists only of her brother anymore, and he's quite okay with it. Most of my friends know, also.

I keep my toenails painted, and sometimes wear sandals out and about. So far, the only comments I have gotten were from women who said "nice color" or some such comment.

I am quite open, even to people who don't know I CD that I have CD and TS friends, so I wouldn't deny or play off some chance meeting. If I were to run into a co-worker or someone how has no need to know of my CD'ing and they saw my toes, I have a pre-packaged excuse. "Never make a sports bet with a woman, they don't bet money, they bet other things." At that point you can use any sports related incident that can apply to a betting situation, player trade, someone making the playoffs, whatever.

It's not that I'm ashamed of being a CD, it is just that I have found that sometimes people can react negatively and cause you much trouble. I had a situation at a job where someone didn't approve of me and my lifestyle and they blew everything up to huge proportions that involved me and twisted things to make it look like I was doing things with my own agenda as opposed to the company's agenda, and eventually got the boss to fire me for something I hadn't done at all. Now I share information on a need to know basis.

K

[Katheryn]

I'd say hi, back.

But it's doubtful anyone that's seen me enfemme, and not en drab, would recognize me when not enfemme.

Hey Donna.... I had a customer come into the store and he told me he'd seen me out dressed. I braced myself somewhat for the inevitable outing, but he said it was cool and that it was good that I got to be myself. You could have knocked me over with a feather at that point, knowing this guy for as many years as I had, it was an open minded viewpoint I'd never have expected of him. He calls me "Hollywood" now, though, although that's enigmatic enough not to clue anyone in.

Sometimes people can surprise you..... In a good way....

K

[allisonrn06]

[/QUOTE]My question is: For those of you in the closet at any level, if you were out with people who did not know about your CDing and a CD/TS friend recognized you, how would you handle it? My gut feeling says that I would not deny a friend or play it off, but my brain wonders if I would sneak off around a corner, try to hide, ignore...
What would you honestly do?[/QUOTE]

This is a question that has occurred to me. I have not met any other CD'ers in person, but think I would like to, on a friendship only basis. But I feel like I would have to be extremely cautious about it because of the scenario outlined above - I wouldn't want to be out with someone who dosen't know I CD and run into a CD friend and have to choose between pretending I don't know her or having her possibly out me. You might explain to your CD frend that she shouldn't approach you if you're with someone else, but this might offend her, and besides, the person might choose to ignore this if she sees you out anyway. It's a tough question with no easy answer, I think. :2c:

[Michaela]

I wanted to continue on my post above after re-reading a few peoples' posts over again just to say that the more openminded you are when in cognito/drab/boy mode the less suprized your friends would be about you knowing a crossdresser.

The other really important part is, for the most part, your friends who dont know will wait until your cd friend is gone to say anything at which point if you really want to you can be "what? I dont think so, I am pretty sure she is a woman" and then if they insist too much you can let them know that they are being rude for insulting your friend.

[valenstein]

Well, first; no cd/ts should ever call another cd/ts by her feminine name if she is en drab without her prior approval. That is just rude, crude, and just not acceptable. Secondly, why wouldn't you recognize a friend if they recognized you first?
Hugs:hugs:

Nicole

Most of my friends are transsexual and I don't think a single one of them knows me by my male name. I have hung out with them in drab and I don't look a whole lot different in either form. My issue is that my SO's mom lives with us and tends to be with us when we are out shopping, and she doesn't know about my CDing (she knows i'm a bit girly, earrings, painted toenails, pink sneakers). Without making a long story, it's not something I feel like sharing with her at this time. I'm pretty certain at this point I would not have an issue seeing a friend, but the little voice of panic sometimes makes me wonder. A subset to my question was mentioned above: Would you speak out if you were in the midst of your coworkers and a tg passed by and you had to listen to all the comments? It has happened to me a number of times and I kept my mouth shut. Today, I'm more comfortable with myself and think I would speak up, but it made me ashamed when I did not on other occasions.