Does Cd'ing replace a relationship?

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

Do we Cross Dress as a replacement for a relationship with a real girl? I sometimes think that I Crossdress to be able to have a relationship with my feminine side or what I percieve as the perfect girl. That having this feminine side I don't need to have a girl friend. When I am dressed up, I like to dance to music and do feminine activities, I have almost no desire to have a (SO) girl friend. Does anyone else have these feelings?
:battingeyelashes: Kim

[insearchofme]

Because of my work I live apart for my wife. I get to see her on weekends. being Dana fulfills my need for the feminine . Of course coming here with all of you ladies helps too!!!!

[deja true]

Does anyone else have these feelings?

So far, yes.

[KarenCDFL]

For me not at all.

I would not feel my life is complete without my loving wife!

[katrinacd]

I know I've done that to a certain extent. As the relationship between my wife and I deteriorated over the years (including our love life), I know I turned more and more to my CDing for excitement and escape.

[Veronica 1]

I have wondered this myself. I am perfectly happy with just myself and Veronica but realize that I need other "social commitments" to keep me healthy.

[AnnaMaria]

While I am probably not the best person to answer a post such as this, It only seems right to me with what i am going through right now that I say something.

I am sure that some of the ladies who read this will realize who i am and how I have always talked about my life and my wife.
How important is has been to me during all the things that have taken place over the last several years.

Well that said I would have to say that personally I can't see my fem side being a replacement for a relationship. Of course you have to take into account the fact that i am dressed to some extent all the time. So for me Anna is the one living in the open and brian is the one that is in hiding most of the time.

I think that as a temporary fix it could be possible to replace a relationship with dressing but even someone like me that craves solitude there is still a need for me to have someone in my life that i can talk to when i need to. Someone who is willing to lend me a shoulder to cry on when the need arises and so on. Maybe my life is excessively fem and that is why I feel this way or maybe it's just me but I just don't see it as a permanent fix for the loneliness or for the blues.

Anna

[Lori SC]

Not for me Kim. But then again everyone is different.

I have a loving wife who knows about Lori. When dressed, I don't show any romantic acts towards her, because it makes her uncomfortable, not me. (She is not a lesbian, she says).

My need to dress has no bearing on whether we are at home together, or one of us is off on some trip.

Hugz, Lori

[whitelace]

Can't say that I do Kim,

But I can easily understand someone getting lost in the fabric and mystery of it all . I would imagine that like myself when I first started experimenting, there was a comfort in having an audience of one.. far from scrutiny ....
and at times the transformation process is quite auto erotic ( ok most times)

for me crossdressing can never permanently take the place of a relationship with someone
it's an important part of who I am but then again just a part of the total being! You posed an interesting thread ! hugs ....lacie :battingeyelashes:

[Samantha43]

No, my relationship with my wonderful accepting wife could never be replaced.

[RobertaFermina]

I love dancing with my GG Girlfriend !

I do get a huge feminine charge out of CDing though.

I got a girlfriend, not because I wanted more feminine energy around, but because I wanted a fuller life, and to grow by facing the challenges of having a relationship and striving to make it a good one!

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Jilmac]

Not me, I love the relationship I have with my SO, I hope it lasts forever.

[sterling12]

It certainly doesn't work that way for me. Although Joanie doesn't currently have a boyfriend (and perhaps she never will;) But, my boyself is certainly involved with women.

I'm not in a committed relationship right now....but I'm working on it! For me, it's two halves that make up The Whole Person. Each side has their wants and desires. As of today, we get along.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Marlena-4now]

You know that old song "One is the loneliest number " ? I admit that I can get lost in the pink haze and all wrapped up in trying to get my look right and I like dancing around when I'm all alone.....but..... it get's old pretty fast and start's to feel empty. I think you need to love another human with all your heart sometime in your life to have lived a full life. Nothing else can really come close. I think you should try openning up to someone, Kimberly.

[docrobbysherry]

You know that old song "One is the loneliest number " ? I admit that I can get lost in the pink haze and all wrapped up in trying to get my look right and I like dancing around when I'm all alone.....but..... it get's old pretty fast and start's to feel empty. I think you need to love another human with all your heart sometime in your life to have lived a full life. Nothing else can really come close. I think you should try openning up to someone, Kimberly.

I am VERY involved with my female persona. I can be, and am, very passionate about her.
But it saddens and disappoints me in some ways.
As my friends get older, I see their doors closing. The walls of their comfort zones keep moving inward. As they slowly shut more and more people out of their lives.
I can feel that happened to me also. Because of my closet CDing.

I have found unbridled passion and unparalleled stimulating excitement with Sherry. But, at the cost of true human sharing, closeness, affection, and loving.

I guess some men can live happily this way. Sometimes I'm very happy. Until I think about what I'm missing by NOT being with a simpatico GG.

[Joann0830]

My Fem side is not a replacement for that physical contact between me and a woman, but when I am in Fem I feel that I cannot be physical with a woman
because I am appearence wise and mind wise a woman, The thought process and feelings change. Love to go out with a woman as a friend a companion and have a good time as anyone else would. Joann0830:battingeyelashes::heehee::love:

[StayceeCD]

I know I've done that to a certain extent. As the relationship between my wife and I deteriorated over the years (including our love life), I know I turned more and more to my CDing for excitement and escape.


Me too! Not necessarily a choice cause I'd love to have a much better relationship with my wife.. Whenever I mention us talking to someone professional about our "issues" she says it's "me who has the problem"... Not much I can do with that statement! I stay because I want my daughter to have both parents and I really do still love my wife! We don't argue and give our daughter lots of love and affection... Just the sex life has deteriorated and she's REALLY not into me being CD.... Everything else is great which is why I know it is salvageable... I just wish she'd open up to some sort of marital counseling with someone who is familiar with CD's... Oh well! Thats my story!

[NatalieBliss]

A house with a picket fence, a nice yard for the kids to play in and a wife who accepts my crossdressing. Too much to ask? I hope not. Anyway that's just me! :daydreaming:

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

CDing could never replace my relationship with my wife. I love being with her. She accepts my CDing which I think is great. When in femme mode,I'm still attraction to my wife. The running joke is that I'm a lesbian in a man's body.

Felicity:)

[crusadergirl]

Cding don't replace having a gf its just there b/c its a part of who i am.

[Bev06 GG]

Good question Kimberly. I have to say I was beginning to wonder but having read some of the responses that you have received I guess not. Most CDs seem to have still retained their unselfish side and value their partners companionship.
Take care
Bev

[Emma England]

It may be that those who are not in a relationship miss the feminine things, so increase their cd activities.

Loneliness is not good for anyone. A relationship can't be beaten.

The best type of relationship is with a girl who is accepting.

[Bev06 GG]

I have found unbridled passion and unparalleled stimulating excitement with Sherry. But, at the cost of true human sharing, closeness, affection, and loving.

I guess some men can live happily this way. Sometimes I'm very happy. Until I think about what I'm missing by NOT being with a simpatico GG.

That is so Sad Doc but I guess its the answer to your thread "Where will it all end."
From what you have already shared with us I'd say the answer is probably a very lonely old age. I hope not for your sake, although as you have already stated, you dont get what you desire from a partner any way so you will probably adapt to lonliness better than most of us would do and learn to live with it even though you realise you are sacrificing the basic human need of companionship.
Take care
Bev

[Joanne f]

I think that would depend on what type of Cd you are as we know that there are many different reasons for being a Cd, if you are not in a relationship then i could see that it could in some way start to replace the So that you long for as in the style and way you would like them to dress and given that all things are possible it may even work that way for some in a relationship , you might love the person who you are with but they may not dress in your style so you create this person of your choice through dressing that way your self.





joanne

[Suzie S.]

Kimberly, being a crossdresser is no substitute for a relationship for me. I've been happily married for 14 years, and I love her to bits! I couldn't imagine life without her in it! :love:

[Carroll]

No, my relationship with my wonderful accepting wife could never be replaced.

Same here

[Mollyanne]

I know I've done that to a certain extent. As the relationship between my wife and I deteriorated over the years (including our love life), I know I turned more and more to my CDing for excitement and escape.


Couldn't have said it better!!!


:love: Mollyanne

[Satrana]

When I am dressed up, I like to dance to music and do feminine activities, I have almost no desire to have a (SO) girl friend.

In the short term CDing can fill in the gap of not being in a relationship, but in the long term it feels empty. Accessing femininity is only one small part of being in a relationship with a GG, what about love, friendship, sharing, children etc. Are you planning to dance all by yourself for the rest of your life?

[Jonianne]

When I was a kid growing up, I so desperately wanted a girlfriend, but was way too shy and fearful of rejection to ask a girl out. I went through high school never having a single girlfriend or even been kissed. I was one lonely person. I didn't even go to my prom. I just went way deep into myself and just hid in my fantasy's of just walking through the woods holding a girls hand or the other half of my fantasy being crossdressed.

When I was in the service I even planned how I was going to commit suicide because I thought I would never find the right one for me. Well I was too afraid of going to hell to follow through.

I did eventualy marry the first person I dated after getting out of the service, but we ended up divorced.

In the meanwhile I began to go to counseling at first because of my crossdressing but I spent 99% of my nearly 8 years in individual and group therapy working on relationship issues.

That made all the difference in my life! Ever since, my heart has been all about relationships, relationships, relationships. Accepting myself as well as being willing to sacrifice a little and respecting the boundries of those in relationship with me. Communicating, give and take, working things out, compromising, is the name of the game for a healthy relationship for me.

My signature says it best for me.

[deja true]

.... though you realise you are sacrificing the basic human need of companionship.
Bev


I agree that there's a basic need for companionship...but...

that's not necessarily the same as a need for a sexual relationship.

Companionship...friends...good friends...are important to everybody and even one good friend that we can confide in completely and honestly is better than a partner (with whom we are supposed to be totally open with) that will never accept us totally.

Being on my own doesn't make me sad. It makes me free.

What makes me sad is the great number of folks here in relationships that are not or cannot be 100% who they want to be.

I'll still be looking for a relationship, but if I have to give up part of who I am to get it, I'll pass! If it never comes, I will still be satisfied with having had a terrific collection of really good friends.

:)

[DAVIDA]

It has never crossed my mind.

[jenalex]

Do we Cross Dress as a replacement for a relationship with a real girl? I sometimes think that I Crossdress to be able to have a relationship with my feminine side or what I percieve as the perfect girl. That having this feminine side I don't need to have a girl friend. When I am dressed up, I like to dance to music and do feminine activities, I have almost no desire to have a (SO) girl friend. Does anyone else have these feelings?

Some people do — "Ich bin meine einige Frau" as Charlotte von Mahlsdorf put it (though that has a nice double meaning in translation)

On the other hand:


Cding don't replace having a gf its just there b/c its a part of who i am.

I feel more like that :happy:

I'm not in a relationship because I'm not in a relationship. It's not a gap that needs to be filled with something else. It's not even a gap. I'm just not in a relationship at the moment is all.

[abundantly_me]

When God created 'man' , he looked down and saw that he was alone, although he also had created the animals, foliage, he was still there alone. It is said God then fashioned 'woman' from a rib of Adam to be his partner.


sorry but going through 12 years of a Catholic schools, well there are a lot of tales / stories/ teachings that still remain in my head.

cd'ing maybe can give you a thrill - but the love, the companionship, the passion, understanding, thoughtfulness, of another being is priceless.

Becoming involved only within yourself, simply isn't healthy for you. Don't you think you are worth sharing with others?

:kissing:


Originally posted by Deja true I agree that there's a basic need for companionship...but...

that's not necessarily the same as a need for a sexual relationship


Usually, I fine you very insightful, but life without PASSION is empty. With passion, the world is brighter, the mood is happy, you can walk on air, I hope the passion I have within my life never dies, because having it will keep me forever young!

[curse within]

From the post it looks to me like it depends on the person. Me I will continue to search for a new soul mate and keep the best policy in mind due to fairness ..Tell her what I do and who I am then go from there. Men are not meant to be lonely just like the old saying "there is an ass for every chair" same goes for relationships unless you choose to be as you are.

[Nadia-Maria]

That is so Sad Doc but I guess its the answer to your thread "Where will it all end."
From what you have already shared with us I'd say the answer is probably a very lonely old age. I hope not for your sake, although as you have already stated, you dont get what you desire from a partner any way so you will probably adapt to lonliness better than most of us would do and learn to live with it even though you realise you are sacrificing the basic human need of companionship.
Take care
Bev

This is a dilemma a few of us CDers – those not fearing loneliness - have to face.
. Either being alone, happy and unstressed most of time, with an elusive feeling of incompleteness (NOT being with an accepting GG) making us sad at times,
. Or living with a cherished, but not-enough-accepting GG, and constantly fighting against the desire to live alone, but resisting it for the sake of living a more satisfying life and future (feeling of completeness).

So is life : You can’t expect to get only the best of both worlds (being alone or in couple). YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE. And, when for you loneliness is not a real issue, that choice is a not-so-easy one.
Since it involves your happyness and the happyness of your SO too.

I’m persistently facing that crucial choice, and don’t know whether my situation is any better than Doc’s.

Sincerely yours

Nadia

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

My opening posting sort of made it seem like I am single and never had a relationship. Just want to say I was married for 16 years before my wife asked for a divorce, she had an affair and wanted out. This blind sided me, we had a difficult divorce which took 4+ years. Out of all this I have two beautiful kids, a daughter (24) and a Son (22).

I would not mind having someone to love and cherish, but not sure I want the hassles of being married again, but don't believe in just going from one relationship to another for sex. I am an oddity in today's world in that my ex was the only woman that I was intimate with. I don't jump into intimate relationships just for sex.

So with this additional information one can maybe understand where I am coming from when I made the posting. I do appreciate the many comments and thoughts presented and hope that all of you with relationships keep them alive. I thought mine was going to last till I died, but my ex didn't.

:battingeyelashes: Luv, Kim

[Beth-Lock]

Do we Cross Dress as a replacement for a relationship with a real girl? I sometimes think that I Crossdress to be able to have a relationship with my feminine side or what I perceive as the perfect girl. ... I have almost no desire to have a (SO) girl friend. Does anyone else have these feelings?
:battingeyelashes: Kim

This strikes home with me.
Yes, a lot of this is in my experience. I got into serious CD'ing and even into thinking about transitioning, after a broken relationship that was really just in the beginning stage. It had some of the dimensions of rebellion at that time, of saying, no woman wants me, so I will go another way, and in addition, put up a big obstacle to any woman getting close to me, in such a relationship again. Indeed, it has changed the way I think about women and greatly reduced my need for a woman in my life.
I thought it would even avoid the frustration of an imperfect relationship with imperfect women, or ones poorly matched to my nature, but it turned out just to have frustrations of a different kind, of its own.
Thanks for asking.

[Tasha T]

Do we Cross Dress as a replacement for a relationship with a real girl?

It didn't start out that way for me, but that's what it seems to have become. In the beginning, I dressed because it turned me on, but I still wanted to find a girlfriend. As time went on I became more and more isolated and had trouble connecting with women. I didn't want to tell them I was a crossdresser because I didn't want to be misunderstood, stereotyped and instantly rejected. So I decided that it was better for me to stay single and not pursue relationships. I've lived that way for a long time and am used to it. That doesn't mean I like it, but I've learned to deal with the reality that I have a better chance of winning the Lotto or being struck by lightning, before I meet someone who can love me for who I am; yet I reserve the right to hope.

There was a play on Broadway a few years ago called, "I am my own wife." I saw the play and didn't really like it, but I can relate to the title as that's sometimes how I feel.

[sissystephanie]

Do we Cross Dress as a replacement for a relationship with a real girl? I sometimes think that I Crossdress to be able to have a relationship with my feminine side or what I percieve as the perfect girl. That having this feminine side I don't need to have a girl friend. When I am dressed up, I like to dance to music and do feminine activities, I have almost no desire to have a (SO) girl friend. Does anyone else have these feelings?
:battingeyelashes: Kim

Not for a single second, not even a split second!!

I have never CD'ed as a replacement for a relationship with a GG! Nor will I, ever. I was born a man, and a man I will always be. Albeit with a strong feminine streak! CD'ing can help gain relationships if handled right and honestly.

My dear late wife knew from day one and was very supportive. Probably because I let her know, in many ways, that I was her MAN! Even if I was wearing panties under my dress!:battingeyelashes:

Now I am fortunate enough to have a very loving GGF, who also knows and supports me as Stephanie. She lives in Scotland, and is married, so our relationship is more of a dream thing. But it is very real to me, and I think to her. In fact, in a little over a week and the Good Lord willing, I will be seeing her and her husband in person for the third time. In Scotland!!!

I crossdress soley because I like the fit, feel, and look of feminine clothing. No desire to become a woman! I am a man, and even at my advanced age have the normal manly urges. Not as strongly as earlier in my life, but they are still there.

Sissy/Stephanie

Lady on the outside, but man underneath!

[Andi]

I know I've done that to a certain extent. As the relationship between my wife and I deteriorated over the years (including our love life), I know I turned more and more to my CDing for excitement and escape.

This is exactly where I am at age almost 64. The kids are all gone and so has all the other things that made life exciting. CDing in the closet and being part of this site gives me a virtual world to live in and be happy even though my expectations will go unfulfilled.