Eye opener

[carolinebrookes]

I don't go out too often. I'd like to, but I'm happy enough doing my own thing and I lose no sleep over what may or may not happen.

I have quite a few friends who do ask me out from time to time and last night was one of the few occasions I accepted. I was to meet a couple of girls in the city at a pub. As I hadn't been out and about for a wee while, I showed keeness and I was early by some 40 minutes.
As I sat in the bar, I saw a fella looking across. I'm never sure if it's because I've been "made" or if it's the good old "guy notices pretty woman across bar" look. Anyhow, I looked away and continued drinking my drink and looking at my watch, trying to make it obvious I was waiting on someone.

The next thing I knew was that he'd sent over a drink for me. While this was flattering, I felt like I was in a little bit of a pickle. What should I do? Thank him and hope he wouldn't take it any further? .....or wait for him to make his move and then perhaps have a scene when he found out I wasn't all that he imagined?

I didn't dare touch the drink he'd bought me for fear that he took that as a sign that I wanted contact of any sort with him.
I got up to go to the ladies room and try to contact the girls by mobile phone when he came across and introduced himself.
I decided that honesty was the best policy and tactfully told him that I was waiting for friends. He acknowleged this and asked if he could sit with me till they came!

Now I was in a pickle! I went to the ladies and managed to get hold of one of my friends who said they were on their way. I took my time but returned to the bar and found my new friend sitting there still.
In the end I felt that I had no option and told him that I was a transvestite and that I was waiting to meet friends. I was expecting a tirade of abuse from the fella but in fact he turned round and said that although he was surprised, it didn't matter. We chatted for about 5 minutes before my friends arrived, at which point he made his excuses and left. I took a little ribbing from my friends about this!

The things that were an eye opener for me were how lonely and vulnerable gg's must feel in this situation. I can look after myself but felt very exposed.

The second eye opener was that the fella turned out to be one of the understanding ones, who although probably disappointed that I wasn't the real deal, continued to talk to me as if I was.
When all said and done, I was very flattered about it all when I had time to think about it.

Needless to say, in future if I go out, I'll be making sure we all meet up at one of our places rather than at a bar!

[tamarav]

This has always been a problem for any woman when there appear to be vulnerable. One of the aspects of martial arts is to reduce your appearance of being that of a victim. Women typically handle this by not being alone and by not appearing anxious.

I recognize I am preaching to the choir here, I have been in the exact same position many times since I go out alone often. I don't always feel it is necessary to reveal the truth to men who are on the make, they are either so glossed over they could care less anyway, they just see "Woman" and start their script, or they can just be put off like 99% of the men are initially anyway.

Many of the drinks that have been sent to me have sat until they were taken away by the server, others that have been followed by the male that sent them were handed to him. It really depends on whether or not I feel I can read the guy, since I am pretty in-tune to how guys act. (No real pun intended)

My sisters used to complain of this situation often, getting hit on by men as soon as they sat down. Not that it isn't a compliment of sorts but it can be annoying. After all, women go out looking good and men hit on them, it seems to be the nature of things. Sort of like it was planned that way.

If you learn to roll with the punches and not turn into the "victim" everytime a man approaches you reduce your overall questionable factor and can probably sustain the "lone woman" role.

Since most of the males that crossdress are not the type that hit on every woman they see, they do not have the experience of being constantly turned down by women. We are in a sense, very naive about the culture that takes place when a single woman sits down in a lounge or bar. Wtih experience, when we are dressed, we can learn to turn down men without being made and without fear of other than normal reprisal. Men can get pretty weak in the presence of a "woman" and you can capitalize on that if you keep the upper hand.

Men (I am generalizing here) typically think that they are much smarter than any woman and can talk her into what they want if they have enough time. Sort of break down the walls if you will. If you are able to turn to the man and match his wit or his supposed knowledge you can cause him to creep away from your table.

I once had a smooth talking guy come over to my table and ask me if I wanted to take a ride with him in his Corvette. I had no inclination to ever get in his car but he seemded dumb enough to work on. I asked first what color it was (acting like the girl I looked like) then when he told me I asked if it was powerful. He went on with some story about how much horsepower it had, then mentioned the year and that it was a small block V8. I turned to him and told him that particular model only made 300 horsepower in stock form and the Corvette never came with a 6 speed (in 1989) and that he didn't have a clue what he was talking about. I told him to come back later when he figured out what he was driving.

I did end up handing him one of my business cards, at the time I was teaching high performance driving at the Bob Bondurant School of High Performance Driving and we drove new 'Vettes everday. He quietly read the card, slipped it into his pocket and excused himself, never to be seen again.

Sometimes you just have to take advantage of the situation.

Your sis,

Tami

[DemonicDaughter]

Tami, that was brilliant! I love it!

One thing is very true about men that specifically go to bars to pick up women... they honestly believe their lines work. Sadly, apparently they do from time to time, but for those of us with a wee bit of insight (four older brothers will have that effect on a gal) its a definite no-brainer.

Despite what most people claim, intelligence is apparently NOT what the "average" guy is looking for. Or at least not more intelligent than they are. Perfect example, at a bar one night with an ex, some guy came up to us and instantly blew her off when he found out she worked in Intel with the Navy. He proceeded to talk to me about his involvement in the AirForce and his work with engineering. I excused myself to go to the lady's room. As I was walking away I heard my ex laugh at him and explain he was boring me to tears. He asked if he was "too smart" for me to understand and she laughed so hard I had to pause to hear her answer. Her response was, "Oh hell no! You're trying to explain tinker toys to a woman that studies Quantum Physics FOR FUN!" Oddly when I returned, he was gone... strange.

[Mitch23]

What I found very unnerving the other night was when a guy just stood and watched me - gradually getting closer as the evening went on. By the time he plucked up courage to speak I was not as friendly as I would have been if he had been more open in the first place. Fortunately the RGs I was with were protective. I can understand the dancing round the handbag kind of security a little better now

Mitch

[Brenda's Friend]

Caroline,

I looked at the pics you have posted and did not immediately think guy, so you pass pretty well. One thing you might think of doing is to get a fake wedding ring. This may not always work, some guys are persistent.

BF

[deja true]

Now wait a minute, girls! Not every guy that approaches you is "on the make"!

I don't travel away from home town much, but when I do I get lonely quick and miss my friends and the opporunity to just sit and talk to somebody...Almost anybody!

When I'm sitting in a hotel lounge or a strange place, I often try to start up conversations with interesting looking people. Generally not the good ol' boys down the end of the bar talking about guns and fishing, but anybody who looks intelligent, man or woman!

I just need the companionship. And it beats sittin' there alone and staring at the freekin' NBA game! Yuk! Who cares?

Caroline said he was polite and didn't seem to care whether she was trans. Maybe he was like me and just looking to make a human connection in a lonely place!

Tammi was right in that a lot of guys, dressers or not, but especially dressers, are rather naive about how to talk to women. I'm one of those. I hardly ever approach any woman, just for fear of being mis-interpreted and shut out. I can't ever remember trying to score with a lone woman. But I sure can remember being brushed off just 'cos I was a single guy trying to be friendly!

Sure, we can always tell when a guy is lookin' for something else, but don't blow off every guy that even looks at you out of the corner of his eye. You might miss out on making a new friend!

And keep in mind, there're a lot of dressed up guys out there, too, and many of them are also looking for some "strange"!

Mmm-kay?

:D

[tamarav]

Oh Deja, can I just call you Dej?

I think you and the rest of us girls recognize a regular "not-on-the-make" guy pretty easily, and I am sure if you came up and starting talking with me when I was out, we would end up having a lively conversation, about whatever.

You are right though, not every man is on the make. When I used to travel in boi, I did actually sit down and talk to normal women without any overt intent, other than to possibly check out their shoes or hair or ... I only pointed out an example of the fine string of willing suitors that think they have it all over every woman out there, and really don't.

Your sis,

Tami

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

i have no problems talking to strangers..no matter how im dressed


i only had one instance where i NEEDED to punch some guy who wouldnt leave me alone,,i didnt tho...in this case it would have helped if he spoke ENGLISH...




:rant: if you want to live on American soil,,then learn the friggin language :rant:

[bah-bah-bobbie]

Despite what most people claim, intelligence is apparently NOT what the "average" guy is looking for. Or at least not more intelligent than they are.

My I.Q. fluxuates between the low side of average to 'how the hell am I breathing on my own?' I know you won't believe this but I would like to have a girl with a light on upstairs because I learned the hard way educated opinions come in real handy real often. I don't know what quantum physics is, but I do know when it's a waste of my time and hers to talk to a woman because she will find me pathetic and boring.

[MsJanessa]

a persistant guy in a bar can be very annoying, a polite respectful one can be enjoyable---that's fine if they want to buy Me a drink and chat for a bit---if they persist and proposition Me, then I tell them exactly what I'm into---often times, they will slink away from Me then as most men can't handle it---if they are interested still(and some have approached Me for that reason--because I do have "that look") then W/we can discusss it further but I always reserve the right to say NO and when I do, that has been the end of the discussion. BTW, this guy probably knew or at least suspected you were TG/CD from the begining--is the bar you were in a place where Girls like Us hang out??

[DemonicDaughter]

My I.Q. fluxuates between the low side of average to 'how the hell am I breathing on my own?' I know you won't believe this but I would like to have a girl with a light on upstairs because I learned the hard way educated opinions come in real handy real often. I don't know what quantum physics is, but I do know when it's a waste of my time and hers to talk to a woman because she will find me pathetic and boring.

I.Q.'s are nothing more than your ability to retain and reuse information. It does not equate intelligent or smart. It simply means you've got a good memory and can apply information to experiences.

That said...

I believe most people appreciate intelligent conversation and many look for that in a partner. Its just the "lurkers" at bars or sites that seem to lose perspective of the real world. I dislike those individuals who will only go out with a person based on a single criteria (such as color, endowments, lifestyle, etc.). If the only reason a person talks to me is because I'm big chested, they can kiss off. I'm not interested.

I have had some great experiences with those that have a genuine interest with me as an individual. So, as Deja said, not all guys are on the make but those that walk up to you and hand you a "line" usually are. I steer as clear from them as humanly possible.

[sandra-leigh]

:rant: if you want to live on American soil,,then learn the friggin language :rant:

Learn which language? "America" is a big place with many languages spoken, some of which were spoken for well over a thousand years before the first known European visit. English as you know it did not exist until after Europeans started to settle the Americas.

[Genifer Teal]

As I sat in the bar, I saw a fella looking across. I'm never sure if it's because I've been "made" or if it's the good old "guy notices pretty woman across bar" look. . . . The next thing I knew was that he'd sent over a drink for me. While this was flattering, I felt like I was in a little bit of a pickle. What should I do? . . .When all said and done, I was very flattered about it all when I had time to think about it.


You can never really be sure if he sees you as a man or a woman. I have met enough guys to know that either could be the reason for their interest. I guess that comes with living in NYC. Some guys are more interested because we are not entirely a women. When someone compliments me, I just take it for what it is and appreciate the compliment.

I used to be afraid to accept a drink from a guy. There are still some situations (and guys) I will not accept a drink from. However, a drink is nothing more than a chance to say hello. It may lead to a conversation. It is not a guarantee of anything else. He can come over and say hi, but if he expects anything more, dinner reservations will have to come first. lol

Next time a drink is offered, you may consider accepting it. You had some time to kill, and the conversation may have been interesting.

Gen