What's in a name?

[Byllie]

Warning! Rant dead ahead!

I dislike having a feminine name. What I mean is, I dislike the idea that among CD circles, one is expected to assume a feminine name as if it were an alter ego. For me, I'm the same person no matter what name I use, so why should I be expected to go by two names in life?

My name on this form is Byllie, but the name I was born with is (surprise) Bill. Can I not be feminine and still be called Bill? What is wrong with us that we actually believe we cannot feel feminine enough unless we take on an entirely new personna, as if we were donning a costume so the world could not see the person behind the screen?

In some way it feels dishonest, as if to say, "there's the drab me and then there's the femme me." Well I'm just me, and I'm trying desparately to feel comfortable with that.

Rant off!

[Michaela]

first off, you stole my thread title punkage :p but that's ok :) this is a very different topic :D

anyway here is my opinion on the matter...

as a woman who is different from the other girls my life has many many drawbacks... but there are a few perks. that is most people have to take whatever darn name is given to them by their parents before they even get the chance to figure out what a child's personality is going to be...

but we get a special benefit, which is we get to choose our own names. Who else in this world gets to do that? even famous people typically get their pseudonyms picked for them by other people. I should get something good out of this dang situation and I appreciate the heck out of it because I feel connected to my name in a way that I never felt with my government name :p

[FeliciaRivers]

For me... it is part of the illusion.

[curse within]

A name to me is a label,mine sould be planterns because sometimes I think I am nuts.

[trannie T]

I have empathy for Bill, I have my male name and that is how I think of myself. I use a femme name most to avoid the questions about why I don't have a femme name. Many of us think of themselves in the femme personna and can relate to a female name, others as Bill do not. As I have posted before we are all unique, one size does not fit all.

[katrinacd]

I'm on the same page as you. Katrina is about the third female name I've gone with in my life (mostly for on-line purposes) and I'm no more attached to it then I was the other two. Either I haven't found the right name yet or I just can't get into the alter-ego thing.

[Caitlintgsd]

I think that there's quite a few sides to this coin.

If you're out and about, perhaps looking fabulous in the latest and greatest outfit and hair done to the 9's, in a watering hole may change your opinion. "Harold" just doesn't roll off the tongue as easily as "Maude". "Harmony" may not be as obvious as "Hank".
In my fav watering hole everybody calls me Caitlin, regardless how I present myself. Life could be worse.

[carolinoakland]

I did like the way my femme name came about, and if I wind up living full time and or doing the surgery route it's not that big of a deal I'll keep using it. But if I find I'm just a plain old garden variety ( nothing plain about me though ) I would prefer to have a gender neutral name. The whole seperate Identities made me feel it was a bit schzo, kind of Jeckyl and Hyde you know? Like who's the evil twin? And I mean if it's that duality and seperateness of experience go for it. For me though, I"m trying to stop the wildly swinging pedulum of my need to be female and the shame of thinking there's something wrong with me. Whew, let me get down off my soap box now. Just my OP, Carol

[valenstein]

I see nothing wrong with keeping the name you want, everbody does their own thing. If I have to wear a suit somewhere, I'm still a CD. If it still doesn't work for you, you can always give yourself a nickname that works for both.

[Sarah...]

It's a fair enough rant - entirely logical and who can argue with that?!!!

I like having a name associated with being female, I prefer it and it's been with me for such a long time that I can answer to Sarah or my given name without any apparent feelings of being two personas.

Sarah...

[Bev06 GG]

WEll Bylie you have managed very sucessfully to get around the problem. I guess a lot of CDs actually love the fact that they can call themselves what they have always wanted to be called. I would hazard a guess that there are others who feel exactly the same as you do. Fortunately a lot of male names do have a female counterpart and some are unisex, like mine for instance. Both my sisters too, Valerie and Tracy are both unisex names but I do understand where your coming from because your identity is tied up in your name.
Bev

[Jennifer_G]

Go with whatever works for you.
I personally prefer to adopt a female name when I dress.
My femme name is just an accessory that completes the transformation.
When dressed I really don't feel like Bob any more (not my real name) and so I take a female name to feel more feminine as I would wear heels or earings to do the same.

We are all different and that is what makes the whole subject all the more facinating.

So no need to rant (unless you really want to, nice to rant now and again tho !!).:)

[Bev06 GG]

Jennifer do I know you. You look very familiar.
Bev

[abundantly_me]

Warning! Rant dead ahead!

I dislike having a feminine name. What I mean is, I dislike the idea that among CD circles, one is expected to assume a feminine name as if it were an alter ego. For me, I'm the same person no matter what name I use, so why should I be expected to go by two names in life?

My name on this form is Byllie, but the name I was born with is (surprise) Bill. Can I not be feminine and still be called Bill? What is wrong with us that we actually believe we cannot feel feminine enough unless we take on an entirely new personna, as if we were donning a costume so the world could not see the person behind the screen?

In some way it feels dishonest, as if to say, "there's the drab me and then there's the femme me." Well I'm just me, and I'm trying desparately to feel comfortable with that.

Rant off!

Well Bill, Thank you, the sentiments you expressed were exactly some of my same feelings, I'm glad you see yourself as you, and that embodiment encompasses both the male and feminine sides. I never could understand how some seem to want 2 diverse personalities, when I always thought it was suppose to be just about being yourself.

I almost feel like I could give you a big kiss right now!

[Jennifer_G]

Jennifer do I know you. You look very familiar.
Bev

Yes :)

I did visit you for a makeover a couple of years ago.
You did a super job too:love:

[Jessica212]

I have a female name because I feel it completes everything feminine about me - I feel feminine, I wear women's clothes, I partake in a lot of feminine activities and interests, so why shouldn't I have a female name?

[jennifer41356]

Go with whatever works for you.
I personally prefer to adopt a female name when I dress.
My femme name is just an accessory that completes the transformation.
When dressed I really don't feel like Bob any more (not my real name) and so I take a female name to feel more feminine as I would wear heels or earings to do the same.

We are all different and that is what makes the whole subject all the more facinating.

So no need to rant (unless you really want to, nice to rant now and again tho !!).:)

:yt:see all Jennifers think alike:D:love:

[onowic]

New to all this, I too noticed the seemingly dual identities that seem to go hand in hand on the surface and I wondered if we were not all supposed to be the same person, but thinking about it I do see the point of a femme name, analagous to a verbal representation of the inner self in the same way the clothes are a visual/tactile represenation of the inner self.

Still, noone can tell you what name to go by any more than they can tell you how to live your life. As for question as to why does it "seem" that the transgender culture expects you to adopt a feminine moniker at times, all I can say that it IS a culture and as much as it is about breaking out of main stream cultural norms, it has it's own norms as well. But by all means, be the breaker of norms of the culture of the breaker of norms! I'm sure there's room for everyone!

[Byllie]

I'm getting the distinct sense that some of the issues I have with "CD groups" is that they encompass individuals who CD for varying reasons. Now, that's a good thing; diversity is wonderful if we respect and support each others path. But, if we attempt to impose our beliefs on others, perhaps unknowingly, then feelings can be bruised. There's also the issue of someone not feeling as secure in their path, and when another makes a contrary comment, It may lead to further doubt and confusion.

I suggest the following. If we have opinions, let's please attempt to label them as such, and not as some sort of gospel. I generally try to do this whenever I can (and remember to do so).

Toodles!
Byllie (for now)

[Sandra Dunn]

No matter what one thinks when we embrace more of the feminnen identity we change. When I'm in what I call butch mode I don'y want someone to recognize me as Sandra and when I'm in Sandra mode I don't want someone to recognize me from the butch mode. Those who have met both identies are amazed at the transformation. I want Sandra to have her own identity.I have seen the changes in myself and so has my spouse, yes I am a better person to be around nowadays.

[Jennifer_G]

For me choosing a female name, albiet it seems one of the most common CD/TV :D names, was part of finally accepting to myself that I was a tranny.

[Michaella]

I do agree with Bill. I think of myself as one person, with many different aspects to my personality, but one person. In some ways I am feminine, and I would like to be able to express my femininity openly. When I do while still presenting as male, that is, not attempting to “pass” as a woman, I may be dressed very femininely, but I don’t use a different name.

I was "given" the name by a female friend on the first time I was out with someone while dressed, and an event we were going to needed us to sign in at a security desk. My friend was being very chivalrous—she was dressed androgynously as she usually is, though very obviously and very attractively female—and she simply went ahead and signed for both of us, and told me “I signed you in as Michaella.” Okay, I guess I would need some sort of name, so that was it. It just seemed necessary to be able to pass and thus have the freedom to be fully feminine in public. But when I have been dressed privately with friends I have never asked to be called anything other than my own name. I’d really rather not even have to have the pressure of trying to pass, but that’s not possible, so the name becomes just another part of the disguise, that I wish I did not have to adopt.

As for using a feminine name on the forum, well, everyone seems to use a pseudonym here, and I did want to retain anonymity, so I needed one. Might as well be the feminine one. Or am I copping out?

Michaella

[Jilmac]

Well Bill, I can understand your point. However I am also Bill and for 37 years people only knew Bill with a full red beard. I dressed in the closet for many years as Bill (beard and all). Now that I'm out and no longer have my beard, (it turned white and I looked like Gabby Hays), I present myself as a female when I dress, so I took on a fem name. All I did was change the first letter.

[Butterfly Bill]

You can be Bill all you want on this forum. Nobody has stopped me.

[Byllie]

You can be Bill all you want on this forum. Nobody has stopped me.

Agreed! And you are a perfect example of someone who enjoys wearing feminine clothing, yet still sports masculine features such as a beard.

Again, I think my issue is that crossdressing is an action, and that the reasons for doing so are as varied as the number of forum members.

I have similar issues when attending a transgender meeting. Some TGs are simply heterosexual CDs, while others are transitioning to become fully female. Again, As I stated in an earlier post, umbrella groups are great because of their diversity, but that same diversity can lead to misunderstandings among the various subgroups. I think, perhaps, this is what I occasionally feel on this forum; but I'm not pointing fingers; it's merely a gut feeling.