Submissive TS gurls?

[brandic]

Hi. I am pretty darn sure I am transsexual. That's not what this post is about. While my mental and emotional states are heavily feminine, my appearance and demeanor have a long ways to go. I am also into submission in the bedroom, and have several sub/TG fantasies I'd really like to entertain - including as a sissy maid.

I figured I might kill two birds with one stone, so to speak, by asking to be feminized by a mistress and made to serve as a maid. I met a woman online who chatted with me a bit and said she'd like to do just that. I figured it was a great chance for me to explore my boundaries by telling myself - "okay, this is an awfully girluy thing to do in public, but mistress commanded it." It has even worked to some extent.

I am feeling comfortable being dressed around the house 24/7. I know I am nowhere near passing, and I certainly have no intention of going out just yet, I am very confident that my gender issues are on a path for resolution. Mistress helped me with that. The problem is some of the things she has me do. She has been demanding I do heavy cleaning around my own home, by myself, in a full, formal maid's uniform including petticoats and lingerie.

I have come to the conclusion that I can't be a 24/7 submissive. My will and intellect are too strong. I simply can't bring myself to ruin hundreds of dollars worth of clothes for no apparent reason. Petticoats and satin Maid's outfits are formal wear, if servant's wear. No one with any sense, be they submissive or dominant, male or female, does heavy chores in formal wear. It just isn't done, and I can't bring myself to do it.

I think part of this is the fact I've never met Mistress, but the larger part is emotional and intellectual. I aim to be a woman - not some demeaned, damaged sissy. I mean to live a full, emotionally healthy life within my own gender expression. If I can spend a few nights along the way dressed in uniform and serving in a sexually charged scene, great. But I don't think I can even consider going into a 24/7 situation.

The money question: How do I bring this up with Mistress. She really is a fine and kind woman whom I respect and will always be grateful for knowing. I guess honesty is probably the best policy, but I'd hate to burn a bridge to be feminized by a gg - she's had a life's experience doing the things I need to learn. She already has taught me a great deal and could surely teach me more. I simply don't have in me what she is looking for.

Any ideas how to handle this?

Brandi

[geri]

brandic,

tell her to get lost. period. don't be niave.......................................

geri

[brandic]

Thanks Geri. As soon as I read my own post, I wrote my mistress an e-mail. I let her know how I felt and left it in her hands if she wanted anything to do with me. Either way, I'll be fine. I still have my kinky side, and I want to explore it. I'm just not going to be a 24/7 slave of any kind.

So while I may have worded it more gently, I think the same message probably got across.

[Valeria]

I think you are starting to put yourself on the right path, but the reality is that if you are TS and if you want to live as a woman, it'll be helpful for you to develop more self-esteem with regard to yourself as a woman. IMO, the whole "it's embarrassing, but she's making me" coping strategy you've adopted probably isn't a viable one for long -- that is, if you are really trying to transition and have a relatively normal life as a woman.

Why are you so embarrassed by wearing women's clothing or doing girly things? The most like causes are internalized transphobia or internalized misogyny, and either way, it'd be helpful for you to deal with this aspect a bit. But that's just my opinion, and I'm sorry if it sounds judgemental.

Anyway, I'm not saying you can't be a woman and remain submissive in sexual situations. I'm just saying that being feminized being viewed as something that is forced upon you "against your will" (even if you acknowledge you want to be forced) is a sentiment that probably needs to change for long term happiness.

(BTW, lots of TS women consider being called a "gurl" an insult. I'm a girl, not a "gurl".)

[brandic]

You're exactly right, Kehleyr. I feel happier and more confident when dressed en femme, and I've had enough gender counseling to know that my "she's making me" thing is a cop out and always has been. I will remain grateful for the kick in the ass it provided me, but I have every intention of being a strong, stable woman. Any attempt to hide behind the D/s lifestyle is counterproductive. My gender is my own, and while there are lots of ways I might seek help in expressing that, I cannot throw away the fact that I am responsible for the expression.

[GypsyKaren]

It's your life to live as you please, but really now, does this seem like a road you want to be on? Life is tough but I don't think you need this in order to face it, you do have the strength within yourself to do it yourself, look for that instead of having someone who could care less about you whispering in your ear.

Karen Starlene :star:

[Empress Lainie]

AT least you have come to realize who you really are. Now the thing to do is become yourself.

I don't recommend for a minute for others to do what I did, but my case had no drawbacks like a wife, kids, and friends I had to worry about.

I went in one day from living as a man to living as a woman and flat out told everyone I associated with that this was me from now on.

I have been accepted by a woman by everyone who didn't know me before from the first day, since I am lucky enough to have a lot of feminine features. Granted, I am a sort of fat woman, but looking around me, I am in the middle of the fat-skinny scale of GG's, so I am satisfied.

It is your journey and you have to learn as much as you can about transitioning then deciding how to map your journey.

I heartily recommend Dr. Bushong's transgender care & Transgender Roadmap. You should find a lot of ideas for you in there.

Best of everything to you on your journey.

Empress Lainie

[brandic]

Thanks everyone for the advice. I have decided that any kind of BDSM play I do will be pure recreation, not day to day living. I just gave myself a big first - went for a drive and through a drive thru en femme. I was just going to do the drive, but it occured to me that aside from walking to and from my car, such an outing would offer no opportunity for Brandi to interact with the world. As such, "just a drive" seemed to amount to just putting an addition on a closet. It's more important for me to be used to dealing with people as I am than to pass right now. It's funny that thought never occured to me until I was out of the house fully dressed!

[PhoebeGB]

It is truly reckless to put yourself under somebody else's control when you're trying to find yourself. You'll never find the real 'you' fulfilling someone else's fantasies.