Some Advantages Of Being Out To Your Family

[Julie]

Even though I wasn't ready to come out and went through some really tough times after 'it' became known, I am now seeing some advantages to being out.

As I sit here typing away on a web site that has in big letters across the top "CROSSDRESSERS" my wife and kids are home and walking around the house as I do this on a computer screen that faces the main hallway in the house. Not once have I worried wbout being caught nor did I close the door to the room I'm in nor did I have to wait until they were gone or asleep to do this. It's kind of nice not to have those butterflies in my stomach anymore.

Then there's the clothes, makeup, jewelry, etc. Since my wife and I no longer sleep in the same room I have taken up sleeping on a hide-a-bed in the study. That's where my computer is and also a TV that is used all the time by everyone when the main TV is taken by someone else. So there's a lot of traffic in here. I have many of my girl clothes on a shelf in the closet and the closet door is open all the time because I have a jewelry bag that's hanging on top of the door preventing me from closing it. :rolleyes: Also in the closet is two boxes that advertise they contain breast forms and on the floor in front of the closet is probably eight or more pair of girl shoes, heels and boots. On the end table sits a cup with nail files, buffs, etc. and two bottles of nail polish. Granted, my son won't come in here anymore (he's still alienating himself from me) but my wife and daughter are in here all the time. I don't even think about it.

When the weekend comes my wife and daughter have asked me if I'm planning on going out. If I say yes, many times they have asked "Dressed?" And I answer honestly. But that doesn't mean I walk around the house dressed when the kids are here. It hasn't reached that stage yet and may never with my son. So since they have been home I haven't dressed at all out of respect to them.

I'll admit I was pretty upset not being able to control being outed but now that I have come to grips with the realities of coming out I find my life much less stressed. There was a time when I would have told anyone who asked never to consider telling anyone. But recently I have come to accept me which I now know was my biggest hurdle. Since that time I have come to realize that, outside of my son, it really hasn't been that bad at all.

One other big plus I realized the other day is I seem to have melded the best traits of Jim and Julie together and so many negative feelings I had have gone by the wayside as a result of that. I also find I don't get these overpowering urges to dress that fill me with anxiety to the point I have felt I'd explode if I didn't. In fact when I dress it's more like just wanting to look nice rather than fulfilling an urge. Another indication I have melded Jim and Julie.

I had a friend in high school who was Polish. He was fluent but since he was born here he spoke perfect English. I overheard him talking to his mom one time and he went back and forth between Polish and English. I asked him if he did that all the time and he told me there's no conscious effort to do it, it just happens because he sees no difference between the two. He had melded the languages together. That's how I see what I'm experiencing now. I don't think about what I say or do or even sometimes how I dress as masculine or feminine. They are almost becoming one in the same to me. It's just me. I'm a hybrid living in the grey area between male and female.

I kinda like it. :dance:

[tgirlkari]

Hi Julie
Isn't the feeling of freedom a lovely thing. I really cant remember how long it's been since my family found out about Kari. My wife has known since the begining my children have learned about it too all my family knows though some are very unaccepting but thats ok I still love them all. Keep telling your son you love him, he might be afraid of his friends finding out and picking on him because of your dressing I would like to believe he will come around and remember he loves you too.

[Clare]

Oh you lucky girl!

It seems you have achieved contentment within yourself as a person. You no longer have the need to conceal your crossdressing and keep secrets from your family. What a relief!

To just have your stuff lying around in the open would be great.

I notice you still have respect for your family by not dressing in front of them. This in turn will engender respect from them - it seems you have reached an equalibrium where everyone has found common ground on your crossdresing.

You are 'there' girl - the rest of us are still trying to wrestle with how to start the process that you seem to have mastered.

I am I jealous or what?

Christine

[Priscilla1018]

Hi Julie,

So far I'm only out to my wife,we figured that her mother who lives with us,she's 92,would'nt be able to handle it.I am sure my sister suspects what with the longer hair,shaved legs and arms and my favorite French Perfume.
It is such a relief to not fear getting caught, to be able to have Priscillas clothes in my closet.I too have melded Priscilla with Tom,Tom is growing up finally and is'nt such a jerk.Life is much better since I joined this forum and came to accept me as I am.
There are definate advantages to being out.

Love and Hugs,
Priscilla

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

thats great that ur family knows and u an now relax around them..
2 things jumped out at me in ur story,, one is why do u sleep in a diferent room from ur wife and how old is ur son??

everyone who knows me knows i dress,, my son will be 12 in june, i been dressing/ wearing pantyhose for 30 yrs, since i was 12,, my son dont mind daddy wearing pantyhose24/7 like i do but he did say he didnt feel right when daddy was fully dressed around him,,

[Sigrid]

Julie,

It's nice to here you've achieved a level of contentment in your life, though I'm sorry your son hasn't yet come to accept it. I'm sure that in due time he'll find it in his heart to accept you for who you are.

I'm married to an accepting and supportive wife. I have two children ages 9 (girl) and eleven (boy) who I haven't come out to, nor will I until they've matured. I've just begun to really explore my femme side in the last couple months (though it all goes back to when I was very young), so I don't consider coming out to them at this stage in their lives to be the wise option.

I do however, now keep my pinky fingernail painted with light pink polish. My son finally saw it the other day after a couple weeks and asked me about it. I told him that I play guitar and the polish makes the nail stronger (I think it really does). He was fine with it as I knew he would be, after all, he's come home from school on more than one occasion with his nails colored red from a felt pen (one of the girls in his class did it for him). One evening, to prove I was o.k. with it, I started applying clear polish to my nails as we all sat watching TV. After a while my son also put clear polish on his, and my daughter had painted hers red.

As far as dressing is concerned, I may never let them see me in drag (i.e. wig and makeup). They have, however seen me in girls jeans and shoes, though I'm sure they couldn't tell the difference. It' nice now in that I've started moving all of my clothes into my closet and in the dresser. I also keep a fingernail file and buffer at my desk which my daughter often borrows. They may or may not come accross these things over the next few years, but I'm not too worried. If it all comes out very gradually over the years, and I don't push the image too far, then I hope that when they do make these discoveries, it will not come as such a big shock to them.

I am getting pretty lax while visiting this site though. - reading and posting here while they're in the same room watching TV. I've sometimes walked away "for a moment" when they weren't around, only too have to rush back to the computer to make sure it's safe if I see them heading toward the room. Nothing raises suspicion like seeing Crossdressers.com splashed across the screen!

~Sigrid

[Julie]

2 things jumped out at me in ur story,, one is why do u sleep in a diferent room from ur wife and how old is ur son??
#1 My wife and I are getting divorced and she will be moving out shortly. We are still cordial to one another and I respect her need to have some privacy since we filed.
#2 My son is 19. He was told when he was 18. That has been proven to be the worst age to tell a boy and I believe it. And no, I did not have anything to do with telling him.

[Julie]

You know what's funny? My daughter comes home tonight and can tell I've been crying. I had a talk with my wife and I know I still love so many things about her but there are other things that make staying together impossible. Anyway, my daughter tells me not to drown my sorrows. I told her I was thinking about getting dressed because I always feel better dressed. She says just don't drown your sorrows, that's all that matters. What a cool kid!

I was too tired to get dressed so I ended up here.

Good night all. I love you.

[KewTnCurvy GG]

Julie,
I know it's been a hard row for you and am glad to hear things may have turned a corner for you (well a few corners). Anyhow, hang in there. Your strength, courage and honesty are an inspiration:)
hugs
kew

[Clare]

Oh Julie, oh my!

The way i read your recent posts was that things seemed to be going along fine. Now i'm shattered to hear about your divorce.

OMG, what's going on at the moment? There are so many on the forums going through relationship problems to the point of separation - and i'm one of them!

It's so hard to keep positive - but I gain inspiration from girls like you - you seem to be managing your situation well.

I hope everthing works out staisfactory for you.

Christine.

[Natalie x]

I think this is the sweetest thread I've ever read

I love you all

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

WOW sorry didnt know u wer getting a divorce,, is she leaving u because of ur cding???


heres a thought for everyone who is in a relationship or thinking about getting into one............with in the first week of me meeting Danielle (my now wife) i showed her i am a crossdresser,, if u do that then ur not out anything if they run screaming from ur house,, and ur not out to much in the emotional investment department either...


Once u slip on that first pair of panties or a pair of pantyhose or what ever it was that got u hooked into crossdressing, thats it, ur done, u cant go back, YOU ARE a crossdresser,, ur not hurting anyone,, there is no harm in it,,u r doing something that makes u feel good or more whole as a human,, key word is HUMAN,, WE only live once so why spend ur life dening that part of you ?? or hiding it from others who love you?? crossdressing is what makes you YOU,,

by keeping this part of u a secret its just as bad if not worse than having an affair,,i know all u who r still in hiding r saying "yea right" but take a moment and think about it...

well i leave u all to ponder these things for a while :)

[Julie]

To clear up some things:

The divorce is due to an inability to communicate at any emotional level. It's like we speak different languages. We stayed together for as long as we did because we love, respect and care for one another. But we were both unhappy because we really are very different. Neither of realized that until after our kids were born. We both devoted our lives to raising them and it paid off. They are great kids and I'm so very proud of them. So even though we weren't happy with our relationship we both feel it was worth it when we look at our kids.

I told my wife while were dating all I knew about my desire to dress. Once I felt we falling in love I told her not wanting to keep any secrets. In the early 90's I found Tri-Ess and started going to meetings. She would keep the kids preoccupied while I dressed and then I would sneak out the front door while she sat with them watching TV. One time when the kids were at her mother's I walked out of the bathroom dressed for a meeting and was just going to say goodbye without letting her see me. She responded by asking to see how I look. When she saw me she said, "You look good." So this returning to CDing after a ten year hiatus wasn't anything new to her. She had seen me go in and out of CDing before, just not for ten years. She has said many times the TG issues have nothing to do with wanting to split, it's communication and as hard as we have tried we just can't seem to get it right.

I'm over the hurt, mostly. Yeah, there will still be some moments like last night but logically I know this is the right thing for both of us. Who knows, maybe I'll get lucky and find a woman who is willing to participate in even the TG aspect of my life. I know it's possible because I know some here have found that happiness. And my wife can find someone who speaks the same emotional language as she and we'll both be much happier for it.

I appreciate the outpourings of care and kindness but I just want all to know I strongly feel this will lead to a much happier life. My wife and I still care for each other and always will. We just were never really meant to spend a lifetime together. So please don't feel any sorrow about this. I know this is a good thing now. It just took a while to get past the emotions but I'm okay now.

Thank you all for caring so much.

[Roberta-Jane]

What an amazing journey.

You seem to have got yourself together very well. Good for you.

I am still very much at the beginning of my journey and hope that I have the courage that you have shown. I am frightened that my relationship is doomed, but only time will tell. I wish with all my heart that I remain with my wife,and wish you the very best for the future whatever it may bring.

Peace and tranquility


Roberta-Jane :)