think I need help

[Vanessac48]

I am newly divorced (May), and now live alone. I used to dress when I could but not as much as I would have liked. Since I have been alone, going on 3 months, I find myself dressing every single day. I have become completely addicted to being a woman. I have mail ordered lipstick, fake silicone boobs, several mini skirts, all kinds of makeup, long nails, jewelry, perfumes, earrings, 6" high heels, everything. The more I look like a real woman, the more I love being one. I work from home, so I find myself being a woman virtually fulltime, except when I go out. I have become highly passable, but I love ****ty clothes, red lips ****ty black eyeliner, perfumes, sexy blonde wigs, you can get the picture. I look in the mirror and no longer see a man, cause I'm becoming a pretty woman, acting feminine, even have learned how to eat and drink with lipstick on. When I first wore 6" heels, it wasn't hard, but I had to walk cautiously. Now, I actually hate the feeling of not having my heels on, and they feel more comfortable than my regular shoes. I can dress, put my makeup and clothes on in about 20 minutes, it ha become second nature. I'll go for a few days without leaving the house, because I can't stand not being dressed, I am a bit nervous, because I am starting to actually feel like I'm a female, and I love the feeling. I'm scared to go out dressed, but I can no longer stand wearing men's clothes, I hate when I'm not a female. The scariest thoughts are I want to be a woman now, I love the feeling, and as much as I enjoyed being a man before, now I hate having to take off my makeup, and wash the perfume off my body, because it is so hard to do. Anyone else ever go through this? I am now a woman almost 24/7 and it seems the more I am Vaessa the more I want to be Vanessa.

[PamelaTX]

You're doing what you love, being the person you love, what do you need help with? You need to be proud of yourself for having the courage to be the person you really are.

Love and kisses,

[Nicole Erin]

The ****ty clothes are fun at home but sooner or later you are going to want to venture out.
When this happens, make sure you are dressing to blend in as not not get noticed so quick.

If you are TS, that is fine but you cannot be cooped up in the house all the time. Start thinking of how you will go about dressing and presenting in public.

[Shelly Preston]

I think you have found yourself with to much time

Since you are now living alone you have no restrictions so it is easy to fall into a pattern of dressing all the time. Things have changed and it can be difficult to get things clear in your mind
Are you doing all this dressing because you can or because you have a need too ?

If you do get to the point of going out please choose somewhere safe

You need to take a break and think about contacting a therapist who is used to dealing with gender issues. Hopefully then you will get some answers

[Vanessac48]

I didn't need to at 1st, but now I am feeling like I need to.

[Rachaelb64]

your lst in the pink fog now, be careful :)

[KarenCDFL]

You are enjoying the freedom of who you feel you really are.

I think this stage will pass in time.

[deja true]

Like Shelly, I think talking to a therapist might be a good idea. There could well be other reasons that you have retreated into female mode that have to do more with loneliness or self recrimination over your divorce or over-compensation for something else, rather than an out-of-the blue discovery than you might be TS...

If you are or if you are not, a good therapist can help you answer these questions for yourself. Becoming a recluse may indeed have left you with too much time on your hands.

Treat yourself well, Vanessa.

[docrobbysherry]

You are enjoying the freedom of who you feel you really are.I think this stage will pass in time.

3 months is a drop in the bucket! U mite get tired of what u r doing after 3 or 6 months more. Or move on to your next phase of CDing by then.

Wait 6 months. If nothing has changed, and you're still worried, then see a therapist!

[Angie G]

If you pass really well then go out even if it for a drive You've gotta start somewhere hun. :hugs:
Angie

[sterling12]

You now have a great opportunity. Your alone, and you have no one to really answer to. You can now "explore" your femmeself to find out where all this may lead. This might be frightening, but it is probably something your going to have to do. Even worse than "knowing," is "not knowing!"

I wouldn't worry too much about "The ****ty Look." Your new at this and just about every teenage girl experiments to figure out her look. Your going to go through the same steps. As someone else already said, after you go out for a while, your tastes will change and your clothing choices will be more tasteful.

Isolating yourself for days at a time, is not a beneficial lifestyle choice. You will tend to get "socially challenged," if you don't start being around people.

So, weigh your options, decide a course of action and Explore! Now it the time for your big Life Choice Change, if you so desire. Don't pass it by.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[marny]

racheal is right . you are in the pink fog. baby steps hon! eventually they will lead you out!

[paula jessica rains]

i go throw the same as venassa i always whant to be jessica but as a securtiy officer i have to be my male half paul i look forword to beeing jessica because i am always working on beeing passable out in public when i go out and party i am 34 and i am i gay male who lives as jessica rains day to day but not around my daughter she is nine and i don't whant to hurt her and tell her right now i will when she can understand better...............much love jessica rains

[Mollyanne]

Hi Vanessa, after reading and re-reading your brief description of your "freedom" I would offer this suggestion just as some of the other girls have said" Seek out a good gender therapist"
Actually I went through somewhat of the same situation as you but realized that I was doing this to fill a void when I couldn't dress as often as I had wished. When this happened to me I too stayed dressed 24/7 and wanted to become the female that I should have been born. After a while this lessened to the point that I could handle both persona's but in actuality I really want to become that woman that is deep within me. Maybe some day this will happen, who knows!!!!


:love: Mollyanne

[Deborah Jane]

Hi Vanessa, i went through the same thing after splitting with my wife. Apart from having to be a "guy" for work, i dressed whenever i could.
I bought everything i could, i considered SRS, i thought about moving to a new area and restarting my life as Debs.
I stopped "hanging out" with friends i,d known for years and became a virtual recluse, as all i wanted from life was to become Debs!!
Everything i did revolved around me becoming "full time".

I spent some time in therapy sorting out my "gender issues", where i was advised to carry on as i was, but not to make any long term decisions for at least a year!
If i still wanted to go ahead with things after a year, i would be referred to a gender specialist, with a view to possible SRS.

Just over a year later i,ve "burned out" on Debs and i,m trying to rebuild my life as D***
Debs is still part of me and always will be, but now things are slowly getting back into perspective!
I still "dress" and enjoy it, but only when i i feel in the mood.

[Fab Karen]

Red lips & black eyeliner mean a woman is a sl*t? *slaps forehead* I had no idea!

[Vanessac48]

Hi Vanessa, i went through the same thing after splitting with my wife. Apart from having to be a "guy" for work, i dressed whenever i could.
I bought everything i could, i considered SRS, i thought about moving to a new area and restarting my life as Debs.
I stopped "hanging out" with friends i,d known for years and became a virtual recluse, as all i wanted from life was to become Debs!!
Everything i did revolved around me becoming "full time".

I spent some time in therapy sorting out my "gender issues", where i was advised to carry on as i was, but not to make any long term decisions for at least a year!
If i still wanted to go ahead with things after a year, i would be referred to a gender specialist, with a view to possible SRS.

Just over a year later i,ve "burned out" on Debs and i,m trying to rebuild my life as D***
Debs is still part of me and always will be, but now things are slowly getting back into perspective!
I still "dress" and enjoy it, but only when i i feel in the mood.

Thanks for this post, and all others that contributed as well. This one seems to relate to me the closest, and maybe I too will burn out from being Vanessa. So maybe time is my friend, just enjoy each day, and the happiness it brings me being a woman 24/7. I guess if I burn out over time, then it was just a phase, if I don't, I have other things to consider.

[Vanessac48]

Red lips & black eyeliner mean a woman is a sl*t? *slaps forehead* I had no idea!


No! but I wear 6" heels mini dresses and shear tops that show my breasts, and if anyone saw the way I dressed, would say **** to them.

[JamieDP]

When I first seperated from my ex-wife I can't say I didn't have a similar experience. But I also over indulged in alot of things that I didn't while married. I think I had a few extra drinks when out at the lounges, engaged in sex with a few more women than normal, ate alot more fried food than I should have, went to plenty more sporting events, and wore a hell of alot more pairs of pantyhose. I was worried for a little while myself that I was doing somethings too much more than others. I found myself dressed for 5 out of 7 days a week and even then under dressing the other 2 when my child was around.

I was acting like I could've if I had total freedom. Eventually you know many things balanced out because you know just like ending the marriage at some point you've got to ask some real questions....you know "are you really ready for this"....and then the reality of wow it's really happening!!!

You're learning your limits and your new boundaries. When you first got your drivers liscence AND got your first car.....or your first bike, didn't you ride it everyday until the breaks squeek???

[Amy Hepker]

Well, I guess you have already made up your mind that you want to dress all the time. Just go out for a short drive dressed. You may want to dress more like other GGs around you so you don't draw unwanted attention. Just take small steps, the more you go out the more you will want too. Your life is yours to enjoy, just be cautious as how you go out. If you are going to wear dresses go to places where GGs would wear them like the mall. Otherwise just start with girl jeans and nice tops.

The world is there for the taking.

[Vanessac48]

I have gone out for drives and I'm not overindulging in other areas of my life, in fact I excercise extensively on a daily basis, more than most, and remain very fit, I just can't seem to get out of the women's clothes, and it feels like it is becoming a necessity, whereas before it was desired and fun, now it is desired and fun, but it feels like a need. Some nights I even go to bed with heels on, and don't take off my lipstcik and makeup cause I don't want to. Doesn't do good for the pillow cases and sheets, but it feels good to wakeup that way, so it truly is getting to be 1 24/7 experience, hopefully I'll burnout on it, and get back to some normalcy again.

[shannonsilk]

I'm no expert (haha) but you'll probably be OK. If you have other obsessions before, then CD'ing may have taken their place. I would a while b4 deciding if a therapist was necessary. I find that the "urge", the "need", the whatever, comes and goes. For me, 2 or 3 weeks of "it" and then things are backto a more normal state.
As if I even know what normal is!!

[Jill]

I personally think it's unhealthy to not have balance in life or to have one certain thing or even one certain person taking up a lot of time so I can understand why you are worried and think you need help. There are people here that are going to tell you that there's nothing wrong with what's going on but I really do feel that any one thing that consumes that much of your time is unhealthy. Whether you spent all your time playing computer games or chatting online or even this.

It's possible that after a few more weeks it will kind of burn itself out and won't be a problem but I think ultimately that is up to you. If you don't want it to take over then don't let it, take control and exercise some will power. Take a break from it, get yourself out of the house with some friends or whatever, I think you will be glad you did.

[Samantha Thomson]

i know what you are saying i dress almost every day know to i beleve i am a women


samantha

[Jenna Lynne]

I personally think it's unhealthy to not have balance in life or to have one certain thing or even one certain person taking up a lot of time so I can understand why you are worried and think you need help. There are people here that are going to tell you that there's nothing wrong with what's going on but I really do feel that any one thing that consumes that much of your time is unhealthy. Whether you spent all your time playing computer games or chatting online or even this.
There is such a thing as sex addiction. I haven't seen it mentioned much around here. It's not my place to say whether anyone is addicted or not, certainly not on such a slight amount of information! But like others who have responded, I'd suggest that having balance in your life is important, and is a good way to avoid addiction (to sex or to a substance).

I'm pretty sure that CDing can be done in a healthy way (even 24/7!) or in an addictive way. What determines whether it's an addiction isn't the activity itself, it's how it affects the rest of your life.

Having someone you can talk with honestly about what's going on in your life is vital -- and preferably several someones, because if there's only one person you can talk to (and especially if you're paying her $100 per hour for one hour a week!), you're not getting enough input, nor enough chance to air your stale laundry.

When I was younger, I went to sleep at night wearing makeup and so forth. Only a couple of times, and I recall dimly that I got up in the middle of the night and took off the heels, because they were just too darn uncomfortable. Today I would never bother, but I am looking forward to buying some nice nighties! And bath powder, if I don't have to smell like a guy in the morning.

***Jenna Lynne***

[blogging at jennalynne.wordpress.com]

[Vanessac48]

Lots of good input, but here I am 7AM on Monday morning, telling myself I'm not gonna dress today when I got up at 6. That lasted about 15 minutes, and I'm completely dolled up head to toe. What a relief it was when my makeup and heels went on, hard to describe the feeling, but I'm becoming so out of place when I'm not Vanessa, she is winning the battle.

[victoriamwilliams1]

I think the best option is to seek a gender therapist. After reading the thread I see your responses are close to TS. Being single and working from home gives you and advantage to dress more than several of us. I would suggest that as you grow you may want to tone it down during business hours and dress to blend and take yourself out to lunch and shop for office supplies. By running everyday errands dressed you will find out if you want to dress full time also start meeting with other girls and support groups.

I am not an professional therapist this is just my opinion.

:hugs:

[Jennifer in CO]

Vanessa,
Sounds like what you need is a good dose of reality. If you don't already have them, get a pair (or 2 or 10) of ladies jeans, simple tops and "real" shoes and head out into the world. Dressing as you say you do is great for a special night out (or in) or for your work as you say, but a real girl has to live her life - outside - the 4 walls of her home else wise it becomes a prison. Most ladies jeans can pass as.. jeans..ok..I didn't say mens..since many of them can't but you get the idea. Same for tops/blouses and shoes. I haven't worn a pair of mens shoes in years. My slacks are ladies...all of them..and about 1/2 of my jeans are ladies (thank you JCP for ultra talls!) and all of my shorts are ladies. My tops are a mix but I'd say a good 3rd are ladies. So..I'm Jennifer dang near every time I step foot out of the door but the world would have a hard time telling unless they stare (or have the same clothes in their closet!).

I agree with the others on seeing a Gender Therapist if you feelings continue. Heck, putting you on a small dose of E might just slow you down anyway.

Jenn

[Annaliese]

Lets see a picture of you.

Anna

[janexx]

Vanessa,

I used to alwys dress as a tart and loved it to pieces!! Still do ocasionaly.

Now I am even more mature and have fewer chances to go out dressed I look back and realise my greatest pleasere was a complete "pass". I managed a few night in a pub or three without a single worried look from anyone. Just an apreciative look, once - but he was a little tipsy and slightly older than even I.

Now I prefer to be a Glam Granny most of the time I dress but the ocasional night as a tart is fun (never out). The fully thing is I think it is my drab me that gets excited by my tart nights but the real Jane comes into play completly when I dress and make up in pass mode. To pass is to be Jane.

Two kinds of fun but I now feel completly Jane when pasable.

Hope this helps a little.

Hugs,

jane

[Claire3]

I found the same sense of freedom when i left my wife.Youll find your own way in time.Not too many days pass without me dressing,i still experiment with differant styles of dressing.I cant live without it and never will.Its just who we are and finding the balance that suits us best as individuals:love: