Bad day!!

[Megan72]

Hi girls, well I really don't want to transfer my problems to you all but I need a bit of moral support. Seems my wife of 7 years can not get past the crossdressing v. being gay debate. she had previously been very supportive of my dressing but now has had a change of heart. Just a little background, I am a straight crossdresser with no interest in men. I don't resent her in the least for that but I have put everything on hold until she decides what she is going to do.

Last night was the first night that we had been apart in 12 years, save business trips ect. That really hurt. I am trying to give her space to come to her own resolution, fighting the urge to call her cell phone at 3:30am. This whole thing really sucks bad, and is proof that if you with hold secretes in the beginning of a relationship that it will come back to bite you in the butt!!

[Jonianne]

Hi Kelliann,

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. What caused her to have a change of heart?

It sounds like you are having the right attitude in giving her space. Just hang in there and be paitent and when you have the opportunity give her lots of love and reassurance. Relationships, even great ones, tend to have their ups and downs anyway.

I'm glad you shared, that is what this is all about.

Hugs,

Joni

[Megan72]

Thank you Jonianne, you response means a lot. I am not really sure what the change of heart was about, other than crossdressing was always kind of the elephant in the room. she said that she would be home after she got off today, not sure if I should be here or just let her come home and let me know what she wants.

[Empress Lainie]

Get her on the site and let her see that CD doesn't mean you are gay or bi.

There are straight CD's.

There are gay CD's.

There are bi CD's.

Sexual orientation does not change because you are cross dressing. What about the women who wear pants?????
Are they all lesbians?

And on another slightly different note:

There are transwomen who prefer women (I am one!)
There are transwomen who prefer men.
There are transwomen who are bi.

And again, realizing you are trans does not change your sexual orientation.

I hope she is open minded enough to discuss this with you and wasn't made to have a change of heart by some religious fanatical person.

GOD MADE STRAIGHTS.
GOD MADE TRANS PEOPLE FOR VARIETY.
GOD MADE GAYS FOR INTEREST.
GOD MADE LEZZIES FOR MORE INTEREST.
GOD MADE US ALL EVERY WAY WE ARE.
THANK GOD!

End of the sermon of the day. Go forth in peace.

[LisaElizabeth]

Kelli,
I have been going through my wife 'waxing and waning' on the subject of Crossdressing for 32 year!! We are still together, very much in love and have decided to deal with each other's quirks!
She still changes moods about me being a CD. Right now she is ok with it and is even going to a 'T' halloween party with me in October! RIGHT NOW..... Life is good!!
Only God knows what will happen after October 25th!! things could change or they could remain the same, we just have to see.
I agree with one of the above comments.....
Communicate!!... Communicate!!... Communicate!!!
It's the ONLY thing that will get the 2 of you through this!! And... YOU really, really, really need to LISTEN to her and her concerns!!
Have a good talk tonight! Let us know what happens!!
Lisa ELizabeth

[PamelaTX]

Tell her exactly how you feel, and don't hold anything back -- not anything. Tell her that you love her and you need for her to be part of your life. And remind her that you can't love her completely unless you love yourself too. And the most important part of loving anyone, yourself included, is accepting that person for who they are.

[Angie G]

Sorry to hear what your having to deal with Kelliann hang in there Hun. lots of friends to talk to here hun If you need A one on one you can PM me or anyone. See if you can get her here to talk to some one on this gay thing. :hugs:
Angie

[PamelaTX]

After reading my own post, I don't think I was clear enough about what I meant. I'd be willing to bet that gay or not gay isn't the issue at all. The issue is do you love her, will you always love her, and will you always love her the way she wants to be loved. You've got to convince her that the answer to these questions is emphatically YES. If you hold even the slightest thing back, you won't be able to do this. You've got to strip yourself bare emotionally and leave yourself completely vulnerable. Remember that if she didn't care about you, she wouldn't give a damn what you do.

Remember that sometimes you need to look beyond what somebody says, and answer the question that's in their heart.

I hope this helps.

[janexx]

Kellyann,

I am on my third mariage and none of them knew I dress - thats the way I like it.

All I can say is when a woman askes for "Space" you are in trouble!!!!!!

Closeness is the only real thing that matters.

Sorry, I realy know this is not what you want to hear but I dont believe distance makes the heart grow fonder.

Good luck!

jane

[Joanne f]

I wonder if one of her female friends have been saying things to her which could be putting doubt in her mind, as i know this is quite often the case.





joanne

[KimberlyS]

... I am not really sure what the change of heart was about....

Kelliann, my experience has been she talked to someone or read something somewhere. Make it know that you would like to sit down and talk about what has caused this change. But do not push hard to do it as she may also need some time to go through it in her mind before talking about it.

[paula jessica rains]

i am proud of who i am and some of these days who i well become just let her know that you are there for her because i wasn't there for my exwife but now we are better friends and roommates then we were husband and wife i am there for her but my love for her is different but she said it is going to take some time for her to get use to me as a gay crossdresser wanting to be more like her.........................jessica r.

[Magickman]

Now, granted, folks, I am a sourpuss and a misanthrope. Strictly straight, though.

All through my misspent life, I have heard about other folks marital misadventures, quarrels, separations, divorces, and unhappiness.

Even for plain vanilla people, who regard miniature golf as exotic excitement, marriage is a chancey proposition, with a high failure rate. For those with more unusual predilictions, the likelihood of dissolution seems higher yet.

Having a once a week girlfriend is stress enough. Getting married is so unnecessary and dangerous.

Living single suits me. I have done it for decades. When girlfriends become annoying, I can just cut them off. That is so much simpler.

If a woman decides to tell me what to do or how to dress, I withdraw from the association. Works every time.

Marriage? Not in 59 years, and likely never.

[susan fuller]

I feel that the others are right and that it is all going to depend on communications between the two of you. Sounds like she might want to talk if she let you know she is going to be home this afternoon. She might have told you that so you would be there for her to talk to. Just be yourself and be completely honest and up front about everything and it may work out alright.

[Stargirl]

Now, granted, folks, I am a sourpuss and a misanthrope. Strictly straight, though.

All through my misspent life, I have heard about other folks marital misadventures, quarrels, separations, divorces, and unhappiness.

Even for plain vanilla people, who regard miniature golf as exotic excitement, marriage is a chancey proposition, with a high failure rate. For those with more unusual predilictions, the likelihood of dissolution seems higher yet.

Having a once a week girlfriend is stress enough. Getting married is so unnecessary and dangerous.

Living single suits me. I have done it for decades. When girlfriends become annoying, I can just cut them off. That is so much simpler.

If a woman decides to tell me what to do or how to dress, I withdraw from the association. Works every time.

Marriage? Not in 59 years, and likely never.


I agree, and I am a bachelor GG. We only have so many calories to use up in one day, and it's best to spend them doing things that bring a certain level of contentment.

[Megan72]

I want to thank all of you for your encouragement, the thoughts may really not have been what I was wanting to hear, but I probably needed to none the less.

I took off early to get my thoughts together for the coming discussion I am hoping that occur. I hope it is the right thing.

[charlie]

Pam had the advice that I would go for. Toss it all out..exactly how you feel. Then say that you will do your best not to dress in front of her. Only when you believe that she will not be around. Come up with rules she can live with. Best of luck. You have all our good wishes and thoughts.

[Mollyanne]

Hi Kellianne, I guess the thing that bothers me the most in your situation is the 180 degree turn your SO has made. Like one of the other girls have said" One of her girlfriends may have said something to her to have her change her mind" This could be!!!
Now I'm going to ask you something: Perhaps you pushed her to far to fast????? Perhaps she thought that you wanted to start SRS or Hormones??? Think about it, now don't get me wrong, I'm not taking her side but a total examination of the situation is in order here. And yes hun, I do Feel you pain!!!!
Please try to talk to her and also let us know what she wants or what is happening.

:love: Mollyanne

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

Kelliann,
This is actually obessed's ex wife.Yes we are still friends. I have to tell you that i can feel what your wife is going through AND what you are going through. As someone who was married to a crossdresser for 14 yrs i can say that at times it is confusing. you often wonder why he likes it and is not "satisfied" with the woman you are(i know that has nothing to do with it but we do think it), we also wonder what if he IS gay or bi where does that leave me? what if he decides that he doesn't need me? what if he wants someone like him? these thoughts ran through my head and I knew about obessed's dressing from the very begining. I aslo knew that I had nothing to do with the fact that he likes to cd. If you withheld this info from her then she is probally angry, hurt and wondering what she did wrong, that is a normal reaction. Time and talking are the only things that will help her. text her just to let her know you still love her and are willing to answer any questions, just be there for her and if she truly loves you she will be alright with it. Time is the key---don't be clingy even though that is what you want to do... understand that she needs to work it out in HER head--you have come to terms with it and now she needs to. remember you have known about you cd'ing a lot longer than her. :2c:

[Megan72]

Kelliann,
This is actually obessed's ex wife.Yes we are still friends. I have to tell you that i can feel what your wife is going through AND what you are going through. As someone who was married to a crossdresser for 14 yrs i can say that at times it is confusing. you often wonder why he likes it and is not "satisfied" with the woman you are(i know that has nothing to do with it but we do think it), we also wonder what if he IS gay or bi where does that leave me? what if he decides that he doesn't need me? what if he wants someone like him? these thoughts ran through my head and I knew about obessed's dressing from the very begining. I aslo knew that I had nothing to do with the fact that he likes to cd. If you withheld this info from her then she is probally angry, hurt and wondering what she did wrong, that is a normal reaction. Time and talking are the only things that will help her. text her just to let her know you still love her and are willing to answer any questions, just be there for her and if she truly loves you she will be alright with it. Time is the key---don't be clingy even though that is what you want to do... understand that she needs to work it out in HER head--you have come to terms with it and now she needs to. remember you have known about you cd'ing a lot longer than her. :2c:

This post means so much to me in this situation. We spent the last several hours talking about this and kind of come to a conclusion. I think that our relationship is more emotional and I seriously neglected her physical needs, that is my fault. She still thinks that I want something different than I do, meaning the gay issue. I don't have that interest, but I still drove her away by not fullfilling all of her needs, CDing or not, i was not the other half I should have been.

I guess we are going to live together as partners for a time, free to do what we want. I doubt I will engage in any extra curricular activities but I will not stop her from seeking fulfillment. Kinda sucks! but thats me.

I guess Kelliann can get out more often now if she wants.

[marny]

my wife and I have many Gay friends. she knows I am not gay and having a gas :devil:

[katrinacd]

Kelliann -

Can't express enough how sorry I am to read of your situation. Some people just can't seem to change their ideas about things no matter what evidence there is to the contrary. My wife (from whom I'm currently separated) has never bothered to read one single article on CDing, but keeps insisting I must be gay (which I'm not and haven't given her any evidence to make her think that I am) and thinks the only guys that would shave any part of their bodies must be gay (just because she had some gay male acquaintances back in the day that liked to shave).

In my case, it's obvious that my wife has her own sexual issues and I think she clings to her arguments about my CDing to avoid dealing with them. Who knows - maybe she's gay!

[Megan72]

I can at least say that we are still int he same house, which may be strange but it does allow for the continued comfort of each others company, who knows maybe things will work out for the best. still hurts like the dickens, but there is no hatred in my case, only disappointment.

[Jonianne]

Hi Kelliann,

I can only imagine how you must feel. It doesn't sound like a good situation. Is she willing to go to marriage counseling with you? Just know we are here to listen and to support you however we can.

Hugs,

Joni

[Sally2005]

Well, you better start asking her out on some dates before someone else does. You have to win her back and while you are at it tell her you crossdress and help her understand what that really means. You can't change the past, but you can make a new beginning. Try to look at it as an opportunity instead of being bummed out if you can. I hope it works out. Also...take her out to meet gay people so she can see what 'gay' people are really like.

[Megan72]

Hi Kelliann,

I can only imagine how you must feel. It doesn't sound like a good situation. Is she willing to go to marriage counseling with you? Just know we are here to listen and to support you however we can.

Hugs,

Joni
Not sure if she would be willing right now to take that step, to a counselor, I may go myself but her participation will be up to her. It is weird for the first night in 13 years we slept in the same house and not together in the same bed (unless one of us was snoring) but I am up again a 3:00 because of it, does not seem like any easy roads in this journey right now.

[Megan72]

Well, you better start asking her out on some dates before someone else does. You have to win her back and while you are at it tell her you crossdress and help her understand what that really means. You can't change the past, but you can make a new beginning. Try to look at it as an opportunity instead of being bummed out if you can. I hope it works out. Also...take her out to meet gay people so she can see what 'gay' people are really like.
Too funny, I got this morning as thought to myself, why the hell would I let her go find someone else, thats my wife, I should fight for her, which I will but I think my manner is to be a bit less aggressive about it, the "manly man" is just not my way.

The fact that she came home, and was willing to talk did present an opportunity that I plan on doing whatever i can to take ful advantage of.

[LisaElizabeth]

I think I have to agree with Sally2005!!!
If you really reallyreally want her, you better start asking her out for the evening!!! Even if it's a chick flick and a coffee!!!
Even the local 'mini-golf' and a soda would show you are trying!!
You don't have to wine and dine her, although doing that once in a while might be a good idea.....
And be SURE you are the MAN she married when you are taking her out!! Leave the panties home!!! Bath yourself in Brut or Old Spice and for goodness sake, open her car door and help her in and out of the car!!!! Walk on the street side of the sidewalk, that was originally done to protect a lady from a runaway buggy, since in a long skirt and a corset they really couldn't get out of the way quickly on their own. And be sure to open doors and help seat her at the restaurant if the host/ hostess doesn't.
Just go back to 'Dating 101' and re-sweep-her-off-her-feet!
I do this for my wife at least 2-3 times a month just make certain she knows I still care about her and want no one else. It has worked for 32 years. Will it work for anyone else??? You won't know until you try!
OH!! And have fun while doing it!
Lisa Elizabeth

[PamelaTX]

Too funny, I got this morning as thought to myself, why the hell would I let her go find someone else, thats my wife, I should fight for her, which I will but I think my manner is to be a bit less aggressive about it, the "manly man" is just not my way.

I'm so happy for you!!!!!!

I love having feminine traits, but I love my masculine side too, and fighting to keep your woman is one of the most noble of masculine virtues. Now, go out and buy yourself a new male outfit that makes you look tough and rugged. Women love that look. Or if tough and rugged just isn't you, get a new suit that makes you look classy and sophisticated. Check out some of the hats at hatsinthebelfry.com, they'll make you look like a million bucks.

But don't lose your feminine side in this either. It's a treasure worth keeping.

[Amy Hepker]

I am sorry for the problems you are having, but sometimes even if they know before you gst involved with them, they still change later on. It could be that they talked with someone they know and the other person says OH NO I have been through that before and he was gay. I mean peer pressure can be really big. They seem to believe a friend before they will believe you. They may have talked with a relative who says that you are just crazy or something. Believe me it is not you, the problem is them. All of a sudden maybe they feel gay for being with you. There are so many things that can be going on. I would say that whoever she is staying with is probably the one who told them you are gay. Sometimes they will through religious beliefs in it and make her think that it is morally wrong.

Give her some time, but make sure you let her know, you want her back and that you want to talk to her. She needs to understand you are not gay, and that you are hurt she did this to you and that you need her.

[Magickman]

I understand that guys get strongly attached to their spouses or SO's. When things go south, it can be very distressing. But if the situation becomes intolerable, there are lots of other women in the sea.

Toss out a line, and see what happens.

Next time, though, do not hide your true identity. If you dress up, be up front about it.

When I go out to meet women, I do it dressed up. It is a chick magnet.

[PamelaTX]

Not sure if she would be willing right now to take that step, to a counselor, I may go myself but her participation will be up to her. It is weird for the first night in 13 years we slept in the same house and not together in the same bed (unless one of us was snoring) but I am up again a 3:00 because of it, does not seem like any easy roads in this journey right now.

Sometimes the most difficult journey is the one most worth taking. My wife and I have done the counseling thing. It isn't magic, but it can help. The counselor can lead you to talk about things that you would normally avoid, which helps get the real issues out in the air. Most of what he/she will tell you will be stuff you already know, but he/she will help you focus on what's important and ignore the distractions.

I know that sometimes one spouse will go to counseling alone, but I think this is a really bad idea. It's just too easy for the spouse and the counselor to "gang up" against the missing spouse. This is almost a sure-fire formula for failure.

From what little I've read, both you and your wife sound like really nice people, and you deserve to be happy together. I hope you find something that works for you.

[Shelly67]

I think the only way foward is a good sit down and have a heart to heart. If she agrees to talk with you , do one thing . Listen . Dont interupt . If theres tears , hold her tell her just how much she means to you .
I think its only fair that you open up ...totally , tell her the lot .
It may also be beneficial , to let her know , you realize its a tough time for her , but together there can at least be something positive out of it all .You must let her know that you do not wish to give up in these uncertain painful times . If you really get a communication breakdown , then perhaps joint councelling would ease the tension.
I totally understand why she may feel almost put into second place and neglected . Being a crossdresser ( I,m sorry to be blunt ) can sometimes make us forget there IS another person involved wether we like it or not as we almost selfishly come to terms with ourselves .........
Perhaps reading matter on this subject may help calm things down.
My wife Betty , by Helen Boyd is brilliant . Its an open , very sensative insight towards cd,s and theyre partners........
Good luck , chin up and stick with it ......

[Megan72]

HI again girls, well not much more going on, my room mate / wife slept pretty well, I know this because I watched her all flipping night!! ARRRGH!!! We shall she what tonight holds.

[Alis McShane]

Sorry to hear that, Kelli. I found some articles a while back have her read them. She'll have to exstrapolate on the stats, though, as they involve Britain.

Here are the articles:
1. http://www.vernoncoleman.com/dan1.htm
2. http://www.vernoncoleman.com/andwhydosome.htm

[Shelly67]

Whatever you do , please take care of yourself . In times of great emotional stress we all can act very strange , and for some even depressed and eventually become ill .
I,d be very cautious about booze too ....it is a great help at times but is also a great leveller - gutter level .
If there are times of angst , then ( worked for me ) I used to pop my walkman on and go for a walk. At least it aided my sleep . You,ll prolly find it good for youre appetite too.........
continue to post ....you have support in many ..
Good luck

[Megan72]

Thank you Michelle. The illness, yah that's already here, I have been sick for a day and half. Booz, well the first night I had a drink, but none since, I do know better than that, thank god. :drink: Although I really would like too right about now!!

Not everything is bad though, Maybe I will loose 40 lbs and be able to get into a bikini, OK well maybe not a bikini, but a swimsuit anyway.

[Nicki B]

Remember that sometimes you need to look beyond what somebody says, and answer the question that's in their heart.

Very, VERY wise words, IMHO.



Getting married is so unnecessary and dangerous.

But it does work, for some of us? :)

[Megan72]

Thanks Niki, Those are all very wise words and ones that I whole heartedly believe.

My marriage is the most important thing in my life and I will do whatever I need to keep things as civil as possible, even if it is seperating and eventually divorcing. The funny thing is that all I want is her to be happy, even if I am really angry at the words I have heard over the past 48 hours.

thanks for the support.

[Jocelyn Renee]

Kelliann,

So sorry to hear of your situation and am praying for the best outcome for you and your wife. As someone who believes that healthy marriages are the foundation of healthy society my first advice is to always fight for your marriage with all your heart and soul. That said, I would never agree to continue to live together while being free to date others. That's pointless and a near guarantee of failure. Plus it doesn't seem to be what you want.

I believe that many of us seriously misunderstand how our TG nature affects GGs. We, in effect, become the "other" woman in a relationship and we tend to overlook the fact that straight women desire the companionship of straight, masculine men. Sometimes they just want to lay their heads on a hairy chest. Over the years we've learned many things through trial and error. I've learned that my wife sees Jocelyn as competition in many ways so I make sure I have my own things and do not "borrow" hers. When we go out I let her get dressed first and then dress in the same style she is in so as not to (in her words) look better than her. As women we are strictly friends and I work hard to not allow Jocelyn to intrude in areas that are reserved for our husband/wife relationship.

Communication is always the key. You need to get to the bottom of her fears and I almost guarantee that fearing you are gay is not the real problem for her. Acknowledge areas where you have failed her, but at the same time remember that your femme side is a legitimate part of who you are. Use that to reach an understanding on how you both can compromise to save the relationship.

Blessings, Jocelyn

[Shelly67]

i,ve been thinking about this thread for some time today . Its crossed my mind , is youre wife behaving in this manner as a form of retaliation ? Some people respond to things with a knee jerk reaction . Others can behave in a blackmailing response ( does'nt mean its direct ) to certain situations .
whatever the out come I hope you,ll both be ok.........

[Bev06 GG]

Get her on the site and let her see that CD doesn't mean you are gay or bi.



OOOoh Lainie I know what you mean but I'm not sure thats the best advice to give. Having read the occassional thread on this board where CDs have expressed a wish to be with a another man, or finding their image when dressed a sexual turn on which cannot be matched by a female partner, I'd say if this lady is having problems that could be bad advice. I know the vast majority of threads on here would be perfectly OK for an unsupportive SO to peruse but just cast your mind back to some of the threads that have dealt with sexuality. Could just have the opposite desired effect and although those kind of threads are perfectly Ok shared with one another and aren't common place you could bet your life there would be one flying around when you really didn't need it.
Bev


Kelliann,

I believe that many of us seriously misunderstand how our TG nature affects GGs. We, in effect, become the "other" woman in a relationship and we tend to overlook the fact that straight women desire the companionship of straight, masculine men. Sometimes they just want to lay their heads on a hairy chest. .

Communication is always the key. You need to get to the bottom of her fears and I almost guarantee that fearing you are gay is not the real problem for her. Acknowledge areas where you have failed her, but at the same time remember that your femme side is a legitimate part of who you are. Use that to reach an understanding on how you both can compromise to save the relationship.

Blessings, Jocelyn

Loved this post Jocelyn such wise advise and so very perceptive. Women sheesh we are all so very different aren't we. Even those of us who accept our partners CDing have differing tolerence levels and our likes and dislikes. I love my partner to bits and dont have problems with the Cding but yes I miss the hairy chest and the man I first met. And dont dare any one say that he's still the same man because honestly ladies that sucks, you might think you are, but to your SO you most definitely are not period. Once a Cd gets the green light you see a side that was completely hidden come to the fore.
Kellianne if you want your marriage to work then you will have to stop being so passive. You sound like a very considerate and caring individual who is willing to give more than take (hell fire where did she find you your a gem). But Kelianne, Sometimes that can be really annoying when you want your man to fight for you and be a tad more assertive and manly. I dont mean in a bossy or aggressive kind of way, but in a more direct and focused way. Be the man she wants you to be and then you may well find you can have the freedom to be the woman you want to be. And dont give up without a fight.
Bev

[Megan72]

Bev thank you for the response. Having a woman's point of view in this is invaluable. Thanks.

In response, I have come at this issue form every possible angle form assertive to pissed to passive to now somewhat resolved i guess. I maybe very well hanging on to a dream. I am not quite ready to give up, but I am not going to sit around and wish for her to come around. She is pretty dead set on getting out, and I figured that if int he end I really do love her the way I say that I do, that I have to let her go and be happy, that is ultimately what we want for those we love, to be happy, if not with me then with someone else.

[docrobbysherry]

SEX! I will shut up about that now!

However, u should know about my experiences with MY ex. She changed directions so many times during our marriage, it would have broken a snake's back trying to follow her.

I found one of the BEST ways to get my way with her, was to agree entirely with her! Even to the point of inventing rediculous arguments that favored her point. After thinking about it awhile, she often changed her mind, and came around to my point of view without knowing it!

(Disclaimer:
1. Do NOT try this unless you've been with your partner for a long time, and know how they think!
2. I do NOT GUARANTEE u will get the same results I did.
3. Finally, if it worked all that well, she wouldn't be my EX!)
:brolleyes:

[Megan72]

SEX! I will shut up about that now!

However, u should know about my experiences with MY ex. She changed directions so many times during our marriage, it would have broken a snake's back trying to follow her.

I found one of the BEST ways to get my way with her, was to agree entirely with her! Even to the point of inventing rediculous arguments that favored her point. After thinking about it awhile, she often changed her mind, and came around to my point of view without knowing it!

(Disclaimer:
1. Do NOT try this unless you've been with your partner for a long time, and know how they think!
2. I do NOT GUARANTEE u will get the same results I did.
3. Finally, if it worked all that well, she wouldn't be my EX!)
:brolleyes:

Thanks for the support sherry, but not the wisest angle to work with mine. She is likely to bereak my back.

[michelleliz]

Being transgender has cost me not one but two Marriages. I now live as michelle all of the time except when I am at work. And all most every one at work knows.O well

Michelleliz

[Bev06 GG]

Being transgender has cost me not one but two Marriages. I now live as michelle all of the time except when I am at work. And all most every one at work knows.O well

Michelleliz

Some things cost us dearly and this isn't the first time I have heard this said. I just hope and pray that in the long run the price was worth it.
Bev

[Tommie Rae]

My wife and I have been through so many rounds of fights, tears, discussions, counseling, etc. that you wouldn't believe. But we have been married 39 years and we do not want to break up. We have a complicated compromise that is not for everyone but so far it works for us. First of all, we have an open marriage - and I know many of you feel that marriage should be one man, one woman and no one else. If that works for you, great. We like variety. We go to clubs and parties, we have open-minded friends. We are both happy with that arrangement. My wife knows that even though I am straight I am also a bit bi-curious but that is something we have only explored in fantasy. Maybe someday in real life, but not yet. My wife has a boyfriend and I know about him. She tells me everything-and I mean everything-so we don't have any secrets there. I have permission to have a girlfriend but that is something that may take a long time. We also have a really great and active sex life together. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you might want to explore the possibility of having an open relationship that doesn't have any secrets and gives both of you the opportunity to find out that just because you go to bed with someone doesn't mean you want to spend your life with them. Sometimes sex is just sex. It can be a fun, casual romp in the sack or it can have deep, connected spiritual meaning. It is really up to you what you make of your life, sexual or otherwise. The biggest question you both have to answer is do you want to stay together and are there compromises you are both willing to make to keep your marriage together. It took us a while to find our solution and I hope you can stay together long enough to find yours.
The second part of our equation is cross dressing. My wife has known about it for many years, she absolutely hates it, she has never seen me dressed. Our arrangement is essentially don't ask, don't tell. As long as my clothes are not in the house and she doesn't see, hear, or know about what I do then it is OK with her. I do not shave anything except my face, so yes I certainly make compromises but that is the nature of both life and marriage.
There are no easy answers, but there are plenty of questions you should be asking each other, and you might want to consider that the answer you have today will not be the answer you will have next year. Best of luck to both of you.

[Megan72]

Foothill, as well as everyone else that has taken the time to help me, unfortunately my marriage is over, I have finally been able to come to grips with fact. The overwhelming issue really has much less to due with crossdressing as it does with a medical issues that i will refrain form indulging you all in and that i neglected to let her know everything about me during our first 5 years together. since that time I have come completely clean and spilt my guts, but the lies early where overwhelming.

Much to my dismay, I have been unable to reconcile the issue with my other half, and rather than suffer the pain on seeing her with another man, which is what she is seeking now, I am choosing to leave. Our relationship has been one of friends for much longer than I care to remember and I would like to be able to retain whatever shred of that relationship is left.

For me; I love her dearly and would do anything to make or keep her happy; in doing this it is to allow her the life she wants without our intimacy. We are both committed to being nice and to breaking it off in an adult and amicable manner. And to remaining in touch, there is a great deal of history and love between us, but that love is not the same as it was 13 years ago, it has changed as have we. Irreconcilable differences may be a very general clause, but it does fit well here. I believe that we are better off as friends, free to grow into whatever fate has in store.

I am very saddened by the events of the past days, but please know that you all have helped me in a tremendous way, i will never forget the love you showed to me, I hope someday to return the kindness. As you may pick up in this post, I have come to some resolve in this matter. I am not happy but I do feel that this is for the best, and all things will work out in the future. My only regret is that I have not been as open and honest as I should have been early in our relationship together.

Please for those hiding their secrets form the ones we say we love, This will come back time and time again and will always be a problem if you are not up front and honest about everything in your lives. How can we expect someone to love us, if they do not really and truly know us at all?

[Empress Lainie]

Kelliann, you have my sympathy for what it is worth. I have now had 3 women in my life have problems with me becoming a woman. 2 of them are over it now and one is my very best friend except for my partner and actually propositioned me last night for the first time in 17 years. But I discussed this with my SO, another tgirl, and would not do anything behind her back, even though the other woman (gg) wanted me to keep it all "our secret." I might if anything transpires keep it secret that my SO is aware and OK with it. She actually wants me so she can get over a relationship and is very straightforward about it. Said relationship was abusive and degrading to her.
But she had the battered woman syndrome.