When to tell the kids

[Sophia de la luz]

Wondering about opinions regarding coming out to our children. What age is good? Things along those lines... experiences anyone has had. Thank you.

[tricia_uktv]

I have three girls. Twins who I told when they were nearly 16. Too early. Now they are nearly 17 they can cope. I told my eldest when she was 18. That was fine. I think 18+ is a good place to start

[Di]

My feeling is unless you plan on being 24/7 and OUT at work AND with friends and family not untill around 18. Not fair for them keeping a secret ...too much pressure on them. Peer pressure and everything else kids go through.

[Tina B.]

My Kids are in there 40's , when I think they are old enough to handle it, then I will tell them.
Tina B.

[TSchapes]

they walk in on you. That's what happened to me with my 14 year old son last June. I had wanted to tell him, my wife said no, so I honored her request.

But in a hurried moment, I forgot to lock the door, did not hear my son come downstairs and boom! Caused all kinds of commotion.

Things actually turned out well, but it was a rough way to go. I think the younger kids are much more forgiving of this kind of behavior. :2c:

Love, Tracy

[kym]

well, me and the gf discussed this issue and we decided to go ahead and tell her two daughters as well as let her 18 month old grand daughter see aunt kym so she gets used to me in boy and girl modes. her daughters are 20 and 21 and both of them took it real well and love to take me shopping with them.

[Barbara Marie]

My kids are all adults now ie 37, 34 and 34. I told them about a year ago and their remarks were "O dad," we have known for several years now and have not said anything just waiting for you to tell us. My two "boys" are cool with it and have seen me dressed. However, my daughter has not seen me nor does she wish to at the present time so I have not pushed the issue with her. It is hard to say at what age does one tell their kids. I have several friends in Atlanta who brought their kids up knowing and I have others who have yet to tell their adult kids. The main thing is that you tell them so if you are ever in an accident or otherwise while out and about en femme and wind up in the hospital, there will not be alot of explaining to do when they are handed a bag full of "women's" clothes with your name on it
FYI, there is to be a seminar on this topic at the Southern Confort Conference in Atlanta this fall. Sept 30th to Oct. 4th. Hope this helps.
Yours Barbara

[Angie G]

My kids are in there 30's and never. :hugs:
Angie

[Sarah...]

My daughter is almost 18 and we've just told her. She was glad to know and felt honoured to be told. She wants someone else to talk to about this other than my SO and I can't tell my Mum 'til I see her in person in October, so that's what's been difficult for my daughter. So I would say if you're telling kids make sure there's some form of support in place to allow them to talk with someone else.

My son is only 13 - it'll be at least another 5 years before we tell him.

Sarah...

[paula jessica rains]

i have an nine year old daughter i get to see every other weekend and me and her are getting close but i haven't told her my true self is a woman named jessica rains because she only knows me as her father paul and she doesn't know that i am a gaymale eather when the time is right i well tell her everything but i am still proud of who i am and who i am going to become...........love godess jessica r.

[Misty_cder]

Our children are 3, 1 and not born yet. Before the first one was born, my SO and I had many discussions about what will we do. The way I determined to handle it was to reduce the amount of clothing I had and keep only outfits that could possible be used by my wife. My clothing is kept with hers and the two pairs of heels that I do have are tucked away in the back of a shoe closet. Oh how I miss those 6-inch thigh high boots.:D

[Sandra]

I've said this before on this subject kids are not stupid, no matter how carefull you are they will notice something.

We told our daughter when she was 14 she's nearly 19, her first words "well I had an idea". She is fine with it and very protective of her Dad.

Just remember one thing though, don't put the pressure on your kids not to tell anyone else friends etc, they need their support group as much as you do.

[Trish]

My daughter is almost 32 years old. I still haven't told her, and I probably never will.

[Suzy Harrison]

I recently told my 25 year old daughter and she was fine with it all. I hope to tell my son (29) this weekend ~ could be difficult.

[KandisTX]

Son - 14
Daughter - 13
Daughter was told 3 years prior to brother being told and both now know all about me. All is well. It depends on the maturity level of the child, how "open-minded" they have been raised.

Kandis:love::rose2:

[Empress Lainie]

I remember telling my two kids I talk to about my change of gender. One was 43 and the other one 48. Their response after the "are you gay?" was "whatever makes you happy."

I keep them well supplied with pics of me in my lovely outfits. They have never commented, one way or another. (DAMN I would love to hear one say: You really look pretty!")I visited my son and his wife and had my tgirlfriend with me, and all was good, but he wasn't able to spend the next day with us like I had hoped for.

[Jocelyn Renee]

The "right" answer is going to vary according to each individual situation. If CDing is simply a private thing for an individual then your children don't need to be involved any more than they need to have knowledge of your personal sex life. Personally I am transgendered so both male and female are an integral part of my life. Three years ago my wife and I decided it was time to loosen the restrictions on the female side of my life. That meant being willing to be outed to friends and family, which in turn meant the possibility of our children hearing about it from someone else. We sat them down and had a detailed discussion about the subject when our youngest son was 13, our daughter was 14, and our oldest son was 21. Not surprisingly, they already knew. Kids are curious and they had already come across enough telltale signs to let them know something was up.

As a parent we want to protect our kids from all harm and certainly having a TG parent brings with it the potential for teasing and exclusion. However, we have raised our children from day one to defend one overriding principle: The truth is always right. Truth can be inconvenient, stressful, and damaging. Other people's reaction to truth can be wrong, but truth itself is always right.

As it turned out ALL of their friends were/are fine with it. Many of them have bought me feminine gifts on my birthday and some have gone out with us with me en femme. Some of them think it's weird, but just a different kind of weird than their own parents. In the end there has been no negative feedback directed towards our children as folks are able to separate my actions from them.

One aspect of our lives that perhaps made this easier for us to deal with is the fact that I am mixed race (black/white) and their mother is Italian. Our oldest son is the product of a previous marriage and our youngest two have green eyes and light brown hair, so we are used to some surprised reactions when people who have previously known our children meet us for the first time. We view the fact that I am TG in much the same way we view my black heritage. The truth is that some folks are not going to like the fact that their father is black in the same way some folks are not going to like the fact that I sometime don a dress. That is their problem and not something that any of us are willing to accept responsibility for. Those that can't accept simple reality are encouraged to stay out of our lives.

[Sophia de la luz]

Good luck this weekend Suzy.

Jocelyn, thanks for your lengthy thought. They mirror my own in many respects. I do think it depends on the individuals involved and the context everything is unfolding in. Glad to hear it has gone so well with your family in this respect.