In the closet

[IMJenn]

To those in the closet, and those who were in the closet...

Did you ever go so far to the other side to protect it? What I mean is over-masculinity? Sometimes I don't shave for weeks and resemble Abe Lincoln... one of my ways of going so far in the other direction to avoid suspicion.

Or when a girl mentions something about make-up or other such things, even as a joke to me, I might rudely answer "I don't know a thing about that kind of stuff." Sometimes when I am in a good mood, I joke with them. I just get a paranoid feeling sometimes.

The worst moment I had was at my karate school one time. There was a little residue nail polish on my toes. One of the women in the adult class asked me how I got bloody toes(red polish). I asked her why she was looking at my bloody toes, in a joking tone.

She said "Well, its either that or nail polish that wasn't completely cleaned."

I became so scared and paranoid I rudely said "I think I'm more likely to have bloody toes."

I knew she didn't have a clue, but I got so scared I had to say something. Anyone else ever go to such lengths to hide the truth?

[Jonelle]

I know exactly what you mean.. i catch myself trying to keep the masculine "image" quite often.. if you step back and look though, one of two things happens, you either look like a jerk or completely give it away.

[ReginaW]

See, when I am in guy mode I tend to be naturally masculine. I even enjoy joking around with stuff like saying I have to do my nails too when a girl tells me she has to do hers. I think that if anyone who knows me were to find out they'd be totally floored because of how much of a guy I am in guy mode.

[Alice B]

I yam what I yam said pop eye the sailor man. I just be myself with out making any changes.

[Sarah Doepner]

It used to be all the time, but I haven't had many opporutnities recently to defend my masculinity. I still spend lots of time making sure there is nothing there for the uninitiated to consider either. It's always time well spent covering my tracks, hiding my stash and cleaning off the makeup.

[Oddlee]

To those in the closet, and those who were in the closet...

The worst moment I had was at my karate school one time. There was a little residue nail polish on my toes. One of the women in the adult class asked me how I got bloody toes(red polish). I asked her why she was looking at my bloody toes, in a joking tone.

She said "Well, its either that or nail polish that wasn't completely cleaned."

One of the best ways to lie is to tell the truth in such a way that no one would believe it. You might respond to her question, "Dang, thought I got it all! No, really I kicked a chair last night in the dark..."

Lee

[erickka]

I'm kinda neutral. It keeps them all in suspense. I just absorb what is being discussed, then give a middle of the road answer. Uncertainty drives some folks totally nuts!

[Tina B.]

I know just what you mean, Always ready to macho up at the first sign someone is getting to close to the truth, even if they don't know they are.
Tina B.

[GINA-CD]

I think the easiest way is acting normal, which means, sometimes joke about it, sometimes be a little bit rude, sometimes look manly, sometimes be sensitive, sometimes even ask questions to girls that are talking about a certain topic (but don't be too inquisitive, just a casual question and then put little to no attention) that's your typical male behaviour and you'll be remembered that way.

[tamarav]

What is the need for appearing to be hyper-masculine? Does it get you a better approval rating with the guys you hang out with, or better yet the possibility of getting laid because you are perceived as being a super dude?

I have a Marine son who works so hard to be just a hard guy when I know what a sweet kid he still is. Why is it that men feel that being so masculine is a good thing? Does it hurt to have some feminine attributes?

Now that I am older and not looking for anyone else to justify my existence, I don't have any need to stand around and lie to people about what they may think, I am who I am and they are who they are. We each have portions of feminine and masculine in our makeup.

What is the positive side of hiding your femininity from everyone? Does it get you better coffee, does it get approval from the stud buddies you have who you feel would shun you if they found out?

Possibly your choice of friends is funky.Or possibly your self esteem has no grasp on reality, or, or, I could go on and on but it might be a very positive change to simply admit some semblance of a feminine side.

If some trace of red polish still shows on your toes, you meant to have it show. If you were so paranoid that it not show you would have done a better job. Maybe you are trying to tell yourself something subconsciously that you won't accept.

All I am asking is why it is so important to appear so masculine? What is the underlying reason? Are you being as un-true to a prospective mate?

Your sis,

Tami

[Jocelyn Quivers]

"Hyper Masculine" is how I live my life in male-mode. 100% pure tough guy, no nonsense, no sense of humor, mean testerone filled with aggression, nothing remotely feminine.

Why am I like this in male mode? It was they way my male side dealt with repressing and trying to cure myself of the femme side. I thought when growing up that the desire to be femme would disapeer or go away, if I excelled at masculine sports, lifted a bunch of weights, and tryed to be as hardcore or "manly" as possible.

Since I am still somewhat in the closet to basically all of my friends and employer, it's a defesne mechanism to "protect" my femme side from being discovered.

Even though I have now come to love and accept my fem side to the point I've often think about coming out of the closet to everyone. I'm still not ready to deal with being completely outted to everyone I know, so my male side will always be in defense mode in that area.

My hyper masculine male side has been with me my entire life, and I no more change it or get rid of it anymore than I could get rid of or change my femme side.

[docrobbysherry]

But, because of how I dress, act, and facial hair, no one would guess I dress in a million years! Including u readers!

However, I HAVE known just a little too much about women's clothes and shoe sizes in discussions with my daughter! :DSince she's a teen, I guess I'm fortunate that I'm clueless about her/their styles!:doh:

[Empress Lainie]

Thank heavens I don't have to go through that. Even before my transition I was a pretty eccentric man - wearing showgirl wigs, painted fingernails, carrying a purse (really for my insulin and ice originally.), female tee shirts because I liked them better, women's nightgowns for 10 years ( my ex thought they were too feminine, I just said I liked them better than men's),


When kids were laughing about my hair, my exgf used to tell them I was a rock star and that shut them up real fast.

[IMJenn]

What is the need for appearing to be hyper-masculine? Does it get you a better approval rating with the guys you hang out with, or better yet the possibility of getting laid because you are perceived as being a super dude?

I have a Marine son who works so hard to be just a hard guy when I know what a sweet kid he still is. Why is it that men feel that being so masculine is a good thing? Does it hurt to have some feminine attributes?

Now that I am older and not looking for anyone else to justify my existence, I don't have any need to stand around and lie to people about what they may think, I am who I am and they are who they are. We each have portions of feminine and masculine in our makeup.

What is the positive side of hiding your femininity from everyone? Does it get you better coffee, does it get approval from the stud buddies you have who you feel would shun you if they found out?

Possibly your choice of friends is funky.Or possibly your self esteem has no grasp on reality, or, or, I could go on and on but it might be a very positive change to simply admit some semblance of a feminine side.

If some trace of red polish still shows on your toes, you meant to have it show. If you were so paranoid that it not show you would have done a better job. Maybe you are trying to tell yourself something subconsciously that you won't accept.

All I am asking is why it is so important to appear so masculine? What is the underlying reason? Are you being as un-true to a prospective mate?

Your sis,

Tami


There are many reasons. I don't want to be found out. Until a friend recently taught me a nail polish removal trick, I always had left over polish. I no longer have this problem. Nothing subconcious, though I wish I could just come out of the closet and be done with it.

As far as getting laid, that has never been a priority, at least for me. I just got out of a long relationship and want to be me. That's partly why I joined this forum. As far as friends, well, this was at a martial arts school where I am one of the instructors. I could always blow it off as I lost a bet or something else, but I am not a quick thinker in these situations.

The one lone point in your post that does offend me to some degree is that the choice of friends might be funky. I realize you also may not be talking specifically to me, but in general, however I must respond. My friends are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have a small circle of friends, all of whom know I dress. At that point it doesn't matter if I were to have hot pink nails. However the situation I described required that I eliminate all doubts of my femme side.

Perhaps it would be best to let my femme side out...I am just not ready for that. And until I am, for my own sanity I must hide all hints of such.

[Jocelyn Renee]

Jenn, we all have overcompensated at one time or another to protect our secret and because we have not yet learned to accept ourselves. That will change as you learn to accept that it is a simple truth that you like to, for example, paint your toenails. My toes are painted all the time and I have had many comments over the years. When people ask me why I paint my toes I answer truthfully: "Because I like to." Most folks mean no harm in the question; they are simply curious. Occasionally someone will have a negative remark for which I ask what made them think I value their opinion regarding my toes.

Just be yourself. I think you'll be surprised how many people have absolutely no problem with it. A side benefit is that you will begin to find many people will confide things about themselves that they have never felt comfortable revealing to anyone else.

[annecwesley]

To those in the closet, and those who were in the closet...

Did you ever go so far to the other side to protect it? What I mean is over-masculinity? Sometimes I don't shave for weeks and resemble Abe Lincoln... one of my ways of going so far in the other direction to avoid suspicion.

This is one of the reasons why I staryed growing a beard. that was 30 years ago and I just didn't know how "normal" crossdressing was, I was afraid of being effeminate and was really fighting my crosdressing urges.

Now I've had a beard for so long that it would be very strange for me to take it off, and my wife (who has only known about my CDing for a few years) doesn't want my shaving (my face ;-) ), probably because it would feminize me in her eyes and also make it easier for me to go out in public dressed, which is a line she doesn't want me to cross.

So I guess growing a beard was an effective way of limiting my CDing, but now that I'm comfortable with dressing in women's clothing (and would love to get out dressed up and made up) I wish I hadn't grown a beard.