Having A Girlfriend

[rosepowder]

There's a lady friend that I've been talking to lately.
Things could possibly get serious between us.
Should I tell her right away about my crossdressing?

[jennCD]

There's a lady friend that I've been talking to lately.
Things could possibly get serious between us.
Should I tell her right away about my crossdressing?

I would consider telling her when:

a) you feel enough comfort to do so
b) you feel that she may be interested in you enough to possibly handle the idea

or else, just write her a poem about it!

:)
jenn

[Barbieman]

wait a long while and get her into it bit by bit like i did with my girlfriend.
Just say you are trying to like the same things that she likes.
My girlfriend loves pink,so i said pink is my favorite colour and started buying things in pink, wearing pink things etc.
I said to her its just the way i was brought up as i had strong females around me for most of my life !!

[Jonianne]

For me, when my wife approached me (before we were married) and told me she was interested in me, I knew, from past experience, that I needed to let her know about my crossdressing. So that is when I gave her the "There is something you need to know about me" speech. After she asked me the "2" questions, she said she had to think about this and later that night, called me and told me she didn't care what I wore, she just loved me.

Now there were a couple issues to be considered.

1. Most of the important people in my life already knew that I was a crossdresser so I did not have to worry about being outed by her to any major degree. And besides, I had enough trust in her by that time, to know she was not one to blab.

2. I was willing to risk losing the relationship if she could not accept it. I was also willing to accept reasonable boundries she might need concerning the crossdressing.

So understand you could be outed, but also know it is vital that you be honest with her before you get too serious, for her sake and yours.

[hollylicious]

I wouldn't know much as I havent been in your situation, those as Joni just pointed out I believe being honest is the best thing you can do. People can be in a relationship for a long time and not even reveal certain secrets. But, you also must feel comfortable with telling her. If she truly enjoys your company or has strong feelings, she will either a): accept it, b): ask dont do it in her presence or c): well, let that come to it if it does :)

I wish you good luck, but im sure you dont need that. you will make the right decision, as the best ones are made from the heart.

holly xxx

[Carroll]

just read through the threads about divorce and break-ups. That should give you an answer

[Angie G]

It's not a real good thing not to tell her If you end up getting married you will be dressing now and then maybe not for long periods of time. That not fun always worried she'll find out hiding you thing and so on. If it dose get serious tell her. Been there done that. :hugs:
Angie

[suzanne]

Being frank and honest about your CDing is absolutely vital, but not necessarily in the earliest stages of the relationship. People have posted here about how they have come out to a potential girlfriend on the first or second meeting, before she has had time to decide whether she likes/dislikes the CDer. If she has a traditional view of what a man should be, it could be a deal breaker before she even begins to know the real you. Timing can be very critical. Remember, we are all rooting for you. Best of luck.

[JulieFL]

Halloween is right around the corner. Go to a costume party dressed and see how she takes it. After Halloween you can let her know it isn't just a costume you picked on a lark and probably have a decent idea on how she will react.

YMMV but that is what worked for me with the girl I was dating 14 years ago. She has been my wife for 9 years :)

Julie

[docrobbysherry]

I would advise NOT. Unless u both become quite serious about each other. Then, I fear u must!

[Carissa B.]

Be honest and upfront, timing is very important.
Good Luck ! Carissa

[JaydeCD]

This is all new to me but I thought I would add my two cents to the discussion. I feel that if you think this has the potential to get really serious then by all means you should tell her as soon as possible, if you wait too long to tell her then I think she'll always wonder what other things you're keeping a secret and have trust issues. On the other hand if you don't think that she is the one and that it isn't going to last then I really don't see a need to say anything unless you want to.

[paula jessica rains]

if you and her feel whats real then be gental and give her time if it was ment to be it would take off and if she doesn't acept this then you make the call it is your life and she is welcomed to it if she wants..................jessica r.

[Sally2005]

I vote for the costume party idea. or... something that gives you the opportuntity to find out her feelings without giving up too much yourself. You have to weigh if there is a risk in telling her vs not.

[DanaR]

I vote for the costume party idea. or... something that gives you the opportuntity to find out her feelings without giving up too much yourself. You have to weigh if there is a risk in telling her vs not.

I agree that this would be a good way to some insight into her feeling about this. If you are getting serious, then you have to tell her. Be honest.

[Jonianne]

I wouldn't rely on just the costume party. That did not work for me. When my ex did show some acceptance when I dressed for Holloween and after, I went into the "pink fog" and went further than she was comfortable. After that, my CD stayed in the closet for the next 15 years.

With my wife now, I realized how important it was to let her know before we were married how much the crossdressing did mean to me and I was wiser to not let the "pink fog" take so much control.

[gagirl1]

before you say a word you should be sure that a relationship is what she wants. don't jump the gun. if you feel she can be trusted and that she wants a relationship, go for it. at the worst you'll get another shopping buddy.

[rosepowder]

thank you all for your advice. I'm so grateful to be a member of this site.

thank you especially jessica r... this is my life and you're welcomed to be a part of it. truly words of wisdom.

again, everyone...your responses really touched me.

[susan fuller]

Be sure she is the one and that she feels the same. But you should tell her before the wedding. If you feel you cannot trust her with this then you might want to think twice before getting married to her. Just be ready to be honest and up front with her when you answer her questions. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.

[Genifer Teal]

Why wait for it to get serious first? The sooner you tell her the less you have invested in the relationship should it not work out. If she walks away before you get to know her, then you don't really know what you missed out on. Be sure to put it in a positive light so it doesn't come accross as something weird (in her perspective).

[KarenCDFL]

I would not wait too long.

But wait at least if you see a future for the two of you. No reason to open up if there is nothing there.

[Glenda]

Personally, I would tell her right away. If I didn't, my friends certainly would. Have you shared your femme side with any one else? If you're closeted then it is a personal discussion between the two of you. If you're out then it could be more casual discussion with friends. If she isn't comfortable with it, then she probably is not the one for you.

[Tomara]

I just had a conversation about this with my therapist this past week .
I thought it would be better to be up front and tell a possible partner early on in the relationship .
My therapist on the other hand suggested that it would be better to let the person get comfortable with your male persona first and if she really likes you it would be easier for her to accept your feminine side as well.
That was her opinion , and I really think it can vary people are all different .
I hope this helps you in some way .
Tomara

[angelfire]

Personally, I don't think telling someone you are a CD is really first or second date material. Telling someone who is practically a stranger this, I don't think they would even take the time to actually get to know you in many cases.

I think however, if things start to get serious, as in contemplating marriage, or perhaps even moving in together, then it is a good time to tell them. This way, obviously they love you for who you are, and care about you, so they may be more willing to stick around, because they have already invested that time they otherwise may have passed.

Obviously, it could go either way. They could accept it, they could end it, or perhaps something inbetween.

Either way, no matter your decision, I wish you the best of luck.

[FlygrlChristy]

Halloween is right around the corner. Go to a costume party dressed and see how she takes it. After Halloween you can let her know it isn't just a costume you picked on a lark and probably have a decent idea on how she will react.

YMMV but that is what worked for me with the girl I was dating 14 years ago. She has been my wife for 9 years :)

Julie

Julie is right about this, test the waters before things become too serious, and don't think that if your interested in this girl and she you, that you will be able to hide this forever. Something will come up, and the results won't be good, unless she is one of the very accepting girls.

Tread carefully here, but by all means, find someway to discuss this with her, it will make your life so much easier later on.:hugs:

Christy

[Raven Wynter Rayne]

I go with telling Her before You end up married it will only get harder to tell latter and very messy I wish I had I may have lost Her(My wife) telling er early. think of it like this if You lose Her now or 5 years from now what would be worse??? BE HONEST, it is always best no matter the pain and hurt, She has a right to know if She is going to be part of Your life, Best of luck and remember what trats do women have that most of us want?? (then are more understanding that most men!!!) No matter how She may take it You can not be faulted for honesty!!

[MJ]

because don't start anything get both your hopes up and the drop the bomb .you both get hurt .. it's not fair on her is it ?

[Jaclyn NM]

I think that honesty is an integral part of any long term relationship. I can't say at what point you tell her, but if you see this being long term, you have to be honest, otherwise both of you will eventually suffer. Just think it through, and analyse how you plan to tell her, and be patient and gentle with her.

[Raven Wynter Rayne]

I think You should find out how She feels about c.d.'n gauge how She reacts if She is not good with it then She is not some one to tell or share Your lives together but I am shure if She likes/loves You She likes/loves You for more than just wearing mens clothes

[Jilmac]

I poured out my heart to my SO shortly after we met. After a couple of dates I told her that I had a "dark" side. When I told her that I loved to crossdress I thought she would head for the hills. She has accepted both sides of me and is now a member of this forum. Tell your gf whenever you feel comfortable but also be prepared for an adverse reaction. Hopefully things will go well. Keep us updated on your success.

[Melissa A.]

Even when I thought I was a cd, instead of a ts, dressing on halloween never impressed me much. To most of the non-trans world, it's viewed as something humorous to do. (and I don't have a problem with that, at all. A really big hairy guy who isnt a cd dressing for halloween IS kinda funny. Nor do I have a problem with other trans persons dressing on halloween. It just was never for me. I think I know why, now. he he!) But I certainly wouldn't reccomend it as the tool you use to set the groundwork for revealing an intimate and important part of your life.

As far as revealing your cding, in a long term, intimate relationship, you simply must, eventually. When is the tricky part. I think your partner, if she isn't prepared for it, should definitely have some vested interest in you, your happiness, and the two of you. But it's a judgement call, really. Everyone is different, and there isn't a rulebook. Don't blurt it out simply because you're busting to do so. But there comes a time in a relationship when all cards must be put on the table. You need to have some awareness of where the relationsip is to know when that time is. I wish you all the strength and luck in the world.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[justmetoo]

I recently told my girlfriend about this side of me and it went well. For me the time was right, not too soon (we have been dating for a while) and not too late (no serious life-changing decisions made yet).
Only you can judge when is the best time.
In any case, best wishes and a long and loving relationship for both of you! :D

[satin on satin GG]

From my experience, I think the most important thing is your comfort level, how you feel about cding and yourself because that it what is going to be projected to your girlfriend. I have learned so much from the people on this site. Information is key.