Dead end...

[Tal'Aura]

I'm not a pessimistic person, but it looks I have reached a dead end. I don' know how to make my way for further progress in CD-ing. The main problem is I can't buy clothes. This is not about money. I usually have enough cash to cover my needs. I simply have no clue where and how to buy... Internet purchase isn't an option beacuse of huge customs duties and taxes. There are no domestic on-line stores. My hands are tied. I can't just run into the nearest local store and start asking for unusual female clothes (my taste is slightly different and I'm not very interested about ordinary boring skirts, pants and so on). I dont have enough experience, knowledge, self confidence, courage, etc... I did an detailed analysis of my problem and I realized that I can't solve this myself. I need someone's help. Meeting a CD who lives in my town, or at least in my country, would be great. Together we could exchange information about CD-friendly stores, shopping tips, and many other useful advices. A problem shared is a problem halfed, but this is probably just another of my empty dreams. In fact, I haven't heard anything about CD-ing before finding this forum. I'm stuck in this "the-middle-of-nowhere" country surrounded by neverending social obstacles. Someday I will finally get to leave this hole behind and I'll emigrate to the USA. But I can't just sit and wait until then... Something must be done in the meantime. CD-ing is the very part of me that can't be postponed. Hunting for the right shop would be enough for a beginning... But how? It's a hard question I can't answer on my own. I don't expect any "magical answers" that will instantly solve my problems. This was something just like loud thinking. Maybe I would feel better after telling this little story...

[kateyliz]

Have you considered learning to sew and making your own clothes? Hugs, Kathy

[Tal'Aura]

Have you considered learning to sew and making your own clothes? Hugs, Kathy

Yes, and that is also not possible...

[Nicole Erin]

So I don't know your exact whereabouts except Europe. Is there any chance you could visit a neighboring country and buy a bunch of femme stuff? When you got back home, would someone be digging thru all your stuff and find your clothes? Just maybe with shopping, you could test the waters with not-so-femme things like maybe women's socks or whatever, and see how things go. I know for a first shopping trip, very few of us bought a ball gown or those "Come F*** me" shoes we all love.

I know international travel is not convienient but if you could ge to some place like France or Italy, I imagine you would find more nice clothes than you could shake a stick at.

One thing, when planning your move to the USA, do your resaerch and find out which cities would be easiest for a CD. Of course in the USA, it is not really socially acceptable to CD but in big towns, you would have a lot less problems in a big city than some sh*t hole tiny redneck town.

And sewing, well time to learn ;)

[tvbeckytv]

to be honest, i reallly think you need to persevere with the search engines. there arnt many countries in europe where there isnt some kind of scene. Bulgaria has quite a healthy transvestite scene i believe

[Holly]

Have you ever heard of "self-fulfilling prophesies?" Sorry, but I won't come to your pity party. You say, "CD-ing is the very part of me that can't be postponed," yet you keep making excuses as to why you can't. It's time to put on your big-girl panties and get on with it.

[Nigella]

We all have been there before. There are no right or wrong answers to your problem. There is one solution though ...


... get rid of that "cant do" attitude. You can do what you want to.

[sterling12]

How far are you from a larger city? My Geographic knowledge of The Balkans is limited, but if your within a few hours of someplace like Tbilisi, (Sorry if I misspelled it,) I would start in that city, or someplace similar.

Very few bigger cities and towns don't have a lingerie shop or some type of department store. Trust me, they have seen CD's before! The odds are about 95% that your reception will be positive. ALL merchants like the smell of your money, that counts for just about everything.

OK, so now I've got you fixed up with lingerie at The Shop, Outer clothes, and cosmetics at The Department Store. Shoes at a shoe store? And if your city has a wig shop.....your covered.

I know this sounds like a huge first step, but nobody knows you in that town, and what have you got to lose? You just might return home with a trunk full of stuff, and that ought to hold you until the next time. "The journey of a thousand miles, begins with that first step."

Peace and Love, Joanie

[DanaR]

"The journey of a thousand miles, begins with that first step."

I agree with Joanie, you can't stop until you start. Good luck!

[docrobbysherry]

I understand your problem. I visited a friend in Russia this year. SHE DOES have money problems. But beyond that, we discussed at length gays here and there. Her city has over one million people. And there is virtually NO gay scene. In fact, she doesn't know anyone who even knows a gay person. She's a teacher, and has contact with many young people.

I have never discussed my dressing with her. Because of her intolerance to gays, I'm fairly sure where she stands on that subject!

If u want to practice your dressing in a less hostile enviorment, I believe u need to move to a Western European city. Or maybe a bigger, more international city near u. Otherwise, u'd best keep it a secret except online. We're here for u!

[Tal'Aura]

Hmm, I see a lot of interesting answers...

My town barely has population of one million, and it's the largest city in my country. Local people can be extremely hostile against everyone who's different. I remember there was some gay parade under heavy police protection beacuse people were throwing molotov cocktails at members of parade... There is a very big chance the public hates CD-s too.

Travelling around neighbouring countries isn't possible. I must study to finish my education at university, so there is no time for such adventures. As I said before, I will come in USA when ready.

It's obivous I can't buy specific clothes I want, so I'll stick to something else. Maybe I can buy just some small piece of female underwear like thong or something. This will probably break the ice... But I still don't have enough courage for a first shopping trip. How to overcome my biggest fear and the obstacles it creates?

[sterling12]

By the way, have to do a Mea Culpa. I got thinking about it about three hours later and realized that Tbilisi is in Georgia. Think I had that on my mind with all the trouble there right now.

I see your answer, and you were kind enough not to say anything, but that was stupid on my part. Looked at The Atlas, now I know a lot more. Are you in Belgrade, or Sarajevo? I would imagine not in Pristina.

Not trying to pry, maybe someone knows someone, or can get you in contact with a support group. Most cities have one or two; I'll bet that's true even in The Balkans. Sounds like you are very discouraged, hope we can help.

Peace and Love, Joanie

PS. (This is added about an hour later) Now you have my interest. I did a quick cursory check on Google. Just did a search on: "Crossdressing Belgrade." A number of T-Gurls in that listing, and also some information on a murder in 2003. "Maraniska," (something like that.) The first "out" transwoman in the Former Yugoslavia. Found murdered in her apartment in 2003. Guess you have a point about being careful.

[Joanne f]

It is sometimes easy for us in the western countries to forget how difficult it can be in other countries especially in the Balkan states, just take a look at what has been happening in Georgia.
I spent some time in Yugoslavia many years ago before it got broken up so i do know that you have to be careful of what you say and to who you say it to in that part of the world, i think like some of the others have said , if you can keep looking on the Internet and something might turn up .
Just a curiosity would postage come under the same scrutiny as sending of to the Internet or do they check every thing that comes into the country.




joanne

[gagirl1]

i was once told, "anything worth doing is never easy." but i like to argue both sides of the story at once, with myself. to contradict what i just wrote, maybe this is a time for you to get some perspective on a bigger picture. is there something around you, other than dressing, that is important that needs attention? so, neither will be easy, but both will be worth doing, and doing well.

[Tal'Aura]

..if you can keep looking on the Internet and something might turn up.

Okay, I hope so. Maybe I will find something... Here I only can let time work for me. Yes, I said that CD-ing is the very part of me that can't be postponed, but it also can't be hurried. I'll play with search engines for a while...

[CD Susan]

You live in a city with a population of a million and you can't find a place to buy womens clothes???????? There is something wrong with this picture. Out of a million people there should be thousands of other crossdressers. Where do you think they get thier clothes? It seems to me that you are just not trying hard enough. 'Where there is a will there is a way'.

[PamelaTX]

Honestly in a city of a million you don't have a problem. Just go to a store where no one knows you and buy whatever you want. Non-CD men buy clothes for their wives and girlfriends all the time, and no one thinks anything of it. If anyone questions you just say, "these are for my wife (or girlfriend) and it's a private matter." When you remind people that they are asking rude questions about your private life they will usually apologize and let the matter drop.

Like Holly said, put on those big-girl panties and get out of the house!

[Tal'Aura]

But I still don't have enough courage for a first shopping trip. How to overcome my biggest fear and the obstacles it creates?

There's still no any clear answers to that question... Everyone says "just get out of the house and do some shopping". How to do that when fear owns me? I carefully looked old threads in this sub-forum up to the page 109 (and I'll keep looking further), but I didn't found so far anything similar. Yes, many CD-s were very afraid of shopping. Unlike them, I'm totally paralysed by fear. :sad:

[gagirl1]

is there someone you could go shoppng with? a friend (preferably a girl)? heck, you don't even have to buy anything, just do some window shopping to get comfortable with the idea. baby steps.

[Joanne f]

That fear almost sounds like a phobia to me and as far as i know the only way to get over a phobia is to get someone to help you , so its back to square one, finding a friend near you .



joanne

[Emma England]

To me your problem is a lack of confidence. I know it is not easy.

You must learn to change fear into excitement.

Crossdressing is for life, so will eventually find a way.

[Tal'Aura]

To me your problem is a lack of confidence. I know it is not easy.

"Not easy" isn't the right description. "Almost impossible" is closer to the truth. I am more willing to walk on a narrow stave between two huge skycrapers, than buying female clothes. Sounds hopeless, but the good news is I found one forum memer who lives in my city! She's still closeted and much older than me, but maybe I'll get some useful advices anyway...

[fun4metoo2004]

Find a local seamstress, that will help you. Make your outfits for you.

[Pamela Julie]

Men all over the world buy clothes for wives and girlfriends, do they do so where you live? Sales people do not need to know you are buying for yourself. If stores allow you to return items for a refund or credit, you can always try them on at home, and exchange for a different size until you figure out your correct sizes.

Pamela:)