Should I challenge dress code?

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

For the last year or so i was wearing spandex pants on casual friday's but then started wearing them a couple of times thru the week. Got a little ribbing from the Masculine crowd but nothing more. Mind you there are several women who wear tighter pants than me. The other day the HR manager came to me and said that the pants I wear are inappropriate attire. i did not mention that these other people wear tighter pants than me. I just said I'd wear slacks instead.

Here is my dilemma, today several of the maintenance guys asked if the rumour was true that I was asked not to wear the spandex pants. I said "yes" that it was true. They expressed that it was wrong to say I cannot wear them, when other people (women), wear tighter pants than I do. They said I should challenge it with HR or at least rebutt it with the HR dept. or ask that these women not wear tight spandex, if I cannot.

What do you all think? I was actually surprised that the maintenance guys would support me in thinking it was wrong.
:daydreaming: Kim

[LaurenS.]

I'd leave it alone. But that's just my opinion. I don't care for fighting a battle that's not worth winning. I can understand why you'd want to wear spandex but it's a good look on a woman or CD it's not a good look on a man. Again. my opinion. I think you'd win the case but is it worth the fight?
Lauren

[KateSpade83]

I'd never mess with HR. Leave any crossdressing at home!

[jackie_p]

I'd leave it alone. But that's just my opinion. I don't care for fighting a battle that's not worth winning. I can understand why you'd want to wear spandex but it's a good look on a woman or CD it's not a good look on a man. Again. my opinion. I think you'd win the case but is it worth the fight?
Lauren

I agree with Lauren. Pick your battles and make sure the reward is worth the fight. I just don't think its worth the fight in this case. Then again, I also this you protect your job at all cost and wouldn't mess with HR on that basis.

Good Luck
Jackie

[charlie]

I think that if you won, you would probably get fired for some other reason reasonably soon. Is your job really worth the ability to stand up for your right to get HR to stop the women from wearing spandex as well. You will only make the women mad and get yourself fired.

[TracyH]

Personally, I think the maintenance guys are just messing with you and think it will be funny to watch the ensuing shitstorm from a safe distance should you decide to fight this.

That aside, this doesn't seem like a good idea on any level. I mean, I like spandex so much I think there should be a national spandex day, and I'm still pretty sure that fighting this will simply spell a lot of misery and grief later on. Even if you're fully transgendered and have a doctor's note detailing how you have to dress your gender, as well as an order from the supreme court declaring that should you be fired because of your gender, unholy wrath of congress will tear the company asunder and reward you with the spoils in the form of a big fat check, you still have to dress professionally and according to the dress code the company originally set.

[Julia Welch]

Don't mess with HR .... you may win the battle but you'll create enough enemies to lose the war ... trust me on this.

[Sandra Dunn]

I can only speak from my side of the fence, I would push the issue only so far. Like a verble inquiry. If I was vested, then I would push it all the way. What could they do, retire me? Then it's lawyer time!
HUGS Sandra

[trannie T]

If it means that much to you give it a good fight. Be aware that you most likely will not win and the battle may be costly-not necessarily in monetary outlay but in other areas. If it were me I would grumble quietly then go on to more important things.

[PamelaTX]

I'll fight at the drop of a hat, if it's the right thing to do, but if I were you I'd just let this one go.

[Sally2005]

Don't forget that "two wrongs don't make a right". Just because the others do it doesn't make it okay for you. So, if it makes you feel better you could complain about the other people who are not following the dress code, however, that might put you in a bad situation with your coworkers or even HR if they think you are just trying to cause a problem.

[Taffy]

HR works for the company and does what is in the company's interest. HR is not there to support your desires. Challenging HR may win you this one battle, but they will prevail in the end by winning the whole war...

[Bev06 GG]

Hi Kimberly
It does seem like a classic case of discrimination, however, by challenging it you will almost certainly upset the status quo with your female colleagues whether you win your case or not.
And whether you like it or not traditionally women wearing tight clothing is seen as attractive if they have the figure to go with it and it is done tastefully.
Take care
Bev

[DanaR]

HR works for the company and does what is in the company's interest. HR is not there to support your desires. Challenging HR may win you this one battle, but they will prevail in the end by winning the whole war...

As long as you want to work there, Taffy's comment is what you should listen to.

[Amy Hepker]

Find out about the sexual harassment policy for the company you work for. You may want to contact a lawyer.

[Genifer Teal]

Pick your battles is right. If you are transitioning and told not to wear a dress, then it might be time for a fight. I'd back off in this situation. Maybe not completely, but I'd definately tone it down a bit.

Gen

[karynspanties]

You can't fight city hall. I think if you push the issue, you will end up joining the ranks of the unemployed.

[erickka]

Those HR people are not ones to mess with. If you have ever read the comic strip Dilbert, Dogbert , the evil HR director is derived from the views of these folks. Really good for a chuckle, but as I said, they are a different breed all together. Usually from what I have seen, they are "do as I say, not as I do".

[tamarav]

First of all you are making the classic mistake that most people do about the workplace, that it is a democratic organization. HR is a branch of managment. Management establishes the guideline and rules. Challenging rules in any autocratic organization will not go well for you. Although HR is alleged to be a thinking, thoughtful and magnanamous group of people, it is made up of people who know how to keep the orgranization running efficiently.

Why would you risk your employment (unless you are the reason the company is in existence, you are very expendable) to make a stupid point about what others have gotten away with? Yes, it is a stupid point because you already know what the outcome will be. If you buck the system, you will lose. And the reason for bucking the system is to make some point about your crossdressing? Does that really help you or just give you more to moan about because people don't understand your dressing needs?

Advances in anti-discrimination laws are one thing, but who do you think works everyday to establish the methods of dealing with all such issues and having the company win? That's right, Human Resources. That is what they do for a living. Remove thorns in the side of management, establish the status quo, develop a working relationship that management controls.

Think about it this way. If you buck the system, get fired for "lack of ability to follow rules, or inability to work cooperatively with others" what will you have gained? Absolutely nothing other than vividly pointing out that crossdressers are so focused on themselves that they cannot integrate with society. No one will even remember your name within 2 days. This is a classic "set up a fall guy and watch them get booted" routine. "Well the maintenance guys told me I should pursue this course of action" What attorney is going to step forward and defend you in a wrongful termination suit? Do you have any idea what the cost of such a case would cost you?

The maintenance guys and every other employee of that company would forget your name within a week and just laugh about how they got someone terminated because they were able to manipulatate them.

Did you read in the employee handbook that if you felt the rules weren't for you , you could challenge them and get them re-established to suit your needs?

Sexual harrassment is a totally different issue that is not appropriate and has no stand in this case.

As the HR Director I would give you 5 minutes to speak about the inequalities of the dress code before I told you to follow the handbook, dress code and other company policies and not attempt to align the company with your personal goals, hobbies, desires. Do you see the company changing policies because others need to get high, or take care of personal business, or bring their children to work because they can't find day care, or AA members being given time off to attend meetings, or because you need to express yourself in a method that causes others to lose production time?

The reason I am being so harsh is that I spent 30 years as the HR Director for a number of companies, following a company plan and keeping such issues from becoming those that took more of the company time rather than producing or caring or whatever the company does.

We have never heard how hard it would be for the company to get along without you. They will do just fine and all you will have is a story to moan over with other CDs because no one else will care. Think how much further down the road you could be if you follow the guidelines and transition on the job. That is a matter that will be listened to, not wanting to wear what you want to wear in spite of company rules.

If I totally misread your intent please straighten me out because all I see is a person that can't see reality and for some reason wants the world to see how downtrodden you are because you are a crossdresser.

[MsJanessa]

got to agree with all of the above posts---It's not worth pushing the issue. You can console yourself with this however, unless you work in a cocktail bar or an exotic dance club, spandex pants on anybody, be they GG, CD or male are probably not appropriate attire for the workplace---even if you have the figure for them, they would be too distracting and not very professional looking.

[susan fuller]

Keep the good will of the ladies you work with. It seems you have gone a long way with then don"t mess that up. The maintence guys my be just messing with you to get you fired or to see just what you will do. If you have a good job and are doing fine other than this be happy.LOL any way you go. Been there with HR and the company and when they get upset or loose a battle they will go out of their way to try and find any little thing to let you go. Is ths worth the job.

[valenstein]

- The maintenance guys and every other employee of that company would forget your name within a week and just laugh about how they got someone terminated because they were able to manipulatate them.

Tamara makes a good point, forget about the what and why, other coworkers might support you in hopes that you might "win one for the system", but they rarely will join you in your fight.

Spandex is a tough one. If I was manager, I don't think I'd allow anyone to wear spandex, and I like to push dress codes. Maybe try some stretchy yoga pants or a spandex/cotton mix top.

[Rachel Morley]

What if, and this is only a suggestion, what if it's not about the pants themselves? When you said: "The HR manager came to me and said that the pants I wear are inappropriate attire" ... what if they were a little bit too tight? I don't know how tight they were or how well you tuck, but what if there were "lumps" in obvious places that someone found objectionable and complained about it?

In other words wearing feminine pants is not the issue, it was the tightness and the style that someone complained to HR about, and HR being HR were forced to mention it to you?

Just a thought from an outsider looking in :2c:

[Denise01]

I have to agree with the other posts, and Personally I would not rock the boat, on an issue, as small as Spandex garments.

What is good in the eyes of one person, is not so good in the eyes of another.
While HR is there to help you, remember they are the people that monitors all situations, and ultimately have a big say in your pay cheque.

If I were going to take something to task with HR, it would have to be a matter much larger and more important, that the type of material in the pants or slacks that I wore.

Denise

[Tina Dixon]

Those guys could just be edging you on and if you need your job go with the flo unless you own the place.

[suzy cool]

What if, and this is only a suggestion, what if it's not about the pants themselves? When you said: "The HR manager came to me and said that the pants I wear are inappropriate attire" ... what if they were a little bit too tight? I don't know how tight they were or how well you tuck, but what if there were "lumps" in obvious places that someone found objectionable and complained about it?

In other words wearing feminine pants is not the issue, it was the tightness and the style that someone complained to HR about, and HR being HR were forced to mention it to you?

Just a thought from an outsider looking in :2c:

I agree with Rachel. I don't care who wears what generally, but I would personally object to someone displaying their meat and two veg in spandex pants no matter what their gender identity. And that's probably the real reason for the HR intervention.

[Kendra Irene]

For the last year or so i was wearing spandex pants on casual friday's but then started wearing them a couple of times thru the week.
:daydreaming: Kim

Kim, did HR say that they were inappropriate for day to day wear? Can you still wear them on casual Fridays?
It may be that you stepped outside of what they deem appropriate for day to day wear.

Kendra

[Shelly Preston]

I think if you are going to do something you need to be extra careful

You can say you wont wear them again if they feel it is inapproiate

If you are polite you may get an explanation of why so you understand where the problem was

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

The thing is, I was leaning towards the do nothing, don't rock the boat approach. Good jobs are hard to find these days. I was very interested to find what my sisters thought on the matter. So the issue is done at this point. I thank everyone for their advice. :battingeyelashes: Kim

[Cary]

Save the fight for something else. I would ask myself why those guys were trying to get me to fight this battle?:2c:

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

Just a thought. :battingeyelashes: Kim

PS Thanks for all the advice, seems that my sisters, all have good common sense.