The Roots and controlling CDing

[Tracy_NM]

Apologize if this sounds too like a bio and too long but will try to keep it short. Where CDing gets it's roots in all of us we will never know totally for sure and doesn't really matter to most but in much self-analysis over the past couple of years figure that history, aside from beginning at puberty was precipitated by child abuse from my father being aggressive towards me, attacking and beating on in addition to my mother putting me down and always saying negative things about me, with a belief that preferential treatment was given to my sisters and women treated better by society. Then came art school and meeting other artists who are against the mainstream, antiestablishment and others who are even antisocial - connected to all that and find myself still doing that today, 25 years later.
To this day the urge to CD comes up mostly when I am feeling oppressed (like at home married, at church, at work) get me around the right crowd of people, as I was two weeks ago (old artist friends and my mom) and no desire to dress at all.
I just write these things to strengthen my resolve and understand myself when the need comes to oppress myself because of the environment I am surrounded by at home and at church.
That's all, just writing out thoughts, anyone feel the same way about themselves?
I guess I sound like someone needing to change his surroundings too! Wish I could....sigh.

[susan fuller]

This thread I can relate to. I think I started do the unfair treatment I recieved as a child. My sister could do no wrong in my parents eyes. I recieved a lot of whippings that should have been hers and she was allowed a lot more freedom and privages then me. She wore prettier clothes and at the age of 13 was allowed to quit school and do as she pleased. Of course I did not want to quit school so I felt that I did better than she. My sister was very pretty and dressed very sexy all the time. Don't get wrong I loved my sister but not the treatment I recieved next to hers. I so wanted to be like her and admired the way she dressed.

[TommiTN]

I can also relate to this thread. I was an only child for 9 years and my mother, wanting me to be perfect in every way, never relented in her criticism (hasn't to this day). When my sister came along I hoped that I'd get a break from it, but no such luck. My sister was the little princess who could do no wrong, while I was the cause of constant irritation. My father never stood up for me; he was mostly absent due to his career and was uninvolved with me when he was around. I received underserved beatings at my mother's hand just for being a typical little boy. These were sometimes administered with the buckle end of a belt. I think something in me said "if only I were a girl Mom would love me". This was not on a concious level, but I do believe it has a bearing on why I crossdress. My mother seems to harbor a lot of resentment toward men in general; she constantly carped about my Dad never being around to help her raise me, but when he was there knock down, drag out fights were constant and usually centered on my behavior. Why they stayed married is beyond knowing. Funny thing is, my Mom and my sister have had several fallings out and I actually get along better with Mom than she does. Of course, I live several states away. A distance does much to soften a person's perspective.

[docrobbysherry]

I also had an overbearing father. He openly favored and revered women. Thot that men should protect and idolize them. He never lost his temper with my sister, only me. My mother admitted he unfairly picked on me, but would not go against his authority on my behalf.

I wonder how many of us have experienced some form of favoritive female sexism in our pasts?

On the other hand, that occurred 50 years ago. I didn't start CDing until 40 years later!