Question for the group...

[Rose01]

Ilove to wear my wife's clothes when she is not home. I would love to wear them when she IS home but she would not approve. Should I tell her I do this or should I continue my fun in private like I usually do?

- Rose

[Ruth]

Please think about getting your own female clothes rather than wearing your wife's. She is more likely to approve if it's your stuff you are wearing, not hers.
How would you like it if someone was wearing your stuff when you weren't around?

[Rose01]

Its not the fact that I am wearing her clothes she would not approve of. Its the fact that I am wearing women's clothes and underwear she would not approve of.

But, I understand what you are talking about. I just don't know where I would hide female clothes if I bought some for myself.

- Rose

[Cathytg]

Pretty hard for someone to advise without knowing both you and your wife. I told my first wife after we were married and I told my second (present) wife before we were married. Before is much better. However...

Whether you tell her depends in large measure upon your own self-image. Are you completely comfortable with your dressing or do you call it a "hobby" ? If you are not solid in your own spot with this, you will project shame and embarrassment which she will pick up and act on accordingly. How she perceives your own self image is at least as important as how she might feel about dressing in the first place.

I can't answer your question, but I can advise you to examine yourself and your relationship very closely. At some point, if you are a life-long CD, you are going to have to share that with her. Please come to that moment with a very healthy awareness of who you are, where you are, and how transgender and dressing enhance your own self. Call it a value-added package.

[Tracii G]

I wouldn't tell her because if she thinks its disgusting and wrong you won't win EVER.

[~Seana~]

Get You're own! Sheesh she's your wife she doeesnt have to share EVERYTHING. And you are probably stretching her clothes out in places she'd rather you not.
If you want your wife to be accepting EVER your not going to get it by invading what she believes is hers. Same applies to makeup which is an even more personal item.

Amanda

[Sandra Dunn]

First, buy your own clothes.
Second, sooner or later she'll find out and it'll be a lot worse for both of you at that time. She will feel betrayed by you, lied to and she will feel like you don't trust her. The biggest thing for wives is the trust factor. The fact that you didn't trust her enough to tell her.
One question she will have for you is"Are you gay"?. This is a question you need to answer the best you can and be up front about it, be honest about your answer.
She may or may not be totaly sicken by the fact that the man she married and came to love wears womens clothes. After the initial shock she may find it very exciting or who knows. Until you tell her you are only guessing.
One of the sisters here had an interesting outing. She had contacted the local GLBT center here, before I came onto the scene, the LGBT person returned her call and left a message with her wife. This was news to the wife , needless to say they had a long talk and now she helps her with everything.
Tell her soon HUGS Sandra

[VictoriaP]

I feel so lucky to have a wife that knows about me and approves. I guess that nobody can answer your question but you because there are so many variables, e.g., is your wife generally open-minded? is she likely to think that you are less os man because you like to wear her clothing? I have great empathy for you honey, good luck whatever your decision.
Victoria

[Sasha Anne Meadows]

I wore my wife's clothes when she was gone for the first 28 years of our marriage. I thought she would be furious. Then in1996 she started dressing me and turned me into a girl. I lost all those years when I could be enfemme and was not. Level with her and see what happens. It might be bad but it could open a whole new door. It's a risk but the rewards are phenomial.

[Rose01]

The thing is that I only like to do this when she is not at home. I don't feel comfortable doing it around her because I know she doesn't approve so I never WANT to dress fem when she is home.

See, since my wife is in the hospital often (amandasfriends.7p.com) I have a lot of time to wear fem stuff.

- Rose

[Rose01]

You can e-mail me at RavenFreak9807@aol.com if you feel this will be easier to chat with me.

- Rose

[RylieCD]

Honesty is the best policy, and taking her clothes with out her permission is not good. WHEN she finds out she will feel betrayed and hurt among many other feelings. and then to find out it was HER clothes as well. My wife found out the hard way, yes just telling her would have been hard as well but it would have been easier and better controlled (enviroment wise). She has decided that she doesnt want to see this side of me, which is ok, so I can dress when she is not at home (much like you). Yes I still feel like I am hiding and but I no longer feel the shame of lying to my soul mate, which I still regret.

[Pamela Julie]

Regardless weather you tell her or not, buy and wear your own clothes. If you think things through, you can find places to hide clothes. Are their places your wife never goes, eg. the basement, attic, garage, gun cabinet, tool chests, locking file cabinet? If you do tell her about your cd'ing, you must be able to tell her you only wear your own clothes, as wearing hers is an invasion of her privacy, and any reaction from her will be much worse because of that. I hope you work out your dilemma in a satisfactory way.

Pamela:)

[gillian1968]

Ilove to wear my wife's clothes when she is not home. I would love to wear them when she IS home but she would not approve. Should I tell her I do this or should I continue my fun in private like I usually do?


My wife does approve, but she's still very territorial about her clothes. Knowing and respecting this boundary has really helped with her acceptance. She is slightly threatened and has voiced a fear of being less pretty than me in her own clothes.

So, out of respect for her I have been trying hard to establish my own wardrobe and this has really helped. She has even become a little more open about sharing clothes now that she can borrow mine. Her prettiest things are very much off limits though.

I recommend you get your own clothes. :2c:

-tasha

[docrobbysherry]

U obviously aren't very turned on by wearing her clothes. Or you're good at controlling yourself! Just imagine having your own things that u could DO WHATEVER U WANT TO in! I guess if u don't get excited in ladies clothes, u may be TS/TG. In that case, u may need to have a talk with your spouse!:eek:

[TSchapes]

Get your own clothes, and

Tell her.


cause there's nothing that will make your wife more angry than if she finds you dressed AND in her clothes! :2c:

Love, Tracy

[Mary Morgan]

Neither, as others have stated, you need to stop wearing her clothes all together and then reconsider the question, " Do I dress in secret, or do you tell her?" I would recommend telling her unless you want to further alienate her if and when she discovers it for herself. I suspect that she already knows since you have been in her things. Women know when someone has been in their space. Good luck.

[Rose01]

She would never know I go through her things. See, my friends and I recently cleaned up my bedroom (IT NEEDED IT BAD!) and moved a bunch of her stuff around so she would never know.

Anyways, does anyone know where to buy some inexpensive plus size lingerie?

- Rose

[Michelly]

Coming out is certainly the hardest thing for us CD's to do. Especially if we are married! Whether you wife will approve or not is needed to be considered. I have been married a couple of times and both have failed but cross-dressing wasn't the issue. These days marriages are desposible to most people. If your wife truly loves and is commited to you she might try to cope with it. Many wives have some have accually liked it. Neverless honesty is critical for a marriage. Better to be a open and honest CD then a Shameful lying betraying CD don't you think. It's up to you gf, there are books that give ways for us guys to come out to our wives. Tri-Ess is an organization that can help you with this problem: www.tri-ess.org

And get your own clothes, its much more fun having your own.

Best of luck to you.

[Carissa B.]

I learned the hard way, respect her and her stuff. The situation has improved and has turned, my fem clothing hang in the same closet and her style in clothing has improved. I can tell that she likes some of my clothing styles, she just ordered from the same catalog. Ya got to Luv it !
Carissa

[Janice1948]

Dear Nels01,

Try roamans.com as a source of inexpensive plus size lingerie. I have had a lot of success on ebay.com or just do a search on google. I never did tell my wife (we had other issues) so I don't feel comfortable advising you. You will be surprised as to how creative you can be in finding places to hide your femmy stuff when you make your own purchases.

[Sandra]

She would never know I go through her things. See, my friends and I recently cleaned up my bedroom (IT NEEDED IT BAD!) and moved a bunch of her stuff around so she would never know.


And that makes it ok dose it? FFs grow up and buy your own clothes, :Angry3: how do you think she'd feel if she did find out you'd been wearing her stuff.

As for telling her yes you should, but don't expect it to be easy especially after she knows you've been wearing her clothes.

She will mostly likely feel as though she's been lied to and feel that you couldn't trust her. And people wonder why SOs get so upset, is there any wonder.:Angry3:

[Angie G]

I'd say no if she'll be unhappy hun think about it. And get you one things. My wife and I swap some thing skirts and blouses nothing else.:hugs:
Angie

[rachel1985]

Before I actually met my partner (we met online) in RL, I phoned her and told her straight, she said she understood, and that nothing changed.

When she came to see me, she asked to see my clothes, which I showed her, and she helped me dress up. We ended up going out to a local bar, and had lots of fun together!

It does depend on how open minded your wife / partner is, as far as I'm concerned.

At the time I told my partner, we hadn't met, we weren't living together, we were just two people who were single and looking to become something more.
I think telling her made our relationship a good one, however factors since have degraded our rel.

Think of it as her telling you, would you like her to tell you, she'd been wearing your underwear, your socks, your trousers, your shirts, then using your cosmetics.

Its an invasion of someones space, which for a woman, is her own.

I guess for more mature women, the cosmetic / clothes side of things, are seen as being only their own, because thats the way they were brought up.
These days though, younger women, are growing up into a multi-gendered world, men becoming women, women becoming men, etc etc.

I know that must not sound like a good explaination, but I know what I mean.
I'm not trying to sound derogative towards mature women, just mearly saying thats the way I've been brought up.

When I told my mum, she shunned the idea. Yes I'd already told her I was Bisexual, but she thought me telling her I was a TS, was just another way of gaining attention.

When I started arriving dressed up, thats when the reality of the situation dawned.

I guess now i'm rambling, so getting back to the point.

As others have said, "Get your own clothes and makeup". She'll feel less betrayed / lied to.
Explain to her how you feel, are you doing it as a hobby, are you using it as some form of fetish or do you feel this is the real you.
The more information you have to say how you personally feel, why you believe your doing it, the better you'll be. Give it some forethought instead of making it up on the spot, since you'll know your being true to yourself and to her.

I guess, Ultimately, don't lie to her, she'll respect you more.

Other than that, good luck.

[xdress2lady]

HI Nels01,

Sorry to sound like an echo here but I would buy my own stuff too. There must be someplace you can hide it? The old suitcase in the closet was a good one for me at one time. Like many of the other ladies here, I used to borrow my wifes or GF's clothes and it felt OK but not like it does now that I have my own. Even after my wife found out about me being a CD, I still continued to borrow her stuff or use her hand me downs. It made me feel like her kid sister. It may have did the trick then but now..OMG I NEED my own stuff. I have grown up!!!

Imagine this..you can be your own woman instead of someone else's shadow. Having your own stuff will mean 1) makeup that fits your skin color and taste, 2)panties that fit you in all the right places, 3) Your VERY OWN Bra size, ( that one is my fav :daydreaming:) 4)Clothes that help shape or hide your male body and make you look more feminine. 5) if you wreck anything noone will know

All I can say is that these things have made CDing so much better and more fulfilling for me. The best part now, she borrows MY stuff and then and calls me her best Girlfriend because nothing is off limits! :battingeyelashes:

Just my :2c:


Good luck


Josie

[Vivian Best]

Should I tell her I do this or should I continue my fun in private like I usually do?

- Rose

Rose, You are setting on a time bomb and only you know when the timer is set to go off! You should know your wife well enough to have at least a clue how she will handle news such as this. If you have an inkling that she might not accept you CDing it might be wise to not tell her plus then you drop the news you wear her clothes. KABOOOOM!!!

[Rose01]

My wife and I are going to a Halloween party and today we talked about our costomes. She Agreed to help me look like a lady. She even offered to let me wear some of her stuff. When Is uggested I buy my own and jokingly said "So I can wear them around the house", she didn't like the idea.

- Rose