To be in the closet or not to be!

[Michelly]

I am out of the closet and have been for a couple of years. I now go out fully dressed and love every minute of it. Many others tell me they will not come out for various reasons. I have found true happiness in myself coming out and excepting myself as a cross-dresser. I would just like to hear from all you gurls if you are in or out and whether you are happy were you are.

God loves you and I know He still loves me.

[crystal99]

Im having trouble coming to terms with what i do.

I first dressed when i was about 11 and knew then that it was something i had to do in private, this carried on in secret in my teens, i was almost caught by my dad coming home one day so i stopped.

Nothing happened for a while, i thought id grown out of it, that it was just a phase but when i went to uni i ended up living with 5 girls, i saw them all swapping clothes, being girly, i wanted to be part of it. so it happened again, id dress in private in clothes id bought, sometimes borrow.

I ended up getting together with one of the girls i lived with and we've been together ever since. we've sinced moved out and ive tried to stop dressing for her sake but sometimes i cant help myself. its as if im addicted in some way, when i know there is going to be nobody around for a while i tell myself not to but some force takes over and i end up dressed, sitting looking at myself, sometimes taking photos. Is this how other people feel?

If i told her i know shed freak out, what happened when you told people around you?

Sorry i waffle. xx

[Michelly]

I have been a cross-dersser since a child, I hid it away all my life, went through the Army for 16 years, had two kids, and devoiced twice not of my choice. When I reached 45 years I had a change of heart and decided that I was not going to deny my desires any more crystal. I have decided that it doesn't matter what others think of me. Yes some not all people will think all kinds of bad things about you and say bad things, but until you can come to terms with yourself and except it, it may hant you, but if you can except yourself you will find happiness just as I did. Now everyone knows, even my x-wives and children, I go out dressed all the time. What can I say; FREEDOM, FREEDOM FREEDOM!!!

[Tracy_Victoria]

Im having trouble coming to terms with what i do.

I first dressed when i was about 11 and knew then that it was something i had to do in private, this carried on in secret in my teens, i was almost caught by my dad coming home one day so i stopped.

Nothing happened for a while, i thought id grown out of it, that it was just a phase but when i went to uni i ended up living with 5 girls, i saw them all swapping clothes, being girly, i wanted to be part of it. so it happened again, id dress in private in clothes id bought, sometimes borrow.

I ended up getting together with one of the girls i lived with and we've been together ever since. we've sinced moved out and ive tried to stop dressing for her sake but sometimes i cant help myself. its as if im addicted in some way, when i know there is going to be nobody around for a while i tell myself not to but some force takes over and i end up dressed, sitting looking at myself, sometimes taking photos. Is this how other people feel?

If i told her i know shed freak out, what happened when you told people around you?

Sorry i waffle. xx

crystal

It's not waffle, it how a lot of us feel, Myself, and can take and leave my crossdressing at will, but it always returns in the end, because it's something I just need to do. However over the years I have learn to control it till I'm ready. Recently I have not had a lot of time to myself, which has in turn reflected on my time available to dress, however I know in time I will need to do so, and to be honest I'm now counting days till the end of the school holidays here in the UK (my partner knows I CD, but we don't feel the kids need to know)

CD'ing should be a matter of personal choice, but there are always times when it will need to be on the back burner due to other things, ie the school holidays in my case. Don't let your CDing be the master of you, be the master of it, and you will be so much more happy about it. there is nothing wrong with Crossdressing (even if some see it as so) your not hurting anyone, your not doing any thing illegal, and there is nothing wrong with acting a little silly at times (if thats how other want to see it) it's always nice to step out of yourself once in a while, and everybody likes to let there hair down.

However all that being said, please remember two things. not everything you read in this forum is totally true, it's your job to weed the reality from the fantasy, we can all claim to have done things, and even provide pictures and videos, however these can all be staged, and claimed it's only when you do them yourself, you know there totally real. Many girls here walk in the real world as female, be many claim to do so, but never have.

Also you never know how another person feels unless you actually ask. Whilst just coming out with "I'm a crossdresser" is never a good way to handle it, you never know how people will react. Many here have been convinced there SO would handle such a confession badly, yet there fear was unfounded. the best way (as with anything) is slowly push the door forward, and test the water. if you can be honest, it's always best, even if it just like my partner, she wants nothing to do with my dressing (sadly) but at least she knows, and lets me get on with it. So I never have the worry of her finding out, or me leaving a tell tale sign. Thankfully shes pretty cool about it, which, if thats all I can have, I'll accept that and be greatful for it.

Most of all, you need to be honest, and with yourself most of all! Have fun with your dressing, enjoy it, as many here will tell you, fighting it, often doesn't work, and if you have size 10 feet, you can't wear size fours, so if you have the need to wear a dress, why not just damned well enjoy it.

Lastly, if your partner know you well, she will know there are things about you, that are different from other men she has known. Mine understands what she likes about Dave, may be partly due to Tracy, ie Tracy is Dave, as much as Dave is Tracy I am still the same person be it in male or female clothes, however because I have seen life from both sides of the fence, maybe that makes me more rounded and understanding, and able to accept thing differently, from others.

[Tracy_Victoria]

I have been a cross-dersser since a child, I hid it away all my life, went through the Army for 16 years, had two kids, and devoiced twice not of my choice. When I reached 45 years I had a change of heart and decided that I was not going to deny my desires any more crystal. I have decided that it doesn't matter what others think of me. Yes some not all people will think all kinds of bad things about you and say bad things, but until you can come to terms with yourself and except it, it may hant you, but if you can except yourself you will find happiness just as I did. Now everyone knows, even my x-wives and children, I go out dressed all the time. What can I say; FREEDOM, FREEDOM FREEDOM!!!

Michelly good for you.

However I always have a problem when people talk about the freedom they have. Freedom has to be Earned, and respected (BOTH WAYS), ie you can't just push this hobby/lifestyle on People and expect them to accept, aceptance comes with understanding and consideration from both sides of the fence.

Whilst What you say you have is great, very few will be able to accept such claims until proved, however self acceptance is the biggest thing about Crossdressing (or being gay, or even a stamp collector even, so long as your happy with your lot, what the heck!)

The biggest reason for my reply to you is this statement "I have decided that it doesn't matter what others think of me" Well you should. Other people perceptions of us, are really what count, very few people know me as both Tracy and Dave, however if those people that know Dave, found out about Tracy, I hope they would judge me on what they knew of Dave, over just judging me as A freak in a dress! (I hope you understand, that not what I'm saying you are too! ;)) but how other people see us, Does count. There is nothing wrong with us getting a kick out of Our hobby/Lifestyle, however others must see that our lifestyles, are not going to be forced on to them, to accept, because when they are, thats when they start fighing back or fear it will impact on theres or make changes to it.

[Jocelyn Renee]

Coming out is a deeply personal decision that should be based on individual circumstances and where we are on the gender continuum. I would never advocate that every single one of us wake up tomorrow and demand of everyone in our lives the freedom to wear a dress. However, I tend to side with Michelly on this one. I have a responsibility to and am concerned with what God, my wife, and my children think of me. Everyone else is irrelevant. That is not the same thing as forcing my beliefs on others. I have the freedom to dress as I please and everyone else has the freedom to find it disgusting, perverted, weird, or whatever.

My personal freedom is not granted by others; it is granted by God and flows from truth. It is man's responsibility to defend that precious gift. Certainly freedom carries with it great responsibilities, but lying is not one of them. The truth of my life is that I am bi-gendered. Someone else's inability to accept that does not alter the truth of that statement. I am willing to answer their questions openly and honestly. I am willing to be considerate of their feelings and compromise where appropriate. But, I am not willing to accept responsibility for their feelings nor respect their inability to accept the truth.

Yes, embracing that truth can be costly. I have lost a great deal to the truth of a bi-gendered life. After the dust had settled, however, I came to see that time period as a harvest time; the wheat was separated from the chafe. The life that emerged was better in every way and I have been blessed with a profound sense of peace and acceptance. I don't say this boastfully for I am humbled by the grace of acceptance and mindful of the magnitude of the struggle that had to be endured. I was in the closet for more than 30 years and hated myself the majority of that time. All I can tell you is that I much prefer being free.

[DonnaT]

I've never been ashamed of being trans, or a CDer. That doesn't mean I've come out to everyone, however.

Whether or not one wants out of that closet they've put themselves in is different from finding self acceptance.

Finding self acceptance is the most important thing you can do for yourself.

Stepping out of the closet isn't nearly as important, and may not be right, depending on one's circumstances.

From my own experience. I've taken the door off the closet and burned it. No regrets at all in coming out to most of my family.

[marie354]

I stayed in the closet for about 50 years and it didn't do me any good... Hiding it all the time, purging when I thought I might get caught, etc., etc. It created a lot of stress in my life.

Last year I decided to come out all the way and it has been the best decision, (so far), that I've made.
No more hiding and sneaking around. Sure I had a few times dressed in public, but it was just for a single night. (I was nervous, but it felt great.)

Now, however, no more stress, unless you consider the decisions I have to make every day as to what to wear. What shoes will match my outfit. Do my undies match.
And... What about what color eye-shadow or how I want to style my hair that day.

Decisions, decisions, decisions... Still... It's a lot less stressful and much more fun.

But, all in all, The decision still rests with you. Coming out isn't for everyone, you're the only one that can determine that. Maybe you just need a night out once in a while in another town where no-one knows you or a day of shopping. Only you can know for sure.

[Michelly]

Well said Tracy, all this is true. We never know how people are going to react to our CD'ing. It is a mixed situation. I have lost friendships with some because of it, and one the other hand I have made new ones. Those who rejected me were people of low character anyway i.e.; nice to my face, talk bad behind my back, so I don't miss narrow-mindedness and the bigotry. And your right, we need to be careful and selective about our open dressing, but the more exposure the public gets the better chances of acceptance. We need to have some class when dressed in order to gain some respect. Drag queens are a bad example for us CD's. When we dress with class in public and carry good mannerisms I think it will leave better impressions on people.


Michelly good for you.

However I always have a problem when people talk about the freedom they have. Freedom has to be Earned, and respected (BOTH WAYS), ie you can't just push this hobby/lifestyle on People and expect them to accept, aceptance comes with understanding and consideration from both sides of the fence.

Whilst What you say you have is great, very few will be able to accept such claims until proved, however self acceptance is the biggest thing about Crossdressing (or being gay, or even a stamp collector even, so long as your happy with your lot, what the heck!)

The biggest reason for my reply to you is this statement "I have decided that it doesn't matter what others think of me" Well you should. Other people perceptions of us, are really what count, very few people know me as both Tracy and Dave, however if those people that know Dave, found out about Tracy, I hope they would judge me on what they knew of Dave, over just judging me as A freak in a dress! (I hope you understand, that not what I'm saying you are too! ;)) but how other people see us, Does count. There is nothing wrong with us getting a kick out of Our hobby/Lifestyle, however others must see that our lifestyles, are not going to be forced on to them, to accept, because when they are, thats when they start fighing back or fear it will impact on theres or make changes to it.

[darla_g]

i like what Jocelyn said in her first paragraph and that sums it up for me too.

I'm not up and about first because i don't have any place in particular i want to go to right now. I dress for myself.

[marny]

darla g...you cool!

[emmicd]

I am a closet crossdresser and have a wife who does not understand why I am drawn to it.

I completely identify with the other girl's here and will always identify as a crossdresser with the strong compulsion to do so!

I am also a girl internally.

emmi

[docrobbysherry]

crystal

However all that being said, please remember two things. not everything you read in this forum is totally true, it's your job to weed the reality from the fantasy, we can all claim to have done things, and even provide pictures and videos, however these can all be staged, and claimed it's only when you do them yourself, you know there totally real. Many girls here walk in the real world as female, be many claim to do so, but never have.

Actually, some of us closet folks EMBRACE CD fantasy. Trying to appear as the women in our imaginations is a most exciting part of CDing. That, and escaping from the reality of our daily selves!

Why would we want to become dreary, homely, shapeless, possibly old, men in dresses? That's what I would be, if I went out dressed!
And have to deal with all the negative side effects of CDing in public, also!?

I MUCH prefer the friendly fantasy of CDing in my closet, to the harsh reality of CDing out in public!

Why is this so hard for anyone to understand?:eek:

[CD Susan]

I have been a cd all of my life since I first discovered this part of me at the age of five. I am now 60 so I have been doing this a very long time. I have always been in the closet but my life took a turn for the better just three months ago. That is when I decided to come out and I did just that. I joined this website as well as several others and began communicating with other cd's. This gave me the courage and confidence to finally go out in public dressed. I started doing this two months ago and it is the best thing I have ever done for myself. Making this decision literaly changed my life. After 50 years of being buried in the closet and then coming out was like being released from a prison. I cannot begin to describe the feelings that I now enjoy. Finally I am living as I should have many years ago. I have so much happiness in my life now and wish all of my sisters could experience this.