is it guilt?

[Bridged]

my question is this,
Why would by husband continue to shut me out on the subject of his cding, now that we have FINALLY admitted it? Is it guilt? We talked openly about it about a week ago for the first time. I was very receptive and told him that as long as the lines of communication remained open we could slowly introduce this part of his life into OUR life. He seemed so thrilled with this, but now, it's like the wall is built back up and he definitely isn't receptive to my questions, which I feel that i have the right to ask. I appreciate that i can post here and hear from all of you on the subject, but i want to hear it from him. He keeps saying that he wants to put this behind him. DUH!! Even i know(as uneducated on this subject as i am) that isn't going to help. well, i appreciate any feedback thanks

[MichelleSanders]

It is probably guilt with a bunch of shame mixed in there too. You are correct in that he can never put it behind him. It is part of him and always will be. I'm 54 years old and came out to my SO four years ago. I still feel the guilt and shame, although much less these days. It's been hard thing for me to deal with over the years.

The best thing for me was the support of my SO. The talks we have had regarding CDing continue to this day. Her growing comfort level with it also makes me much more comfortable so I have less to feel guilty about.

All I can say is keep supporting your SO and keep the communication going. Things will change.

[TommiTN]

It sounds to me like he hasn't fully accepted himself yet and is suffering the undeserved pangs of guilt most of us have gone through. These things take time to work through. The only thing I can suggest is to continue as you've been doing, be supportive but don't push. He'll come around eventually.

You are a rare woman; I hope to God I can find someone as understanding as you!

[Tracy_Victoria]

What you also need to remember is for so long as he has hide this, and had to hide every part of this life from everyone. Now suddenly he has a Green light and it can be a Sensory overload.

My Partner, knows fully of Tracy, and has done for years (15 in fact!), she has rarely seen Tracy (Or me En-fem) but she knows fully that I dress, and she has seen pictures, my clothes wigs etc. Yet dispite this, it's still me that has the problem, I still have problems talking to her about it and I still hate feeling like I'm walking on Egg shells, though I really know I don't need to.

I still think part of the problem between us is not full acceptance for both of us, and us both being comfortable with Tracy totally, but I'm so very, very glad for what we do have, but 90% of the time, the problem is in my head on raising the subject, not in my SO.

My only wish would be to be able to talk more, we did have a period a while back where we seemed to be winning, but that gap has closed again and we now go our own ways again, ie not a split, just my dressing is not her thing, the same as her interest in dogs is not mine. if that all she can give me thats fine, we can still talk, and the subject does come up now and again, however I'm glad she knows, and we can talk about it, when I need to. (or she see a reason to do so)

I hope what I'm saying here makes sence, I don't have everything my way in my dressing, the comunications problems maybe of my making, but I don't say anything for fear of damaging what we do have, She does mean the world to me, so much more than my dressing, so I probably put up and Shutup over saying anything, and that probably is not the best approach, but it does not risk the status quo between us, nor does it mean I put my foot in it, and damage what we do have together for my desire or want for more.

At the end of the day, she means 100 times more to me than my dressing, but I know I could never stop either, so the easy way out is to clam up and make out all is fine, that way the status quo remains. We have a rare weekend alone together this weekend, the subject being raised would be nice, however I doubt very, much it will. sadly it a balance we seem to have struck on, if it all I'm destine to have so be it, I'll just be happy with her knowing and not having to sneek around and hide things.

My advice in your case would be to talk to him, if you can accept me, tell him, at the moment, he may just be waiting for the bubble to bust, and you to tell him it's to much. You need to talk to him as much as he probably want to talk to you.

Good Luck, it can be fun, when it happens, but I'm grateful yo keep what I have rather than risking lossing it.

I hope what I said makes sence!!!!

[Bev06 GG]

Hi Bridged,
Welcome to the forum, I dont believe we have met. I am not a Cd but I'd hazard a guess that dressing up as a woman for a man makes him feel very vulnerable and self conscious infront of those that he knows.
I am maybe a million miles off the mark but can you imagine what it must be like for a CD who has normally presented himself to his nearest and dearest as a male to then alter his appeareance to look like a woman. I think if you actually sit and think about it, the very first time they do must be terrifying. What if someone laughts, what if I look daft, is my hair OK what about my makeup. Because even CDs have been moulded by society to accept guys and gals are different they must feel very self conscious the first time they show you how they look as a female with their wigs, boobs etc etc. After all if anyone is going to pick them up for making mistakes its a real woman. (Well so they think) I remember my fella did things gradually and once the ice was broken he was off, but some CDs take an age to feel comfortable infront of family members, and some just never get the chance anyhow. So eventhough he maybe really appreciates your acceptance he is struggling to take the first step. I think he probably needs time and patience and maybe a bit of encouragement. I dont know him so its difficult to say how you do that, but my fella wanted me to choose what he wore and he wanted me to help him with it.
Best of luck anyhow and I'd talk to him about it
Bev

[Cathytg]

For my part, it wasn't guilt that I had to overcome to talk to my then girlfriend and now wife. It was embarrassment. Dressing just doesn't fit the image we all have for masculinity and I wanted very badly to be her ideal man. She was great about it when I told her. Her comment? "Wow! Do you have some cool clothes?" Now she understands that my gender place makes me far more intimate with her on all levels than most men would be and she loves it.

Be patient, be supportive and try to go past the dressing into the rest of who he is. You are dealing with something very profound and very deep here. The clothes are just a part of it and you will need to look beyond that single item and reach out to his very soul.

I find myself going through periods of reluctance with dressing or even discussing it, even though my wife is completely supportive. That reluctance has nothing to do with her and has everything to do with me and my having hide this for 60 years of my life. I have a hard time understanding that it is OK with her. So, it becomes a little bit like not wanting to wear out my welcome.

Hang in there, You are doing a wonderful thing here in spending time on the computer and joining this forum. You are going way beyond simple acceptance and moving into support. He is a lucky man to have you. Be gentle and supportive and you are likely to find your life becoming far more wonderful than you ever thought possible.

[Sandra]

I think he probably needs time and patience and maybe a bit of encouragement. I dont know him so its difficult to say how you do that, but my fella wanted me to choose what he wore and he wanted me to help him with it.
Best of luck anyhow and I'd talk to him about it
Bev


I agree with Bev be patient and give some encouragement. Like Bevs SO mine wanted me to choose what she wore and to help her with, she needed that re-assurance that it was ok to do this.

Take your tme with your SO, some cders do find it awkward when a wife/partner does accept, do your best to keep the lines of communication open.

[suzy cool]

It's a bit difficult to explain this but I will do my best. The urge to CD comes and goes in a (usually) unpredictable cycle. When the mood strikes it's as if there is a distinct change in brain chemistry and things that you would not normally desire, become very attractive. Things that you would not normally dare talk about also become something you need to share with someone. There is a definite change in thinking and the willingness to talk about it.
But when that mood goes away it does so very quickly and when that happens all your self preservation, guilt and shame come flooding back and shut down any risk of telling someone, or sharing it with someone.
Think of it like you having too many drinks and dancing on the tables one night.....and then the next day all you feel is an overwhelming sense of shame and embarrassment. The VERY LAST thing you want to do is talk about it, refer to it, or relive it. You just want to put it "all behind you".
If you keep on about it, the result will be sullen annoyance on his part, which will very quickly turn to resentful anger if you keep chipping away. Leave him be and when he is in the right mind set he will come to you. You've indicated that the way is open for discussion, so leave it alone until he is ready.

[tracigirl_tv]

.... they must feel very self conscious the first time they show you how they look as a female with their wigs, boobs etc etc.

Bev, you couldn't be more right on this, at least in my case. After I came out to my gf very early in our relationship, the day of Traci's first appearance to my gf was nerve-wracking, to say the least. The fact that she was (and is) so accepting didn't matter at that time. I was a nervous wreck.

Bridged....as others have said, please be patient. He will come to know what a special blessing you are.

[nikki47]

I agree with most on here you must have patience,slowly but surely he will open up.My wife knew before we were married and kind of accepted it,i mostly used to dress on my own,and slowly we started talking,but yet it was a few months before i dressed in front of her,hell i was so nervous,did my clothes look right,makeup etc.Now it's just so natural to us,as it will be for you 2.

Nikki

[Sallee]

I think you hit the nail on the head GUILT I know I have trouble with it and my SO is somewhat accepting. But I do find it hard to talk about. This forum is a great way to communicate for both of you

[Sarah...]

Bridged, that's a perceptive post above from Bev. That's exactly how I feel now, but that's changing slowly. Add in to the mix the long built feelings of denial of a part of his personality (the woman - to whatever extent this applies) AND the new and developing denial of his birth sex (the man - who he is rejecting to a greater or lesser degree) then the result is someone who wants to discuss, learn and progress at the same time as someone who doesn't want to do these things. This is difficult to manage at first. However, to use a very old saying, slowly, slowly catchee monkey. It's not going to go away, no matter how hard he tries, in fact it can be more destructive to try and force it away.

Speaking from experience (and I see some commonality here with previous posts in this thread) I felt a greater sense of support and trust when my SO told me she was taking control of when I dressed (but not what I wear, although I ask her advice regularly). This sense of control is equally important to my SO for her own understanding and coping and was borne of a mutual need to understand what the boundaries are.

So I guess you need to keep the lines of communication open on this subject with as much sensitivity as you can muster so that he knows there is support there that he can trust. It's going to take a while though. In the meantime, there's loads of support here. Just ask whenever you need to.

Sarah...

[Melanie R]

I told my wife about my dressing one month after we were married. She immediately accepted and supported my dressing. I did feel guilt that I did not tell her before we were married. For the first year I did have some apprehension dressing in front of her. I think I had the fear that the shoe would drop and her acceptance and support would end as was the case in my first marriage. We discussed together my fears, and she assured me that she was able to look beyond the clothing. I remained her husband no matter what I wore. Our discussions led her to write her first book, My Husband Wears My Clothes: Crossdressing From The Perspective of a Wife. The rest is history.

[DonnaT]

As Bev mentioned, be patient.

Whether it's guilt, shame, embarrassment, fear or whatever, he's going to have to work it out in his own way. But work it out is something he's will need to do.

I've seen at least one spouse who was in a similar situation, was very patient and accepting for many years, but the husband still couldn't be open about it. Thus he kept it in, and didn't let her into his life fully.

Eventually, she left him for another CD.

To avoid that happening, he (and possibly both of you) will need to see a therapist who can help him come to grips with his trans nature.

[docrobbysherry]

with S-E-X, too.
I didn't start CDing until my marriage was almost over. If our sex life had stayed good, I mite not have ever started!

Dressing has strong sexual overtones for some of us. So---, I'll let u take it from here. Does this post strike a nerve, or not?

[Bridged]

I definitely think sex has something to do with it. Our relationship has had so many ups and downs including in the bedroom. He has always had a more adventurous side, while I am a bit more tame. I'm not sure how to solve that part though, I am accepting of him/her, but not ready to see her in the bedroom. But I can only surmise that sex is a big part of cding for him by the content of much of what I have found on the computer. this is definitely the hardest part for me to handle.

[Nicole Erin]

Have you made him feel worse about it? Like, did you say anything rude about him being CD or whatever? Sometimes, just one snide comment about our CDing is all it takes.
I don't know if you did, I am just saying that if you have not done so, keep being civil about it and he will probably come around.

[KarenCDFL]

It is very difficult to open up about something that you have kept secret for so long. Hiding is such a hard habit to break free of.

My wife and I have been together 15 years. I told her well before we married and she and I dress up together all the time.

And sometimes that deep down thing creeps back up and I feel funny about it all over again.

Both of you need time to get comfortable with all of this. Don't rush it.


I wish the both of you the very best!

[susan fuller]

Bev made a great point. When I first came out to my wife she was reluctant to help me with my dressing and this did make me feel quilty. But since she heps me with co-ordinating thinks since I have a poor sense of colors it has been great. When she did not help I did not feel she really accepted me as susan even thou she did help me purchase clothing. Take things easy and he should get over his guilt feelings. He has a great opportunity here with you being so understanding. Keep up the good work.

[PamelaTX]

Since I'm, right now, going through much of the same things as your husband, perhaps I can shed some light on this. I spent many years ignoring my desire to dress and appear as a woman, even though it was something I desperately wanted to do. I thought that these desires were the most horrible awful secret a man could have, and even though I knew I wasn't the only one like this I thought I must be the worst one (whatever that means.) To make a long story short, this forum made me see how wrong I was -- that my horrible secret was really something good and wonderful. BUT the old thought patterns were still there, and would not go away. The hardest thing I ever did was tell my wife, because once I told someone else, I couldn't make it go away by just throwing everything away and pretending it wasn't true.

And here's the important part: Even though I had taken an extraordinary step by telling my wife (her acceptance level is probably the same as yours), the old thought patterns were still there. I can't repeat this enough. They were still there.

I kept having this thought: "You just revealed the most horrible awful thing about yourself, something that probably isn't even true anyway, and you didn't do it for any important reason, you did it for a stupid pair of underpants." This was not just a thought, but also an incredibly powerful emotion. So powerful, in fact, that when it hit me I could barely move. If your husband is feeling something similar, it's easy to see why he won't talk about it and rejects you when you want to talk about it. I had to work through this more or less on my own, but hugs from my wife helped. (Don't say anything, just squeeze.) Thankfully, a week later, most of these feelings have subsided -- at least the most powerful and debilitating ones.

If he eventually comes around and begins to accept himself, it may get freaky-weird for you too, but only for a while. (At least that's what I keep telling my wife.) But remember this, this is like buying an $10 painting at a garage sale, and then later discovering that you've got a million dollar masterpiece. Good luck to you.

[sandra-leigh]

But when that mood goes away it does so very quickly and when that happens all your self preservation, guilt and shame come flooding back and shut down any risk of telling someone, or sharing it with someone.
Think of it like you having too many drinks and dancing on the tables one night.....and then the next day all you feel is an overwhelming sense of shame and embarrassment. The VERY LAST thing you want to do is talk about it, refer to it, or relive it. You just want to put it "all behind you".

It hasn't been like that for me, at least not at all recently.

When I first started going out completely Dressed, there were times when I went out with the intention (hope) of being perceived as a desirable true female. I don't mean that I was trying to "pick someone up", but at the time it was important that people see and appreciate that I had a sexual part of me. I needed to be more than the guy you go to with your computer problem but whom it just never crossed your mind to flirt with. I wanted to turn a few heads and see a few people thinking "Yum!"

Those outings for sexuality's sake: Yes, those were something that later I would wonder "What was I thinking?", and they were things that I would have had difficulty talking about with my wife, who didn't know about Tess at the time. Even now that she has known for more than a year, I don't think she would understand.

I don't know, by the way, if I ever "fooled" anyone on those outings: people I'd met before (or even who had only seen me once before, from a distance, in a different bar) came over and talked and said they recognized me -- and treated me well. Even the guy that tried to pick me up knew I was a guy before he came over to talk.

For whatever reason (for no particular reason), in a fairly short time, going out trying to "pass" as a sexy / sexual woman stopped being important to me. And when I Dress or gender-bend just because I enjoy doing so, then I don't get those feelings of shame or embarrassment.

Well, not unless I think I've pushed things too far in my clothes, like wearing a stretch top in public over my D forms while I'm in guy mode. In guy mode I don't mind wearing non-stretch tops that have been tailored to show off the outer curves of my "bust", so the determining shame/guilt factor is not the the visible existance of my "bust", it is more to do with the amount of projection of the bust. Sort of like, "Oh, so you noticed my boobs? Don't they look nice?" compared to what feels like "flaunting my boobs"... at least when I'm in guy mode. I don't mind a bit of flaunting when I'm fully Dressed -- and I don't have second thoughts about it in the morning when I do.


If there is a moral to this all this meandering, it probably has to do with self-acceptance. :)

[Jonianne]

Hi Bridged,

What a wonderful blessing you are to your SO.

Be paitent and just be there for your husband when he does decide to share more. I'm sure you know about how feelings come and go unexpectedly. He could very well be struggling deeply within with masculine vs feminine feelings.

If all he has seen is society's point of view on television, then he may be very afraid of what he may become. This forum is a good place for people to find out that most crossdressers are just ordinary people and most don't end up throwing "3 sheets to the wind" and swinging from the chandelier.

When the opportunity is right, talk to him about what he wants from the cd'ing and what your boundries are for you to feel comfortable in the relationship. Boundries give both of you a safe place to operate / play in. They can change in time, but it gives a good starting place.

I wish you both the best!

[Babette]

[QUOTE]I am not a Cd but I'd hazard a guess that dressing up as a woman for a man makes him feel very vulnerable and self conscious infront of those that he knows.
I am maybe a million miles off the mark but can you imagine what it must be like for a CD who has normally presented himself to his nearest and dearest as a male to then alter his appeareance to look like a woman. I think if you actually sit and think about it, the very first time they do must be terrifying. What if someone laughts, what if I look daft, is my hair OK what about my makeup. Because even CDs have been moulded by society to accept guys and gals are different they must feel very self conscious the first time they show you how they look as a female with their wigs, boobs etc etc. After all if anyone is going to pick them up for making mistakes its a real woman. (Well so they think) I remember my fella did things gradually and once the ice was broken he was off, but some CDs take an age to feel comfortable infront of family members, and some just never get the chance anyhow. So eventhough he maybe really appreciates your acceptance he is struggling to take the first step. I think he probably needs time and patience and maybe a bit of encouragement....
Bev

Bev, what you have said rings true for me and I suspect it fits so many of us. When we (genetic males) suppress something as deep and emotional as this for so long, then it becomes something like hiccups - it takes a while to stop the process.

Bridged, follow the wisdom of people like Bev. They can guide you through the troubled waters of adversity.

I wish you peace.

Babette

[Di]

Glad you are here I am a GG as well. Everyone has given you great answers but I am glad you said-i want to hear it from him-too. Keep talking and remember this as well he has kept this side hidden all his life and he is prob scared and needs time and patience as Bev has said.
Also want to say you will learn alot reading here and best wishes it says alot you coming here and wanting to learn and understand :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Bridged]

wow thanks to everyone, Pamela, you gave me hope that with time and patience he/she will find that I am the safest and most understanding place to be. I can't tell all of you how important all of your advice and personal stories have helped me. I know each person is different and has a different story to tell, but I feel such a connection here. I hope that over time you will see threads from me not asking questions but telling great stories. Thanks again

[Laurie A]

It's a bit difficult to explain this but I will do my best. The urge to CD comes and goes in a (usually) unpredictable cycle. When the mood strikes it's as if there is a distinct change in brain chemistry and things that you would not normally desire, become very attractive. Things that you would not normally dare talk about also become something you need to share with someone. There is a definite change in thinking and the willingness to talk about it.
But when that mood goes away it does so very quickly and when that happens all your self preservation, guilt and shame come flooding back and shut down any risk of telling someone, or sharing it with someone.
Think of it like you having too many drinks and dancing on the tables one night.....and then the next day all you feel is an overwhelming sense of shame and embarrassment. The VERY LAST thing you want to do is talk about it, refer to it, or relive it. You just want to put it "all behind you".
If you keep on about it, the result will be sullen annoyance on his part, which will very quickly turn to resentful anger if you keep chipping away. Leave him be and when he is in the right mind set he will come to you. You've indicated that the way is open for discussion, so leave it alone until he is ready.

S.C. Your comments strike home with me. Interesting analogy about having too many drinks, because it is about losing your inhibitions (whether sober or intoxicated) and then dealing with the consequences. i can imagine that it takes time to realize the overwhelming shame that you feel the next day is an unnecessary "hang over" from your "hang up"

[Glenda]

You know Bridged, one thing that I see on this forum over and over again is the fear to come out to someone you know or love. Often that fear is justified. We don't know if we're going to be accepted, ridiculed, kicked out or hugged. We do know that keeping our secret and dressing in private is safe (unless we get caught) and we don't have to judge ourselves too harshly. It is also lonely. It may be fulfilling, but without being able to share with and trust those closest to us, there is something missing.

I am happy for and proud of both of you for discussing her (I hope you don't mind me referring to him that way) dressing in an open and honest conversation. She has shown you that she wants to trust you completely although I suspect that it was more you wanting to get this in the open than her. I may be wrong. Another thing.....you said in your post that "We have finally admitted it." That says a lot about you. You are not thinking of yourselves as two individuals but as one couple. That brought a smile to my face.

Anyway, my opinion on the guilt and the (closet) walls....she may not totally accept this herself. Many of those whose spouses and SO's have accepted their dressing find it difficult if not impossible to move past the guilt and embarassment they have lived with. You know what they say....if something is too good to be true....well, I think she is probably scared. I don't think she knows how good things can be if both partners are open, respectful and accepting.

Many find it hard to believe that it is possible to be yourself and feel perfectly normal while being dressed in front of those that you love. The truth is that once she reaches the point where she accepts herself and the fact that you will accept her, she can find it perfectly normal to be dressed around you. I mean just as normal as when he is sitting with you. The fact that your husband crossdresses does not mean that he is any different than when he is she.

The things that attracted you to him are the same things that will attract you to her if the two of you can get past the clothes and make-up. We are not different people when we dress. We have the same feelings. We have the same cares and loves and worries. We are exposing another side of us. And when we expose this side of us it makes us vulnerable. Good luck. I think you love him. I thnk you'll love her too.

[marny]

'It ain't easy being green' Kermit the frog.

[Holly]

Bridged, I can only add another, "keep the communication lines open" comment to what has already been said. As confusing and new all of this is to you, it is equally to him as well (believe it or not). Not the feelings that he wants to cross dress (he's likely had those feelings for a long, long time), but that anyone (especially you, arguably the most important person in his life) could accept the fact that he cross dresses or even wants to try and understand. It has been beaten into us for years and years that it is WRONG for men to wear dresses and makeup (although no one has ever said why it's wrong, other than, "just because"). Now add to this guilt a huge dose of fear; fear that the person you have given your heart to could reject you for being different and just maybe it might help to understand why there is a reluctance on his part to talk. Oh yes, let's not forget that there is likely a component of self-doubt, self-loathing, and almost a complete lack of self-acceptance on his part for being transgendered (read, abnormal).

You said that you believe that there may be a sexual component to your partners CDing. I assure you that is not an uncommon occurrence at least at some point in a transgendered person's struggle to come to terms with them self. How prominent a role that remains will vary greatly from person to person. If this is something that you are not interested in, tell him up front, "Honey I'm not interested in exploring sexuality with another woman, genetic or trans. But I do so want to explore with you femininity you are looking for... and it IS something I do have some experience with:)" (Or something like that).

Just to offer you a bit of hope, my wife and I keep my cross dressing out of the bedroom by mutual agreement. She has actively helped me in the areas of clothing, makeup, style, deportment, and so on. She will often accompany me out and, to be totally honest, I have the best time when she is with me... you see she really is my best friend as well. Best of all, we will celebrate our 40th anniversary before the year is over.

Whatever is causing your partner's reluctance, love and commitment from both of you can overcome it and move the two of you to an even greater relationship than you have had in the past. Best wishes.

[jjlovestocd]

First of all i want to say you are a great wife for being so accepting and understanding.

What i think he maybe feeling is partially guilt. But you need to remember that most guys are brought up thinking they have to tough and masculine and many guys never even show any sort of femenine traits. CD'ers have a much stronger feminine side(in my opinion at least) and unless they are new the CD'ing then they have had to hide that for so long. If he's been doing it for a while now then it will take some time for him to get used fact that you know are are so supportive.

All i can say is just give him some time and space and keep incouraging him to be himself and to be open with you. But, be subtle and gentle when you do it. When hes ready to talk again then he will let you know i'm sure. Thats my opinion at least and i think he will respond very well to you.

[Tina B.]

my question is this,
Why would by husband continue to shut me out on the subject of his cding, now that we have FINALLY admitted it? Is it guilt? We talked openly about it about a week ago for the first time. I was very receptive and told him that as long as the lines of communication remained open we could slowly introduce this part of his life into OUR life. He seemed so thrilled with this, but now, it's like the wall is built back up and he definitely isn't receptive to my questions, which I feel that i have the right to ask. I appreciate that i can post here and hear from all of you on the subject, but i want to hear it from him. He keeps saying that he wants to put this behind him. DUH!! Even i know(as uneducated on this subject as i am) that isn't going to help. well, i appreciate any feedback thanks

Bridged, we ahve finally admitted it, sounds like there was some kind of confontation, not sure he was ready to talk about it to start with, and there is as many reason for that as there are CD's
1 there are many stories around, about wives that said it was OK, and then changed thier mind, and a marriage was destroyed
2 for many men the need for respect is as important as love, and there is a fear that you will lose respect for a man in a dress.
3 the fear that if you get mad, you could out them to family and friends, that they have hid it from for a life time, that can cause a lot of insecurity.
I could go on and on with this list, but hopefully you get the idea, it is all things that can and do go through the head of a CD, when first learning to trust there secret with another, even the love of there life.
and most important thing to remember, a week is really not very much time to get comfortable with this new faze of life, give it time, for the both of you, be supportive, ( after I came out to my wife, she learned to read the signs, and could tell when I was getting depressed from not dressing, and would point it out, that I needed a fix of Femmine time.
And to make him even more comfortable talking about it, ask for his opinon of things femmine, just as you would with a girlfriend, you know, does this look good, do these colors work together, things that let him know you are supportive of his femmine side, without making him feel pressured to talk about his own transgender issues, that might help!
Hope it all works out for the both of you.
Tina B.

[CandyDarling]

Just so incredibly right on.


It's a bit difficult to explain this but I will do my best. The urge to CD comes and goes in a (usually) unpredictable cycle. When the mood strikes it's as if there is a distinct change in brain chemistry and things that you would not normally desire, become very attractive. Things that you would not normally dare talk about also become something you need to share with someone. There is a definite change in thinking and the willingness to talk about it.
But when that mood goes away it does so very quickly and when that happens all your self preservation, guilt and shame come flooding back and shut down any risk of telling someone, or sharing it with someone.
Think of it like you having too many drinks and dancing on the tables one night.....and then the next day all you feel is an overwhelming sense of shame and embarrassment. The VERY LAST thing you want to do is talk about it, refer to it, or relive it. You just want to put it "all behind you".
If you keep on about it, the result will be sullen annoyance on his part, which will very quickly turn to resentful anger if you keep chipping away. Leave him be and when he is in the right mind set he will come to you. You've indicated that the way is open for discussion, so leave it alone until he is ready.

[charlie]

Hello Bridged!
As excited as I would be if my wife wanted to be supportive of my CD, I would feel guilty that I was not her "prince charming" after all, but a lady in disguise. I would feel guilty that I did not tell her sooner, and I would feel strange ever dressing in front of her. Strange, but true. Perhaps you could suggest that you help him dress once or even just give him a pretty night dress to wear to bed would break a bit of ice.