Crossing the Line

[Magickman]

"Crossing the line," was the phrase she used. This was a woman who I dated a while back.

What got this started was the purchase of some shoes, strappy 4" wedge sandals.

She thought that a man wearing shoes of that style was "just wrong," and certainly represented going over the edge, on my part.

Crossing the line is not particularly about shoes. It represents breaking stereotypes of normal and acceptable male attire, and being different from other guys.

In this particular case, the woman said she liked me better in jeans and workboots, than in the skirt and heels, that were my preference.

Since then, we both moved on. It was not a match made in heaven, although we are still good friends.

I accept that a man with my fashion propensities, will not suit every woman. That is OK with me.

Being open about dressing, in the dating arena, is my style. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Hiding my favorite clothing, is something I am not willing to do.

What do the rest of you have to say about this? Are you willing to be open about your personal style? Or would you rather compartmentalize and closet that part of your life?

[Bev06 GG]

Well that sounds like a pretty healthy attitude to me. Honesty is the best policy. I wonder how you would be if you met your dream lady though and suddenly she was the one taking the lead on things. You sound very confident with your own identity and that is refreshing, also very attractive to the opposite sex just so long as they dont have a hang up about your sling backs.
Take care
bev

[Cathytg]

For my part, I lack the self-confidence to dress as I wish. I agree with you in principle, however.

There are those of us who would look pretty bad in the clothes we wish to wear. For that matter there are women who look bad in what they choose. Somewhere there is probably a line to be crossed or not. As much as I hate to admit it, I am afraid that the norms of society have some control over things from manner of dress to the volume of the car stereo. But I'm sure glad that I don't make the rules and I am even happier that I don't have to enforce them.

[CandyDarling]

Your kind of bravery is inspiring. However - every single time I have ventured in that direction I have been betrayed by the "straight" community (which in this case includes gay men)

[heidi99]

I agree that being honest with a potential dating partner is important. I had thought that I'd try to at least broach it by the 3rd date, although the last possible dating situation I had was long distance. Things seemed to be going alright, and I was thinking about taking a long motorcycle ride to visit her/meet her. I did tell her before, though. I figured it would be better to know up front rather than burn 6 hrs going to and 6 hrs returning from if she was not cool with the situation. Glad I did. She was NOT a match. Life's too short to hang out with people that can't tolerate diversity.

I've kind of adjusted the 3rd date thing, though. I think perhaps waiting to see if there is any spark there first might be alright, and if so, then broach it. Still would be pretty early on in a relationship. :2c:

[boy2girl31]

I agree that being honest with a potential dating partner is important. I had thought that I'd try to at least broach it by the 3rd date,
I've kind of adjusted the 3rd date thing, though. I think perhaps waiting to see if there is any spark there first might be alright, and if so, then broach it. Still would be pretty early on in a relationship. :2c:

I have to agree maybe I am just a romantic fool but I want to find someone who loves me for me. I do try to wait till I decide wheather I have feelings for them first because just sharing who I am with everyone is not my style YET.

[Glenda]

I agree that it has to be a good match. I could not imagine dedicating my life to someone that does not accept my feminine side. I've been single since my divorce 17 years ago but I've only begun crossdressing over the last 12 years. I was single for 5 years before I became a crossdresser so I don't blame being single on my crossdressing. I blame it on me being afraid to let myself fall in love again. Although.....I would like to find that special someone.

The women I date know I am a crossdresser. Make-up in the bathroom. Wigs in the closet or on the bed posts or on the dresser or on the vanity. Half of my closet is male while the other half is female. Well, maybe more female but I do make an effort to buy male clothes as well. My nails are painted.....my legs and arms shaved. I always wear lipstick and eye shadow and mascara even in male mode on weekends. Everyone knows I crossdress and everyone is open about it. I can't take a woman to the places I frequent without someone saying, "Have you seen him dressed yet? He looks great."

I live a different life than most of you. Or, at least I suspect I do. It really hasn't made it difficult to find dates. I can always find someone to go out with and I am frequently asked out by several women. I have been proposed to a few times but didn't feel any were right for me. I'll know when it is......and I won't wait for her to ask!

I say be yourself.....from day one. While it is true that some may want to save you or mold you into the prince they dream of, the simple truth is that if you are yourself, they will accept you as you. If they don't then it is probably not the best match for you.

I've found that even those that don't want to accept this side of me often confess at some later point that they understand me and accept me for who I am. Just be yourself.

[Sara Jessica]

What do the rest of you have to say about this? Are you willing to be open about your personal style? Or would you rather compartmentalize and closet that part of your life?

I'm a little taken aback at this last comment. What say me? I say everyone's situation is unique, that what's good for you might not work for me or the next person, and vice versa. All we can do is share experiences in hopes of helping others muddle through this tg existence, whether we consider it a gift or otherwise.

While I cannot say I know exactly where you are coming from so forgive me if I've missed the mark. I gather you wear what you want, whenever you want, a guy in heels if you will. I don't suspect you make any attempt to present as female. And if this works for you, especially in the dating world, terrific. Just don't knock the rest of us that "compartmentalize and closet" any portion of the tg aspects of our lives.

[DemonicDaughter]

There are those that have to stay in the closet or lose the people they love. I respect them for respecting their SO's so much. There are those that cannot take the public spectacle they feel they become when dressed and choose to stay in the closet. I respect them for trying. There are those who live as you do, out there, changing what society thinks. I respect that immensely.

Its unfortunate that some that would be brave cannot be out of love. Its more unfortunate that those that could be brave are not out of fear. :o

[sissystephanie]

I think a relationship between a CD and a GG would have to be more clearly defined for a real answer to be given. Are you dating because you love this woman, or more for sexual reasons? If sex is the main reason for being together, then maybe hiding your activities is O.K. But remember, it is always easier to tell the truth then to remember the lies you have uttered!

If you love the lady, and have thoughts of marriage, then by all means you should tell her about your CD activities. To not do so is starting the relationship off on entirely the wrong foot. One of deception! Not a good way to start a marriage!

Although I literally grew up with the lady who became my wife, I did not tell her until I was ready to propose to her. My reason for not telling, I was not sure at that time that I would marry her. When I did decide that she was the right one I told her, so she would have an opportunity to back out. She said YES, and fully accepted me as a CD. In fact, we wore matching white silk lingeri8e at our wedding. And we had a very happy 49+ years before she succumbed to cancer!

Sissy/Stephanie

Lady on the outside, but man underneath!

[susan fuller]

I agree that it is best to tell a potential partner before the final commitment so they have a chance to decide for or against. I told my SO before I proposed. Then When I proposed she said she would think about it. Five years later she said one day lets get married. I had been CDing with her help all this time.

[suzy]

I would like to believe that I would react similarily. My wife is accommodating and supportive, at least at this point. Nothing is for certain and things can change, although so far there is no sign of it.

However, if I found myself in a dating mode, I believe that I would be open and honest from the get go. Best way! Congrats!!!

Best of luck to you!:hugs:

[Angie G]

Good for you hun.I'm out to my wife so I don't have to hide my things from her. :hugs:
Angie