People's Perceptions and Expectations

[Cathytg]

I just read a post by Karen Edwards who made a most profound statement. She said that she had been going out dressed in the same town from the same hotel for four years and that nobody ever gave her a hard time. Then she mentioned that none of these people had ever seen her dressed in masculine mode. In other words, they had no other expectation of her and their only perception was that of Karen.

My goodness! What does this say about people and what we might expect from them when we go out? We can be very self-conscious and insecure because we know how we look in drab. But the people who see our dressed self have no experience of the male side.

How many times have I read advice saying that it is so important that we act pleasant and smile and dress reasonably when we meet the public. If we do that, according to Karen's experience, we ought to be treated quite well because folks will react to us as if we were anyone else.

If we present a pleasant person to someone, then we can expect that person to have a pleasant reaction and our encounter will be positive. It makes a great deal of sense.

In the words of Roosevelt (I think) "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

What are your feelings about this?

[Sarah...]

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself".

Oh yes! And oh crikey sometimes do I fear it!!! I agree, it is a personal issue about how you handle fear and uncertainty and how much confidence you can muster to do that. I'm working on this right now and am getting somewhere slowly. I think.

Karen was indeed lucky (or had created her own luck) in being able to be Karen completely in her chosen location. So, she's a star for having dealt with her fear in the way she did. What a good example!

It's brilliant here, you learn so much!!

Sarah...

[Nicole Erin]

Good points.

If someone saw our male mode later after seeing the femme, they are not even thinking "Weren't you in a dress last time we met...?"

Sometimes you have to look nervousness in the eye and say "Shut the f*** up!"

[tvbeckytv]

i saw a documentary recently on tv about some high security prison in the states. part of the program was about gays in such an enviroment. they all said that the only way to survive in there was to be overtly gay and effeminate. Even those who wernt naturally that way took to becoming effeminate. the reason they said was if the inmates could see what they were from the outset then they got no trouble. but if they behaved as one of the guys and were found out to be gay, they would get seven bells knocked out of them.
i think its the same thing going on, just on a more extreme enviroment.

[Empress Lainie]

Oh well, I patronized a local casino for 7 years before my transition and so everyone there knows I am trans, but they treat me royally all the time, as a beloved lady.

Other customers just treat me like any other woman.

[Fab Karen]

The CD friends who I've seen in male-mode looked dramatically different ( the first time it's an adjustment for you to think: that's the same person )

[AnnaMaria]

Cathy,

For the most part I agree with your assessment of the situation though I have to say from personal experience that your assessment is not always the case.

Let me explain. For the past four yrs I have been going to the Be All in Chicago, and every time I go I get read at least once during the trip. And I usually know because I hear some kind of snide remark about the fact that I am a man or some other less flattering remark.

What I don't understand about the whole thing is that at least once a month I get called mam by someone in a store or restaurant when I am dressed in drab. Of course those are people who live in the same town that I live in and unless my soon to be ex is going around telling everyone about me then there are only a handful of people in town that actually know about me in the first place.

Can we all expect this same type of pleasant or indifferent treatment when we are dressed and out. In general I would have to say don't expect it but do try to make it easier for those that you come into contact with to treat you this way. Kind, polite, soft spoken, these things usually get you much the same in return.

Anna

[Jocelyn Renee]

My personal experience is that the overwhelming majority of people treat me respectfully. There are exceptions, of course, but I find that a smile and an air of self-confidence are nearly always rewarded with a smile from strangers.

Some people are just cruel for their own twisted reasons. If you think about it, I'm sure there are some folks, who upon seeing you as your male self, are thinking unflattering thoughts about you hair-cut, what you are wearing, your size, etc.

In thinking about Karen's experience with the hotel staff I realized that people in a few locations had first met and only known me as Jocelyn for long periods of time. Honestly, I got the impression they were more unsettled upon meeting Charlie versus people who had previously only known the male me. Hmmm, inteesting...