dual personality

[Bridged]

I'm not sure how to word this, but I will try my best. Since i don't quite have the open honest relationship with my cd husband that i hope to have one day, i was curious, how much does your personality change. My husband is a "manly man" he is the last person on earth that you would imagine likes to where womens clothes(well you all would imagine it, but i don't think anyone would guess!). I haven't met Melissa yet, (his alter ego), but I can't imagine she is anything like him.
So I am just wondering if I could get some insight into what to expect when the day comes that I meet her. thanks Bridged

[TommiTN]

I'm not sure how to word this, but I will try my best. Since i don't quite have the open honest relationship with my cd husband that i hope to have one day, i was curious, how much does your personality change. My husband is a "manly man" he is the last person on earth that you would imagine likes to where womens clothes(well you all would imagine it, but i don't think anyone would guess!). I haven't met Melissa yet, (his alter ego), but I can't imagine she is anything like him.
So I am just wondering if I could get some insight into what to expect when the day comes that I meet her. thanks Bridged

Sometimes our personalities don't change all that much, but not knowing her personality type in the first place, all I can say is probably you can expect a kinder, gentler, more perceptive and sensitive version of the man you know. That's how dressing affects my personality anyway. I say "probably" because each person is unique unto themselves, so "probably" is as close as I can get to giving you an answer.

[Alice B]

It is hard to say what his personality does when he is dressed because we don't know him personally. He will be very nervous the first time he presents himself dressed as I sure you will be also. The fact that you are open and accepting is a major plus for both of you. After your initial shock, if there is any, just tell him that he looks fine. In time you might be able to help him with clothing and make-up, which will allow him to open up even more. The main thing is to have fun with it and see where it goes. I would love to be a fly on the wall because I think it is going to be a very positive thing.:hugs:

[deja true]

This is a subject that gets talked about a lot here...personality change.

Some see them selves as dual personalities...two distinct personas in one body.

Many see themselves as integrated personalities and feel that they are the same whether dressed or not...

Others, of course, are women!

Your SO could be any of these or any shade of person he wants to be...or...
he could like, many more of us, still be trying to figure it all out...

[Glenda]

I didn't discover my need to crossdress until I was 45. Prior to that, I thought I had dual or split personnalities. I was always able to see things from at least two different points of view. I didn't know why. Once I began crossdressing, quite by accident by the way, I came to realize that I didn't have dual personnalities. I simply had a side of myself that I had never explored. It sort of helped fit all of the different views I had about life into a single package. Both my male and female sides benefited.

[Karren H]

Well I'm me no matter how I'm dressed... same personality.... But everyone is different....

[victoriamwilliams1]

I know for me I am the same, however my mannerism do change as well as being more cautious when driving and while out.

[docrobbysherry]

This is a subject that gets talked about a lot here...personality change.

Some see them selves as dual personalities...two distinct personas in one body.

Many see themselves as integrated personalities and feel that they are the same whether dressed or not...

Others, of course, are women!

he could like, many more of us, still be trying to figure it all out...

deja, if this were a poll, I'd be unable to choose between #'s 2 & 4!:D

[meg_dc_00]

For me, being en femme makes me much more compassionate, less misanthropic and it lets me understand of other people better.

[Jonelle]

i've recently been struggling with deciphering between jon and jonelle.. to be honest.. i have spoken to each as the other to try and create some common ground and convince the two that they need to live together and make compromises.. its all part of a decision to slowly introduce jonelle to the world.. and to integrate a much more feminine appearance.

[marny]

the first and most obvious question is now' do you know about Melissa. And since you clearly do,, why haven't you and melissa had a talk?

[Sarah Doepner]

Bridged,
When I first came out to my wife I found that I was much different as Sarah for a while. After a few months I wasn't overcompensating any longer and my "two personalities" actually moved a lot closer together. I don't know how common that may be, but give your husband some time to be pretty girly at first and see where it goes.

[justmetoo]

[QUOTE=deja true;1406053]
Many see themselves as integrated personalities and feel that they are the same whether dressed or not...
QUOTE]

I'm one of these. That's the main reason I don't use a different name or pronouns depending on how I'm dressed.

But to each their own. It's all good. :D

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

Definitely not the same person when dressed.

I'd put myself in the "other" category

Zara

[Oddlee]

I don't think I'm any different no matter how dressed. A friend of mine who knows me pretty well in both modes says I walk differently when dressed, but has made no other comment.

Lee

[xdress2lady]

Hi Bridged;

Like some of the ladies here I have a dual personality. The reason I say this is that Josie is SO much different than the male me. My wife and I accept this and have moved on past it.

However, when I first dressed in front of my wife I was really nervous and didn't know how to act or what to expect. She was also the first to see me like that so it was a wild ride for me. Happily, 7 years later we are still going strong because we both decide where and what is acceptable with Josie. This I think is the most important part of crossdressing in a marriage. You must both be on the same page with his dressing and where it is going.

Although I don't know your Husband, I would say he is going to find this meeting just as hard as you do. So I would try to find out as much about this side as you can before you see him dressed. Ask him what clothes he likes to wear. It will help you, or both of you, to figure out how much he wants to look like a woman. Does he want to buy a wig and has the color picked out? Or does he not mind lipstick getting on his beard? Clarifying these things will let you both know of what to expect and get to know how much of a woman his dressed ego will be. That should take alot of fear out of this.

My guess is all he really wants to hear from you when you meet him dressed is that he looks good. That should allow him to relax and open up to you and get specific of where he wants this to go and then you both can decide.


good luck girl;


Josie

[deja true]

While it's come up several times recently, that SOs have come to us for help with their uncommunicative CD bf's or dh's, does any one else get the irony in this situation?

Here is the marvelous Bridged, who wants to be supportive and find out more about her husband's dressing and participate in a new and exciting life, and yet it's him that cannot bring himself to open up to her.

We are constantly counselling nervous CDs to bring their wives here for information and assurance, and now, here we are asking Bridged to bring her husband here for the same thing!

I am for ever surprised and delighted at the myriad ways that we have of interacting with each other.

Be gentle with him, Bridged, he's more scared and confused at your acceptance than you could ever imagine.

:<3:

[Sarah...]

You could start by asking him if Melissa has a different personality before you ever actually meet her (all presuming you can get him to agree to a conversation about it). I know it's difficult for you two to talk about all this right now but I think that really is the first step. Some gentle, no pressure, supportive chat that helps set expectations for both of you.

Otherwise it is very difficult for anyone here to set the expectations for you - as others have said: some people function as two distinct personalities and others are one and the same. Each of those types brings it's own challenges.

Persevere!

Sarah...

[Joanne f]

I think most people have a mood change when they dress differently as to their normal wear , that even happens in the mainstream,(although i am beginning to think that Cding is far more mainstream than even we think).
Feminine wear will no doubt make you feel more fem were as leather wear might make you feel more dominant.
I think that the first thing that will hit you is the fact that he will look so different , you will be expecting to see your husband yet you will be looking at a woman and that could momentarily mess with your brain , so i suggest you think about that before the mood thing .
Hope it go`s well for you both .



:fairy2:

joanne

[Raychel]

It has been said here. Everyone will be differant. Myself, I am out to my wife. But she has said that she never wishes to meet Raychel. :sad::sad: I do value her wishes and she will never meet my other side. I can tell you how I believe I would feel if she were to change her mind.

First of all I would be scared and nervous as hell. My personality does not change at all when I am alone. But I am sure that there would be changes around her. After I was done shaking in my boots. I would certainly be very careful not to upset her. Extremely careful to be sure that she was as happy as I could make her at all times. Which I pretty much do anyway. But that would be amplified. Then when it was time to change bad to drab mode I am sure that I would get a bit melancholy. Wishing that it would never end, and hoping that there would be more dressing time in the near future.


:2c:
Raychel

[Amy Hepker]

In male mode, I am an alright person, but in Female mode I am more at ease with everything. I am bright, happy go lucky, and love to be female. I am more apt to be generious and kind, I am my real self and I can finally live my life as I should be able to.

[Angie G]

Well as for me I'm much the same person when I dress. I've always been on the sofe side. But never take shit from anybody.
Try to bring his softer side out you both may just enjoy it to bits.:hugs:
Angie

[Edwina]

I don't think I change much when I am dressed but I feel that, since I started dressing seriously, I have mellowed and become a more tolerant being.
But on a lighter note I feel and look much younger:D

:love:

Edwina

[Tina Dixon]

I'm the same person here "We are not I'm smarter and Prettier:battingeyelashes:", "You are not smarter:Angry3:", "Yes I am and I have a personality", "You can also be a b***h:heehee:", "Why you......................

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Duel personailtiy???? or duel gender...one masculine and one feminine...maybe???? different likes different tastes...not big on pinks in guy mode and crazy in girl mode....and of course acts soemwhat different between the two of course but nothing major.

Not sure that's how I would describe it for me since I started this CDing this past March. My wife was kind of what the f*** is going on followed by the "why" question as well as a few of the obvious other ones....

Now we go out shopping together for clothes, make up and other assorted needs that have risen, but not with me dress.

She knows Stephanie and I won't say she "loves" Stephanie and make it all sound "hunky dorey" but it's not a shock when Stephanie is here. But getting use to this new person takes time.

My wife and I have great communications...the fact that before I started to develop Stephanie I came to her first and talked to her about it. Communication is the key to this...for both of you....for him to be open and honest with you and let you be part of this and for you to be open and honest with him so he'll beable to be comfortable and talk to you freely. I wrote my wife an 8 page letter early on describing my feelings and all the why and how I wanted to dress. 6 months later it's all very cool with her aside from an occassional dig about me dressing...which is more out of just us having a bit of fun with each other...

Changes??? Nothing severe...maybe a bit more feminine with Stephanie and she sure gets a lot more housework & cooking from Stephanie than she did/does from Steve. Unfortunately since they don't wear the same size clothes that can't share....

Remember dear, communication is the key here....hopefully you had it before and you keep it going now.....

Best of luck to you both....

Stephanie

[Susan Dee]

Bridged

First of all, a big thank you for being so open, and supportive of your husband.

For me, I am a softer and gentler person when dressed. There is a very strong emotional feeling, together with the attraction of the style and the fabrics. It is a feeling of just being so alive and at the same time there's a great calmness (the balance between them varies, with one sometimes stronger than the other). It's so unlike the expectation of society for the male to be aggressive and competitive.

It is somehow like having another dimension to who your are, still conscious that it is you but in a very different and fulfilling way. It just seems right.

Let you both be there for each other.

Susan

[Toni_Lynn]

My personality doesn't change drastically. I suppose at one time it did, but then I realised that I didn't have to (or want to) try so hard to be the girl within. I am just me.

The one think that my wife Debbie seems to notice is that I did get a bit more giggly. I do this thing where I kind of clap my closed fists together, giggle and say 'Oh goodie goodie!'. Its my 'girl thing'.

I have to wonder which has happened ... has the girl within become more integrated into the boy, or has the boy become integrated into the girl within. Anyone have ny thoughts on that?

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Nadia-Maria]

Bridged, your husband will be essentially the same person you love, whatever the clothes he wears. When he's dressed, you will have to face your own fears, and it is really very difficult for most of wives. I hope you will do it successfully. Your husband needs acceptation.

Love

Nadia

[Jocelyn Renee]

Standard disclaimer: Everyone is unique. With that said, I have often wondered if crossdressing is the mind's way of coping with our inability to display the "real" us to the world as men. My wife and friends have often commented that I am much more outgoing, gregarious, and seemingly more relaxed when presenting as Jocelyn. I'd like to think I'm the same person no matter how I'm dressed, but if I'm honest I know their observations are correct.

Since coming to terms with that I do believe that the two sides have grown closer together. Now the major difference seems to be more in the realm of mannerisms. I suspect that many of us are quite masculine in our day-to-day lives, but my wife marvels at the effortless way way deportment changes to match the clothing I am wearing. This leads me to believe more strongly in the idea that, for whatever reason, I am a fairly equal mix of both female and male spirits.

As to your husband's reluctance to share, I would chalk that up to nervousness at your potential reaction. We spend a great deal of our lives being confused by our desires and worried about what the world will think of us. Add in the fact that our wives are the most important people in the world and you've got a big case of nerves to contend with. Give him some time and he'll come around.

[Petra Harper]

Hi Bridged. If she is anything like me, she will be able to drop the pretence of being a man and learn to relax. Most of my friends thought I was way too masculine to be a t-girl, but I had to explain to them that my manliness was a show and it was a great strain. All day the Mr Manly Man, but, unseen to them, tears at night.

She may develop a dual persona, as I have, but you will find the man mode much softer and gentler than he used to be. This is the relaxing and calming effect of the feminine persona. If everything is ticking over smoothly, you will just love the feminine persona. You will have a husband AND a girl friend, who can, and will, spend hours shopping with you.

[Bridged]

the first and most obvious question is now' do you know about Melissa. And since you clearly do,, why haven't you and melissa had a talk?

we haven't talked yet for a few reasons. The main reason is that I actually just brought it up last night! Prior to that we were just talking as husband and wife trying to find some common ground about this situation. As the days go on, i am feeling a greater need to meet Melissa, but he is quite reluctant to do this. I think this mostly has to do with the fact that "he" is worried that I will freak out once "she" is standing before me. My reassurance isn't enough just yet. Another reason for my not meeting her is that unfortunately we need to go shopping. We both agree that her current attire(my clothes) would just seem weird. Apparently she has none of her own yet. Well she did, but I threw them out a few years ago( another story for another day).

[Farrah]

You're going to get a great new friend. She is going to be nothing like her man "alterego" trust me. She'll be compassionate and very understanding.

[KayR]

Dear Bridged
If he is anything like me, being a CD fills in the gaps between being a "manly man" and a caring and sensitive person.
How about trying to meet Melissa in the dark? As she gets used to you being around her when dressed, then perhaps she will gradually be able to meet you in full light, so to speak?
My wife and I discovered my CDism during those harmless and exciting bedroom games, when I was horrified to discover I liked wearing womens underwear (to start with). For a long time I was afraid to face my wife in the light, so thats how we did it - gradually and with judicious use of the dimmer switch.
When we went shopping for clothes for me, we shopped for Kay as if she was a third person. "Do you think she'd like that?" my wife would ask.
I found that having my own clothes helped in revealing Kay to my wife, purely from the point of view that we both wanted to see what she looked like in them.
You are a very special lady, just like my wife.:hugs:

[Bev06 GG]

I dont believe we have split personalities or personality changes. I think everyone has a multifaceted personality and it could be Bridged that you just haven't seen this side of his personality as yet.

Very difficult to imagine really what he'd be like because to be honest just because a CD donns a dress doesn't mean he necessarily acts feminine. On the other hand some are totally different in their mannerisms when dressed in Drag as apposed to Drab. To start with it seems to be an act but because its carried out so very well it eventually becomes a part of their personality.

So you could be in for a surprise hey. Hope you share your findings with us. I always call my Cd a big sissy anyhow because even when in drab he's a big girls blouse. LOL
Bev

[Charlene Ogden]

I'd keep a couple hand puppets ready at all times to use as communication tools just in case you find yourself in THAT moment. :-)
Ok, I'm just kidding. Sorry :-) I really agree with most everyone else that personalities don't really change that much while en femme.
I think you'll find that he's a more gentle man who would love to play out his fantasy in perhaps a more child-like manner of innocence. In other words, I think he'll be very receptive and will appreciate your encouragement of his femme self.

[deja true]

I like the idea that you're going to help him shop...before meeting Melissa.

In that way, you will already be seeing something familiar, the clothes you helped pick out..and...

He'll be seeing something familiar as well, the clothes that you helped pick out!

That gives you both, at the very least, a common ground on which to get the conversation going.

And your participation in his dressing in that way should help calm some of his fears of acceptance. If you're gonna see him as a woman for the first time, you surely would want him to be dressed well, yes?

[Ruth]

Bridged, it sounds like there's some history here (those clothes that got thrown out) which could account for Melissa's nerves. It sounds like you are moving towards accepting Melissa so that's good. You two really need to talk about it though. As for the change in personality, well, as we've all said, that's an unknown quantity, and you know your SO better than we do, but I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

[just-me]

i think it is down to how much you dress like a female .or this is how i see thing some full dress with wigs and make up and some how take on female rolls .my self its just the clothes .so im just-me .just the same in jeans and a top or a dress no change hope this helped

[Cathytg]

Personality Change? I am more inclined to say "Behavior Change". At least that is true for me. I am told that my manner is much softer and easier when dressed. I am still the same person, though.

I agree that you are in a position of being very helpful and gentle when you do meet Melissa. He is likely to scared to death and you need to be supportive as, indeed, you seem to be.

But he is the same basic person whether dressed or not.

[sterling12]

Sometimes the two persona's are not blended as a defense mechanism. A lot of folks could not allow femme mannerisms or mindsets to slip into their male life. I have no doubt it relates to a fear of getting "read."

However, an idea for us to chew upon....what would be wrong with taking the best non-gender related traits from each personality and blending those with your other self? Could only be a positive thing right? Your wife would now get to see a new person, maybe one who could be tolerable to be around.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Michelly]

In male mode, I am an alright person, but in Female mode I am more at ease with everything. I am bright, happy go lucky, and love to be female. I am more apt to be generious and kind, I am my real self and I can finally live my life as I should be able to.

Amy,

It seems that you and me have a lot in common.

Michelly my female side is much differerent than my male "Mike" side.

Michelly is also a lot more open, friendly, and fun. she is a real social butterfly.

I am interested how you have transitined in the work place.

[Sally2005]

For me I am the same person except in fem mode you have to act the part so I put effort in to looking and acting female. I then also tend to feel female but that's a dual personality except it may appear that way to the person who sees me in both modes.

[kimmy p]

I'm not sure how to word this, but I will try my best. Since i don't quite have the open honest relationship with my cd husband that i hope to have one day, i was curious, how much does your personality change. My husband is a "manly man" he is the last person on earth that you would imagine likes to where womens clothes(well you all would imagine it, but i don't think anyone would guess!). I haven't met Melissa yet, (his alter ego), but I can't imagine she is anything like him.
So I am just wondering if I could get some insight into what to expect when the day comes that I meet her. thanks Bridged


Hi Bridged, I am the first to admit that I am not a testosterone driven He-Man no matter what I am wearing. I am pretty much just myself. This is not true for everybody. I don't know you or your husband so I cannot give you a definitive answer. What you need to do (if you don't mind some advice) is to go ahead and meet Melissa. At that point you can decide between you what you like (or can tolerate), what is out of bounds, and reach a compromise. There are members here that will say that you should just step aside and let Melissa go on unfettered. But I will always believe that you married a man and unless you like having a girlfriend better you are entitled to having a husband most of the time. All that I ask of you is to not go into this with a closed mind. I wish you and your husband good luck.

[wishonastar]

For me I am suppression my female side when in normal mode. I suspect that when dressed up especially if you treat him like a women he it no longer suppressing this side of him.

I do not see it as a dual personality. Everyone has different sides. You are a different person when you are at work with subordinates then when you are with your kids, very different.

You are different with your spouse then with your good friends.

Not a dual personality just putting on "different hats".

[tricia_uktv]

My two personas were different when I started, but they are gradually merging into one. Iain is taking on a lot of Tricia's best characteristics and Tricia Iains.