Handling That Special Encounter

[sterling12]

Not sure where to locate this thread. Mods, please feel free to move it to "Out And About" or wherever you think is appropriate.

This was prompted by a response I made to a thread from Raquel. That was a few days ago, and Deja kind of prompted me into following through on an idea I had.

Raquel was out in a club last Saturday and a young man felt "compelled" to come up and spill his guts. He admitted to a desire to CD and wanted help. I responded, (along with several others) that this is not unusual. If your out among the public, you will get "confessions," and inquiries from non-dressing guys. Heck, it seems that when they meet you, it's their one chance to fulfill a lifelong desire; to finally "come-out" to someone who would understand. These "chance encounters" may be a whole lot more than that, and it could be a rather delicate situation.

Now here's the question....It would be nice to get some dialog going among my Sista's about how we should handle this type of situation. Should we treat it as absolute truth? Should we give this person our phone number? Should we stop what we are doing and spend some time trying to help this person right then and there? It seems like there are a lot of things to consider, probably many I haven't even thought of.

I'm involved with my Tri-Ess Groups, so it's a little easier for me. I can just give them the contact info and if I choose, to then just walk away. But, I personally feel a need to do something more. Of course I would have some empathy. I know how lonely it can be, and all about the bad feelings of low self-worth. My gut reaction is to try and help this individual, I'm just wanting to make sure that I do it in the right way!

Any suggestions or help from others would be appreciated.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Deidra Cowen]

First off I don't generally give them my phone number nor do I agree to meet them at my place/their place to do their makeup and all that. But what I do is recommend they go get a makeover from a professional makeup artist like Phoebe Cross here in Atlanta. She has cloths, wigs and makeup and will really do the very best on someone the first time!

That being said I give them other advice like on makeup and cloths. We did at the Stage Door totally do a makeover on a guy that was interested in dressing!!! Was really fun, the SD owner let us use the Drag Queens dressing room. I thought we did a great job too on her! I think I posted a thread in the pic section a couple of years ago here about it.

But generally I am helpful but don't revel too much nor agree to meet...sorry if that is selfish but ya gotta be careful. Plus my makeup, wigs cloths might not work on someone else...actually odds are they will not! We all of course have different body sizes, skin tones, etc. Plus makeup and all that is expensive.

Thats what I do to answer your question!

[Joy Carter]

Give them reference to meetings and of course here. But I'd have to really know this person, before I got involved.

[deja true]

Glad you started this one, Joanie!

Raquel's story got to me, too. I'm an inveterate "helper" and volunteer for all kinds of causes and write checks for all kinds of appeals. Can't help myself.

But I'm thinking that maybe after a night in the clubs is not really a good time to try to start a serious conversation.

My first idea was, like Joanies, to refer him to an organization that we were familiar with, but that first step out to a bunch of unknown strangers might be too hard. Watching you and finally garnering the courage to even speak to you is probably the hardest thing that poor boy has ever done... not likely to wanna out himself to another bunch of strangers so soon.

So...it occurred to me that this place might be the ideal start for the shy, the unknowing, the amateur, the deeply closeted to start to get a handle on his desire.

It's already happened countless times. How many introductions carry the same phrase, "...hi, I've been reading here a long time, I thought it was finally time to introduce myself...".

When I go out now, I carry a card with just my name and e-mail address, no picture or other information. I think that my next set of cards are also gonna have the web address of this forum on the back. So that if the hour is late, if the inevitable partying has made it inconvenient or impossible to communicate sensibly, I would invite our new friend to just come lurk a while. Look for posts with my name ( in order to see that I wasn't just trying to brush him off) and then like hundreds of others, when the time is right and the courage has finally come, to join up and start the journey in earnest.

This very moment shows 158 unregistered guests watching this site (and only 120 of us). There are our members of the future. A few more won't hurt, will it?

[AliciaWeb]

Not averse to a nice chat about makeup, clothes etc. but definitely no personal information, only details of a CD group and a makeover outlet. I am naturally shy an a bit nervous with strangers which I think is a good thing in this circumstance.

[ArleneRaquel]

I will talk makeup,fashions at the drop of a hat, but I never give out my address or phone number.:love:

[tamarav]

Since I look at my dressing as my best advertising for my transformation shop, I have to be available to at least tell them what resources are available. My business card has basic contact information (web site to make appointment) but no address or phone numbers. Prospective clients have to schedule an appointment before I give them a street address (my card does indicate the city).

I have had a number of men come up and "confess" their desire to crossdress, and even a few women who want to dress their men. I never give out phone numbers or street addresses. I will talk with them, sometimes at length, about the makeup, clothing, how to do things and so on, but all they usually get from me is a card and my name.
If they want to have their hair cut or styled I tell them to call my salon and make an appointment. I am pretty wary of the ruses men are capable of using, I have heard or seen a lot of them in use over the past bunch of years.

Those that actually follow through are the sincere ones and I give them all the help I can. I did have a FtM sit down with me one night and we talked fro about two hours. He turned out to be a very sincere client and we have met numerous times.

Your sis,

Tami

[sterling12]

So, we are in agreement that a simple card would be a good start? No phone number, nothing personal. OK so far so good!

I like Deja's idea of a reference to this site. For a "newbie" it would be very helpful. And, you can give them the addie about 1000 times and they won't remember it. Tamara must have these encounters nearly all the time, please give us any more info you have that you feel might be pertinent.

One good thing, we are getting corroborative proof of this phenomenon. I wish I had a nickel for every time someone doubts that these things happen. Trust us ladies, if your out and about....they most certainly do happen! And with some regularity. Once people think you are approachable, that your relaxed and open, just the darndest things occur.

This is great ladies! I think that we are learning something that could be very useful.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Sally24]

I try to always carry some "business" cards with me when out and about. They usually carry an e-mail address and the address of the Sisters of Boston site. After all, that is the primary goal of Sisters, to make a welcoming and safe place for the new girls to get out in public. I would consider giving out a cell phone number if it was needed but no land lines or home addresses!

[charlie]

Hello Stirling!
Now I admit that I mainly go to nightclubs and gay bars, so the people I meet may not be the same people that you are meeting. However, I have found that the people that come up to me and say they dress, but are afraid to go out...or they dress but are just checking out the place...or they dress but just came in drab that night...all are coming over to talk because they want to be with you. Seldom do I have guys come over to just discuss CD. They hope for some sort of sex connection. I always tell them all that I am married and straight. This blows most of their minds. They don't know why I would dress fem and then go out if I did not want to pick up a guy. Once or twice I have met a guy that really just did want to talk about CD. That was cool, but rare. Usually it is young girls that do that.

[Phoebe Reece]

I see myself as a little bit of an ambassador for the CD community when I am out and about. Whenever someone shows some curiosity about me or my CD friends, I try to spend as much time with that person as they want to clear up any misconceptions they may have and give them a better understanding about us. If it turns out that they know someone who is a crossdresser, I give them one of my business cards which has my e-mail address on it and contact info for our local Tri-Ess group. Personal info, like phone numbers, is only exchanged when I know a lot more about someone.

To be accepted by society in general we have to do our bit to educate people, even if it is only one person at a time. And if we happen to come across another crossdresser who is in need of help, we should protect our own by taking the time and effort to help them in whatever way we can, provide it does not compromise our own personal security.