Just got caught recently and they told everyone I know!!!

[Tiffany Love]

I just recently got caught by a couple of friends who took a picture with a cell phone. I have been letting them stay in my yard in their camper because they had no where to live. It was supposed to be a temporary arangement, but has gone on for about a month. I get the urge to dress up every morning, so I have been doing so. I have been doing so even though they were in my yard. One day I thought they were not here so I went outside, like I always do. I was wrong, his girlfriend was here, and she saw me. She took a picture with their cell phone. She showed it to him and then they showed it to others. One of them, whom is married to my ex-girlfriends daughter, is not taking it very well. My ex-girlfriend, whom knows all about Tiffany, was asked by here daughter about whether it was really me or not. She told her the truth and that she has known for years about it. There are other friends that know about Tiffany and have been open minded about it, and quite also. I did have the respect of a lot of people here in Stevensville, Montana. Now I am not so sure. I know I am being looked at in a different light by all who know me. Maybe I am being over sensitive, but I feel it all the same. It is but a matter of time that my brother and his family here something about it. My brother may have already known for years, but has kept it to himself. He does talk down about such things on occasion. Anyway I am at odds as to how to go about damage control. Should I deny it, or just come out with the fact, the truth?

[Andiewv]

I was caught by leaving a pic on my computer, After my wife kicked me out I told every one In my family, it really was a relief to do that with everthing else going on, I say let the truth be told and hold your head high

[KandisTX]

I just recently got caught by a couple of friends who took a picture with a cell phone. ~snip~ Should I deny it, or just come out with the fact, the truth?

The first sentence and last sentence contradict each other. You cannot deny photographic evidence. Buck up, take it, and be truthful. Sorry that you're going through this, but it is not likely you are going to be able to fast talk your way out of this situation.

Kandis:love::rose2:

[DAVIDA]

Hi Tiffany,
Sorry to hear about your mishap! Some people have no couth at all. I can imagine the hurt that you are feeling. Betrayal is never a good thing. This, I'm sure, will get better with time.
What I want to know is; did the free ride come to an end. I definately would show such people the end of the driveway!

[debbeelee1]

Wow, that's a tough one Tiffany. Hope you hauled that camper out of there! Some friends! Sounds like the cat's out of the bag now. Maybe no one will even bring it up again, just let sleeping dogs lie!

[sandra-leigh]

One option:

"I was letting some friends of mine stay in my yard. Friends of mine wouldn't show pictures around and claim that the pictures were me without my permission. I would expect friends of mine to apologize and try to repair the damage if they did something like that. I reckon that anyone who wouldn't apologize immediately could not really have been a friend of mine. I reckon that people who were staying in my yard as friends but who turned out not to be friends, would not be the people I allowed to use my yard. I reckon that if people I didn't know were staying in my yard, that they would have to move out pretty much as soon as they could pack up."

[valenstein]

Denying it maybe hard depending on who has seen it. I would get all your ducks in a row and think about what you need them to know about you if they ask. They will probably talk about it behind your back, at least make sure what they say behind your back is the truth.

One thing I have always had in my mind is that - I am the exact person you knew yesterday, for good or bad, so tell me what about it bothers you so much? You can dispel any misconceptions they may have. - When I stood up for you or cared about you as my friend or family, I was this same person, don't judge me and I won't judge you.

[Tommie Rae]

so go ahead, stand up for yourself, and tell the truth. I think people will respect you more for being honest with them. Tell them this is something you enjoy in private, and tell them that you won't tell them how to live their lives if they will respect your right to live your own life. And get some new friends.

[`Kayla`]

Bless you heart. That is terrible but that is my fear as well. I fear if I open this to my wife that she'll tell everyone in a fit of rage at some point during or after our relationship should it ever end. I feel confident that if I tell her it will end and she will tell everyone.

I agree with the others...you can't deny it now because she has that photo. Even if you could figure out how to do away with the "proof" they've still told everyone and that doesn't seem like a friend to me either. I too hope you've moved that camper out of your yard because the damage is done now and you'll never feel as close to them as you did before this.

What about your neighbors? You said you go outside often when dressed, do they not ever see you either?

[Jocelyn Renee]

Sorry to hear you're facing a difficult situation; I wish you the best of luck. Obviously the people you were doing a favor for are not really friends. I can think of a number of descriptions for someone who would stab you in the back as you are doing them a favor, but "friend" is not one of them. I would demand they leave immediately.

As for what you should, go with the truth. Some difficulties may lie ahead, but the truth is clarifying. You will soon enough know who can be relied on and who truly cares about you. I'm not saying it will be easy, but in the long run, those two unwittingly did you a favor. Remember there's always plenty of support to be found on the boards here.

Blessings,
Jocelyn

[TommiTN]

With friends like that who needs enemas? I hope you've told them to get out and not to let the screen door hit 'em where the bulldog bit 'em. I agree with the others. If questions come up, and maybe they won't, be truthful. I don't know anything about Stevensville, but if it is a small town like I live in al fresco CDing is best done somewhere else where you can be more anonymous. I wish you the best. It's not the end of the world.

[Vanessa R.]

Wow, I'm going to go with Jocelyn on this one, you would think they would be more grateful, with you letting them crash in your yard and keep their mouth's shut about things they don't quite understand. I hope you kicked their butts to the curb.

Vanessa R.

[tonicd4444]

What I have learned in the past 20 years with my wife is: Be honest and consistant. Sounds like you are a good friend to all around you, the one's that are real will still be there for you. I was caught by my wife many years ago, the hard thing for her was the lying. My older brohter knows that I crossdress, but his love is un-conditional. Although he does not agree with my lifestyle, he loves me and continues to support me. My wife is very supportive and is a big help with makeup and shopping. Good luck, keep your head up!

[Tiffany Love]

Thanks for all the wonderful input and support. I had heard about all this from my ex-girlfriend after a nice canoe trip down the Bitterroot river, with the same people that told on me. They did apologize to me, and said they have tried to do some damage control by telling people, that they have told, that I was just goofing around as a joke on them. They did tell me some lies as to why they told. They said it was because they thought someone was snooping around and in my house. I told him that was crap because I was here and so was my dog. And if this mysterious woman was just walking into my house, with me here, she was evidently welcome. And another point I told him was that if he actually thought that why did they not come to me only with what they thought was evidence of someone snooping around my home. Why go to everyone else with such evidence? They are gone now. They moved to the mans house that is married to my ex's daughter. I have learned from the past to forgive ignorance and forget.

As to the question of my neighbors knowing, I am not sure. I live in a private area with some acreage, and I have women over all the time. So I am not sure if they know or not. If they do, they are quite about it, to me anyway as I talk to some of them often.

[carolinoakland]

And the truth will set you free. yes it's a whole new set of issue's for you. But if you look deep inside doesn't part of you feel relieved that you don't have to hide anymore? I know I felt a lot more at ease with myself once I started to come out. carol

[suzy cool]

That's a horrible situation to be in. I hope things work out o.k. for you and that it will either blow over or you will find your genuine friends from the fakes.

[RavenAndrea]

I agree with the others - especially 'the truth will set you free'. This doesn't mean you have to tell the whole world. Just disclose it to close friends/family one at a time and look for respectful responses. If you dress en-femme every morning sooner or later more people will discover your alter life. Good luck.

Andrea

[MJ]

you have the chance to be honest about it. you should never be ashamed of who you are. admit it .. oh and make sure you have some decent pictures to show off be proud of who you are .

and better tell your brother he can help you with his acceptance .
i am sorry this happened to you but it's now time for total truth. hey we respect you i am sure others will also. just don't act like you have done something dirty stand tall be proud
regards
mj

ps. Suzy cool is right you will find out who your real friends are

[tvbeckytv]

id say if you dressing everday, it far too difficult and counter productive to stress about keeping it hiden.
If it were me, i wouldnt attempt to deny it, but rather just have a slightly bemused expression if anyone questions me about it... bemussed that they treat it like an issue. "well yes, ive always enjoyed dressing that way, just makes me comfortable" ... "why do youi ask?"

[paulaluvssz8]

in a quote from a friend "don't fight it" just be honest if someone ask. Just let them know the truth about it and be ready to answer questions about it.:D

[Kate Simmons]

Friends like that I could do without. If they were real friends they would have talked to you before publishing it. My advice? Tell them it's time to leave. You will be okay, especially with friends from the Forum to support you.

[deja true]

Yup! It is kinda bad news in a way. Your so-called friends betrayed you. They used your space, they used your utilities, you probably fed 'em a time or three, you probably loaned 'em money, too. Ingrates!

But as some of your friends and family already knew, it's probably not that big a deal anymore. Especially among people who already knew you for a good person. Now your just an eccentric good person. A little public support shown by your wife and brother would probably help too.

Remember all the divorce stories where the wife outted the husband as a way to get back at him? It seems it was usually the wife ultimately who lost out for betraying a former loved one's trust, wasn't it? Made her look vindictive and small, not the CD.

Who knows? If enough folks in town are okay with it, you might even enhance your local celebrity and become something of a mascot at the county rodeo! Depends how you play it!

Good luck, Tiff!

(Oh! and get ready for that guy who lives down the road to approach you in the diner some morning and tell you he dresses, too!)

[randomlag]

it's hard when u feel something is apart of u that is not the norm. Harder yet is how we go about living your life knowing this. Some of us will find light at the in of the tunnel some a darker end become realty. I don't know how your friends and family are with u now i and only hope there is light at the end of your tunnel Any path u take is one that can never be changed i hope the best your u , but that is a tough question.

[PamelaTX]

Good lord Girl!

If this were me, I would march right up to them and say "Ok, folks it's time to get a haircut and get a real job. And by the way, GET OUTA MY YARD!" And if they weren't gone by sundown, I'd call the sheriff and have them evicted.

I don't consider my crossdressing to be a deep dark secret, but I do consider it to be private. To me this is the same thing as taking pictures of you naked and showing them around the neighborhood and you should treat it exactly the same way.

[lindsaycd75]

might as well fess up, i figure there is little chance to stop the snow ball now:2c:

[Nicole Erin]

One of those GD camera phones.
I imagine, I am just guessing, most people have one? Anyways if YOU do,
Show them a picture of the back of a truck with a trailer hitch and say "Hey look at that hitch...."
Even if they ARE gone it would still be funny. Maybe show them a photo of a door with an "Exit" sign above it...

And why would they do this to you if you are letting them use your property? Have they not heard of "Don't poop where you eat"?

Anyways even if people ARE asses about this, look at it this way - they will get over it pretty quick. They may or may not like you after but it will quickly become old news and they will want something fresh.

[karynspanties]

Personally......you are helping them out by letting them live in your yard in a camper. Then they have the b@*Ls to betray you like that? :Angry3::Angry3: If it were me....they would be gone right now. No excuses. Hook up that trailer and haul there trailer trash butts outta there. I would have given them one hour to leave or I would have hooked that sucker up and yanked it out myself. Those are not friends, those are users. They need to go!

[PamelaTX]

OK, I realize I didn't answer your real question in my last post, but really hon, the only thing you can do now is just "brazen it out!" Don't hide, don't apologize, just say "Yes, this is my dress! Yes, this is my yard! And yes, I'm going to wear my dress in my yard any time I feel like it!" If people snicker behind your back, face them down with a comment like, "If you looked as good in a dress as I do, you'd wear one all the time!"

I'd like to think that your true friends will treat you the same as always, but there are some real jerks out there too. (As you may have noticed.) They're just waiting for any sign of weakness to start the "feeding frenzy." Don't give them the opportunity!

Just my two cents worth!

All the best, dear!

[Annaliese]

After letting your so called friend stay at your place and then thay do that to you, send them packing.
You can do one of two things fess up or move. I would stay, lift you head high and be proud show now fear.

Hugs Anna

[Shelly Preston]

Hi tiffany

Sorry to hear you were caught but I cant believe your so called friends

This is not the way for them to reward your kindness by letting them use your yard. I am not impressed by their attempt at an apology. Its just a shame they did not think about their actions first

[Tiffany Love]

Thank You my friends for all the honest input. I have felt all that you have told me in your post. And I feel that I have reacted and acted appropriately. I know that they know that they acted inappropriately towards my privacy on my property. I already feel accepted by the people, in my community, that I feel know what these people accused me of. It does not matter what anyone thinks. I have true friends, here and where I came from, that accept me for me. Who trust me and loves me for me and what I believe in. I also believe my brother knows, has probably known for years, that I have an alternate lifestyle but just keeps it to himself because he loves me.

[Sheri 4242]

Well, first I am glad that they are gone from your property as that was an inexcusable thing they did to you. The advice you are being given is right on: hold your head high! Your true friends will still be there regardless -- many won't even remember all the details in a few weeks, just that you are a good friend. Many a time one who outs one of us is the one who gets the short end of the stick in public opinion. Some wife who was divorcing her cd'ing husband tried to use it in court to get control of the children and the court told her that his being a cd had nothing to do with him getting or not getting custody (which he did get).

[Shelly67]

Keep youre chin up . just be you , don't rise to the offensive occassion if it happens , stay true to you , you don't need any excuses or to play into anyones " ideas" of how you should behave in life . Be proud of who you are . I mean who are you hurting ??
Then kick , those so called " friends " to the gutter . But do it in an adult manner . Just kindly ask them to leave . If it were me , I'd then cut all ties with them .
You should never bite the hand that feeds .
I,d put all those negative feelings you probably have right now into a positive venture towards youre partner and concentrate on keeping each other happy with great support.

Good luck.

[Very Sherri]

One option:

"I was letting some friends of mine stay in my yard. Friends of mine wouldn't show pictures around and claim that the pictures were me without my permission. I would expect friends of mine to apologize and try to repair the damage if they did something like that. I reckon that anyone who wouldn't apologize immediately could not really have been a friend of mine. I reckon that people who were staying in my yard as friends but who turned out not to be friends, would not be the people I allowed to use my yard. I reckon that if people I didn't know were staying in my yard, that they would have to move out pretty much as soon as they could pack up."

My thoughts EXACTLY.

[Karren H]

No denying a photo!! I'd just assume everyone knows... so shy deny it... May be a good time to start going out enfemme

[Katrina]

Go up to them and ask if they have a problem with it. If so, then get the heck off my yard!

[Gurly]

These people are friends? Although I can understand their desire to tell others of your secret (we are human after all), they had NO right to out you like that. Shame on them. Sorry it had to happen to you.

[Angie G]

What a bitch to take a pic of you and then show it around. And he is an a--hole. nDepending on how close to the house the camper is I'd probably set it on fire. I know at least they would be down the road.I hope you don't get bad fallout from this hun. :hugs:
Angie

[Cathytg]

I agree with the majority. It would be foolish to try to deny what is true anyway.

However, you should ask yourself how you really feel about dressing in your life. If you deny it, what does that say about your own acceptance of CD? You really must go with your own feelings in this, but please think hard about what those feelings actually are. More to the point, consider how you feel about CD and yourself. You can deal with the rest of the world only after you have met yourself.

[lil red]

Let me start by saying that I haven't read any other replies, just comenting here. If you are happy being who you are then you have no reason to deny it or to feel ashamed of yourself or what you do. I just recently decided that I am who I am and if someone don't like it it sucks to be them. If your friend like you then they will accept this side of you. If you are confronted I say tell the truth, be proud of yourself. As far as the friends in the backyard go, you can suprise them by walking up to them enfem and saying thanks for helping me come out.

[Melinda G]

You have very few real friends in life, and many aquaintances. I guess you found that out. If you are a CDer, and want to keep it in the closet, trust no one! Many, if not most people have big mouths, and love to gossip. Someone who may be your "friend" today, may not be next week, or next month. As I've posted for the umpteenth time, a little common sense goes a long way. And once the Genie is out of the bottle, you can't put it back in!

Just a comment on a couple of the other posts. I am comfortable with my CDing, and it gives me immense pleasure, and has for most of my life. I am not ashamed of it, in any way. However, I am not "proud" of it, nor do I have any intention of flaunting it, or coming out to anyone. It is just something private that I enjoy.
For most of us, CDing is sexually driven. You wouldn't think of telling your friends that you masterbate, or watch porn, or whatever else you do. So I am always at a loss to understand why so many of you feel the desire or need to "come out" or be proud of your CDing. I always say to just enjoy it for what it is, and keep it private. You never know when it may come back to haunt you, in a new relationship, or employment, or other situations, where it may compromise your position.

Dr Phil has left the building. :D

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

When it comes to my family & friends. I never see them when I'm dressed femme nor do I ever intend to go out with them dressed,so why even tell them?.

I have one friend who loves to gossip and telling him anything especially about CDing I might as well just put it up on a sign in Times Square.

Felicity :)

[Joy Carter]

Admit if asked. But I think you mistook these people in the camper as friends. I'd kindly ask them to leave.

[Melinda G]

Admit if asked. But I think you mistook these people in the camper as friends. I'd kindly ask them to leave.
I think I'd tow the camper out in the street, myself, and leave it there. Then call the cops, and report an abandoned camper. :D

[susan fuller]

I agree with PamalaTX that these were not friends and it is like taking a picture of you naked. They have exposed your inner self and feelings to the world without regard of how it would effect you. You have said that they are gone and you should let them know that you don't need friends like them. I would just wait and see how people act about this before doing anything. If someone brings up the situation and ask questions just be yourself and be honest with them. A true friend won't judge you but accept you for who you are. Best of luck, we are all hear for you.

[Genifer Teal]

It is not a nice thing that they did. At this point there is not much you can do but own up to it, if anyone asks. Better you tell it like it is than they use their own imagination. In general it is usually turns out better than you fear once the dust settles. Then you can be out and proud or at least not as scared to hide it.

As for the camper, I cetainly hope that it is sent on it's way. It goes with out saying they have overextended their welcome.

Gen

[victoriamwilliams1]

You cannot deny the photo, however you can deny the power to keep the camper running or better yet dress and walk right in and show them real life is better than a photo.

[Wendy me]

what i would do is when they are gone burn the camper...........

[Joy Carter]

A saying comes to mind in this situation.

"Cutting Your Nose Off To Spite Your Face."

I'm not particularly vindictive, But you kicking them out onto the street, would be poetic justice.

[Glenda]

Well Girl, I'm sorry it happened to you. Don't be vindictive and don't be ashamed. I hope you'll find (like I did) that people will treat and respect you the same way they did before. There may be a couple of jokes, but please keep your sense of humor. On the bright side......I guess you're going en femme for Halloween this year? You might as well show people that you're not ashamed of it.

[Jessica Brekke]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Honestly, it's one of my worst nightmares. But I think everyone here is right. Denial won't convince people their eyes are wrong. If I were you I would -- at least, I hope I would -- hold my head up high, meet peoples gaze, and face anyone who has a problem with you.

If you refuse to give into the feelings of shame that I imagine you're feeling and if you really had the respect of people, they'll either mind their own business or support you.

And always remember hon, you have to have balls to be a crossdresser. (well, a MTF one, anyway) :)

[AmandaM]

This totally sucks. It happened to me. Out of about six girls and ten guys, only one remained "sort of" a friend. The rest dropped the "crossdressing faggot". Ask them why they would do such a thing. If they seem like they don't care, tell them to get out. One thing I learned back then. If they aren't your friends, don't spend any time with them. That's an exercise in low self-esteem.

[SusanLaine]

I can' t add a lot to what has already been covered here by everyone else. I certainly agree with the advice of others here and I'll add my own experience as well. I don't live in a small town and really never have - always in the burbs but I've been caught probably 5-6 times in my CD lifespan.

I've been caught by a few family members when I was in my teens - talk about embarrassing. :-) I've been caught by neighbors a couple times in my teens and 20's. One time, in my 30's while staying in a hotel in the SF Bay area I got fully dressed which at the time meant everything except make-up and wig and decided to go out to my car for something - down the hall out the door across the parking lot and back - right past a couple people. It was late and I thought the place would be deserted - it wasn't so I was stuck and just went for it. I couldn't pass at all without make-up but much to my surprise - not a single raised eye-brow!

Anyway, even by family members who who obviously know - and told those who didn't, I've had no backlash. This isn't because they're not above it, I think it's because we collectively live in a state of denial and the way I conduct the rest of my life has proven that CD or not, I'm not a bad person and we ALL have our quirks so why make a federal case out of anything.

I guess my point in this long story is that you're definitely not alone and anyone that doesn't understand that you're a good sole, CD or not, just doesn't merit any of your brain cycles anyway.

You go girl!

[keena]

Every good deed has it's own just punishment. I hope you sent them packig post haste!!!