Shame or Embarassment?

[Cathytg]

For years I have seen stories - mine included - wherein CDrs talk about overcoming the shame of dressing. At the risk of sounding like I am splitting proverbial wig hairs here, I would like to suggest a different word.

If I am ashamed of something, I feel that I have done something wrong which usually means that I ought to do something to "make up for it". Goodness knows, I have been there with dressing for a great many years when I thought that I must be a very bad person to so violate the laws of God and my Catholic Church. I think that clothing purges were a result and became my way of "making up for it". Kinda silly but I was a mere child of 40.

On the other hand, if I am merely embarrassed, There is no burden and I can simply put it aside. That is how I can feel now about my dressing. I would rather not be exposed because I would feel awkward unless I remembered not to be which I can do. But there is no guilt and, therefore, no shame. I can spill coffee on myself and be embarrassed but certainly not ashamed.

Shame has a long life span but embarrassment lives only in the moment.

So, I wonder how many times we used the word shame when we really meant embarrassed? They are just words but they imply a huge difference in the way we feel about ourselves.

[RobinScott]

Well said! I dress as an expression of who I am. I have no reason to be ashamed of who I am.

We all strive for acceptance, and have a fear of how others may react. But the more comfortable I am with the true me, the less the opinion of others scares me.

Love to all,
Robin

[Kimberly Long]

AGAIN WELL SAID:
I have been dressing off and on all my life. I have purged many times and regret it soon afterwards. I have been out and about and the acceptance level has been very good. Yes I have seen embarassment moments but you learn to live through it. Ashamed No I have never done anything to hurt another. I know who I am and know how to live with it. I always act like a woman

[Jonianne]

Hi Cathy,

For me, embarrasment is what I feel when I have done something in front of people, that I believed was either dumb or wrong. Embarrassment always involves someone else.

Shame on the other hand can be just with self. When I first dressed at age 7, I kept it hid because of the shame I felt, not embarrassment - no one else knew.

Shame is a feeling that is taught. We can feel a sense of shame with something that has happened to us that is not our fault. Some people wrongly feel shame due to a physical deformaty they may have. Others may have shame about their bodies because they think they are overweight, or so they believe.

There is genuine shame when we have actually wronged someone and there is false shame that we were taught. It took me nearly 8 years of therapy to get past the deep false shame I had for 30 some years. Because of my fundamentalist background, I very nearly went insane (no joke).

So for me, it was the horrible feelings of shame (albiet false) that crippled me for so long. And it is wonderful to have overcome those feelings through receiving the love and acceptance of others that were a conduit of God's love, when I could not believe that God loved me.

[victoriamwilliams1]

I get embarrassed when I realize I had my slip showing and no one told me or when waling my heels and I seem to lose balance. People have a way to make us feel embarrassed and I have learned to deal with it.

[Cathytg]

People have a way to make us feel embarrassed and I have learned to deal with it.

Yes, they do. I wish I could always live the statement" Nobody can make me feel anything. Only I can control how I feel." Well, it's a goal.

[Karren H]

I don't know.. I think when my wife wound out I was more embarased than anything.. For doing something that she had no knowledge and didn't approve...

Can't say I've been ashame.. Maybe when I was younger... But once I accepted I like to do what I like to do and there was nothing workng with that.. There was nothing to be ashame of!!

[cdmindymi]

Two good points of view. I had always view as embarrassment as a lesser degree of shame. After reading this post I will have to rethink that. My first though, Joni is right that we don’t need someone else involvement to be ashamed, but if you think of it further as in shame is taught to us, so then someone is involved. Even at the age of 7 and dressing, you could imagine what you mom would say if she caught you. How many times growing up were we told “shame on you”?
Cathy has a good point in saying when we are ashamed we try to do something to make it right, while embarrassment usually is cause by a situation that can not be replayed.
For me I would have to take it to the bottom line and ask myself, if I was outted and everyone knew including my kids that I was a crossdresser would I be ashamed or embarrassment? O my! My first though is relived; I wouldn’t have to hide anymore. It would be their problems not mine. Maybe I am starting to accept all this. But it didn’t answer the question, and I am not sure.:brolleyes:

[PamelaTX]

For me, neither shame nor embarrassment is a strong enough word. I've been embarrassed a lot and ashamed a lot, but the way I felt about the desire to crossdress was many times more intense. I literally thought I was going crazy. Neither shame nor embarrassment would make me feel like that.

And from what I've been reading here, I was one of the "lucky" ones. I've been able to lead a relatively normal life without any catastrophes or disasters, at least so far. There are many people who can't say that.

Lots of love to all of you.

[Cindi Johnson]

Most of us start out in life ashamed of being TG because so many of our "wise and holy leaders" denounce us. After all, their so-called "Holy Book" condemns us. Only later in life do many of us realize these leaders are neither wise nor holy.

Nowdays, I am proud of being TG. I know that when I'm out dressed, which I am most days, some guys read me and wish that they had the cohones to dress as I do. And that some GG's read me and are amazed at how well I look, or wish they had my figure.

Shame and pride are two sides of the same coin. I'm TG..., so what?? There's no reason to be either ashamed or proud of it. It's just what I am. Still, I enjoy being proud of my crossdressing. It's a lot more fun than being ashamed, than hiding.

You're right on about the difference between embarrassment and shame, yet neither should apply to us because of our crossdressing.

Cindi Johnson

[laura.lapinski]

I guess I've lived a lucky life too. Never been caught yet. If I was, I know I would be extremely embarrassed, possibly bordering on shame, but only because I was caught. I feel no shame with myself for doing this. If caught I would feel remorse that I have hurt others and embarrassed myself and them. After picking up the pieces, then what would I feel? I think the embarrassment would be there for years, even though others knew. I can think of one particular embarrassing moment long ago in my life, and I still feel it, although at a much lesser extent, to this day. I am very comfortable within myself about this, and have been for years. I don't think I would handle being on the out very well (especially if discovered), but even if I outted myself, which I don't plan on doing I don't think I could be 100% at ease. Is this a form of shame?

Laura

[`Kayla`]

I agree and that was well put. I'm not ashamed of what I do because I don't feel like it's wrong...it's just who I am inside.

I do however feel embarrassed because I know it's not something that is just "accepted" by the masses. I've never been one to handle being picked at or laughed at very well.

I wish God had just got it right in the beginning and made me what I was suppose to be in the first place. Then I wouldn't have this confusion and I wouldn't have had the many problems through my life that I've suffered through.

[Angie G]

I have never been ashamed of or felt guilty for dressing And never purged to make things all good again. I love be a cross dresser and don't feel in the least it wrong in any way. It's who I am and I try to be the best person I can be. I don't feel it's a sin or dirty in any way. So for those who do lighten up and get on with you life of be a CD embrace it and enjoy it we are not here long enough for all that sh-t. :hugs:
Angie

[docrobbysherry]

Cathy, u can call it what ever u like. I call it, "GUILT"!

No matter what anyone says, I still feel like it's NOT normal for men to dress up like women. I wish I didn't feel that way. Maybe some day I won't, but rite now, I DO!

If I were found out, I would be both ashamed, AND embarrassed!:sad:

[Joanne f]

I can`t say that i have ever felt ashamed, i am not really sure of the feeling i have so maybe there is embarrassment due to most of my life i have always tried to make it look like i was so manly but now people know i am really girlie, it`s like all i have worked for or to prove has been a big lie so i am not sure if i am embarrassed or just annoyed with my self .







joanne :fairy2:

[Tina B.]

Shame has a long life span but embarrassment lives only in the moment.

So, I wonder how many times we used the word shame when we really meant embarrassed? They are just words but they imply a huge difference in the way we feel about ourselves.

When I was a small child, my father caught me playing dress up, with other kids, I had an old skirt and blouse on and a head scarf to cover my short hair, with my regular clothes on under it. He was embarassed, and after being scolded, I was ashamed. I knew I was a disapointment to my father.
It took a lot of years to figure out, I should have been embarassed, and he should have been ashamed, of his lack of understanding, He never knew just how much he had hurt his child, and it caused me to go through years of shame and guilt, just for being what I was born to be. But on the other hand, it made me a much more understanding person, that tries to never be judgemental about others lifestyles, so maybe in the end it did make me a better person, and after all isn't that what a person wants for their kids?
Tina B.
Great question, got me thinking this morning!

[valenstein]

No matter what anyone says, I still feel like it's NOT normal for men to dress up like women. I wish I didn't feel that way. Maybe some day I won't, but rite now, I DO!



The only reason I still have a few toes in the closet is to not transfer other people's perception of me onto my gf and the fact my brother-in-law might keep me from seeing my nephews. Shame comes from other people, not me.

Is it normal for guys to smack their wives around?

Is it normal to be a mouthy drunk and try to pick a fight?

Is it normal to drive home stinking drunk and almost kill someone?

Is it normal to to watch two girls at a strip club getting it on and then call someone a fa**ot?

Is it normal to beat your son black and blue because he was playing with Barbie doll?

Normal to use scripture for violence?

Normal to be mad because some black folks bought a house in your neighborhood?

It sure seems to be, I don't want any part of it.

[Anna the Dub]

When I was younger I felt shame and disgust with myself, even up to a few years ago. Slowly the realisation came over me that this is who I am, and there is nothing I can do to change it. If I reach the age of 80, I will still be a ts, will still wish with all my heart that I was a woman, so there is not really much point in beating myself up over it. I could bemoan the fact that nature played this trick on me, but where does that get me? Nowhere. So, I have decided to embrace it instead. I am fast reaching the conclusion that I don't really care what anyone else thinks about it, I only have one life and if I don't do what will make me happy, then at the end of my life all I will have are regrets. I don't want that. So, am I ashamed? No. Am I embarrassed about my desire to be female? No.

[Alice Torn]

I have had thoughts and feelings of dressing, since early teen. crossdressing, homosexuality, masturbation, ANY sexuality outside of hetero marriage, is condemned by the church, and religion, I am in. They even had a message condemning cding, recently. If anyone knew about me, I would be SHAMED!! I am not quitting the church, though, because of the many good, hopeful things promised for the next world. But, I don't go out often, as, at 6'6", too many would read me. I have never had the chance to marry a wife, or have healthy family life. Dressing up, as a lovely lady, is one way I cope with my lonliness, being deprived of ever having a steady girlfriend, or wife.

[Melinda G]

I do however feel embarrassed because I know it's not something that is just "accepted" by the masses. I've never been one to handle being picked at or laughed at very well.



Don't get me going on "the masses". People are basically ignorant. Just look at who they elect to run their government.
The problem with the masses, is that they have in their mind the eternal question, "why would you want to be a woman"? You must be gay! Of course this is wrong, for most of us. But that's the way most people see it, and you aren't going to change that perception. At least not in my lifetime. Which begs the question, "why do you want to dress like a woman"? I've been doing it all my life, and I don't know. I just enjoy it, and accept it.
Just accept that it's a lifelong thing, enjoy it, and take steps to keep it private. Stop agonizing over it. Stress kills.

[Karen_Ski]

I believe there was a time when all of us were either ashamed or embarrassed or even both by our cross dressing but for me that time is long behind me. As I emerged from the closet I came to realize that not only was Karen an important part of me but she was my essence, my inner peace if you will. Over the past 20 years as I have grown to the woman I am now those feelings of shame or embarrassment have long been replaced by those of pride and happiness. I am proud of the lady I have become, well at least in public :o, and happy I have the resources to live my life as I please. Don't ever be ashamed or embarrassed by who or what you are just be the best person you can be!

[Cathytg]

I am proud of the lady I have become, well at least in public :o, and happy I have the resources to live my life as I please. Don't ever be ashamed or embarrassed by who or what you are just be the best person you can be!

And I am proud that you responded to my thread. I love your attitude and admire your place in the world. I am drawing closer to where you are although it has taken me over 50 years. Still, isn't it all about the journey?

[Tashee]

Dressing since as early as I can remember. 1 thing stands out as I look back over the landscape of my life . Its the diligence I used in trying not to be caught or discovered. Even at that young age. Now This is what confuses me most. Why I at 3-4 would think that wearing my Sisters or Moms Pantyhose etc was wrong. What mechanism and why did the this is wrong bell go off in my head?
As we travel forward I find that most of us are kind compassionate creatures and the outside world looks to tear up anything different or what they consider different or weak. We may be different but we are far from weak.

[Karen_Ski]

And I am proud that you responded to my thread. I love your attitude and admire your place in the world. I am drawing closer to where you are although it has taken me over 50 years. Still, isn't it all about the journey?

Oh definitely it is about the journey Cathy! Isn't getting there half the fun? :D

[docrobbysherry]

Is it normal for guys to smack their wives around?
Is it normal to be a mouthy drunk and try to pick a fight?
Is it normal to drive home stinking drunk and almost kill someone?
Is it normal to to watch two girls at a strip club getting it on and then call someone a fa**ot?
Is it normal to beat your son black and blue because he was playing with Barbie doll?
Normal to use scripture for violence?
Normal to be mad because some black folks bought a house in your neighborhood?
It sure seems to be, I don't want any part of it.

Actually, Valenstein, none of the items u listed r "acceptable". However, u r more likely to be forgiven for any/all of them, sooner than for CDing!
And, coincidentally, I don't do anything on your list. But I DO CD! The one unforgivable sin!



"why would you want to be a woman"? You must be gay! Of course this is wrong, for most of us. But that's the way most people see it, and you aren't going to change that perception. At least not in my lifetime. Just accept that it's a lifelong thing, enjoy it, and take steps to keep it private. Stop agonizing over it. Stress kills.

Melinda, I could give a rat's behind if folks thot I was gay. But, unfortunately, CDing ranks closer child molesting, etc., in many people's minds. Many think of us as perverts! THAT is what u risk being compared to, if your CDing comes out!

If I thot the worst thing in people's minds, was that I was gay, I'm down buying my milk and bread in shorts and a halter top today!

[PamelaTX]

Most of us start out in life ashamed of being TG because so many of our "wise and holy leaders" denounce us. After all, their so-called "Holy Book" condemns us. Only later in life do many of us realize these leaders are neither wise nor holy.

One of the most important things that Holy Book says is "Love thy neighbor as thyself." It was written to lift us up and comfort us, not to condemn us. Anyone who uses it to denounce us is preaching ignorance and stupidity, not religion.

Crossdressing is not a sin, but hating other people definitely is.

PM me if you want to discuss this further.

[Shayna2008]

I've accepted myself as a crossdresser. I'm not ashamed or embarrased by it. I do fear for my safety mainly - since I don't really trust people (with the exception of family/loved ones/close friends). Seems to me people nowadays (especially ones my age (20's)) are looking for any reason they can to be violent and angry. This has resulted in me generally looking down on society and being embarassed to be a part of it. What do you expect in a country where it takes major disasters for us all to actually care about one another?

I guess this lack of trust and embarassment for others that I feel results from always having an "outside-looking-in" view of the world and it's events. Another issue I have with society is their view on being who you really are. That is; everyone says "be yourself" and "do your own thing", but when they actually someone doing just that, they alienate them, make them feel bad or inferior, and often attack/abuse them.

It's just another double standard. Quite fitting actually for a country founded by slave owners who wanted to be free...:rant:

[PamelaTX]

I've accepted myself as a crossdresser. I'm not ashamed or embarrased by it. I do fear for my safety mainly - since I don't really trust people (with the exception of family/loved ones/close friends). Seems to me people nowadays (especially ones my age (20's)) are looking for any reason they can to be violent and angry. This has resulted in me generally looking down on society and being embarassed to be a part of it. What do you expect in a country where it takes major disasters for us all to actually care about one another?

I guess this lack of trust and embarassment for others that I feel results from always having an "outside-looking-in" view of the world and it's events. Another issue I have with society is their view on being who you really are. That is; everyone says "be yourself" and "do your own thing", but when they actually someone doing just that, they alienate them, make them feel bad or inferior, and often attack/abuse them.

It's just another double standard. Quite fitting actually for a country founded by slave owners who wanted to be free...:rant:

Yeah, dealing with the world is hard sometimes, especially when you feel frustrated and out of control. We're supposed to care about one another, celebrate our differences, and lift one another up. But so often it just doesn't happen that way. And there isn't anything you can do to change it.

When I get frustrated about the world I sometimes think to the world, "OK, so I can't change you. But you can't change me either. I'm a kind, loving person and you're not going to take that away from me. You can hate me, but I'm going to love you in return, and you're not going to stop me from doing that because I'm stronger than you."

Love hard, Shayna! The world is broken, and it needs all the love you can give it.

[justmetoo]

I used to feel shame. Until I figured out there is nothing bad or wrong about liking different clothes. Now I sometimes feel embarassed, but not shame (does that make me shameless? :o ).

[Sheri 4242]

I believe there was a time when all of us were either ashamed or embarrassed or even both by our cross dressing but for me that time is long behind me. As I emerged from the closet I came to realize that not only was Karen an important part of me but she was my essence, my inner peace if you will. Over the past 20 years as I have grown to the woman I am now those feelings of shame or embarrassment have long been replaced by those of pride and happiness. I am proud of the lady I have become, well at least in public :o, and happy I have the resources to live my life as I please. Don't ever be ashamed or embarrassed by who or what you are just be the best person you can be!

We are who we are!!! I, as many of you, spent a great amount of my youth believing I was "the only one" . . . and there was a great amount of guilt and shame associated with CDing. As has been discussed in other threads, we didn't have the internet back then and finding others "like us" was difficult if not impossible, which added to the feelings we had. Some of us have kept the walls up and around us and some of us have moved beyond them to a greater or lesser degree. One CD is open only with himself/herself, the next is out to the wife but both are unhappy with the situation, another is out to wife and they are relatively happy with the whole thing, still another has a small group she goes out with, and on and on and on.

IMHO, many of us seem to grow "into our own" as we age. While maybe not embracing this fully, it seems age gives us some amount of courage to say "this is who and what I am, and the heck with those who don't accept me." Karen is absolutely right about the inner peace many of us find in this maturity!!!

When my wife and I had our second "wedding" (where I got to be the bride) the part of the ceremony where we did a photo shoot out on the Las Vegas "strip" had an unexpected effect on me. I had been glowing in the warmth of that day and what we were doing. It was very special in so many ways!!! Yet, the photo shoot out in public caught me a bit off guard! Well OKAY -- it caught me A LOT OFF GUARD!!! But, as the shock, wore off (embarrassment) I found myself totally warming to the simple act of going out for a series of photos! (Forget the part about how everybody stops and stares at a bride --lol.) I found I was feeling great pride in who I am -- and the highest of love and pride in my wife!!! Heck, we now have two anniversaries to celebrate each year and that IS love and lovely!!! We both celebrate who and what we are -- to our selves and to all who happen to be there!!!

[bimini1]

Actually, Valenstein, none of the items u listed r "acceptable". However, u r more likely to be forgiven for any/all of them, sooner than for CDing!
And, coincidentally, I don't do anything on your list. But I DO CD! The one unforgivable sin!




Melinda, I could give a rat's behind if folks thot I was gay. But, unfortunately, CDing ranks closer child molesting, etc., in many people's minds. Many think of us as perverts! THAT is what u risk being compared to, if your CDing comes out!

If I thot the worst thing in people's minds, was that I was gay, I'm down buying my milk and bread in shorts and a halter top today!



You see it is this kind of post that paints the sad reality for me. No matter the postive things you say, it just seems like trying to justify something that is inherently wrong. Like one poster said even at 3-4 years old, we knew we had better not been caught.
Is it simply socialization? Or is there really something worng with us? Of course we are gonna be biased when answering the question because it is us who participate in the "immoral" behavior.
We are forever at the bottom of the totem pole. And that is just too big a pill for me to swallaw at times.
I try and try to get past it. Come on here, read one another's stories for support but sometimes I get even more depressed to know that I am part of the group. Can anyone relate?

[Christinedreamer]

For 35 years I have been a professional in the audio visual presentation business. I have handled the AV presentations for medial conventions of every anatomical specialty and many conferences for groups like the American Psychiatric Assoc. These were multi-day conferences with attendees from all over the world and discussing/ presenting on every aspect of human emotional, behavioral, psychiatric variation and psychological bent.

Let me assure that these "professionals" also represent some of the scariest, most looney-tunes characters you will ever meet. This fact was also a subject of self analysis workshops of the psych community itself. Some of these folks have pecadilloes so bizzarre they make us look like nuns.

I have also been aware as have millions of others of the dark secrets held by many many members of the clergy.
We have heard of the really depraved actions of many.

I find it so strange that these same people so readily condemn us and try to force a guilt on us that has no basis in Christian teaching. To prove it, get a Bible with the words of Jesus in red.

Read every word. NOWHERE, in any quote of Jesus, does He mention crossdressing, homosexuality, or any aspect of transgender activity. It seems to me that if someone claims that what we do is un-Christian, they should be able to reference the Man Himslef somewhere in His own words. Can't be done!!!

If we were not intended to be the way we are from birth, why have so many of us had the same general experience from the single digit ages? The average age we start actively exploring out emotional TG world is 6 years old and many started even earlier; long before we saw Jerry Springer shows, or Penthouse magazine.

The only possible source for guilt is being less than honest with SOs and family but it is to be expected as we have been taught by those who do not feel as we do.

Just try to follow the Golden Rule and teach it to others and you will have accomplished a major goal of humanity.

Christine

[Anna the Dub]

You see it is this kind of post that paints the sad reality for me. No matter the postive things you say, it just seems like trying to justify something that is inherently wrong. Like one poster said even at 3-4 years old, we knew we had better not been caught.
Is it simply socialization? Or is there really something worng with us? Of course we are gonna be biased when answering the question because it is us who participate in the "immoral" behavior.

I don't care any more if there is something wrong with us. I am what I am, I couldn't give a flying whatever what any clergy person thinks of me or what I do. Nothing anyone says or does is ever going to change how I feel inside. I was born this way, I am a gentle person who wouldn't hurt a fly, so what if I like to wear pretty clothes? Is it immoral behaviour? Well, there are far more evils in the world than just wearing a few pretty things. Where's the harm in that?

[PamelaTX]

You see it is this kind of post that paints the sad reality for me. No matter the positive things you say, it just seems like trying to justify something that is inherently wrong. Like one poster said even at 3-4 years old, we knew we had better not been caught.
Is it simply socialization? Or is there really something wrong with us? Of course we are gonna be biased when answering the question because it is us who participate in the "immoral" behavior.
We are forever at the bottom of the totem pole. And that is just too big a pill for me to swallow at times.
I try and try to get past it. Come on here, read one another's stories for support but sometimes I get even more depressed to know that I am part of the group. Can anyone relate?

This post points out something truly important. That no matter how trivial crossdressing may seem (it's just putting on clothes after all), the underlying reality is supercharged with emotion and very, very, very important. That underlying reality is so powerful that it's scary. And not just a little scary, a whole lot scary.

Many people here have stressed the importance of self-acceptance, but self-acceptance is only the first step. There are many more steps beyond that. You can accept something about yourself, but still believe that it's broken or wrong. Put on your best female outfit and look at yourself in the mirror. Doesn't that hit you with a wave of emotion? (It practically knocks me over!) Doesn't it just feel right? How many other people get to feel that way?

Crossdressing is only the visible part of a tremendous gift that we have been given, a gift that not everyone has. We are not at the bottom of the totem pole. We are standing on the mountain top seeing the world in ways that others will never be able to comprehend.

Unfortunately, the world often condemns what it cannot comprehend. Galileo was condemned for saying that the earth moves through space -- but it moves nonetheless. But the world can be taught. Through patience, understanding, and an outpouring of love we will prevail.

[valenstein]

You see it is this kind of post that paints the sad reality for me. No matter the postive things you say, it just seems like trying to justify something that is inherently wrong. Like one poster said even at 3-4 years old, we knew we had better not been caught.
Is it simply socialization? Or is there really something worng with us? Of course we are gonna be biased when answering the question because it is us who participate in the "immoral" behavior.


What is wrong about it? Most of the stories I've read about boys being caught dressing up at 5 or 6, the parents response was a beating, or to be told, "that's not what boys do". How is "that's not what boys do" an acceptable explanation? That is a learned statement, not an inherently wrong idea. Jumping off the roof to see if you can fly is wrong, not matter how you slice it. At what point does it become wrong? Is playing with dolls okay? Hugging a friend of the same sex? Wearing your mommy's shoes? If your sister wears your baseball cap, is that wrong? I'm not going to get into the "how come girls can wear boy's clothes argument", or this post would turn into War And Peace.

Right and Wrong are taught. There are laws I believe are wrong, when the public sees them as right and vice versa, but overwhelming public opinion and government mandate does not make something right. If that were true, all of the globes in our classrooms would be shaped like pancakes.

P.S. - Okay, if your life's ambition is to appear on "Jackass", feel free to jump off the roof, but I wouldn't recommend it.

[Cindi Johnson]

Many people here have stressed the importance of self-acceptance, but self-acceptance is only the first step. Put on your best female outfit and look at yourself in the mirror. Doesn't that hit you with a wave of emotion? (It practically knocks me over!) Doesn't it just feel right? How many other people get to feel that way?

Crossdressing is only the visible part of a tremendous gift that we have been given, a gift that not everyone has. We are not at the bottom of the totem pole. We are standing on the mountain top seeing the world in ways that others will never be able to comprehend.

So right, PamelaTX!!! It does "just feel right". And for me, it just feels normal. For me, it is normal!! I am TG: I was born TG and will die TG. What can be more normal for a TG than to crossdress?

No more will I be ashamed for being me. No!

Yes, we do stand on the mountaintop. I am Neitzche's "superman" (or supergirl??). I see and experience this world in a unique manner. I am proud to be TG.

Too often, it seems to me, TG's bow to the perceived wishes of the masses. Well, for one, I don't give a damn what the masses think of me; and two, I've come to realize the masses don't really care anyway. Yes! The joke's on us! We spend most of our lives fearful of losing face before the masses, when in fact the masses don't really care. In fact, most "normal" women seem to enjoy encountering a CD, as it adds a bit of spice to their day.

But enough. I seem to be ranting... It's a Texas thing, you know.

Cindi Johnson