Things not said while on vacation

[TGMarla]

Well, I'm back home after two full weeks on vacation. I had no opportunity to crossdress while gone, and I didn't bring anything girly to wear anyway. I missed it, but it wasn't as bad as I imagined it would be. I like crossdressing (a lot!), and not doing it for two solid weeks seemed like a long time, but I got through it okay. Still, it didn't stop me from getting all dolled up right away when my wife went to work this morning. It feels wonderful to be wearing pantyhose, heels, a dress, and all my makeup once again. It feels great to be a girl again!

We had a wonderful vacation (except that I put on ten pounds! :sad:). We saw all the sights we had set out to see on this go round, took lots of pictures, ate lots of gourmet Italian food, visited with old friends and relatives, and got to spend some real quality time together. My wife and I grew closer to each other, had some great "I love yous", and talked about lots of things. But the one thing I found that I couldn't say was "Honey, I want to talk to you about my crossdressing."

I tried to bring it up. I asked her what things about me she would change if she could. I asked her what issues with me have caused her the most stress during our relationship. I tried to steer the conversation gently towards the issue, but she deftly side-stepped the topic, and never brought up the whole crossdressing thing. We were having such a good vacation together, that I just couldn't risk ruining it all by forcing the issue.

What a chicken-bleep, eh?

I'm a closet dresser, like many of us. My closet door is open, but it's still a closet case. She knows I crossdress, but it seems to me that she clearly wants to keep it all away from herself, and that my keeping it hidden from her is just the way she wants it. I'm fine with that, if that's what she really wants. She has a right to that. I really don't like doing it in a "behind her back" sort of way, but I guess that's what she wants. I love my wife, and I hope our marriage lasts for the rest of our lives. But it seems that if I'm going to crossdress, I'm going to be doing it on my own, without her tacit approval.

[Tomara]

Hi Marla
Glad to hear you had a good vacation , it is too bad you are not able to enjoy a supportive partner though , maybe some day the timing will be right to talk to her about how you feel , until then keep a positive thought .
:) Tomara

[darla_g]

Marla, when i read this i could have very easily substituted myself into your situation. My wife was somewhat supportive early on when i first started crossdressing. She is ok now about the CDing, but mad at me about a bunch of other stuff so it easily gets raised.

[Glenda]

It sounds like a wonderful vacation. I pray that one day your wife will trust herself enough to let you open yourself to her. I expect that she would love Marla as much as she loves you. In fact, I'm pretty sure she would....not sure she will....but pretty sure she would. Welcome home.

[docrobbysherry]

When I stopped "all things CD" for over 3 weeks this summer, I had a similar experience. I didn't think about anything CD for 2 weeks! Then, I saw this harem dancer costume, and CD thots came back! Not in an overwhelming way, it just came back in my consciousness. I bought the outfit, and some other girlie trinkets, at a local flea market.

On your situation with your wife:
As a divorced guy, I think there r many who would LOVE to be in your shoes with their SO!
If it's NOT broken, DON'T fix it!

And finally, glad to have u back Marla!:battingeyelashes:

[Cristi]

Well, look on the bright side. You asked her what she would change and what has caused her stress and she did NOT mention your crossdressing... so maybe is isn't a HUGE issue to her, just something she doesn't want to talk about. :)

I'm glad you enjoyed your vacation. I also have to 'abstain' from dressing while on vacations except for some underdressing and a nightgown and usually can't WAIT to get home and into a nice dress or skirt.

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Marla,

I have a two week vacation coming up in England over the Christmas period. We are staying with my parents and they do not know about me. Consequently, I will not be dressing en femme the whole time I am there. I will dress as femininely as I can in boy mode and hope I don't push it too far. Luckily I will be able to wear a night gown to bed so at least I will get to wear something girly for a short time even though I will be asleep for most of it.

I think you are being very sensitive about your wife's feelings and concerns and I applaud that. You are trying to press it a little, which is good, but you are not being too "in your face" about it. Ok, so she never "took the bait" this time but perhaps she recognized what you were trying to do and when she is ready on her time schedule, she might even bring it up herself ... you never know. Good luck with it whatever happens. :hugs:

[TGMarla]

Well thanks, everybody. That's some very upbeat and positive stuff. Cristi, I thought the very same things, but it also may be that she's just as chicken to talk about it as I am. Rachel, thanks. I hope you're right.

[MWCMDarlene]

Marla, I could say "ditto" to almost what you have written. Iwas on vacation with my family for 19 days this summer with no opportunity for dressing. Even after being back, the chance for the last 3 weeks hasn't been available. However, now that the wife is back at wrk and the kids in school, more opportinity is there. On my day off yesterday, I wanted to dress for a few hours, but too many many projects around the house kept me from the chance. I did get to wear my favorite part of dressing (bra and forms) while I did inside work, and that was better than nothing.

I too want to talk about the CDing with my wife, but am just to big of a "Ccssy" to bring it up. She knows I dress at least partially most mornings, but just ignores it and doesn't want to have anything to do with it.

[Byllie]

I think you are being very sensitive about your wife's feelings and concerns and I applaud that. You are trying to press it a little, which is good, but you are not being too "in your face" about it.
I agree! To me, if I had to give up either my CDing or my wife, I'd give up CDing; I love her that much.

[Raychel]

Glad you both had a good vacation, That is most important. Dressing included or not. Sometimes just knowing and accepting the comfort levels of your partner can mean the difference of a great marriage and one that is destine to fail.

It seems that neither one of you are ready to talk openly about your dressing. That is fine, maybe someday it will happen. But why push the issue and chance making a great vacation uncomfortable.

:2c:
Raychel

[SherriePall]

Marla -- Glad you had a good vacation. This crossdressing thing can be a tricky subject to bring up. You have to ask yourself what it is you hope to gain by doing so since your wife already knows about you. In other words, is it worth bringing it up? Take care and good luck.

[unclejoann]

I recently had a little vacation alone with my wife and tried to bring it up too. She knows but doesn't want to know and I could never get even a little talk with her about it. We even went to thrift shops and i stayed in the ladies department looking at things.

But the sad part for me is that we saw a man in a kilt walking with his wife. She commented about that! She said that the wife looked permanently embarassed.

The kilt was not the slightest bit girlie, I wouldn't wear it.

[Sharon]

The attitude "out of sight, out of mind" is not unusual, nor is "ignore it and it will not exist." It looks like, if you really want to get feedback, you have to be more direct -- just be prepared for hearing something you would rather not hear, and for nothing changing. But who knows? With the right words at the right time, you may just start a meaningful conversation.

[jill s]

Many of us seem to be in a similar situation. I think for some wives/SO finding out about our other life can be hard on many levels. My wife and I have only had a hand full of talks about the subject in the two years she had known, her reaction has always been different each time. Sometimes she seems troubled and others annoyed or even puzzled. Maybe your wife just wanted a time away from thinking about the whole deal for awhile. I do know what you mean about wondering how will the marriage keep going like this, I have lived with waiting for the other shoe to drop and some kind of deal breaker moment to happen for two years now. Maybe some of us should stop thinking about things so much and just press on but for me at least that has always been the hardest thing to do.

[TGMarla]

We're 14 years in and very committed. She knows I do this, yet is still very committed to our marriage. I have a nagging thing in the back of my mind of waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it likely will never happen. One day, though, she could come home and find me in the full regalia, totally en femme. That will probably be quite a scene. I hope it never happens, but it is a possibility. But for right now, our relationship is quite nice.

[jill s]

Is that 14 years of marriage or has she know for 14? We have been together for 23 years but I only came out two years ago.

[TGMarla]

She's know definitively for about 3 or 4 years now.

[wendy68]

Hi Marla, wow seems we are on similair tracks. Ive been married for 14 yrs and told my wife 4months ago . My wife responds to my cding in the same way. supportive but doesnt wish to see me. Maybe someday things will advance but till then have to agree with others on this thread that if things are good leave things the way they are unless of course she wants to advance things---wendy:)

[Genifer Teal]

We had a wonderful vacation (except that I put on ten pounds! ).


10 pounds? How long were you away? I hope it was a very long vacation. Sorry. Just something that fascinates me as I've never gained ten pounds once reaching my current weight in High School. I suffer with always being hungry and constanly eating because of it. When I'm hungry and there is no food, it can become a crisis real fast. Some people don't get that. Just a matter of differen body types I guess.

As long as it means you enjoyed yoruself, that is what counts.

Gen

[TGMarla]

I was gone two weeks. But we ate a lot of Italian food.


And then there was the beer........



(Burp!) :p

[Sally24]

10 pounds? How long were you away?
I've gained 10 lbs before on a vacation where our meals were all included (Disney World). We spent 7 days with our schedule built around our dinner and supper reservations. We ate at some of the best places they had to offer but it took me quite awhile to recover from that vacation.

Some of us lose that metabolism in our 30's or 40's. After that you have to watch what you eat to some extent. Be careful, yours might change at any day! :heehee:

[carolyn todd]

hello marla,
what would happen if you were to stay dress one day for your so
to catch dressed.
you don't do it behind her back, she knows you crossdress
she is not stupid she knows what goes on.

good luck
carolyn xx

[TGMarla]

I think such an action would fall into the category of "intentionally provoking an argument", the outcome of which would be unknown. It would be pretty beligerent. The one thing that is certain is that she would be very hurt by it, and I have no desire to hurt her in any way. So as things are right now, I think that is something that I won't do. It's not so important that I have to get it all out on the table. It would be better to keep things as they are, than to so egregiously force her to come face to face with it.