When to tell your kids (if ever)

[Byllie]

I have two adult children, a daughter (26) and a son (23). Neither of them know that I'm a CD. My son also just moved back home so he could go to school full-time.

So, my question is, Have you told your children about being a CD? If so, how old were they and how did they find out? If not, how old are they and why not?

I'm looking forward to your stories.

Toodles!
Byllie Jean

[Caitlintgsd]

I told my son that I was tg when he told me that he was bi. I think that was about a year and a half ago (we went to Pride together last year and this year). I haven't actually told my daughter but I think she knows anyway.

[Sarah...]

I told my daughter, with my SO beside me, that I was TG. She was understanding and accepting and is supportive in her own way. We talk about it occasionally but she is waiting until I've told my Mum as that is who she really wants to discuss this with. She is being patient as she knows I cannot tell Mum until I see her in person which is a few weeks off yet.

My son is too young to know yet and my lifestyle is not impacting on him anyway.

I would always choose to tell members of my family before they find out for themselves. It's important to relate the back story and everything that goes with it. It's so definitely not just about my preferred choice of clothing so in that respect I would rather be in control of how the news is perceived.

Does that help at all?

Sarah...

[MJ]

i told my kids when they were the three girls 19 , 19 , 12 and my son 15 they were a little shocked. it went bad at first because my then wife made a big deal out of it our adopted one dez was supportive for the get go .. my other three came around 4 years later there all back in my life and love and accept me i am ts . they come over have fun and i ask the a good question .:- who do you prefer the old dad or the new ? and the response was they love the new me " daddy-mom " because they have never seen me so happy. i feel as long as you can be honest and since the children can accept you . as long as there is no outside interference

[KandisTX]

Both of my children know. Daughter (13), Son (14), both of them are supportive and understanding as we have raised them with a sense of opening their minds to differant choices people make in life. It is truly up to you as to whether or not you feel they are "ready" (Mentally, and such) to grasp the concept correctly.

Kandis:love::rose2:

[debbeelee1]

I've told my SO's 22 year old daughter since she moved in the house after we started truck driving. She moved in primarily to save some money and all she has to do is take care of the place while we are on the road. It went well and she is cool with my CDing. She even went out with us a few times with me en femme. We wear the same shoe size and she's given me a few pair. She also got me some cool bangles the last time we went shopping. I think we have a special closeness now. My own kids are older, in the service and live far, far away. I may never tell them, but if I do, it'll probably just be my daughter and not my son.

[Dusk]

The two of my eldest know I CD. The eldest is about to hit 7 and the middle child is 4. I told them for many reasons (I won't go into details but they had a lot of upheaval when they and their Mum moved in with me) and the reaction was positive. Plenty of laughing at first (in a goodhearted way mind you) and now it's all smiles. They both view it as perfectly normal.
My yongest is coming up to a year old so perhaps a little too young to know or understand :)

To me, lettign achild know young is a good thing because it's during the formative years. Why not let them see there are plenty of ways to live when they're at the age to start taking in the values they'll grow up to follow?

[docrobbysherry]

If you're TG, or a CD. I've got a 22 and 14 y/o. As a closet CD, I see no need to tell either one.

If I was TG, and needed to appear in public dressed, I mite feel VERY differently!

[Staci K]

My wife & I took the Diversity Training approach to tell our 14 YO daughter.

At dinner one evening, we started the conversation of 'diversity training' we had to attend at work. It was non-confrontational, normal, unsuspecting conversation.

Our conversation covered topics that we've seen before in diversity training with our employer - gay, lesbian, bi-sextual, transgendered. Much to our surprised, our daughter expressed views that she was attracted to more of the fem boys at school. She says she can talk to them about anything.

After learning her views, I shared my secret without fear...

I wish you the best in whether you decide to disclose your CD'ing or keep it to yourself.

Nicole

[Angie G]

They don't know And I'm keeping it that way. I just don;t want them knowing.:hugs:
Angie

[Tina B.]

No not going to tell my kids, both grown up, and out on there own, and have no reason to know. I see nothing to be gained for me or them.
Tina B.

[serinalynn]

In a single word..... YES

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

I have a daughter who is 24 and a son 22, they both live away from home. One at school and the other works fulltime and lives with his girl friend. I'm divorced and live alone.

My desire to dress increase's everyday, especially at home and part of me wants to reveal to both my children that I crossdress. My reasoning is two-fold, I think they may already know or suspect that I crossdress and secondly when they visit I would be more comfortable being "me" versus trying to hide "me" from them.

For those who revealed to their children they were crossdressers, was this a similar reason that you had? just asking. :battingeyelashes: Kim

[Sarah Doepner]

My kids are in their mid 20's now and are pretty accepting of most differences in people, most of the time. I think they would understand if I shared it with them. It really comes down to a privacy and security question and nothing to do with love and respect. I don't know if they have either a need to know or a right to know. There are parts of their lives they never shared with me and despite my desire to dress more, I don't know where the benefit is in telling them, other than making their lives more complicated.

I'm considering waiting a little longer and just let them find out when they clean out my closet after I'm dead and gone. I'll leave a note in my underwear drawer or with my breast forms that says "I bet you didn't see this one coming! Love, Dad"

[MelanieSky]

I haven't told my kids. I don't think there is any benefit in telling them and they don't need any extra pressure in their lives right now either. My daughter is 22 and going through a separation/divorce and my son, age 24, has been estranged for over 4 years now, ever since my divorce. My mother knows so it's possible my son could have found out through the family grapevine or told by my ex but since I have no contact with him I have no way of knowing.

Hugs ... :hugs:

Melanie

[Misty_cder]

My wife and I have no plans on telling our children who are 3.5 and 1 year old. I am very careful not to dress when our oldest could potentally find me. The few items that I have are stored with my wifes stuff. My dressing time has been limited, but I figure it is a small price to pay to keep it in the closet. We don't have any plans on telling them, but should they find out, we will cross that bridge when we get there.

[Empress Lainie]

Since I was going to live full time female, I felt I had to tell my kids immediately. I did and their reaction was "whatever makes you happy."

I have visited my son and his wife along with my girlfriend, who is also trans.

I have good rapport with both of them. I have a 2nd daughter who has an imagined grievance against me and we don't speak. Too bad, she is the mother of my only grandchild.

[DonnaT]

I told my son and daughter about 3 years ago. He was 27, she was 26. My daughter has only seen a picture, but my son sees it every day. When I told him he said he already knew and was fine with it.

[Cathytg]

I have two grown kids: my son is 32 and my daughter is 23. here are the stories:

My son - on the night following our separation which led to divorce, I went to tell my son who was then 22 and married. We talked about my marriage and, as I was leaving, he drops this on me: Hey, Dad, five years ago I saw a bunch of womens clothes in the trunk of your car. What was that all about?" Wow! Talk about bad timing! And, so, our talk went a bit longer and I followed by taking him out to dinner and telling about gender and dressing in some depth. We are very close now.

My daughter - she was 17 when we were driving home from some function and I decided that that was the time. By then I had been separated two years. Her first response was: "Don't mind me crying, I am having my period this week." Fortified with such a powerful statement of support, we talked a bit more. She pointed out that I had always seemed to in touch with her girl issues and that now she understood why and appreciated it. A year later she told me she was bisexual and she said that she was very glad that I could listen and understand; she referenced my transgender in that context.

My kids are rather unique; I bet yours is, too.

I will leave with a word of caution here. I wanted to use my son as someone I could talk to and he set me straight when he stopped me and said: "I want a Dad; not a buddy." He was 24 at that time. Point, set, match. I got the message and learned the lesson.

[CD Susan]

My exwife outed me to our son during the divorce, he was nine years old at the time. I knew she told him as she told me she did. No reason was given other than to just spite me. We never discussed it until he was 16 and he was accepting of it and understood that this meant nothing to him and loved me no matter what kind of clothes I wore in private. He was mature beyond his years. He is now 25, college educated and an engineer for a fortune 500 company. I am so proud of him.

[tricia_uktv]

Yes, My eldest daughter was 18 (no problem) thought it was cool. I also have twin daughters who I had to tell at the same time. They were too young. Now at sixteen though they accept it. So maybe it was no bad thing. They have just done very well in their exams so it clearly didn't pray too much on their minds.