Transition, is it irreversible?

[Sejd]

I have been in transition for about two years now. For me, I can't see how there can be any way back to the person I used to look like before. Not to mention, the uptight and passive aggressive guy I used to be. Yet, this path is a challenge all right. Many of us has lost spouses, jobs, relationships to kids etc. I wonder if any of you ever "reversed" the process, and how did it go?

[tamarav]

I have two friends in the Northern California area who stopped their transition. The first was under the care of an Endocrinologist and a transition therapist. When she first went to see the therapist, she was merely asking questions and wanting some guidance. I was suprised to find that on her third visit she was referred to the Endocrilogist who did blood tests and immediatley prescribed Premarin and other drugs (this was in the late 80's) She immediately became less aggressive and soon took on a polished look as her skin looked better and she starting some development.

At about 18 months into the chemical treatment she starting having misgivings about the direction she was going. She had a good job as a woman and was well respected. She believed she had been rushed into treatment by both docs for some reason. She tapered off her drugs and became a bit more assertive and "in-your-face" but was still in pretty good control.

She changed jobs and went back to living as a male although she was no longer able to perform sexually. At that point she sort of stayed for the next three years that I knew her befor eshe moved to Maryland for a new job.

The second person had the same type treatment but stopped at about one year. She was not working as a woman although she had told her therapist she was. She stopped her estrogens in one fell swoop and had some bad reactions and aggressiveness but got over them and didn't go any further.

Both are still around, both are living as males.

[Caitlintgsd]

It's my understanding that after a long time on hrt, some of the effects are not reversible. Breast growth is one. Although the tissue may subside to some degree, it may or may not completely disappear. And there's a reason that they call it chemical casterization. You may not get full functionality back.

[Sally24]

It is best to consider it a one way street. That is one of many reasons that I early on decided not to even consider "a little" hrt. Too many downsides for me and my wife and not enough to gain. It's great for those that need it but they should be sure before taking any permanent steps down that path.

[Sejd]

Great and insightful replys everyone. Thanks. It confirms my own believe that transition is something which needs time and some deep soul searching. I am in my second year of transitioning, and almost done with electrolosys, thinking seriously of HRT this fall.
hugs
Sejd

[Avito]

Why would you want to go back! Would there be any advantage! No, I fear not, neither would people accept you back to what you was, because you have changed.

[Empress Lainie]

I dont know of anyone who went back. I hated many things about my body as a male. Turns out I just hated being male but didn't realize that was the case.

I would rather kill myself than go back to living as a man, or even having people think of me as a man.

I know that sounds extreme but I am adamant on that point to the point of anger.

I didn't like the way I looked ever. I didn't like having short hair (1970 that ended I never cut it again until after I became bald and there was so little left.) I hated REALLY HATED, becoming bald, so I started wearing wigs in 2000.

I dreaded ever looking like "an old man" now I am just a fat old lady and I like it.

I would have SRS in a heartbeat if I was accepted and had the money. I am even thinking of doing it on borrowed money then filing bankruptcy. It is really tempting.

I hate the fact that Medicare, and my state won't change the M to F on my account and birth certificate.

I AM A WOMAN, and realized that I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN FEMALE except for my body, and even that is enough female, I am always taken for a gg now.

[helenr]

Good topic, and surely one that many 'fence sitters' like me ponder. I currently am only on anti-androgens (I see them referred to as AA, but that abbreviation has a more widespread use and might confuse many). I was on the estrogen patch and that really is a good method, if you want breasts and lots of sensitive nipples-ouch!. Haven't used the patch for over 8-9 months. Mentally, I would like that 'self feminization' knowledge-look at the patch, know what is occurring, but the painful breasts weren't fun at all.
I like the AAs as I really feel they help slow or stop male pattern baldness (the fincar) and the spiro really quiets down the lust and fetish preoccupation I experienced. I see a post on another section of this group--'what are you wearing today' and see 1000 posts! Will there be more than 3-4 more on this very good topic? With AA I don't spend hours a day fussing over how I look.
I have some physical changes that are with me, I believe, for life (almost 62 so that won't be forever)-breast enlargement-an A cup tubular type development. I am not unhappy with this, but it does pose some social issues as I need to present as a male.
I well understand why others would choose to avoid any medications for this reason I cite! I am happy that the AA has basically turned me into an 'agendered person' as I wouldn't feel right attempting any intercourse -if anyone desired it with me-as that isn't what I see as correct for the intergendered person I am. I love women, like men, and don't see the need to be on either team--long ago I gave up on getting invited to the 'Pink Team'--women are very restrictive on that one. Never felt 'one of the guys' , so there I am-sitting on the fence!
I don't contemplate any 'plumbing redesign' as that is too drastic and wouldn't be right for me. An orchi would be fine, but that isn't easy to arrange safely.
Gee, why do I write so much? Guess this is a topic that one can't exactly talk to others outside our special community about!
I like the calmness, de-sexing, lower bp, and keeping hair, so I will stay on AAs and hope I don't have any adverse health issues from it. I wish you the best of luck with your dilemma of staying in heaven or returning to hell. Helen

[janelle]

My understanding is no. For me I just had to try to be my male self at my wife's request. Her mother died & we had to do the honors. I tryed for her & it just about tore me apart. I wanted no part of pretending to be some one again that I was not. For me there is only 1 road, change to become myself. Yet each person has to look at themselves & make that choice(most of the time on there own). Be sure of what you believe is the real you & then hold on for the ride as many things will pop up & make you question yourself.

Good luck dear.
Hugs,Janelle

[Avito]

. I currently am only on anti-androgens I was on the estrogen patch and that really is a good method, As as I really feel they help slow or stop male pattern baldness (the fincar) and the spiro really quiets down the lust and fetish preoccupation
Helen

Can you please claify more of this please.

[karent]

When I started taking spiro the effects were just what I needed. Calmness, and best of all no more morning tents in my panties.

Once I had to stop taking spiro for a while because of some health problems (unrelated to the spiro but I needed to get better before loading my system again). Within 2 weeks morning erections restarted and I wasn't comfortable in my own skin again.

Well I'm back on it and I'm feel more like my new self again. I plan to stay on this time. Hopefully I'll get to the promised point where the shrinking and other desirable effects are permanent and I can just take estrogen from then on.

[Jennifer in CO]

I did. Crossed over in early 79 and began the trip back in late 84 but it was more like living as a TransMan as opposed to "going back". After 2+ years on E with an active AA in my kidney med I was a 32C...ok...wearing an under-wire, normal bras were 32B but my measurements right before I quit were 34-28-33 and 115 pounds...at 6ft. I've posted elsewhere here several times and wont go into it, but it was hell for at least 6 months actually coming home and "cross-dressing" as a guy, then the next morning putting on my dress or skirt and going to work as a woman. In 1988 another med study with steroids took my chest from the 32 to 39 inches in about 3 years and made my pert lil breasts into well defined pectoral muscles. Wife was happy...I've come to the conclusion I wasn't...still ain't.

On the guy side of the fence looking back...

Jenn

[Miss Tessa]

I am on estradiol and spiro and I function sexually really well.I've been on the medications for almost 2 years.

[Melissa A.]

Even though transexualism is considered by most familiar with it, a physical defect that can only be treated physically, there are alot of great reasons why the first step needs to be seeing a therapist or psychologist experienced with gender issues. This is one of them. I know that many people have issues with the Harry Benjamin protocols, and fact is, they aren't followed as rigorously as they used to be, and are in bad need of updating. Having said that, transitioning isnt a game, and one needs to be absolutely sure before going down the road to hormones and t-blockers. The only way to do that is therapy. For some, it's a slam dunk, for others, it may take some time to find out where they fall in the trans spectrum. This is also why, regardless of your current life situation, you should never, ever take matters into your own hands, and try to self-medicate. Aside from the obvious dangers of black market drugs, and the health risks involved with unsupervised medicating, The fact of the matter is that most of the effects of HRT are irreversable, and can happen pretty quickly, in some cases. I've been on HRT for only about 2 months, and already my male libido is pretty much gone. For me, it's heaven. The butterflies in my tummy are gone, I can sit still, and am just so much more at peace. I, for one, know I won't miss the old me. But one cannot stress enough the importance of approaching transition seriously, and with care. I am doing it by the book, under a therapist's and Endocrinologists care. I do believe it's the only way.

Hugs,


Melissa:)

[Avito]

What is right for one, is not necessary right for someone else and I accept your view as it is you, but I would not have anyone saying to mi that I can or cannot transition as it is my responsibility. One should always take guidance, if you can get it, but at the end of the day it is my decision and no one else's.

"you should never, ever take matters into your own hands,"

[Nicki B]

I have been in transition for about two years now. For me, I can't see how there can be any way back to the person I used to look like before.

You can't ever be again the person you were two years ago? :sad:

[Melissa A.]

What is right for one, is not necessary right for someone else and I accept your view as it is you, but I would not have anyone saying to mi that I can or cannot transition as it is my responsibility. One should always take guidance, if you can get it, but at the end of the day it is my decision and no one else's.

"you should never, ever take matters into your own hands,"

Actually, in a very real way, I do agree with you, although my previous post may not reflect that. It is your body, and I do agree that no one should have the right to tell you you can't transition. Just as I kind of resent the fact that I am reqiured to "prove" myself for at least a year, full time, before I am deemed responsible enough to correct my genitalia. I'm actually something of a libertarian on this issue. But here's the thing: it still doesnt relieve you from the possibility of being wrong, mixed up, or misdiagnosing yourself. If you want full responsibility for the decision, then I think it's even more important that one be truly responsible in the way they go about it. The results are going to be the same, either way. and we will have to live with them.

hugs,

Melissa:)

[Sejd]

I more and more think that I am a Gender Variant, or what I myself call a "Bi Gender" person. I seem to function fine as a male as well as a female. In the past I did not allow myself to be female and it caused me a lot of frustration. Now i am part time Sejd and part time the Guy I used to be and it suits me fine. Surprise to me for sure. Just makes me think that all of the boxes known to Gender therapy doesn't always fit the way we are as Gender Variant or Bi-Gender people, or to the way we feel. And at the same time this all fits into the realm of being Gender Dysphoric because it is a difficult path to travel.
Thanks for all of your replies
Sejd

[Avito]

"I more and more think that I am a Gender Variant"

This is common, and one will have to decide what one wnats to be. Once you make a decision, one will no longer be able to "sit on the fence"!